dating question


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Guest LiterateParakeet

Let me see if I understand you correctly? You want to know what the leaders may have said about dating someone with a live-in boyfriend? Do you mean you are considering a girl in that situation?

I think it highly doubtful they have spoken on that in such a specific way. To her they would say live the law of chastity.

I don't know of any advice from our leaders that would apply to you wanting to date her, but I will give you my own advice. If she dates you while living with him, she's cheating on him. If she will cheat on him, some day she will cheat on you. I would bet money on that. Stay far, far away from that situation. That's my advice.

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For a bit of background, my father is a widow and very lonely. Twice now he's gone on a "date" (his word choice) with a co-worker of his at work, who has a live in boyfriend. I've told my dad he should avoid the appearance of cheating, she is after all in a "common law marriage" situation and to treat it as such. But I can't find anything.

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How about the Lord?

D&C 58:26

26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

If someone is only looking for words of counsel from a published church authority... I would direct them to this verse.

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Here are some questions about the situation before finding an applicable quote:

1) Is the coworker a non-member?

2) Does she uphold church standards other than her living situation? (i.e. no drinking, smoking, and live the law of chastity)

3) What makes you think it's a common law marriage? Have they lived together for 7 years and hold themselves out as husband and wife?

4) Is your father looking for a temple marriage? Is he an active church member?

5) What are his intentions with her?

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Actually the scripture that Skippy provided is one I was going to provide as well. Sometimes we need to just use some common sense in situations. This to me is one of them. We don't have to be commanded or have scripture in all things.

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That doesn't really answer my question, but thanks for the quote.

Perhaps Alma 39 is more to your liking then?

3 And this is not all, my son. Thou didst do that which was grievous unto me; for thou didst forsake the ministry, and did go over into the land of Siron among the borders of the Lamanites, after the harlot Isabel.

4 Yea, she did steal away the hearts of many; but this was no excuse for thee, my son. Thou shouldst have tended to the ministry wherewith thou wast entrusted.

Perhaps he isn't violating the law of chastity with her... but this is no excuse for him as he should've left her alone as she is already committed to a non-committed relationship. :)

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You could always point him to the church's dating standards which can be found in the For the Strength of Youth booklet. It speaks of dating only those with high moral standards and seeking a companion who is temple worthy. Pres. Uchtdorf said that booklet is "a gem for any age group." You can read that talk right here.

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Thoughtful…people should, before they start dating, avoid the danger of entanglements and date only those who are of their own faith. All experienced counselors know that religious differences are among the root causes of incompatibility and unhappiness. by President Hugh B. Brown

Elder Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist.” But he went on to add, “It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make.”

“In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study … the one with whom you are contemplating making life’s journey. You see how necessary it is to look for the characteristics of honesty, of loyalty, of chastity, and of reverence.”

President David O. McKay

Date only those who have high standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards.” For the Strength of Youth, 24.

by President Gordon B. Hinckley:

Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church. Such dating is most likely to lead to marriage in the House of the Lord.

by President Spencer W. Kimball

Clearly, right marriage begins with right dating. A person generally marries someone from among those with whom he associates… Therefore, this warning comes with great emphasis. Do not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless. [You] may say, "Oh, I do not intend to marry this person. It is just a 'fun' date." But one cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel. True, a small percentage have finally been baptized after marrying Church members. Some good women and some good men have joined the Church after the mixed marriage and have remained devout and active. We are proud of them and grateful for them. They are our blessed minority. Others who did not join the Church were still kind and considerate and cooperative and permitted the member spouse to worship and serve according to the Church patterns. But the majority did not join the Church and, as indicated earlier, friction, frustration and divorce marked a great many of their marriages.

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Here are some questions about the situation before finding an applicable quote:

1) Is the coworker a non-member?

2) Does she uphold church standards other than her living situation? (i.e. no drinking, smoking, and live the law of chastity)

3) What makes you think it's a common law marriage? Have they lived together for 7 years and hold themselves out as husband and wife?

4) Is your father looking for a temple marriage? Is he an active church member?

5) What are his intentions with her?

To answer these:

1. No, she is not. (She has a live in boyfriend to boot.)

2. Again, no, she has a live in boyfriend.

3. My state doesn't recognize Common Law Marriages, but I was going on that she is living with her boyfriend as if married. I figured if they are boyfriend and girlfriend who live together, chances are they are sexually intimate, therefore "common law" married for this discussion.

You could always point him to the church's dating standards which can be found in the For the Strength of Youth booklet. It speaks of dating only those with high moral standards and seeking a companion who is temple worthy. Pres. Uchtdorf said that booklet is "a gem for any age group." You can read that talk right here.

Thank you. I will check for a downloadable copy.

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Thoughtful…people should, before they start dating, avoid the danger of entanglements and date only those who are of their own faith. All experienced counselors know that religious differences are among the root causes of incompatibility and unhappiness. by President Hugh B. Brown

Elder Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist.” But he went on to add, “It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make.”

“In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study … the one with whom you are contemplating making life’s journey. You see how necessary it is to look for the characteristics of honesty, of loyalty, of chastity, and of reverence.”

President David O. McKay

Date only those who have high standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards.” For the Strength of Youth, 24.

by President Gordon B. Hinckley:

Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church. Such dating is most likely to lead to marriage in the House of the Lord.

by President Spencer W. Kimball

Clearly, right marriage begins with right dating. A person generally marries someone from among those with whom he associates… Therefore, this warning comes with great emphasis. Do not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless. [You] may say, "Oh, I do not intend to marry this person. It is just a 'fun' date." But one cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel. True, a small percentage have finally been baptized after marrying Church members. Some good women and some good men have joined the Church after the mixed marriage and have remained devout and active. We are proud of them and grateful for them. They are our blessed minority. Others who did not join the Church were still kind and considerate and cooperative and permitted the member spouse to worship and serve according to the Church patterns. But the majority did not join the Church and, as indicated earlier, friction, frustration and divorce marked a great many of their marriages.

Thank you.

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Actually the scripture that Skippy provided is one I was going to provide as well. Sometimes we need to just use some common sense in situations. This to me is one of them. We don't have to be commanded or have scripture in all things.

I agree, but this person has lost his common sense as he struggles with the skeletons in his closet. I was seeking things that can help me point him in the right direction, with out being preachy.

Edited by winterstar
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