Personal revelation as reason for infidelity?

[budding]

Greetings,

Need perspective on the role of personal revelation and its parameters. Please bear with a brief explanation of my current situation -- then I'll pose my question.

I discovered my husband having an emotional affair with a single, active, endowed sister, divorced multiple times. The woman claims she has had strong personal revelation that she should be with him and they be together. Because my husband puts a great deal of stock in personal revelation he took her personal revelation hook, line and sinker. He says she has given him answers to his questions and, at times, believes The Lord had a hand in their meeting. The answer which she "helped" him find was to divorce me -- which he is doing. (The whole story is too long and I don't want to burden the readers)

My husband has been counseled and warned by our local church leaders that his actions are not of the lord. The person he listens to is ... you guessed it ... the other woman. They both think what they are doing is because The Lord is directing them.

As sad and confusing as all this is, free agency and choice is the reality. What's most important to me is that I stand steadfast in keeping my covenants and trust in the Lord's keeping.

Because of this confusion, I've taken to studying the role of the Holy Ghost and personal revelation. I know with a surety, the Spirit does not work in the above manner.

Can anyone direct me to official LDS statements that support the correct role of personal revelation -- what is of The Lord and what isn't? Any statements that support this odd situation or of a similar nature?

Thanks much for reading. Any kind and constructive reply would be so appreciated!

[Guest]

Pardon my French, but what a load of crap.

[Wingnut]

I can't agree with Eowyn more. Bull. Crap.

[Guest]

Mark 10

11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

Moroni 7

16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.

17 But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him.

Adultery is bad. That's all over the scriptures. Only that which invites to do good is of Christ. That which invites to do evil (commit adultery) is of the devil.

But I'm pretty sure your husband knows this. He's lying to you and/or himself.

[NeuroTypical]

Hi and welcome Budding. Sorry to hear of your struggles. Kudos for devoting your energies to keeping your covenants and trusting the Lord.

Of course the woman and your husband are being ninnies. The thing they are trying to make together will most likely fail. I don't have any official statements handy, other than the Proclomation on the Family.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

Folks who claim that the Holy Ghost is telling them to dump their wife and go off with another woman, aren't going to convince many people besides themselves.

I'm sorry. Got kids?

[Guest]

Here is a talk that goes into revelation and false inspiration in the second half:

Personal Revelation: The Gift, the Test, and the Promise - general-conference

I don't have much confidence that either of them have ears to hear, though. They have to know that what they are doing is wrong. I admire your faithfulness and your desire to save your marriage. I hope you're seeking help and comfort from your bishop. You might also do some reading on marriagebuilders.com. They have forums and articles that talk about trying to kick a spouse out of their adultery fog, and doing things to actually save the marriage after infidelity. The first step would be to out the cheaters to your family and friends and anyone else who has any influence on them, so that the "secret" world they have together is blown to pieces, and you're not alone in trying to convince them that they've lost their minds. You can read more about the right method to do this on the website.

I'm very sorry, and good luck.

[Windseeker]

I discovered my husband having an emotional affair with a single, active, endowed sister, divorced multiple times. The woman claims she has had strong personal revelation that she should be with him and they be together.

Sounds like her previous "revelations" haven't worked out so well. It will be interesting to see where her next "revelations" lead her.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Stay close to the Lord and he will carry you thru this.

[budding]

Eowyn,

Thanks for your last post. I've read and acted on the "outing" aspect. Reactions have been mixed. For me, one aspect is accountability. The woman still holds a respectable calling. I've asked my bishop if her bishop should be informed. He hems and haws. Some talk of "if she was married" then some action should be taken. What's the difference? Being a woman of covenant is the same whether married or not.

Should I again ask my bishop to revisit this issue of accountability or is it all too late? Thoughts? Anyone else?

[Guest]

Personally, if I knew who her bishop was, I'd talk to him myself. I think some people might disagree with me.

[pam]

That Satan is a cunning little devil. We've heard General Authorities mention several times that Satan will attack the family and the family unit to destroy. Sounds like he's got a firm grip on a couple of people.

[rameumptom]

A couple things come to mind.

First, the Lord does not give us personal revelation that conflicts with prophetic revelation concerning commandments.

Second, the Lord really does not care to whom we are married. He cares that we are faithful in that marriage and make it work.

Third, the Lord stated that a man who lusts after another woman has already committed adultery in his heart.

That being the case, can a woman or man who are unfaithful in the relationship be capable of receiving revelation from the Lord? This woman probably is receiving revelations, but they are not from the Lord.

[rameumptom]

Eowyn,

Thanks for your last post. I've read and acted on the "outing" aspect. Reactions have been mixed. For me, one aspect is accountability. The woman still holds a respectable calling. I've asked my bishop if her bishop should be informed. He hems and haws. Some talk of "if she was married" then some action should be taken. What's the difference? Being a woman of covenant is the same whether married or not.

Should I again ask my bishop to revisit this issue of accountability or is it all too late? Thoughts? Anyone else?

If your bishop (an untrained person) has problems dealing with this, then you have the option to go to your stake president or her bishop directly. We are to ensure we do not allow sin into the doors of the Church.

[Finrock]

Good afternoon Greetings. I hope you are having a good day! :)

I know suffering through trials is difficult but I also know God uses trials to refine and bless us. Be faithful no matter what!

Greetings,

Need perspective on the role of personal revelation and its parameters. Please bear with a brief explanation of my current situation -- then I'll pose my question.

Check out the Preach My Gospel manual. There is a section about learning to recognize the Spirit. I invite you to read the whole section, but I have quoted a part of it that has counsel from President Hinckley:

"In answer to the question, “How do we recognize the promptings of the Spirit?” President Gordon B. Hinckley read Moroni 7:13, 16–17 and then said: “That’s the test, when all is said and done. Does it persuade one to do good, to rise, to stand tall, to do the right thing, to be kind, to be generous? Then it is of the Spirit of God. …

“If it invites to do good, it is of God. If it inviteth to do evil, it is of the devil. … And if you are doing the right thing and if you are living the right way, you will know in your heart what the Spirit is saying to you.

“You recognize the promptings of the Spirit by the fruits of the Spirit—that which enlighteneth, that which buildeth up, that which is positive and affirmative and uplifting and leads us to better thoughts and better words and better deeds is of the Spirit of God” (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 260–61)."

I would also invite you to read the scriptures that President Hinckley references from Moroni (I have provided a link to the scripture above).

Regards,

Finrock

[skippy740]

If you want to have some fun with him, start calling him Hiram Page.

Doctrine and Covenants 28Â*

D&C 28:11-13

11 And again, thou shalt take thy brother, Hiram Page, between him and thee alone, and tell him that those things which he hath written from that stone are not of me and that Satan deceiveth him;

12 For, behold, these things have not been appointed unto him, neither shall anything be appointed unto any of this church contrary to the church covenants.

13 For all things must be done in order, and by common consent in the church, by the prayer of faith.

Emphasis added for key parts of these verses.

[Wingnut]

We are to ensure we do not allow sin into the doors of the Church.

If that were the case, none of us could enter.

[BadWolf]

This so reminds me of the scene from Saved where the girl hits her head in the pool & thinks the pool guy is Jesus.

Im not trying to make light... An affair is a betrayal that leaves one simply gutted. And, honestly, it was the first cut (nothing "more" than a kiss & professions, and nothing less than an admission that I was not first in his heart as he was in mine... The actual betrayal), that evicerated me. Coming to find out later the true extent was nothing compared to the first blow.

Im tempted to send your husband to a forum (purely for those trying to recover from infidelity -either reconciling or divorcing- that I never throw up on these boards... Because its not really LDS-Friendly. The pain LEAPS off those pages. I DO take friends IRL there to read the "Just Found Out" forum when I find out they're considering an affair or skirting the edges of one. No lie, many have actually thrown up. People's pain is that visceral.

But back to PR & infidelity.

1) I suspect PR when it coincides with desire

2) I suspect PR when it causes pain

3) I suspect PR when its someone else wanting me to do something I otherwise wouldn't.

Do all 3 happen legitimately?

Of course.

But if someone comes to me, hands me an MP5 and says God told them Im supposed to go shoot up the school yard...?

They're deluded at best, and evil at worst.

I don't see a lot of difference in someone telling me God told them

That Im supposed to break all my vows, hurt people who love me, and have sex with them.

Both throw up instant "You're NUTS."

And if I actually think it might be a good idea?

Danger Will Robinson.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

Yes. Feeling wanted, needed, special, etc. can be heady (so can a lot of things).

Im not willing to throw others under a bus, just so I can feel good.

And I just can't imagine the Spirit asking me to sacrifice others purely for my own thrills.

[Janus3003]

I also understand that when it comes to relationships, especially marriage, any personal revelation will be given to both people involved, not just one.

This is the same thing as some desperate menace to society telling a young woman, "I prayed and the Lord told me we're supposed to be married!"

[shdwlkr]

As so many have said Personal Revaluation will never be negative if it comes from the Lord

This sister seems to feel that destroying a relationship to get what she wants is a good thing. Well if Satan is who you are listening to then if might be.

Christ will never condone, accept or tolerate destroying of a marriage. This does not mean that mortal desires can't cloud the issue, that mortal feelings won't get in the way, it says that a bond between and a woman no one should interfere with.

This lady and your husband seem to feel that God is not a just and merciful God. In that vein he is also a just God that condones nothing that is not clean, pure and positive in nature. This PR seems to be anything but and therefore must come from the Great Deceiver of all.

[applepansy]

Greetings,

Need perspective on the role of personal revelation and its parameters. Please bear with a brief explanation of my current situation -- then I'll pose my question.

I discovered my husband having an emotional affair with a single, active, endowed sister, divorced multiple times. The woman claims she has had strong personal revelation that she should be with him and they be together. Because my husband puts a great deal of stock in personal revelation he took her personal revelation hook, line and sinker. He says she has given him answers to his questions and, at times, believes The Lord had a hand in their meeting. The answer which she "helped" him find was to divorce me -- which he is doing. (The whole story is too long and I don't want to burden the readers)

My husband has been counseled and warned by our local church leaders that his actions are not of the lord. The person he listens to is ... you guessed it ... the other woman. They both think what they are doing is because The Lord is directing them.

As sad and confusing as all this is, free agency and choice is the reality. What's most important to me is that I stand steadfast in keeping my covenants and trust in the Lord's keeping.

Because of this confusion, I've taken to studying the role of the Holy Ghost and personal revelation. I know with a surety, the Spirit does not work in the above manner.

Can anyone direct me to official LDS statements that support the correct role of personal revelation -- what is of The Lord and what isn't? Any statements that support this odd situation or of a similar nature?

Thanks much for reading. Any kind and constructive reply would be so appreciated!

What comes to mind is that the Holy Ghost will Never, Ever tell us to do something which is a sin. Adultery is a sin.

[prisonchaplain]

Pardon my French, but what a load of crap.

Since Eowyn is LDS, I would take this as an authorative LDS statement on the situation described in the OP. The husband and the adulteress are indeed dishing out a container of feces.

To add an pentecostal interpretation, they may be close to blaspheming the Holy Spirit. They are blaming God for urging them to sin against God? Can a house divided against itself stand? It's an absurdity. The one who says "Thus saieth the Lord," when the Lord has not said is treading on spiritually perilous ground.

Edited April 29, 2013 by prisonchaplain

[Martain]

I've asked my bishop if her bishop should be informed. He hems and haws.

D&C 64:12-14

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

11 And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.

12 And him that repenteth not of his sins, and confesseth them not, ye shall bring before the church, and do with him as the scripture saith unto you, either by commandment or by revelation.

13 And this ye shall do that God may be glorified—not because ye forgive not, having not compassion, but that ye may be justified in the eyes of the law, that ye may not offend him who is your lawgiver—

14 Verily I say, for this cause ye shall do these things.

It's not easy to forgive adultery and I feel that is but one reason it is second to murder. It's second because it's so hard to forgive and until the wounded spouse does, in them remains an even greater sin than adultery. Putting someone in such a situation?

Ask yourself, if you were as lost in sin as she is and unrepentant, would you want someone to go to your bishop to start the repentance process? I would!

Alma 32:13 And now, because ye are compelled to be humble blessed are ye; for a man sometimes, if he is compelled to be humble, seeketh repentance; and now surely, whosoever repenteth shall find mercy; and he that findeth mercy and endureth to the end the same shall be saved.

If I were in your shoes I feel it at this point as my duty to God to advise her Bishop. Having done so I would then leave it in the hands of the Lord and his authorized servant.

Im tempted to send your husband to a forum purely for those trying to recover from infidelity -either reconciling or divorcing- that I never throw up on these boards... Because its not really LDS-Friendly. The pain LEAPS off those pages. I DO take friends IRL there to read the "Just Found Out" forum when I find out they're considering an affair or skirting the edges of one. No lie, many have actually thrown up. People's pain is that visceral.

I'd like that URL as I can see it useful tool in the future. It sounds like a pretty good inoculation. Will you send it to me?

As to Budding, I hope this helps. Ultimately, you could ask the Lord too regarding whether it would be best for you to come forward to her bishop.

Empathetic,

Brother M

[talisyn]

You are a better person than I am. I'd've put sugar in her car by now. Sadly, not your husband's, though, because you might end up stuck with that car in the end

[Martain]

If I were in your shoes I feel it at this point as my duty to God to advise her Bishop.

That or at least talk to him and ask her bishop directly what he would have you do.

"Bishop _____? If I knew that one of the members of your endowed members in your ward was/is committing ___________ would you want me to let you know or should I simply stay silent?"