Advice on my marriage problems

[Me too]

Redi2ride.  I found your post about suppressing your sex drive very interesting.  I too have had major issues with see in my marriage where my wife has no desire.  Where I've struggled in my marriage is that I fundamentally feel that it is wrong for spouse (man/women) to withhold intimacy for periods just because they don't feel like it.  I can get my head around the occasional I'm not feeling up to it but repeated withholding i feel is wrong.  If that is a major concern, then that spouse owes it to the other to seek medical help.  Good for you to suppress your drive and find a way to curb the tendencies but if you are having to do this because your wife simply doesn't want too, isn't that caving into a selfish spouse?  I don't want to sound harsh or impatient but I struggle with this principally but also totally happy that it's working for you.  Part of me struggles with this principally because I believe in more equality in marriage.  Both spouses should learn that a marriage is not living with each other but living for each other.  Imagine how beautiful a marriage would be if both lived for each other and we served and took care of each other's needs (this to me should be the end goal, right, not suppression).  I just don't feel like cutting off all desire is fair.  What I think many women don't understand from a mans perspective is that for many men, this is how they feel loved.  A spouse with holding intamacy is effectively withholding love.  Vise versa is true for a man not being patient, loving, and understanding, etc.   My hope for my marriage is that my wife learns to love to serve me and fulfill my needs that I can't fulfill myself and that my love for serving her grows too.  With all this said, God intended intimacy to be apart of marriage, and if a spouse wants to veer from this, they probably shouldn't have signed up for marriage in the first place or at least have expectations that they'll have a super fulfilling marriage because it probably won't be.  Anything less leaves room for pornography, adultry, etc...   

[Latter-Day Marriage]

There are some posts on my blog that I hope either you or your spouse will find helpful:

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2017/01/sex-and-exaltation.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2015/05/fight-for-your-marriage-part-1.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2013/06/is-sex-really-that-important.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2013/07/moving-towards-sexual-fulfillment-part-1.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2013/09/facing-need-to-change.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2014/01/blog-post.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2014/05/is-having-sex-need-or-want.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2014/09/spreadsheets-and-bedsheets.html

http://latterday-marriage.blogspot.com/2017/05/is-your-spouses-happiness-your.html