Kicked out because I was diagnosed with a mental illness


maleahstar
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Hi everyone...i have recently been asked by my stake president not to have contact with anyone at church because i have been diagnosed with a mental illness. i don't think this is right or fair. i am very hurt and angry. i filed a complaint with salt lake. no one at church seems to show pity or compassion for me. i have never felt so hurt and alone.

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after the run in with my bishop and stake president and after for being shunned and kicked out for being diagnosed with mental illness i've decided to join the unity church and become a minister there. the people are very kind and open there. they don't treat me the way the stake president did.

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Hi maleahstar,

Sorry to hear of your troubles. But there are a large number of LDS with mental illnesses, it's obvious that you didn't get shunned or kicked out for just having one.

Would you like to tell us the rest of the story? What mental illness? Have you been excommunicated? What actions did the bishop and sp mention?

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I was trying to get pastoral guidance from the bishop along with my cbt therapy i was getting for my depression and the stake president said it was innappropriate what i was doing. i told him it was what my doctor reccomenned for my health, but the stake president didn't listen to me. the stake president asked me some very personal questions about my mental health that i didn't feel comfortable answering because he was not my doctor nor my therapist. I said I don't feel comfortable answering your questions and he said that I shouldn't have any contact with anyone in the church because I have mental illness. I told him he could talk to my doctor and discuss the situation with him, but then he said i am not allowed to have contact with anyone in the church because i would not answer his questions. i was only enforcing my right as a human being to set appropriate boundaries between the stake president and i.

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Without the whole story it would be unfair for me to provide any personal judgment toward your stake president.

As LM shared many people have mental illnesses within the LDS faith, who are active and participating. I would be more concerned regarding your therapy and why a stake president would ask that you have no contact with anybody in the stake.

As you have the right to enforce your right as a human being, he also has the right to take measures to protect the stake members as well.

A doctor's permission doesn't approve disobedient behavior, however that is definitely between you, the stake president, and The Lord. There is not enough information for me to side in your favor or the stake presidents.

I wish you the best in your efforts to deal with your CBT. Choosing to turn away from the Lord's Church however is not the best answer, and surely this is a great trial for you. Again, I wish you the best.

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I have cried so much because I thought my ward was my family and now people in the church treat me like i am the enemy and the stake president was acting as jesus himself. i have cried because i am not allowed to talk to my friends in the church nor talk to the bishop whom i became good friends with. no one stook up for me. i lost so many friends through this....the people in the church rumored that i was having an affair with the bishop when i was only looking for pastoral guidance. even my therapists said they can't offer that to me that i had to go to my bishop for help for spiritual matters. i did what they asked and my local church leaders cut me off because i have a mental illness?

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The church is not an mental health provider... and it does not offer Pastoral Counseling

What ever your Dr. is telling you that you need the Church is not in a position to offer it to you.

In prior posts you talked about how you were seeing the bishop. Do understand the bishop most likely has a full time job, and family, and 300+ other members to attend to. Even if he was trained he probably didn't have the time for the intense amount of help you need. I would wager even that he asked your Stake President for help, which is how the Stake President most likely got involved.

In order for the Stake President to weigh the needs of the ward and your needs to try to find the balance he needs to understand the full picture. Which was why he would ask you questions. It is your right to refuse to tell him the details of course, but you pretty much cut your own throat by doing so.

I wish you the best of luck at your new church I hope they do offer Pastoral Counseling

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It's still not fair what happened. I know Jesus himself would have resolved the situation with total love and compassion with best interests for all parties involved. Jesus doesn't turn away people who are in desperate need and god has told me that the bishop and stake president will get to experience the tears and the heartaches i shed as if it was their own when they cross over someday.

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We had a lady in my ward a couple of years ago. She was a sweet sister, but she had some problems.

She called the Bishop incessantly. So much that he couldn't take her calls anymore. Most other members "give in" to those who display a perceived need in an effort to serve.

But sometimes, as part of provident living, we need to learn to live independently and not be "enabled" in our behavior.

My mother, who had worked with developmentally disabled adults, was firm with her and wouldn't immediately "rush" to help her. She helped her, but not in the way she wanted.

Later it was confirmed that she suffered from schizophrenia and wasn't on her medication. She was admitted to a psychiatric ward at a hospital and treated there.

I share this story because it wasn't the fact that she had mental illness that was the problem. It was her behavior, and the constant pestering of her needs to others within the ward.

And yes, she was mad for quite a while. But it wasn't that she wasn't welcome in the Church, or that she was "kicked out".

If you are currently suffering from mental illness without a doctor's care, you probably shouldn't trust your own thoughts about what is going on right now. Doubt your doubts. Doubt your assumptions.

Everyone is welcome in the Church, but the Church does not support or encourage principles that are not in harmony with provident living.

Provident Living

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I am very hurt and angry at the church and hold a lot of resentment towards how I was treated. I have been to other churches and was treated a lot better even though they knew what was going on. Heck when I was in a psyche ward one time I called my bishop and he refused to come and i called the pastor of the unity church and she was there almost instantly hugging me and trying to comfort me. A church is a hospital for sick souls not about politics and rules. There are boundaries, but tht does not mean that we should view people as a pestilence with their issues. We should recgonize the divinity in each person and honor and respect it. Thats how unity church views people.

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Heck when I was in a psyche ward one time I called my bishop and he refused to come

Where was your home teacher?

and i called the pastor of the unity church and she was there almost instantly hugging me and trying to comfort me.

It helps when the church is paying you a salary to be a minister. In the LDS Church, it is run by volunteers. They also have families and jobs. They can't do everything... which is why we have quorums and the Relief Society.

A church is a hospital for sick souls not about politics and rules.

Sick souls... yes. Mental illness treatment? Not in the local Church. There are other professionals to help in that area. In fact, for the kind of help you were seeking, the closest I can think of is LDS Family Services that offers various kinds of counseling.

There are boundaries, but tht does not mean that we should view people as a pestilence with their issues. We should recgonize the divinity in each person and honor and respect it.

No. You are not a "pestilence". You are a person that requires help that is outside the purview of the local lay (non-paid) ministry.

In this instance, I encourage you to Seek First to Understand... then to be Understood. This article may help:

“Bishop, Help!†- general-conference

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  • 6 months later...

I tried to report him to salt lake and they didn't do anything. my case was severe where i was severely depressed and suicidal all the time and it scared people in the ward. my doctor gave me an estrogen pill which fixed the depression, but that doesn't take away the emotional trauma that happened.

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Did he tell EVERYONE not to talk to you, or did he tell the leaders not to give you counseling? I have a friend going through something terrible, and the bishop and RS president have to clearly tell her that they can offer religious support, but no counseling or legal advice. They have to be careful about these things. I doubt they told everyone not to talk to you because of PMS. The whole RS would have to be disbanded if that were the case. They're probably just making sure the leadership isn't going beyond the scope of what they're allowed to do.

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