Action that will be taken?

[KillyBeans22]

I use to suffer from Pornography about 2 years ago, but through the strength of my Heavenly Father I was able to stop and move on. About 5 months ago now I started to date this boy, who I later found out the also suffers from Pornography, but he is still suffering from it. He has managed to stop whilst dating me though, due to not wanting to be unfaithful to me. Due to us and our weaknesses we got to carried away, and as a result did oral sex. This occurred 3 times, but realising that this was wrong and needed to stop we when to Bishop and confessed. He put us on informal probation, and we started the Repentance process. Although my boyfriend was extremely weak at this and found himself falling back into old happens and views Pornography again.. He came straight to me confessing that he had done it and arranged a meeting to tell Bishop.

Our Bishop was extremely disappointed in him, and he was told that a Disciplinary Meeting would have to be held and was giving a letter. In the letter it said their was a change that he could get disfellowshipped or excommunicated! So I guess why question is has anyone gone through a similar process to this? Where you disfellowshipped or excommunicated or was another action taking place? And also my boyfriend is hoping to go on a mission, will he still be able to do so, because I know that they are beginning to become very strict in this area!? x

[Anddenex]

KillyBeans22,

Yes, according to the Church Handbook of Instructions, oral sex is a serious transgression. As such, this is not being strict, this is behaving in accordance with the Church Handbook provided by our Lord through his servants.

The bishop was merciful to both of you with regards to informal disciplinary action for oral sex. The bishop, however is not being strict, he is following guidelines.

Since your boyfriend, although on informal probation, has succumbed to pornography, this is considered a repeat offense, thus the bishop is now referring your boyfriend to a disciplinary council, for his own good. This would apply to you also should you fall back into pornography in light of the serious transgression of oral sex, and having already been through "informal probation."

I would agree with Ewoyn, remove yourself from dating or seeing each other.

Edited March 26, 2013 by Anddenex
Correcting Response

[Guest]

For the sake of both of you, stop seeing each other.

[Guest]

I'm guessing the discipline is related to the oral sex, not the pornography. We also don't have the whole picture of what the boy's past transgressions involve.

[Anddenex]

I'm guessing the discipline is related to the oral sex, not the pornography. We also don't have the whole picture of what the boy's past transgressions involve.

Haha...I am not sure how I missed that part.

[gree0232]

I use to suffer from Pornography about 2 years ago, but through the strength of my Heavenly Father I was able to stop and move on. About 5 months ago now I started to date this boy, who I later found out the also suffers from Pornography, but he is still suffering from it. He has managed to stop whilst dating me though, due to not wanting to be unfaithful to me. Due to us and our weaknesses we got to carried away, and as a result did oral sex. This occurred 3 times, but realising that this was wrong and needed to stop we when to Bishop and confessed. He put us on informal probation, and we started the Repentance process. Although my boyfriend was extremely weak at this and found himself falling back into old happens and views Pornography again.. He came straight to me confessing that he had done it and arranged a meeting to tell Bishop.

Our Bishop was extremely disappointed in him, and he was told that a Disciplinary Meeting would have to be held and was giving a letter. In the letter it said their was a change that he could get disfellowshipped or excommunicated! So I guess why question is has anyone gone through a similar process to this? Where you disfellowshipped or excommunicated or was another action taking place? And also my boyfriend is hoping to go on a mission, will he still be able to do so, because I know that they are beginning to become very strict in this area!? x

There may be a couple of additional thing sto check here:

#1 - I strongly urge you to talk with your boyfreind about his past. Patterns of sexual misconduct often have roots in something more than simple disobiedence. (Often not as well). If there is something in his past that is untreated or requires professional help, this can, and indeed should be, submitted for consideration as part of the disciplinary process - as a matter of extentuation or mitigating circumstance.

It's worth having the discussion to see if there is more to the situation then is easily identifiable.

#2 - If the relationship itself is part of the difficulty, there may be solution short of simply not seeing the young lad. Very often in courtship, to prevent or reduce the possiblity of these slips, a chaperon often comes along. As you have indetified issues on this one, it may be worth asking for 'help' rather than simply not seeing him.

The discipline process is going to be difficult and trying, but, perhaps, if we can get at root issues and get eth correct assistance in place, it may be a beneficial process in the long run.

[alison_143]

In Singles Ward, my Bishop spoke often about the Law of Chastity. Several times he mentioned that even if a couple who had previously broken this law, fully repented and eventually got married in the Temple, the fact that they had previously been immoral with one another would forever plague their marriage since the relationship began on immoral terms. How much more happy and at peace would you be with yourself if you started and maintained a relationship on chaste terms? I'm not saying it's wrong to repent and marry the person you committed the offense with, I'm simply stating how much more at peace you would be with yourself in your future marriage if you remained morally pure from the start.

Another word of caution: Pornography warps your view of how intimacy should be in marriage. Since your boyfriend still struggles with this addiction, his view of you as a woman is being degraded every time he succumbs to his addiction. You need to understand your worth as a woman and a daughter of God and not settle for someone who currently isn't in control of his urges. You need to have the courage to escape this relationship because it is obviously toxic for both of you. It will be hard, but it is the safest course of action for both of you.

The Atonement is full of compassion and mercy. You will be alright and you will overcome your weaknesses.