What does it mean to you to treat your girlfriend/partner/wife as a queen?


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What does it mean to you to treat your girlfriend/partner/wife as a queen? I have heard the phrase several times, but I still do not understand it. Can you also please provide examples that happens in common everday life? I know the scripture refernces, but in real life it is hard for me to understand.

I have been in two failed marriages and many dating relationships where the girls refuses to talk to me any more. For me, the word family has been related to insults and fighting. I have never had a stable,caring family as a youth so I really don't know what it means to be part of a family.

Now I am in a realtionship where the girl loves me and her daughter adores me, and I want to make the relationship work. I am praying everyday to be strong, but I am lacking the true understanding of being a good boyfriend/partner and father.

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It depends on your context... and hers.

If you're talking about a queen on earth... well, just remember that all the Disney princesses that became queens... all did housework. :D My daughter is my daughter... not a "princess".

However, I'd be thinking about a Celestial Kingdom and her to be your eternal queen by your side. That would take honoring your covenants and putting off the natural man. By the 'natural man', let's outline a few things:

- It's okay to disagree, but it's never okay to lose control.

- Open communication as a marriage partnership

- Never lust over a woman (for obvious reasons)

Some of these things are common sense.

But I did get an idea that it may be good to take the institute course on Achieving a Celestial Marriage. Maybe you should take it with this lady and learn it together? A great way to discuss the lesson and ensure you BOTH understand... rather than guess at what she might want?

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A little along what Eowyn said..treat her with respect and as an equal and not as a piece of property that you think you own.

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Don't know about your intended but I myself don't want to be treated like a queen. I want to be treated like a WIFE. A lifelong partner. I don't want my husband to put me on a pedestal. If I act like an idiot I would want my husband to tell me I'm an idiot. If he's being a pain in the neck, I would want to be able to tell him he's a pain in the neck. I don't want him to be afraid to hurt my feelings. I want him to allow me to be myself and I allow him the same. Then I am free to make mistakes and grow and learn and know without a shadow of a doubt that he will always be there to be with me but not put up with my crap. I also want him to be himself. To make mistakes, to grow, to learn and know that I will always be by his side even when I'm yelling at him. Then we can grow old together, get fat together, build our unique brand of crazy life together... and if we're lucky, we can both push each other's wheelchairs and change each other's Depends and laugh like silly hyenas together.

That kind of FREEDOM. That kind of safety. That kind of patience and respect. That kind of ultimate service and charity. That kind of love.

So, a queen? Hah. Silly. A WIFE. Much more precious than a Queen.

Edited by anatess
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I've been married 36 years and I think the thing that makes me feel like a queen is when my husband does some service for me that I'm not expecting. Sometimes it doing the dishes when he gets home late on a day when I've had a really bad day. Sometimes it just an unexpected passionate kiss. Sometimes... its just service.

Growing up I often heard "Charity begins at Home." Since "Charity" is the true love of Christ. Treating your wife with charity or in other words, as Christ would, would be to treat her like a queen.

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In the spirit of the golden rule, I turned it around and thought of what I think would make me feel like a king in my marriage. This very quickly turned into thoughts around love languages (whether you like Dr. Chapman's 5 or some other variation). When my wife "speaks" my love language(s), I feel like a king. When she neglects/ignores those things, I feel less regal.

So, in the spirit of the golden rule, if I put forth the effort to learn her love language(s) and become proficient in doing/saying those things that really make her feel loved, then I can help her feel like a queen.

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Maybe the one single thing that we guys can do to make our wives feel like a queen (or simply a valued wife, per Anatess) is to listen--REALLY LISTEN. This is a skill. It takes practice. There are even classes offered in how to listen. The key is not to be thinking of your answer while the other is speaking. When the ladies know you are listening intently to them they will feel valued--even regal.

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Maybe the one single thing that we guys can do to make our wives feel like a queen (or simply a valued wife, per Anatess) is to listen--REALLY LISTEN. This is a skill. It takes practice. There are even classes offered in how to listen. The key is not to be thinking of your answer while the other is speaking. When the ladies know you are listening intently to them they will feel valued--even regal.

I agree with this.

But in my marriage, it doesn't always work out. This would have been the perfect scenario, but reality in my marriage goes like this:

Mrs. Anatess: Cut this tree down. I hate it, I hate it, I want it gone now!

Mr. Anatess: What are you talking about? That tree has been there for years and you said not even a week ago it's so pretty when it flowers in the spring!

Mrs. Anatess: I don't care what I said last week, I don't care what I said yesterday. I want that tree cut today.

Mr. Anatess: Okay, something is going on, I have no clue what it is, and I'm getting a headache trying to figure out what you want. So, if you really want me to cut the tree, I'll cut the tree. If you are just venting, then I won't cut the tree and I'll just stand here pretending I have an idea what you're talking about. If that is not helping, then I'm going to go watch football and just come get me when you figure out what you want me to do. So, should I go get the axe, or should I just stand here, or can I go watch football?

Mrs. Anatess: Why should I have to be the one to figure out what you should do! You should just do something to make me feel better! And I hate football!

Mr. Anatess: Okay. Stop yelling. Let's go watch a movie. You liked that Croods movie let's see it again. How's that?

Mrs. Anatess: Okay, that just might work.

LOL! Yeah, that's my husband. And I sooooo love that about him. It doesn't really solve my problem at that moment but I calm down enough to think things through until I figure out what exactly it is I want from him so I can tell him exactly what it is I want him to do. LOL!!!

So, at least in my marriage, I don't expect him to understand me nor me him all the time. Because that's really really hard to do. But we're both willing to help the other understand what we're trying to say. LOL.

I shouldn't be giving marriage advice. My marriage is not your typical sweet romantic story.

Edited by anatess
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But, Anatess...it sounds like your hubby is exactly the kind of listener I'm talking about. I never suggested immediate compliance, or surface-level listening. This man really listens--so well, he catches the undercurrent. He also remembers--unusual for us of the male persuasion. Next time, I'll be quiet--he can teach the class.

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I agree with this.

But in my marriage, it doesn't always work out. This would have been the perfect scenario, but reality in my marriage goes like this:

Mrs. Anatess: Cut this tree down. I hate it, I hate it, I want it gone now!

Mr. Anatess: What are you talking about? That tree has been there for years and you said not even a week ago it's so pretty when it flowers in the spring!

Mrs. Anatess: I don't care what I said last week, I don't care what I said yesterday. I want that tree cut today.

Mr. Anatess: Okay, something is going on, I have no clue what it is, and I'm getting a headache trying to figure out what you want. So, if you really want me to cut the tree, I'll cut the tree. If you are just venting, then I won't cut the tree and I'll just stand here pretending I have an idea what you're talking about. If that is not helping, then I'm going to go watch football and just come get me when you figure out what you want me to do. So, should I go get the axe, or should I just stand here, or can I go watch football?

Mrs. Anatess: Why should I have to be the one to figure out what you should do! You should just do something to make me feel better! And I hate football!

Mr. Anatess: Okay. Stop yelling. Let's go watch a movie. You liked that Croods movie let's see it again. How's that?

Mrs. Anatess: Okay, that just might work.

LOL! Yeah, that's my husband. And I sooooo love that about him. It doesn't really solve my problem at that moment but I calm down enough to think things through until I figure out what exactly it is I want from him so I can tell him exactly what it is I want him to do. LOL!!!

So, at least in my marriage, I don't expect him to understand me nor me him all the time. Because that's really really hard to do. But we're both willing to help the other understand what we're trying to say. LOL.

I shouldn't be giving marriage advice. My marriage is not your typical sweet romantic story.

well you have a marriage, more that can be said for me

methinks if its successful in any way you can give some kind of advice

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But, Anatess...it sounds like your hubby is exactly the kind of listener I'm talking about. I never suggested immediate compliance, or surface-level listening. This man really listens--so well, he catches the undercurrent. He also remembers--unusual for us of the male persuasion. Next time, I'll be quiet--he can teach the class.

Hmm, now that you mention it, he does pay attention. He just refuses to try to figure out what I'm trying to say. He requires that I tell him exactly what I mean/want/feel without him having to read between the lines. A perfect example is the quintessential female question, "Do I look fat in this dress?"... Unless I tell him, "I'm fishing for a complement." He'll say,"Yes."

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I still say your listening communication is outstanding. Listening is not the same as responding. Sometimes a non-response is a way of saying, "I'm still listening, 'cause we're not on the same page yet."

You are really making me think and re-evaluate our crazy communication patterns, PC!

I've always thought of my husband as un-romantic. You know, in the movies, the guys are always portrayed as somebody who understands women, who listens not only to what the woman is saying but more importantly to what she's not saying. You know, like they would just give the woman a hug just by the way the woman looks when she walks in the door... that kind of stuff.

But you know, thinking about it now, there is some kind of romance in that manly-man way of just sticking it out until the woman says or does something that triggers an a-ha moment. Because, the unromantic way would be to just ignore the woman until she starts to make sense, right?

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Anatess says:

You are really making me think and re-evaluate our crazy communication patterns, PC!

I've always thought of my husband as un-romantic. You know, in the movies, the guys are always portrayed as somebody who understands women, who listens not only to what the woman is saying but more importantly to what she's not saying. You know, like they would just give the woman a hug just by the way the woman looks when she walks in the door... that kind of stuff.

But you know, thinking about it now, there is some kind of romance in that manly-man way of just sticking it out until the woman says or does something that triggers an a-ha moment. Because, the unromantic way would be to just ignore the woman until she starts to make sense, right?

Now we're outside my scope of expertise. My wife and I identify our marriage as a romantic comedy--but we both admit that the lion's share of that label is the comedy...

Edited by prisonchaplain
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I've always thought of my husband as un-romantic. You know, in the movies, the guys are always portrayed as somebody who understands women, who listens not only to what the woman is saying but more importantly to what she's not saying. You know, like they would just give the woman a hug just by the way the woman looks when she walks in the door... that kind of stuff.

I think that the problem is that this man almost doesn't exist. I mean, okay, there are probably guys like that sometimes. And I try my best to read my wife and tell what she wants. I think the longer we are married, the more likely it is that I will be successful at that. But romantic movies tell a fantasy story about a relationship, and the ability to read a woman perfectly is as much a superpower as Superman's ability to fly.

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I think that the problem is that this man almost doesn't exist. I mean, okay, there are probably guys like that sometimes. And I try my best to read my wife and tell what she wants. I think the longer we are married, the more likely it is that I will be successful at that. But romantic movies tell a fantasy story about a relationship, and the ability to read a woman perfectly is as much a superpower as Superman's ability to fly.

I found, the vast majority of men don't understand women and the vast majority of women don't understand men.

There is a lot of ideals both have for eachother, created by various places.

Least from what I've seen that's the case

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What does it mean to you to treat your girlfriend/partner/wife as a queen? I have heard the phrase several times, but I still do not understand it. Can you also please provide examples that happens in common everday life? I know the scripture refernces, but in real life it is hard for me to understand.

I have been in two failed marriages and many dating relationships where the girls refuses to talk to me any more. For me, the word family has been related to insults and fighting. I have never had a stable,caring family as a youth so I really don't know what it means to be part of a family.

Now I am in a realtionship where the girl loves me and her daughter adores me, and I want to make the relationship work. I am praying everyday to be strong, but I am lacking the true understanding of being a good boyfriend/partner and father.

You know... That phrase had always rubbed my fur the wrong way... BUT in thinking about it inside out:

A queen (or king) IS NOT A

- Servant

- Slave

- Nanny

- Cook

- Prostitute

- Secretary

- PA

- Personal chef

- Punching Bag

- Dime a dozen

- Your employee (or anyone you "oversee")

- Paycheck (the power of the purse lies elsewhere)

- etc.

A queen (or king) SHALL NOT BE

- Disrespected

- Lied to

- Trifled with

- Taken for granted

- Put needlessly in harms way

- Ignored

- Dismissed

- Spoken poorly of

- Betrayed

- Easily replaced

- etc.

All parallels break down eventually... But I have to admit, the phrase is growing on me.

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I already call people "my lord or my lady" (or sire/sir and mad'am) if I got married there'd probably be crowns in there somewhere...

obviously by lord I mean the royal title (akin to baron) baron just doesn't sound as fancy

Edited by Lakumi
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