To be or not to be? I'm not thinking clearly...

[lil_kliz]

Hello, everyone! I'm new here and thought I'd introduce myself by writing a LONG post about my complicated life. Why not, right?

I have a relationship question, which I'm sure is a topic that people are sick of talking about. Please accept an apology in advance. For those of you that are willing to read it, any and all advise is appreciated.

Last year I gave up looking for "that special someone": I'd had my heart broken by my RM and didn't feel much like dating at the time. Soon thereafter I was laid off of job #1 and fired from job #2.

Fast-forward through all the depression, self-loathing and joblessness.

My dad is buddies with a man that runs a near-by youth camp. Said camp was in need of staff for the summer (mainly medical), and my dad mentioned to his friend that I was jobless and had experience in the medical field. His friend contacted me and offered to pay for me to get my EMT certification if I promised to work for him for the summer. Gratefully, I accepted. I found a part time job as a waitress to support me while I was attending class, and passed my state test 1 week before camp started.

The weekend before I went up to camp, my mom and I had a discussion about the ins-and-outs of the job and if I was excited or not. Dating had been the last thing on my mind up until this point, so I was surprised when the thought that I was going to meet someone up at camp that summer kept popping into my head. I shared the thought with my mom, and she said that she'd had the same thought ever since I'd told her I was going to be going up.

I did meet someone. He wasn't suppose to be up there that summer, but he ended up with a job after a chance encounter with the director. He came up 1 week after the rest of us did, and at first I hated him. Not because he was a bad guy or anything, but because he had medical training above mine and I was threatened by him. As he likes to put it, I had "bug off" stamped on my forehead the first time we met. Needless to say I got over that.

We hit it off from the very beginning, even when I was determined to hate him. He was smart and funny and treated me like an equal, which was something that I hadn't had from any other guy I'd dated. In a way we were both scared of each other; he because he'd just gotten a divorce (another long story I don't want to get into at the moment), and me because I was leery of getting hurt again. Despite that, we had our first kiss a month or so in to camp (during a weekend and off duty, of course) and began dating as soon as camp ended. Things went really well for a couple of months.

The first thing that really started to mess with things was me. I've suffered from depression and social anxiety for years, and both started interfering with our relationship. Stress from a new job and family issues weren't making anything better, either. To top it all off, I developed a new "condition" around the same time, something that still hasn't been diagnosed yet. It leaves me exhausted and weepy and cold/hot emotionally. He's been a sweetheart through the whole thing and done his best to understand and hold my hand through the UPS and downs, but I know it's taken a toll on things.

Despite all of that crap going on, we got engaged. We both prayed about it and (even though I probably wasn't in a mentally stable enough state to even be thinking about such a decision) it just felt right.

The second thing that's messed with our relationship is that we ended up letting our emotions and desires (and a lot of rationalization) carry us away, and did something that we can never, ever take back. I was heart broken, he was resigned. We spoke with my bishop about it and are working at getting back on track.

Ever since that little "mishap", I've had doubts about our future together. One day I will be ga-ga in love and totally sure (burning in the bosom and everything), and the next thing I know I'm plagued with thoughts of doubt. This switch happens as frequently as every 2 or 3 days. postponed our wedding (indefinitely for now) and am torn about wearing my ring.

So here's my question: are these doubts coming from me, God, or from somewhere else?

Am I letting my emotions and conditions get in my way, or is this something genuine that I should be paying attention to? There have been a couple of red flags (previous marriage, some financial issues, a of communication), but I feel like we have started on the right road towards working things out. There were far too may coincidences in our meeting (numerous ones that I haven't mentioned here) to make me think that it was all based on chance, that we just "happened" to run in to each other.

So is this relationship something God wants to happen, or are we forcing it?

[Smudge]

I have spent summers working at various summers camps across the USA and had amazing experiences even though I wasn't able to get to church often I still found that I could stay strong and true to my beliefs because the camp environment is on where people have to be living many of our standards while on camp.

Many of my friends were in relationships with people out of camp and most of them survived the summer.

[Jennarator]

Finish repenting....perhaps evven take a break from him during that time. Then pray about it after. You really need to focus on repentance so other emotions and feeling don't get in the way.

It's really hard to stop once you have messed with the chastity thing. He's been married before so itis very easy to slide in to that. Get away from eachother for a little while. I'm nont saying break the engagement, I'm just sayint to take a break. You won't know if it's phyisical, emotional, "the right thing" or not until your are "clean" again.

[SoCal_Counselor]

Lil-Kliz,

I am glad that you are looking outside of yourself. Here are a couple of my thoughts:

1. First of all, I believe that "soul mates" are formed, not found. President Kimball said "'Soulmates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."

2. With relationships, God wants us to be happy, and he wants us to be obedient. He wants us to fall in love, get married, become one through sexual intimacy, have children, and endure to the end; but he wants us to do it in the proper order. He has set up commandments (including the law of chastity) for our benefit and our own happiness. Being faithful and following him will help us to be happy.

3. Does God want your relationship to work? Maybe. Ask him. When you do ask him, let him know that you are committed to following his commandments and doing things the right way.

4. If you feel like you should be with this person, make sure you set up appropriate boundaries to avoid making the same mistake again. A few examples might be:

• Never being alone with him
• Knowing the difference between appropriate touch and inappropriate touch (If he is touching you in a way that is arousing you, it is probably inappropriate for now. If you are touching/kissing him in a way that is getting him aroused, it is probably inappropriate)
• Setting the limit on physical touching (i.e. kissing is okay, passionate kissing is too far)
• Make sure you discuss these boundaries together

Turn to God and follow his counsel, and you will never go wrong. Good luck.