Relief For Cutters/depressed People


Gretchen
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Cutting is complicated, self-reinforcing, stimulating, etc. People cut for different reasons. People have benefited from behavioral interventions. Identifying triggers, thoughts, behaviors, and environmental cues that occur prior to cutting and tracking what it does for us. Baselineing is a great start.

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For me, depression is not just from one thing. It is from a net of factors and the overwhelming trigger could come from any direction, as well as the trigger that keeps me balanced and peaceful, I never know what direction that is going to come from either. You just take it a day at a time like every other human does. You try to learn little acts to do as much as possible that tend to help and support your psycho-physiology. Also you can think of it as a checklist -- is such and such a part of my life? If not, try to learn and do it. If it is, and depression is still experienced, then keep going to learn something more. I know this sounds odd to have a 'to do' list when that is the whole point of depression is non-functioning, but do your best. A concrete example is -- do you take a high quality multivitamin every day? (and not a jar of $5 Walmart special -- find a high quality brand). If you are not doing this concrete little thing, you might want to try it. I think people underestimate the role nutrition plays in depression. I know that has been true in my case, at least. Another thing I have to deal with, and this may sound roll your eyes to some, but my experiences and ability to function sometimes lie around the portion of my female monthly cycle I am in -- and I have learned to get a lot of things done when I am 'high' and then make sure I'm just doing the essential, priority, basic stuff when I'm 'low' (like hugging kids -- #1 priority!). Since I haven't learned how to 'get rid of' this particular force of life I am subject to.

After saying all this, I have learned that depression has a purpose and you are depressed for as long as you need to be. We want to 'get rid of' the depression and hate ourselves for being depressed, but it is a tutor and our body and soul needs depression to process trauma and it may not be best to rush it sometimes, but rather to be gentle and care for yourself and do quiet life things and be satisfied with that, while depressed.

I have not cut myself, but I do have a pleasure sensation that accompanies most kinds of pain (I'm sure I haven't experienced all kinds of pain, nor do I want to, to prove this hypothesis!). For example, I just read a book that said in order to break a bad habit, I should wear a rubber band around my wrist and snap the rubber band everytime I was going to do the bad habit, and I'm like, right, that would NEVER work for me, because the rubber band snap would work as a reward! So, I don't know, this hasn't become something that gets in the way of life like cutting probably would, so I don't have any advice except to share.

God bless your journey. That's what it is. You are on the same one we all are. You are going to end up with knowledge from these trials -- you'll know the Savior and you'll know how to heal others.

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I know of a few people who do this. I just couldn't understand that at all.

At the time my mom died almost four years ago I witnessed my kids doing some particular harmful things to themselves. One put their fist through out wall, one burned them self with metal leaving a scar, and the last one carved initials into their arm. All is happened at the time of her death and has not occurred since. I looked into this a bit and came to see what was happening. They were causing physical pain to mask a deeper pain, an emotional pain they couldn't deal with. :(:(

I know now that this is a cry for help, anyone who does this needs to be able talk to someone at the very least. :(

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People do it for different reasons. So "to feel real," some to have an external pain to match the internal pain," some get a rush similar to drug use and the amount, depth, method of self harm, etc builds a tolerance which requires more to get the same effect. For those that think, "I'll cut myself and this will bring me help/closer to others" I see as often doing the opposite-as it often pushes people farther away.

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I am a cutter. And the reason I do it or rather have done it in the past was, like Dr. T explained, so I could feel. My life will get so numb I need something to bring me back into it. But I don't really cut perse, I burn. I take matches and lite them and then put them out somewhere on my body. I am not saying this to bring glory to it... there is no glory in it. It is sick and I hate it when I have done it cause it leaves yet another scar on my body. But I will talk about it because I think it helps me. I don't feel so numb right now, but there are times... maybe when those times come I will post instead of burning. Here's hoping...

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I've worked with people that cut, burn, break bones, etc. on purpose. A book called, "The Scarred Soul" can be picked up at the local major books store. I like it. It is a self-help sort of book that might help with the baselining steps, reason for SIV (self inflicted violence) and then assists with alternative interventions to the SIV. I'd recommend picking that up and going to a behavioral therapist (psychologist) with experience in treating this type of thing. :wub:

Dr. T

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I had a friend, Kelly, who was a cutter and was seeing a Dr. or psychologist for years. She got hooked on her doctor! Couldn't make a move without him. Was terrified when he went on vacation. I think her case might be a little extreme, but the agony she went through was so frustrating for those of us that loved her. There was no way we could understand. She said the depression/fear would build until she couldn't stand it, and after she cut, it all melted away and she could cope again. She learned to control it from time to time but it never went away.

I am a depressed person and I thought with a little therapy or some meds it would go away like a cold. But after several years, my doctors say that with some people it just won't go away. I've gotten frustrated and refused to read any more books or see another dr. I'm sure I have an attitude problem, but I get tired of thinking about it. Kind of like going on a special diet, so all day long you prepare food!

I now have HORRIBLE and frequent migraines! My dr. said they also can be caused by stress or depression, even though they aren't 'tension' head aches (?) I burst into tears when she told me. How can I not know whats going on in my own head? We're very strange creatures sometimes. I guess thats the kind of humbling thing we experience that makes us reach out to God.

Sometimes I have trouble feeling the Spirit because as xhenli said, I hate myself for feeling depressed (only another depressed person would understand that) but if a open up and pray my Heavely Father sends me a loving message to let me know He still loves me and that He's near.

Diet helps a lot and especially exercise & being outside. Something about sunlight I think. Strangely enough I'm an optimistic, active, loving person. People with these kind of problems aren't necessarily 'blue'. Kelly was also a very bubbly happy person. At least on the outside.

After saying all this, I have learned that depression has a purpose and you are depressed for as long as you need to be. We want to 'get rid of' the depression and hate ourselves for being depressed, but it is a tutor and our body and soul needs depression to process trauma and it may not be best to rush it sometimes, but rather to be gentle and care for yourself and do quiet life things and be satisfied with that, while depressed.

I also think one of my big problems is I don't want to deal with the trauma, so I like your idea of being gentle with ourselves.
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I am a cutter. And the reason I do it or rather have done it in the past was, like Dr. T explained, so I could feel. My life will get so numb I need something to bring me back into it. But I don't really cut perse, I burn. I take matches and lite them and then put them out somewhere on my body. I am not saying this to bring glory to it... there is no glory in it. It is sick and I hate it when I have done it cause it leaves yet another scar on my body. But I will talk about it because I think it helps me. I don't feel so numb right now, but there are times... maybe when those times come I will post instead of burning. Here's hoping...

Sounds like a good Idea Blessed. :bearhug:

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  • 11 months later...

I'm a cutter and have been for years, and no, that is not something I am proud of, its just something I have gotten addicted to. Now I don't want to be making excuses, and I make no claims to be a strong person, because I am not. This cutting shows my weakness. I have lost my ability to cope with emotions because of it, and without cutting, I am not really sure how to live. I am rambling, and probably discusting people, but really I just, I had a question really . . . do you think, well, for those that are mormon, do you think Cutting is a sin that must be confessed to a bishop, or can it be resolved without him?

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I'm a cutter and have been for years, and no, that is not something I am proud of, its just something I have gotten addicted to. Now I don't want to be making excuses, and I make no claims to be a strong person, because I am not. This cutting shows my weakness. I have lost my ability to cope with emotions because of it, and without cutting, I am not really sure how to live. I am rambling, and probably discusting people, but really I just, I had a question really . . . do you think, well, for those that are mormon, do you think Cutting is a sin that must be confessed to a bishop, or can it be resolved without him?

I wouldnt say it is a sin, but i think your bishop is probably one of the people most likely to be able to help you with this stuff.

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I'm a cutter and have been for years, and no, that is not something I am proud of, its just something I have gotten addicted to. Now I don't want to be making excuses, and I make no claims to be a strong person, because I am not. This cutting shows my weakness. I have lost my ability to cope with emotions because of it, and without cutting, I am not really sure how to live. I am rambling, and probably discusting people, but really I just, I had a question really . . . do you think, well, for those that are mormon, do you think Cutting is a sin that must be confessed to a bishop, or can it be resolved without him?

If you feel the love of your bishop so that you can go to him, then it's a really good idea. It couldn't hurt. It always helps to be able to open up all your feelings to somebody. Whether you have to or not, maybe depends on how serious a problem it is, how long it's gone on, etc. But I think it's a great idea to open up and expose all your feelings to someone at every chance you get.

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I'm a cutter and have been for years, and no, that is not something I am proud of, its just something I have gotten addicted to. Now I don't want to be making excuses, and I make no claims to be a strong person, because I am not. This cutting shows my weakness. I have lost my ability to cope with emotions because of it, and without cutting, I am not really sure how to live. I am rambling, and probably discusting people, but really I just, I had a question really . . . do you think, well, for those that are mormon, do you think Cutting is a sin that must be confessed to a bishop, or can it be resolved without him?

Eleesa,

Honey, your cutting is not an addiction, nor is it a sign of your weakness. It is a complicated psychiatric problem that many people have because, like you said, you have difficulty coping with your emotions. People who cut have serious and painful emotional issues, not just those of every day life, and you should not feel ashamed of what you are doing because it is your body's way of coping with these things right now.

Going to your bishop would be a good way of talking with someone, and also he could lead you to professional help within the LDS Social Services. Because, if you don't already know this, you need serious, consistent therapy right now. Simply "talking" about your cutting right now isn't going to be enough. And again, there's no shame in that.

But again, the bishop would be a very good start. And no, honey, you are not committing a sin. Your body and your psyche are crying out for help because of some very real, and very deep pain. Please try not to be too hard on yourself, and look at going to the bishop as a way of loving and healing yourself.

Elphaba

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I believe that in most cases you should talk to your bishop about it. cause it can definitely become an addiction. You should talk to your bishop not just as a repenting of sin but also he can help you understand why you do it, and what can help you. i know depression runs in my family and i used to get very depressed with no warning, now i know this sounds repeated, but i honestly don't get very depressed after i started reading my scriptures and praying for help everyday!

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True. talk to your bishop, doctor and people you trust to help you we all need to endure all of our journeys in life remember God said it wouldnt be easy He just said it would be worth it. I too am depressed they say 1 out of 4 people have depression. I am getting the help that i need right now cause i dont want to take my depression back to where it was in the past. Some how i thought i could handle it on my own without the help of others and meds until i had too many episodes then i begged for help and now i am getting it from God, my doctor, family and meds i am doing what i need to get out of this darkness and I hope that you can too.

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Today is the 1 year anniversary of me stopping cutting. Only one close family friend knows much about it. This whole year I have stuggled with my feelings, I cut for over a year and most of that time I felt horriable about it but just did not know how to stop and did not know how or who to ask for help towards the end I would say this is the last time and when I would do it again I felt like a complete faliure. Being mormon there are so many more responsibilities with all of our knowledge and I felt like I could not keep a promise with my self and that if I could not trust myself how could the lord. I have never talked to a church leader about it and I know that I completly defiled my body and I don't know if I'm temple worthy. I have tried to live my life righously since then but I'm diffrent. There is a youth temple trip comming up and one of leaders knows that I'm not going and that I'm not sure if I'm worthy but she does not know why. I want to go to the temple because I love the way you feel but I will not go if I'm not worthy. What should I do?

Elizabeth

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  • 1 month later...

Today is the 1 year anniversary of me stopping cutting. Only one close family friend knows much about it. This whole year I have stuggled with my feelings, I cut for over a year and most of that time I felt horriable about it but just did not know how to stop and did not know how or who to ask for help towards the end I would say this is the last time and when I would do it again I felt like a complete faliure. Being mormon there are so many more responsibilities with all of our knowledge and I felt like I could not keep a promise with my self and that if I could not trust myself how could the lord. I have never talked to a church leader about it and I know that I completly defiled my body and I don't know if I'm temple worthy. I have tried to live my life righously since then but I'm diffrent. There is a youth temple trip comming up and one of leaders knows that I'm not going and that I'm not sure if I'm worthy but she does not know why. I want to go to the temple because I love the way you feel but I will not go if I'm not worthy. What should I do?

Elizabeth

Are you still around? I feel bad that no one replied to your one post you made. How are you doing? If you've been "clean" for a year, I would definitely consider you to be worthy. Even if you weren't, it's not necessarily a sin, but a sickness that you would need help for, as was explained before.
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