Considering Marriage

[Anon16]

Hi all,

My boyfriend and I are considering getting married in a year or so. We've just been discussing it, no firm plans or commitments yet. I'm 17, turning 18 in September, he is 20, turning 21 next year. We are both college students so the age thing is not an issue-I'm not in high school dating an older man-I graduated early last year.

We have been going out for 5 months. Not a terribly long time, and I'm not going to make any cliche comments saying that we feel like we've known each other for a really long time. We are realizing though, that we like/love each other enough that maybe we could and would like to spend eternity with the other person.

I've had worthiness issues in the past that I have discussed with him and my bishop-will that be a concern? I'm still struggling with some of them, and am planning to ask my Bishop of time periods of how long before I can get a temple recommend so I can know for whenever/ifever it works out.

What should we be taking into consideration? What are some things we should be discussing? How do I know if it is right?

Thank you

[ADoyle90815]

I might be in the minority here, but I think you should at least wait until you're older before getting married since I personally think marrying before one's mid 20's is too young. At the very least, I think it's best to wait until you're 18 and legally an adult. The unfortunate thing is that the divorce rate for people who marry in their late teens is higher than for those who wait until their 20's to get married. I know there are exceptions to the rule as there are people who married right after high school who are still together into their 80's, but there's no guarantee that you'll be an exception. You'll still have less than a year before turning 18, so there's still time to get to know him better before making that commitment.

Edited March 25, 2013 by ADoyle90815

[Guest]

Ask your boyfriend if there is a possibility, even how remote, that he will divorce you.

Make sure that you know your boyfriend good enough to know that there is nothing... that is, NOTHING, that could possibly happen that would make you want to divorce him.

For example... when I married my husband, I made a vow to myself that if it turns out that I found out my husband is a serial killer, I wouldn't divorce him. I might have to leave him to keep the family safe, but he is IT for me. I'm not divorcing him and marrying somebody else.

[Roseslipper]

My advice is to just prepare yourself do the things you need to do, talking with the bishop is great. Get yourself ready for a temple marriage, at this time in your life just date this guy, have clean cut fun, its ok to date others as well, just let him know u r and he should let u know. Dating can be alot of fun, dating teaches us alot about ourselves, it also helps us to realize what things we are willing to put up with and what things were not in a future spouce. First love is fun, exciting but some times its just puppy love, thou sometimes its real love. when it comes down to knowing if hes the one weight out the pros and cons make a dession Oh i wish i could spell haha, But most important sincerely pray about it and listen and keep praying, the person we choice to marry could make our lives wonderful, but theres always struggles, hardships to work out. On the other hand the person we chose can make our lives a living hell. You dont want that no one does. I too dont believe someone should get married til 24, I think we need the chance to grow up to know ourselves more. inmo. but It does happen and some of them are wonderful marriage and others are not. So trust in the Lord. is the best way.

[YaYaYaYana]

~ I'm 24 and I know that only this year I actually know myself pretty well.... know where I'm going with my life and what to look for in a potential husband... I would say that by 24 you are good to settle into a serious relationship... and after like 2 -3 years.. around 26-27 getting married would be the best...\

By that point you would have lived enough to experience the joys of being young and free.... you would most likely be done with exploring about yourself on a basic level .. and when people are older they are more likely to be able to support a family or want one ... and it is more realistic... At the age of 24 people stop dreaming of fairy tale romances and weddings and pretty much know what to expect from a relationship....

When I think back to when I was 18 -19-20 -21 ... I would say that I was a baby!~ I was only beginning to explore the world and understand my self.... I would say the I am much more stable in character now ... and it will only getter better !!

` So I suggest date ~ have fun ~ enjoy your relationship and company with your boyfriends but don't get into anything serious for a while ~

[OldPort]

I agree with YaYaYaYana. It is really hard for me to recommend anyone in this day and age getting married before the age of 22 for both parties involved.

I am sure it is hard for both of you to have a close relationship and not be as close as you might like to physically and many LDS folks get married at a young age because that is what they really want to have without the guilt.

Wait till your brain has grown up, most studies say it doesn't really happen until 23 or so.

[Roseslipper]

also look in the march ensign good article about a young couple. but i still believe itsbetter to wait til 24 imho.

[Wordnerd]

I really don't think arbitrary age limits are an appropriate way of making a decision this important. Are you mature enough to make a commitment, are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of the marriage, do you share strong values, those are the things that matter. I met my Husband when I was 19 and he was 22, we knew after a week that we would get married, which we did when I was 21. 14 years later we are still going strong, thanks to the influence on the Gospel in our lives. My Husband has a cousin who married his wife when they were 17 and 16. I was surprised that both sets of parents gave permission, but they did and since the couple had shared strong religious beliefs (not members of the LDS church, but another one) and are committed to each other they are also still going strong. They did wait many years to start a family, until both had graduated university. I have a friend who was determined to marry in her mid twenties, she got married at 18, and 15 years later they are a strong and committed couple.

If you choose to marry very young, you will likely have financial struggles that older couples might not. It is harder to get an education if you start a family early and you will miss out on the "fun" that all your friends seem to be having. If you are both equally committed to each other and value your family above all the "fun" the world can offer it is worth it. Don't take the words of anonymous Internet people for it though, talk to your parents, and your Bishop and Heavenly Father. If you have had worthiness issues, be very careful to keep yourself pure now, you want the Spirit with you when you are making important decisions. Young marriages can and do work, but no one lives "happily ever after" it takes courage and commitment and sacrifice to make a successful marriage, if you are both truly prepared for that then it doesn't matter how old you are.

[MrPickles]

You will hear about all of the exceptions here, but that is not reality. The reality is that the divorce rate among LDS is the same as everywhere else:

DIVORCE AND THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS (MORMONS)

http://www.mormonstoday.com/000102/N1Divorce01.shtml

dating 5 months and at the age of 18 you are not prepared to enter into marriage or start a family. Get educated, get a real job, be on your own and learn about who you are. You boyfriend should do the same thing and if you still feel the same in 5 years as you do now get married.

[Vort]

You will hear about all of the exceptions here, but that is not reality. The reality is that the divorce rate among LDS is the same as everywhere else:

DIVORCE AND THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS (MORMONS)

http://www.mormonstoday.com/000102/N1Divorce01.shtml

dating 5 months and at the age of 18 you are not prepared to enter into marriage or start a family. Get educated, get a real job, be on your own and learn about who you are. You boyfriend should do the same thing and if you still feel the same in 5 years as you do now get married.

You did not read the above articles sufficiently closely, so your statement is false. Quoting from your first link:

Mormons who marry fellow believers have an extremely low divorce rate:

"A 1993 study published in Demography [magazine] showed that Mormons marrying within their church are least likely of all Americans to become divorced. Only 13 percent of LDS couples have divorced after five years of marriage, compared with 20 percent for religiously homogamist unions among Catholics and Protestants and 27 percent among Jews. However, when a Mormon marries outside his or her denomination, the divorce rate soars to 40 percent -- second only to mixed-faith marriages involving a Jewish spouse (42 percent)."

LDS marriages to non-members fare no better than the average, but LDS marriages to other Saints do indeed have a much lower divorce rate.

[MrPickles]

You did not read the above articles sufficiently closely, so your statement is false. Quoting from your first link:

Mormons who marry fellow believers have an extremely low divorce rate:

"A 1993 study published in Demography [magazine] showed that Mormons marrying within their church are least likely of all Americans to become divorced. Only 13 percent of LDS couples have divorced after five years of marriage, compared with 20 percent for religiously homogamist unions among Catholics and Protestants and 27 percent among Jews. However, when a Mormon marries outside his or her denomination, the divorce rate soars to 40 percent -- second only to mixed-faith marriages involving a Jewish spouse (42 percent)."

LDS marriages to non-members fare no better than the average, but LDS marriages to other Saints do indeed have a much lower divorce rate.

Since we are picking quotes from the article:

"Overall, the Mormon divorce rate appears to be no different from the average American divorce rate. A 1999 study by Barna Research of nearly 4,000 U.S. adults showed that 24% of Mormon marriages end in divorce -- a number statistically equal to the divorce rate among all Americans. "

Bottom line you can make statistics say what you want there is a statistic that says only 6% of temple marriages end in divorce but close examination proves that to be a false number.

Read what you want in it but being LDS is no guarantee to marital bliss, does it help? do the principles of the gospel make you and your spouse better people? Is there added pressure in the culture to work out your differences before jumping to divorce? the answer to these questions is yes.

Edited April 3, 2013 by MrPickles

[Daneng]

Sound advice given already. What is crucial today is a sound education and spiritual foundation to build upon otherwise trouble will be more difficult to bear, believe me, I know for myself. You are so young and are allowed to try and date other me. Ask the Lord to direct you and give inspiration, but He may expect you to date others in order to get your answer on the most important decision you will ever make in your life.