To pierce my ears, or not?


shulace76
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So it's been a while since I've posted here. Last time was over a year and a half ago and I have...thankfully...moved on to much better things in life. I do appreciate all the adivce I was given at that point. Now on to today's issue...

I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man. I am also a graduate student, so until we are married I reside with my parents, as grad school and rent is expensive. I have mentioned to my fiance that I have been thinking about getting my ears pierced (I'm 28 and have never had it done) so that I could have the option of wearing earrings for our wedding. He has decided that is what my present is for Valentines Day...he's going to take me to get my ears pierced (though probably not tonight). I have no problems with this. The problem exists in my mother. I'm aware that I'm an adult and can make my own choices and all that stuff. I wanted my ears pierced as a little girl but when I asked my mom she always said no. She doesn't have hers pierced, my grandmother never had hers pierced, and so on. I mentioned it to her when I was about 22 and in college and she acted very disappointed. I know that it's been said over the pulpit that it's acceptable for women to have one set of piercings in their ears... but that doesn't seem to sit well with her either.

So I guess my question is, what might be the best way to go about getting my ears pierced with minimal repercussions at home?I'd like my mom to be a large part of my wedding planning (since we are barely starting) and I'm afraid that this might make her upset or something. Advice? Sugestions?

Sorry for rambling...

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So it's been a while since I've posted here. Last time was over a year and a half ago and I have...thankfully...moved on to much better things in life. I do appreciate all the adivce I was given at that point. Now on to today's issue...

I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man. I am also a graduate student, so until we are married I reside with my parents, as grad school and rent is expensive. I have mentioned to my fiance that I have been thinking about getting my ears pierced (I'm 28 and have never had it done) so that I could have the option of wearing earrings for our wedding. He has decided that is what my present is for Valentines Day...he's going to take me to get my ears pierced (though probably not tonight). I have no problems with this. The problem exists in my mother. I'm aware that I'm an adult and can make my own choices and all that stuff. I wanted my ears pierced as a little girl but when I asked my mom she always said no. She doesn't have hers pierced, my grandmother never had hers pierced, and so on. I mentioned it to her when I was about 22 and in college and she acted very disappointed. I know that it's been said over the pulpit that it's acceptable for women to have one set of piercings in their ears... but that doesn't seem to sit well with her either.

So I guess my question is, what might be the best way to go about getting my ears pierced with minimal repercussions at home?I'd like my mom to be a large part of my wedding planning (since we are barely starting) and I'm afraid that this might make her upset or something. Advice? Sugestions?

Sorry for rambling...

Is your mother so controlling over this matter that she'd rather have no part in your wedding/marriage if you decide to get your ears pierced? I would rather proceed with my wedding and enjoy the company of those who will celebrate it with me. This is your decision.

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Guest LiterateParakeet

This is likely the first of many things that you and your mom might disagree about as marraige and motherhood bring new experiences into your life. So with that in mind, you are a grown woman, and your husband is supportive in your decision...so yes, definately get your ears pierced.

I hope that your mother will understand, even if she is disappoiinted. She needs to accept that you are an adult and as I said this is likely not going to be the last time you and she disagree on something, but it is time to "cling to your husband". For example, if you and your husband decide you want to breatfeed or use formula, and whatever you chose, your mother does not support your decision...do you side with your mother or your husband. Your husband. It starts now.

Actually, I think getting your ears pierced will set a good precedent for the future. You love your mother and you have accepted her opinion all these years, but now it is time to make some choices on your own. This is a good healthy step in that direction...for both of you. :)

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Whenever I asked my mom as a kid, she always said, "If God wanted holes in your ears, He would have put them there." She still wears clip-on earrings. As an adult, I never really thought about it anymore. A week before my wedding (I was 25), my mom took me to get my ears pierced. It was a surprise because I wasn't expecting it, but also a shock that she was the one initiating it -- WOW!! Unfortunately, my ears became infected after about seven weeks, and I had to pull the earrings out and let the holes close up and heal. That was seven years ago. Last summer I finally got around to re-piercing them, and I'm still wearing earrings. I'm happy that I finally did it again -- I'm generally not an accessorizer, but I enjoy wearing fun and different earrings.

(1) Your mom will get over it. If she doesn't, well, there are bigger issues below the surface than just earrings.

(2) You don't have to make an announcement. If she notices, great. If not, even better.

(3) You're 28 years old, for goodness' sake! You're getting married! Leave your father and mother and cleave unto your spouse!

Congrats on the upcoming nuptials, and have fun accessorizing! (Depending on how far out the wedding is, consider carefully which earrings you choose to pierce with. If you go somewhere like Claire's in the mall, you have to leave your earrings in for six weeks, so make sure you pick something that will match your dress and other jewelry.)

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Ear piercing per se is not a moral issue. It becomes a moral issue under two circumstances:

1. It becomes a disfigurement of our bodies done purely for aesthetic reasons or social convention.

2. Priesthood leadership counsels against it.

Reason #1 above seems highly subjective, so we must be guided by the Spirit. (Incidentally, reason #1 is why I find infant circumcision so abominable and despicable -- "hygiene" is for the most part an excuse, and an ignorant one at that, for what would better be called "making baby look like daddy," or to be even more blunt, "I don't like the anteater look of a natural penis, so I'd prefer to cut the end off my baby's penis so that I think it looks better.") For myself, I don't see that putting a small hole in each earlobe qualifies.

Reason #2 is important only insofar as your actions reflect your efforts to follow God and his anointed leaders in all things. (Given my paragraph above, it is interesting that the ancient apostle Paul apparently circumcised Timothy exactly because he would then be of more use preaching among the Jews. An amazing example of obedience -- though it does make me wonder if Jewish men of the period were in the habit of exposing their penises to each other just to, you know, be sure they were speaking to another Jew.) Again, I don't think this applies to you. The only leader I know of to make an original statement on the matter was President Hinckley, who decried inappropriate body modification and specifically excluded the case of a woman having a small piercing in each earlobe for an earring of some sort.

In summation: I don't think there is any reason for you not to pierce your ears, assuming you actually want to do so. If you don't want to, then that's another thing entirely. You shouldn't.

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I would show her a picture of a tattoo that you've always wanted... along with a picture of a navel piercing and get her reaction.

Then show her your pierced ears and she should breathe a sigh of relief... and probably a promise to not freak her out like that again.

Everything in context. :)

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Just be sure you don't have metal allergies. I pierced mine, but I can't wear any unless the metal is very pure.

It is best to not ever buy cheap pot metal earrings and get that allergic reaction going. Silver, Gold, Platinum, Stainless steel are usually all good if they are not just filled metal.

For earrings you are just asking for trouble to buy any cheap metals.

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Advice? Sugestions?

Sorry for rambling...

Honestly if your mother is controlling over whether you can get your ears pierced at 28 then don't you think your wedding will turn into her wedding? By this I mean she'll be controlling with how she plans your wedding and sense she is paying (I assume) or even if she isn't what the mother says goes. Thats usually the case unless you can learn to stick up to her now.

If she's controlling over one thing she'll be controlling (possibly) over the wedding, how you raise your children, and much more. Stick up to her now. It's your body, your life. and you're wedding.

If you want it done. get it done. Its time to stick up to the mother. She may respect you for this later on life. (Or maybe not, depending on who she is).

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She may respect you for this later on life. (Or maybe not, depending on who she is).

She may not but your husband will without any doubt. If you can not do this one small thing your marriage is going to be a nightmare. My dad's mother drove my mom crazy for many years before my dad finally realized that she was a controlling, manipulative horror. It was not pleasant. You do not want this for yourself.

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It is best to not ever buy cheap pot metal earrings and get that allergic reaction going. Silver, Gold, Platinum, Stainless steel are usually all good if they are not just filled metal.

For earrings you are just asking for trouble to buy any cheap metals.

Titanium is another good one.

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Thanks for your responses. I think I will most likely go ahead and get it done, and if she gets mad I'm sure she'll get over it...eventually. There are far worse things I could do, right? I'm sure if I and my fiance eloped she'd REALLY have a fit...so in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal. So what if I'm the one that breaks tradition? :)

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Yes, there are far worse things you can do.

In fact, I think this might be good for you and your mom, who has probably spent far too long being in charge of you and getting her way. Are you a people pleaser?

At this point, she might take this little act as a personal affront, so if/when she says something, assure it has nothing to do with her.

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Did ya pierce ya ears, yet?

Honestly, I can't believe an adult (and not just eighteen or barely over that but 28) is contemplating such an insignificant issue with their parent still. No offense, I'm just really dumbfounded over it. My daughter is almost two and we decided NOT to pierce her ears. If she wants it and when she is older, that is something she can do.

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So I mentioned it to her on Friday night and all she said was "hmmm". On Saturday we went wedding dress shopping and found "the dress". Upon purchase of said dress the place gave me a small box as a "gift". Once in the car I opened the box and inside was a pair of earrings that will match my dress beautifully! I expressed my desire to be able to wear the earrings for bridals and on my wedding day and informed her that I'd done some research and found a place I think would do a good job to pierce them. We had an open dialouge and she didn't once say anything to the effect of "no" or anything. In fact, I think she doesn't care at all now. My fiance took me on Saturday evening to get them pierced and I'm loving them! I'm sure I'll love them even more after the bruising goes away! I'm so glad I made this decision, and I'm certain I won't regret it (unless they get infected or whatever).

Thanks again for all your advice.

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