Recommended Posts

I've heard some women say that if their husband keeps getting back into porn over and over again they'll leave. Others say that relapses are a given, and they'll keep working through it. And there are others who say both--that they expect relapses but if he keeps viewing it they're leaving. Just wondering what I should think. How many relapses is enough? Is relapsing more forgivable if he's honest about it? Does the leaving part come from relapses that have been kept secret?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If he (or she for that matter) has a true desire to repent that leaving that spouse is probably not a great idea. Personally I have always viewed husbands and wives as constantly buoying each other and raising each other up. The number of relapses is completely suggestive and there is no magic number. Having experienced a loved one go through pornography addiction my advice would be to try and get him/her into some type of addiction support group or some counseling sessions with a therapist specializing in sexual addiction along with spiritual guidance from ward and stake leaders. A good place to start would be to talk to your bishop, because they can typically refer to an LDS counselor that will bring a spiritual aspect into overcoming this obstacle. I'm praying for you!

Wes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Been though all of it before. I think the only answer is up to you. Pray hard. Trust is a big issue. If he lies when asked about it that can be a big signal that he doesn't care. Not always, but often. If he doesn't care, then think about moving on. I know it's much more difficult and complicated than that, but that is one way to look at it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have to let the Spirit be your guide because there is no concrete answer. Not all addicts have the same rock bottom and some women are going to be more damaged by relapses than others. Lying about it definitely makes things worse.

I would have to ask myself if he's remorseful, is he making progress, is he being proactive in getting it under control, etc.? Does he seek out therapy, recovery groups, touch base with the bishop? Or does he wait to be caught again and claim repeatedly that he's sorry, but won't actually do anything?

A lot of women drive themselves nuts trying to figure out how to get their husbands to stop looking at porn, but later realize it's not really just about him looking at porn or not looking at porn. It's about his spiritual state. Just stopping the behavior isn't going to bring a change of heart. Prayers for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hopefully your husband is attending some sort of 12 step program. The church has groups for spouses as well. Here in Utah County, they've recently started a program for couples to attend together. All of these are very helpful in understanding where the addict is in their recovery.

The main thing a husband can do for their wife is to establish boundaries and keep them informed of their progress. Never, and yes this one of the few times is appropriate to use "never", get caught up in the details of the addiction. Just the broad strokes so the wife can feel confident he's being honest. He should share when he violates a boundary and he should share when he felt himself close and avoided it. He needs positive reinforcement for good choices.

As MorningStar mentioned, porn is generally not about naked women. One of the keys to overcoming it is to realize what is actually triggering the desire and working to correct those pre-onset conditions.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share