A Difficult Situation


BlunderBreak
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I'm a return missionary of almost a year now, though I was honorably released due to anxiety problems. I recently had moved out of my parents house after having a father that was over-manipulative and controlling. I also was engaged for a period of time as well before having it broken off since she wanted to serve a mission.

I moved in with a couple of good buddies (or atleast I had thought I did) and had been there for about a month now.

Last night, I was molested by another guy and am wondering what to do. I'm so depressed, full of anxiety that I have no drive to go to work.

I need some suggestions... I don't know what to do or how to feel...

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Having worked as a 911 dispatcher let me say that 911 is for life threatening emergencies. Someone is dying, about to die, could die or have great harm caused. Kidnappings in the moment, etc. 911 is not for a crime that happened hours ago, yesterday or last week.

We would repeatedly have calls from people because of non life threatening emergencies, which takes time and line capacity away from a real emergency.

Now back to the thread:

How old are you that another man could molest you? Were you under the influence? How does this happen?

Ben Raines

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Having worked as a 911 dispatcher let me say that 911 is for life threatening emergencies. Someone is dying, about to die, could die or have great harm caused. Kidnappings in the moment, etc. 911 is not for a crime that happened hours ago, yesterday or last week.

We would repeatedly have calls from people because of non life threatening emergencies, which takes time and line capacity away from a real emergency.

Now back to the thread:

How old are you that another man could molest you? Were you under the influence? How does this happen?

Ben Raines

I'm 20. I fell asleep with having not have sufficient sleep for 48 hours when my roommate decided to molest me.

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You should indeed file a report with the police immediately. Perps who do this do not stop without consequences.

Additionally, as shameful as it might appear, the police will put you in touch with a sexual assault response coordinator where you can talk with professionals about the guilt and shame you are experiencing.

It's also important to realize something: it is not your fault.

I strongly urge you to report the incident and then avail yourself of the available resources to help in the healing process.

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Having worked as a 911 dispatcher let me say that 911 is for life threatening emergencies. Someone is dying, about to die, could die or have great harm caused. Kidnappings in the moment, etc. 911 is not for a crime that happened hours ago, yesterday or last week.

We would repeatedly have calls from people because of non life threatening emergencies, which takes time and line capacity away from a real emergency.

Now back to the thread:

How old are you that another man could molest you? Were you under the influence? How does this happen?

Ben Raines

Ben:

We are all at different stages in our development, so I share this story with you so you will understand some of the scope and procedures as to how this happens - that our masculine concepts of strength matters little when predators are lurking, and can in fact be a great hindrance to this process. Hopefully, it will also let Blunder know that he is not alone in his experience.

I sat down one morning for a conference next to a close friend and fellow commander, who, in a normal meeting, was detached, and angry - for no apparent reason. Upon asking his whether someone had forced him yo drink prune juice or something, that the comment produced absolutely no change in his bearing. Something clearly had his goat.

After the meeting, he invited me to his office, where it was clear he needed to vent. It turns out, that morning, a Monday, one of his Soldiers asked to speak with him privately - a not common thing. He accepted, closed the door and the Soldier reported to him that he though his Squad Leader had sexually assaulted him over the weekend - he was unsure because he could not remember anything, but he did remember waking up naked after a night with the squad leader (who had taken him on the rounds to introduce him to the country under the guise of a trusted mentor). Not only was he naked the next morning, but there was significant pain in areas that indicated sexual assault. When he confronted the Sergeant, he was laughed at and dismissed as merely a drunken lapse and 'to be careful next time.'

Still uncomfortable, he reported, as he should, the incident to his commander who promptly initiated an investigation - including immediate medical examination that confirmed a sexual assault.

During the course of the investigation, six other Soldiers admitted to being sexually assaulted by the NCO. In each case, the Sergeant had taken the new Soldiers, in a clear case of abuse of authority, to tour the 'ville' in what was supposed to be an introduction to the area to show the safe areas and avoid the dangerous ones in a foreign country. In each case, playing the 'easy going leader' he bought the young Soldier a drink and spiked it with Rohypnol - the date rape drug. Later, as the drugs took effect, which mimics drunkenness in early stages, he was again the good Sergeant who would 'take care of the Soldier' (ostensibly take them home) but instead took them to a local motel, where bereft of both memory and the ability ti defend themselves, he raped them.

Only one of the six Soldiers agreed to testify with the seventh - the only one to report the sexual assault. The others, to a man, well trained infantrymen, were too ashamed to testify against their attacker - only ONE had the requisite bravery to report the incident.

Perhaps even more interesting in terms of scope is that the Sergeant, even in a foreign country, had no problems getting his hands on Rohypnol. One can only guess at the full scope of the problem in an area already overrun with loose morals and prostitution.

Incidents like this happen far more often then I think most of us imagine, and figures that report one in every three women being sexually assaulted during their life ... along with a 20% reporting rate begin to demonstrate the enormity of the problem.

The problems do not stop with rape or abuse, they continue and, in my experience, ONLY professional counseling precludes a degenerative situation from following a sexual assault.

I apologize profusely for what you are surely enduring BB, but I urge you strongly to reach out both to the police and a counselor as soon as you are able.

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Having worked as a 911 dispatcher let me say that 911 is for life threatening emergencies. Someone is dying, about to die, could die or have great harm caused. Kidnappings in the moment, etc. 911 is not for a crime that happened hours ago, yesterday or last week.

We would repeatedly have calls from people because of non life threatening emergencies, which takes time and line capacity away from a real emergency.

Now back to the thread:

How old are you that another man could molest you? Were you under the influence? How does this happen?

Ben Raines

I tried calling the police station for a non-emergency once and they told me to call 911. Our neighbors were having a loud, drunken party outside until 4am.

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Guest LiterateParakeet

I need some suggestions... I don't know what to do or how to feel...

Whatever you feel is right for you...numbness, anger, denial, anxiety, depression, etc...are all understandable and reasonable.

You need to get some emotional help...therapy...if you are going to college, I believe they have Rape crisis centers, you could call. If not call your Bishop, he can put you in touch with LDS Social Services.

Healing from this will take a long time, don't rush yourself. Everyone accepts that physical wounds take time to heal, but some expect emotional healing to be quick...it isn't.

You can heal though, I promise. The Savior will be by your side the whole way. He weeps with you now and is sorry that this happened. I know because I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and have spent a lot of energy rebuilding my relationship with God.

Please get some help soon, if you broke your leg you would go to the doctor...the sooner you start therapy, the sooner the journey toward healing will begin. Feel free to send me a PM if you need someone to talk to.

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I tried calling the police station for a non-emergency once and they told me to call 911. Our neighbors were having a loud, drunken party outside until 4am.

All Ben is stating is that 911 is for emergency purposes. Drunken parties while you wouldn't consider an emergency is something happening right then and is threatening to your health and welfare.

Since this situation had already happened the proper recourse is the non-emergency. Had he called right after it happened it would have been a 911 call. We use 911 far too much for non-emergency type things.

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