What makes you stay?


Wingnut
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Why do you stay in the LDS Church?

Because I have received a testimony of it's truths through the power of the Holy Ghost. That ultimately is what it boils down to.

Have you ever considered leaving?

Depends how we are defining leaving, I've never thought about having my name removed from the records. There was a half dozen years or so in my teens where I was inactive. There was a brief moment of reactivity in the middle when I actually set out to know if the Book of Mormon was true, but I relapsed into inactivity a month or so after receiving that witness. The old habits and way of living that were easy to resist when flush with knowledge, spirit, and testimony slowly crept in as I came off my spiritual high so to speak.

What brought you back?

When I moved to Utah the Bishopric actually stopped by and invited me back to Church. There were changes in my life that made me more receptive to their invitation but I'm not sure I would have returned without the invitation, at least not at that time. It wasn't an instant thing either, when they stopped by I responded with a firm no to their invitation, but the invitation worked on my thoughts and I ended taking them up on the offer a week or two later.

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I stay because I can't deny the Spirit's witness to me that it's true, and because I truly love our Church, even for the flaws of its people. The only time I've thought of leaving was when I felt lonely and friendless. But I couldn't bring myself to walk away. I told my husband one Sunday afternoon that I was going inactive for a few minutes. :) Thankfully that helped me learn the true reasons for being at Church: renewing covenants, and worship. Now I have good friends at church and I am so grateful for that, but that's not why I go.

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Like others, I have had a witness of the truth. There is no denying that on my part.

I've never considered leaving the church... but I have been inactive in the church before. Inactivity in the church is not the same as being inactive in the gospel. I still try to honor my covenants the best I can, even if I don't show up at the church building on a regular basis.

Right now, I should be at church, but I have issues with someone in leadership right now... so I'm staying home. But I will be doing my home teaching this afternoon and reporting it. I'm glad I have a fun calling during the week!

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I stay because I know the church is true. I have received a witness that I cannot deny. I'm so grateful for that knowledge. And with that knowledge brings peace to my soul. I know I will see my departed loved ones again.

If I don't stay, what would that mean for my family? My children and grandchildren won't have my testimony to help build theirs. I would miss out on being with my family for eternity. I would miss out on feeling the Spirit. I would miss out on the peace-of-mind I receive from trying to obey the commandments. I would miss out on helping my fellow Ward Family when they are in need. I would miss out on the missionary moments I might have to help bring others into the Gospel. I would not be a tool in my Savior's hands to help build up the kingdom.

My desire is to be an asset to the Lord, not a detriment.

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Why would anyone leave a church they know is the church founded by Jesus Christ, Himself? My grandfather left the church over being insulted, or so he thought. He finally realized his mistake but did a lot of damage while he was antimormon. I never want to be in such a self made hell.

The main reason is as Pam says. Even beforeI was allowed to be baptized I always knew the church was the right church. I have never had any thought of leaving it. Not for a second. Its ironic because many people I know, including brothers, etc. think I have taken up the ways of the world because I am not in the 'right' political party.

If any of you ever doubt it let me clear that up right now. I know the church is true. I know in the depths of my soul. Our Father in Heaven loves us, me included, so much that He has given us a prophet and other leaders to aid us in our walk through this life. I know that when I die that my sons and my father will be there waiting to greet me along with all the loved ones who have died before me. I know that when I am sad and depressed and want to just give up that He will comfort me and let me know I am here for good reasons, both for myself and for others. I believe, absolutely, in the Plan of Salvation. With that plan all is explained.

I never have doubted even in my sins.

Edited by annewandering
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It would have been easy to slip away during the first year after I was baptized. It's hard to adjust your life and live the WoW. It's hard to lose friends and have family stop speaking to you. I'm shy and it was hard to walk in to a place that I wasn't comfortable with, knowing that I might get called upon to pray in public, and that people I don't know well would want to talk to me, and I would be anxious the whole time about saying the wrong thing, or offending people with what I don't know. It would have been much easier to walk away. I stayed because I had a witness from the Holy Ghost that the Church is true.

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A little over eight years ago I was a miserable person, depressed, unhappy, restless.....and a very bad alcoholic. Today I am clean and sober and despite the little unpleasant surprises this mortal sojourn sometimes catches us off guard with, I am very happy and recognize how amazingly blessed I am. Truly, I have become a new creature in Christ and no longer carry the weight of the yoke of sin that Satan had bound me with for so long.

During this time, I have baptized my mother and my grandmother and my eldest son reports to the MTC on March 20th to serve in the Italy Milan mission. My youngest son was just accepted to BYU for the Honors track. Leave? Not a chance.

Finally, I know that revelation is real and I have heard the voice of the Spirit and am certain of the hand of the Lord in my life.

Edited by bytor2112
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To answer Dravin's question, I'm not referring to formally leaving the Church. I guess I just meant becoming inactive.

I've never considered leaving the church... but I have been inactive in the church before. Inactivity in the church is not the same as being inactive in the gospel. I still try to honor my covenants the best I can, even if I don't show up at the church building on a regular basis.

When you choose to be inactive in the Church, how are you able to continue to be active in the Gospel? This is a genuine question, not a snide remark. I'm honestly curious how you are able to manage it, personally. It seems like it would be extremely difficult.

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Wingnut, I'm glad you asked. My story is complicated, but I will give you the nutshell version. If you want to know "the rest of the story" feel free to ask. ;)

In short, my faith crisis is related to healing from repressed memories of childhood abuse. That is a lot to deal with, enough said.

At one point I pondered what if there is no God? In someways that was easier to accept than a God that allows child abuse, you know? (I'm still working on that one.) But as the Givens say in their book The God Who Weeps, there is ample reason not to believe in God, and there is ample reason TO believe in him. We get to choose, that is faith.

I decided that I would really like the it to be true about Heavenly Father and Christ. I would rather believe that and be wrong, than not believe. So I restarted with that seed.

Then the next question was about the church. It is not that I started questioning the church right away, but when week after week things at church made me cry, and nothing from church helps. . .(still struggling with that too), then you start to wonder, you know?

I started thinking how nice it would be NOT to attend church (because it's painful) -- but my husband and children would be devastated...still how do I make this work? As I began to re-evaluate my testimony, two things have really helped.

One is the book, The God Who Weeps by Terryl and Fiona Givens. Their book talks about 5 basic gospel principles, but they explain them in such a way that you think, "wow, I never thought about it that way before." I also felt, "oh, yeah, I forgot about that." I love the Plan of Salvation...pre-exisistence, the Atonement, Three Degrees of Glory...especially the way the Givens explain it.

Second...patriarchal blessings. My own and my husbands, hearning stories about other people's...and I think, "Yes, there is something here...the Priesthood. Yes, I accept that."

And so and so forth, slowly I am rebuilding.

I want to clarify something here. I had a testimony. I served a mission, married in the temple etc. With my previous adversities....financial problems (including bankruptcy and foreclosure, and yes we have always been full-tithe payers), life threatening health issues, two miscarraiges (one at 12 weeks...that is a fully formed little body), etc....through all those things my relationship with my Father in Heaven, Christ and my testimony sustained me.

BUT recovering from childhood sexual abuse is worse than all those things. I can't even describe how painful it is accept to say I got through all those other things with prayer. None of those other things required therapy (twice a week for three years so far...), none of those things made me think that self-harm was the only way to relieve the pain, none of those things made me feel sucidal. None of those things made me seriously question the exsistence of God.

Still, I am holding on. I am rebuilding my relationship with God and trying to learn to trust Him again. I am rebuilding my testimony. I've experienced a spiritual earthquake and tsunami, but I am rebuilding. Some might think that I have a lack of faith, but I tell you it takes great faith to been where I have and hold on...and endure to the end. But I'm doing it.

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To answer Dravin's question, I'm not referring to formally leaving the Church. I guess I just meant becoming inactive.

When you choose to be inactive in the Church, how are you able to continue to be active in the Gospel? This is a genuine question, not a snide remark. I'm honestly curious how you are able to manage it, personally. It seems like it would be extremely difficult.

It is an excellent question!

Being active in the Church is (to me), putting an appearance every Sunday and with your callings. You participate and you volunteer. You socialize. To me, that's "church activity".

Being active in the gospel is doing what you need to do when no one is looking. You pray, read your scriptures, and try to keep Christ-centered thoughts. You pay your tithing. You honor your covenants and not violate them.

Sometimes it depends on WHY you choose to be inactive in the Church, as to whether being active in the gospel is a struggle.

- If you're having trouble with something of the doctrine, it might be a struggle.

- If you've been offended by someone, I think it's easier... well, it is for me.

- If you're having family problems, sometimes you just don't want to hear about "families are forever" when you're having problems now... so you have a testimony, but are having family issues and choose to skip out of church attendance for a while.

Everybody is different and everyone's reasons are different.

The solution, if you are inactive or are trying to reactivate others... is to simply show and feel pure Christ-like love for them. Love is the answer. No matter what they are doing or have done... it's all about love. Even loving in someone's weakness. We don't chasten people into the gospel. We love them into gospel and church activity.

Great question! And thank you for making me think about it. I needed to write this to remind myself of this personal principle as much as others may want to read it.

There was a great general conference talk about just this. I'll search for it now and edit this post when I find it.

Here it is: The Rescue for Real Growth - general-conference

There were several things I learned or was reminded of with this and similar interviews:

  • I learned that many less-active members have loved ones on their knees daily petitioning the Lord for help in rescuing their loved one.
  • I learned that it is not all that easy or comfortable for a less-active member to just walk back into the Church. They need help. They need support. They need fellowship.
  • I learned we have less-active members who are trying and willing to find the path back to activity.
  • I learned that many less-active members will hold callings if asked.
  • I learned that a less-active member deserves to be treated as an equal and be viewed as a son or daughter of a loving God.
Edited by skippy740
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Taking the sacrament is important... but you don't covenant to take the sacrament every week. The sacrament is a renewing of your baptismal (and temple) covenants. It's important personally for each of us... but sometimes, you just flat out don't feel like going.

Building up yourself and your family is also building up the kingdom. Sometimes you just need to "get away" to ponder, think and reflect. That's is helpful to building yourself up within the Spirit. Sometimes, and I don't like saying this, but Church can get in the way of that... at least for me.

Today, I didn't go to church. I won't get into details, but let's just say that if I saw a particular person there (who happens to be in leadership), I would not feel the spirit. Something is not right with me in regards to this person. Rather than lose the spirit by attending a meeting, I stayed home.

By staying home, I avoided a "spiritual confrontation" within myself. I didn't spread a negative spirit and I got a chance to reflect by posting the post earlier (which is another way of building up the kingdom... by not being a negative person!).

I will be reflecting on it more over the next week to see how I can have my spirit heal because of how I respond to this person.

So that's my answer to your question Eowyn. Sometimes we just need space and time to figure things out.

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Why do you stay in the LDS Church? I'm not necessarily interested in why you joined the Church, but why you stay. Have you ever considered leaving? What brought you back?

I have never considered leaving the gospel in the 14 years of my membership. However, people have aggravated me to the point of wanting to go to a different ward. I am too straight-laced though, and never could walk away from my obligations and duties to my own ward. Besides, I never wanted to set the example for my kids to run away from trials or difficult situations. I think it is better to learn to deal with those trials and difficult situations, than to run away (unless otherwise directed by the Spirit)...because the trial of difficult people can exist at any ward, any neighborhood, and any job.

I did leave middle GA for southern GA during the most severe part of my depression in 2004 (at the direction of the Spirit). I needed to be near my mother and other family. I don't regret that decision, but I soon learned that there were trials waiting for me here too.

I have never once considered leaving the Church for doctrinal issues. Maybe that is because I spent my first 24 years as an atheist. Maybe already being on the other side of the religious fence, leaves me unlikely to go back there. I was exposed to other beliefs and churches during those 24 years, and none inspired my loyalty or membership. To turn against what I know now, would be to turn my back on every single prompting and every single confirmation of truth that I have felt in the last 14 years.

Have there been individual issues that have bothered me? Sure. I still can't figure out how Noah got all those animals on the ark. I believe it, because my membership in this Church means that I have the faith to accept all gospel truths, principles, and doctrines...but that doesn't mean I understand them all!! Pretty much anything having to do with an ark puzzles me (Noah's ark, the Jaredites and their arks). ~TG

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Why do you stay in the LDS Church? I'm not necessarily interested in why you joined the Church, but why you stay. Have you ever considered leaving? What brought you back?

I stay in the LDS Church because I feel like Jacob when confronted by Sherem. Due to the many revelations, the witnesses the Lord has given me, I would be truly foolish to leave and not stay in the LDS Church.

Yes, in my teenage years I had not received a testimony for myself, and was tired of my parents efforts to control my behaviors. However, fortunately in my youth I began praying, fasting, and choosing for myself to attend church. I received my witness, and I have never thought of leaving since then.

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Today, I didn't go to church. I won't get into details, but let's just say that if I saw a particular person there (who happens to be in leadership), I would not feel the spirit. Something is not right with me in regards to this person. Rather than lose the spirit by attending a meeting, I stayed home.

By staying home, I avoided a "spiritual confrontation" within myself. I didn't spread a negative spirit and I got a chance to reflect by posting the post earlier (which is another way of building up the kingdom... by not being a negative person!).

I will be reflecting on it more over the next week to see how I can have my spirit heal because of how I respond to this person.

So that's my answer to your question Eowyn. Sometimes we just need space and time to figure things out.

I am not you, so I cannot say that I completely understand. However, I do understand what it was like for me to have a situation in which a person in leadership had hurt me. Because of them, I was called into the Bishop's office and asked to declare my loyalty to the Church. All because I was comforting my husband's female cousin as she mourned the loss of her sister. Apparently, as I pieced it together later, since this leader thought she was an apostate (despite being a temple-recommend holder), that I was also an apostate by association (despite being a temple-recommend holder).

That was SO hard for me. At that point, I had only been a member of the Church 4, maybe 5 years. I was still relatively new. I was on Spiritual fire, I was newly married, pregnant, and enjoying the gospel at levels that made my soul burst with joy.

It all came crashing to my feet as this person's accusations against me had me in the Bishop's office declaring my allegiance to the Church and to the gospel. UGH I cried so hard when I got home. My husband was livid when he found out. It took every ounce of wifely pleading to keep him from going to that person's house and pummeling them. <sigh>

That, I can see now, was the beginning of a spiral into a horrible depression...which eventually lead to leaving the area and ward I dearly loved.

I remember a day in which I was sitting in the chapel waiting for sacrament to begin. It was going to be my last day in that ward (if I have the days right, but that time is a blur for me now). We had already sold our 10 acres, and my husband had already gotten a transfer to southern GA. As I sat there, my head hung low, I was slumped low in the pew. I felt so worthless, so beaten. I felt like I couldn't even raise my head in the Lord's chapel. But then I felt the Holy Ghost. I felt as if Heavenly Father was speaking directly to me. With time I have forgotten the exact words...but not the message. I was HIS daughter. I was in HIS home. I did not need to be ashamed to be in HIS presence.

I felt the clouds divide. I felt His love! I sat up straighter. I had strength again. In that one moment, so much changed. If I am not mistaken, that ended up being the same day that the person who had accused me was called as Bishop of the ward. Ironic, huh?

I have since forgiven this person. I have since let every ounce of it go. I will never deny how much it destroyed me, but I see now where I allowed it to destroy me. I was not living in any way that was against the Church or it's teachings. I can see now where I should have recognized Satan's hand in trying to knock me off my spiritual high. I should have recognized Satan's devious machinations to keep strong saints out of God's house.

Only now, after almost 9 years, can I see that I could have--and should have--made better choices. Despite the pain, I should have brushed it off and stood tall. I should have rebuked Satan and his attempts to destroy me, and destroy the relationship between two families.

I thought I would never live long enough to make amends or speak to that person civilly again. I held no animosity or anger against them, I just couldn't imagine ever having need to speak to him again. I did so this past Christmas. I spoke to him privately at a family Christmas gathering. It was so hard. But I placed my whole heart in God's hands and let the Lord's will work through me. I do not regret it.

For so long I avoided him because I knew I wasn't strong enough to handle being near him. I believe that is honest, and that we can't run faster than we are able.

But I also have to say that we still need to be open and receptive to the Holy Ghost, and be willing to make that change or take that leap when He asks us to do so.

I am a firm believer in protecting ourselves against emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual abusers, but I am also a firm believer in following the Holy Ghost.

I don't know you personally Skippy. I don't know your circumstances. I don't know the situation. I will not presume to be your judge. Please allow me to share a thought with you though: never forget who you are, and whose you are.

That is very important, especially when trying to deal with others. It does not matter what the world thinks of you, but it does matter what the Lord thinks of you. Remember, your ward is a house of the Lord, and the chapel is supposed to be as sacred and reverent as the Temple (at least that is what I have come to believe). When you are in the chapel, it is between you and the Lord...nobody else. When I let go of my burdens that day in the chapel, I was opening my heart and allowing God's infinite love for me to chase away all the bad and saturate my heart with all His good.

Wouldn't going to church and feeling that kind of love be worth more than staying away and avoiding a situation? Have you asked the Lord what He wants you to do? I don't know, I am just humbly asking, and please don't feel obligated to respond. Often, the best dialogue we have is the private questions and answers between us and the Lord.

I know that He would never ask us to do more than we are capable of doing. I know that He will always stand ready to help us with that which He has asked us to do. You are a child of God. That chapel is His place. His territory. I don't dare to suppose that you don't already know all this, I just wish--looking back--that I had been reminded or told these same things. Maybe it would have eased some of my pain. I don't know. Just remember that going to church isn't about seeing other people, or other people seeing you, it is about doing what God would have you to do, going where God would have you to go, and becoming what God would have you to be become.

And always remember that Satan desires the opposite. He works hardest on the Lord's most valiant. Be courageous and follow the Spirit.

May you find peace with your situation...as I have finally learned to find peace with my situation. Please know that this was typed with sincerity. No judgement or superiority. I feel I have been to the bottom of the barrel, and it was in that desperate, lonely hour that felt God's warmest and greatest love for me.

Sincerely, With Love... ~TG

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Ohhh, boy. What a question. I'm really, really glad that you asked this, because I've never really had the opportunity to think about it before.

Well, I have a lot of friends who are not members of the church. These friends have either fallen away, or were never part of the church to begin with... I see their lifestyle and how a lot of things that they do are not in accordance with God and His commandments... and it makes me so grateful to have been raised in the church. I can't imagine being without the knowledge that I have about this gospel. I can't imagine not being surrounded by the Priesthood, not knowing what happens when I die, not having the opportunity to be married for eternity instead of only for life... and I'm only just now starting to realize how I've taken it all for granted.

It has taken nineteen years, but now I'm finally starting to discover this church for myself. Living away from home has presented a lot of obstacles and temptations for me, and for a short while I was actually finding myself teetering on the edge of this gospel... after a few weeks, I discovered how horribly, terribly frightened I was to fall away. I was afraid of losing the trust of my family, afraid of possibly being excommunicated from the church, afraid of... well, being afraid.

There is happiness in the gospel. God's laws are put in place to protect us and bring us closer to Him, not to impede us. It took a lot of heartache, but after that short phase of darkness and confusion that I had, I managed to climb back up to even higher than I was before (and even brought a friend with me). I have more faith in Christ and His restored gospel because of my experience, and I sincerely hope that I can bring myself to keep growing and learning.

So, in answer to your question... What makes me stay? In this church, I have the truth. And the nice thing about truth is that it's absolutely constant--avoiding or not believing a truth doesn't make it any less true.

We have truth.

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To answer Dravin's question, I'm not referring to formally leaving the Church. I guess I just meant becoming inactive.

When you choose to be inactive in the Church, how are you able to continue to be active in the Gospel? This is a genuine question, not a snide remark. I'm honestly curious how you are able to manage it, personally. It seems like it would be extremely difficult.

Hi there yep I would consider myself an active member in the Gospel without the need to go to a Church on a permanent basis at the moment , Except for going to partake of the Sacrament as being the only time I go these days and even then I leave straight after. I don't heavily socialize within Church circles anymore I don't drink smoke I live pretty much family orientated existence . I strive just like every one else in the gospel to choose the right and live the commandments , I take care in heeding the advice by modern day prophets and old ones my kids are free to choose if they want to join the Church as baptized members . I give my family no obligations about Church. We like to teach principals such as faith repentance baptism and the laying on of hands gift of the Holy Ghost . We encourage prayer as the key building block in are family, I just want my family members to find Christ in their own way and time . However in saying that people still come and ask me about how to do this and that and so so callings and ask about Doctrinal questions kind of strange considering that they put me and my family on the inactive list . I hope its because they miss us and not because of the lack of attendance on Sundays only . I love sharing the gospel principals with my neighbors, co-workers and so on there was a time when an Asian lady was trying to read my Book of Mormon at work and how her daughter became a member by reading my Book of Mormon which I said she could keep .

To answer your question ''When you choose to be inactive in the Church, how are you able to continue to be active in the Gospel?'' I would like to ask? is living the gospel easier or harder being a active member:) these I just my 2cents

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To answer your question ''When you choose to be inactive in the Church, how are you able to continue to be active in the Gospel?'' I would like to ask? is living the gospel easier or harder being a active member:) these I just my 2cents

To paraphrase Brigham Young:

To live with saints in heaven is full of bliss and glory.

To live with saints on earth... is another story. :)

Everybody is different. Everybody is at different stages and struggles in their lives. Everybody's needs are different. It's a huge reason to do your home teaching... so everyone gets assigned a friend to listen to them and care about them - whether they are active or not.

I'm much more of an introvert. I like to process things and write things out. (Just another reason why I like internet discussion forums, like this one.) I need time to think things through... and I can't always do that when I'm around a lot of other people.

When I need to be in public (gee, I sound like a shut-in, internet addicted recluse), I need to be ready to be in public. I need to be able to focus on others. To do that, I have to be right with myself.

For others, it may be the total opposite. If you're outgoing, it may take a conversation with a friend to help change your total perspective on something. You may feel more free to share your personal events with others. Me? I'm more of a private person.

Neither is right or wrong. I just adapt to what works out best for me and minimize my "down time".

I should've just picked a different ward to attend... but for some reason I didn't think of that at the time.

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I did leave middle GA for southern GA during the most severe part of my depression in 2004 (at the direction of the Spirit). I needed to be near my mother and other family. I don't regret that decision, but I soon learned that there were trials waiting for me here too.

This is a wise observation. Thank you for the reminder that the grass is only greener when you have green-colored lenses on.

Have there been individual issues that have bothered me? Sure. I still can't figure out how Noah got all those animals on the ark.

Lol!

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Yes, I've thought about leaving. And I don't apologize for that. Perhaps there is something noble about never experiencing doubt. I can't judge that. I only know that for me, I needed the crisis of faith that made me question everything.

It's hard to answer why I stay. I think it's my spiritual convictions about the Book of Mormon and about gospel principles such as sacrifice, covenants, and the gift of the holy ghost.

But even as strong as my convictions are, I won't lie and say that staying is easy for me. It's hard. For me, it's the harder choice.

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Why do you stay in the LDS Church? I'm not necessarily interested in why you joined the Church, but why you stay. Have you ever considered leaving? What brought you back?

I've thought about why I keep going to church on various occasions. One of the major points of the gospel is being able to be with your family forever. Well, I'm divorced, and have one child already not going to church and suspect that one or two of my others will leave too. I've a sister that also doesn't go to church anymore. My parents are divorced. So this leaves me with a lot of questions over what my family will even look like, assuming I actually make it to heaven. It seems there will be so many holes in it that the promise of families can be together forever just isn't going to happen for me.

My faith seems to be failing me in many ways (or me failing to use my faith or something) and yet there are a number of significant ways it does not fail me. One of these is in my decision to go to church every Sunday and to live the gospel as best I can. I'm not depressed but feel as if I should be happier than I am. I still feel a desire to go to church that keeps me going every Sunday. I'm sure my testimony of the gospel helps a lot as I still hope for something better in the future.

Since returning to the church I don't remember seriously considering not going anymore. The closest I may have come to that is wanting to be released from callings that seemed beyond me or to frustrate me every time I tried to do what I think is right in them, but that doesn't ever lead me to thinking I should stop going to church.

I question a lot more these days and wonder why some members do things in a certain way that seems to impact me or my children negatively but that doesn't change my fundamental desire to go to church.

I think some of why I still go is the hope I have of making a difference by how I serve in my callings (most of my callings in the past 8 or so years have been teaching classes) in helping others to learn the gospel and gain a testimony. But at the same time I think it would be nice to have no callings for a time so that I can just come to church, be there, and then go home. I like being able to help others even though some of that help is just providing transportation to youth and others who don't have transportation and need to get somewhere.

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