Stalkers...


Tough Grits
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There is somebody who keeps sending me texts in Spanglish. He leaves voicemails. He even sent me his picture. I do not know him.

He has not sent anything violent or rude...but he is obsessive. I have been to the police station twice. There really isn't anything they can do, other than make an official report, which they did.

I never answer my cell phone if it is an unknown caller. Never. I only answer my cell when it is a contact calling. I never return missed calls. Never. I feel that if it was important, the caller would have left a message.

So, I have not ever responded to this guy's texts, I have never returned his missed calls or voicemails, and I have never answered when he has called me.

What more can I do? What is the psychology behind this kind of behavior?

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Good job NOT responding to him.

Gavin DeBecker in The Gift of Fear talks about how sometimes women will respond after the 8th message (or pick any number)...and that just encourages the stalker and teaches him that 8 messages is the price of a reply.

So continue the good work and never, never respond to him, any response will encourage him.

Also, restraining orders rarely help. DeBecker says women have been killed with restraining orders in their purse. And yet 1,000s of Restraining Orders are given out in courts regularly.

Also according to DeBecker, you likely do know who he is..you intuition is warning you, but you are ignoring it...people do it all the time. One of the things he does is help people listen to their intuition.

Get his book...buy it or borrow it from the library. He talks a lot about stalkers. And he has very helpful advice.

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Does he seem to know who you are? Does he address you by name? That is really bizarre.

I agree you should keep ignoring. When this woman was obsessing over me, I talked to a counselor and discussed whether I should sit her down and explain things in very blunt terms. She said no because she won't get it and it will just teach her that after six months of ignoring her, she finally got me to respond, so next time she would try six months and then some. I knew she was correct because after several people had explained how inappropriate her behavior was, she continued to push people's boundaries in a major way. She had learned nothing by me telling her I didn't want any contact.

Maybe you should change your phone number? It's a pain, but maybe worth it.

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Block his number.

How do you block a number? Is it specific to cell carrier and/or phone type?

Changing my cell is not an option. I use it for work and for personal. I have already changed my home phone to a private number because of somebody else...I refuse to change anything else. Hardheaded, I know. :huh:

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There is somebody who keeps sending me texts in Spanglish. He leaves voicemails. He even sent me his picture.

Well, if you'd told us as soon as he started, it would have been easy; find the hairiest, lumpiest guy you know, and get him to pose in bike shorts and a wife beater, making a kissy face. Send the pic to your stalker with a message that you really want to get together soon.

:devil:

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Well, if you'd told us as soon as he started, it would have been easy; find the hairiest, lumpiest guy you know, and get him to pose in bike shorts and a wife beater, making a kissy face. Send the pic to your stalker with a message that you really want to get together soon.

:devil:

Thanks, I needed a laugh tonight. ^_^

The cops offered that as an option, setting a "trap" for him...using me as bait. No way. I don't want him to actually see me...just in case all he knows about me is my name and cell number. If that's all he knows (my name/cell) then I want to leave it that way. :(

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Guest LiterateParakeet

How do you block a number? Is it specific to cell carrier and/or phone type?

Call your provider and ask them. I have Verizon, and for me blocking numbers is super easy...I just go to the website and follow the steps there. I have done it a couple times for telemarketers. If you don't know how to do it, just call your provider, they can probably do it for you after the phone call.

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How do you block a number? Is it specific to cell carrier and/or phone type?

What carrier do you use, and do you have a smartphone? If you can set the number to fully integrate with Google Voice, you can block them pretty easily. If they try to call you, they get a "not in service" message, and I think it will also reroute texts straight to GV's spam folder without sending them to your phone.

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What carrier do you use, and do you have a smartphone? If you can set the number to fully integrate with Google Voice, you can block them pretty easily. If they try to call you, they get a "not in service" message, and I think it will also reroute texts straight to GV's spam folder without sending them to your phone.

Alltel. Blackberry.

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Contact your provider, their customer service should be able to walk you through it.

Do you have your phone number listed in other places online that they might have been able to access it? You said your phone is also used for business. Could he have acquired it that way? Do you have facebook and list your number there. If you FB, do you have your privacy settings locked dow? Do you use linkedin and have your number listed there? There are all kinds of places people list thier numbers without thinking about stuff like this.

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He said my name on the voicemail he left for me. My name is not common. It cannot be a mistake. He has been calling and texting for over a month now.

Thank you... I was unclear on how you made the connection from annoying and kinda creepy to Stalker. (Clearly you had I just wasn't following it)

Him addressing you by name makes that connection and really removes any kind of accidental possibility that I can see.

As for advice I really don't have anything better/different then what has already been offered

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Contact your provider, their customer service should be able to walk you through it.

Do you have your phone number listed in other places online that they might have been able to access it? You said your phone is also used for business. Could he have acquired it that way? Do you have facebook and list your number there. If you FB, do you have your privacy settings locked dow? Do you use linkedin and have your number listed there? There are all kinds of places people list thier numbers without thinking about stuff like this.

I use my personal cell for every contact I make in my position at the school I work at. Nearly everybody in my county, especially in the Hispanic community, has my cell #. I have never had a problem before now. Nowhere else can my information be accessed. Not that it matters, when I am freely handing it out all day long to my parents and the contacts I make in the community.

Why do I give my number out so freely? I am only one of two people in my entire school that is bi-lingual, and I am the only one in my department who is bi-lingual. My contacts and parents cannot call the school and be transferred to my office number for two reasons, I am not in my office most of the time--as I am in classrooms working with my students--and the secretaries at the school do not speak Spanish, therefore that can't take messages for me. So, over the past five years I have had to give my personal cell out so that my parents, students, and contacts could leave me messages.

I have told my boss that I will no longer be making home visits, until I figure out who this guy is.

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Alltel. Blackberry.

You should be able to port your Alltel number to Google Voice, though I've heard the Blackberry app is a bit clunky for advanced features. You can always access those through the GV website, though.

http://voice.google.com

It will also transcribe voicemails and text them to you, so it's handy for getting a quick and quiet summary of a voice message.

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You should be able to port your Alltel number to Google Voice, though I've heard the Blackberry app is a bit clunky for advanced features. You can always access those through the GV website, though.

http://voice.google.com

It will also transcribe voicemails and text them to you, so it's handy for getting a quick and quiet summary of a voice message.

Thank you. I'll have to look into this. Alltel says that they do not, or can't, block numbers. Is that normal, or not?

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Uh oh. Hubby got the number from me, even after he told me Alltel couldn't block it. SIGH

I don't know why stuff like this embarrasses me. It took me a long time to even tell anybody what was going on, much take myself to the police department.

I love the school I work at though...sometimes you just gotta love home-grown, backwoods, southern folk...they made me send the pic of the guy to the Principal's email. He printed it out and showed everybody in the front office, just so that everybody could be aware of what was going on and watch out for me. Makes you feel good when people can come together for stuff like this.

He hasn't called since the night I started this thread. Maybe that is a good sign? ~TG

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have a new phone. My husband and I each got Samsung Galaxy S II. They aren't the newest version, but they were cheap...only $20 each with a new contract.

I really like the phone so far. It is like having a phone, Kindle Fire, and laptop all-in-one. In fact, this is the first time I have been on my laptop since getting my phone, and I never use my Kindle Fire any more.

Anyway, my friend and co-worker downloaded an app that she has on her phone, Mr. Number (sp?). It has been deflecting all the calls and texts from "stalker". I don't think the person on the other end knows that their calls/texts are being deflected. I don't care. As long as I don't have to be annoyed.

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