Daughter considering mission

[Lakumi]

I grew up in the Philippines where divorce is illegal. There is NOTHING unrealistic about that. People give up on marriages because they can.

I do imagine the Phillippines isn't the "melting pot" of cultures and faiths that Canada or the US is

Henry the VIII invented the Church of England for a reason:lol:

Moving on, while I agree people give up on marriage to quickly (watch any show about any celebrity)

I think there is something rather realistic about divorce, not everyone is religious and sees marriage as a spiritual union, some see it merely as a thing you get benefits and what not a totally different outlook.

I don't think its right to condem someone for getting a divorce when they have a radiacally different viewpoint of what marriage is.

[Guest]

I do imagine the Phillippines isn't the "melting pot" of cultures and faiths that Canada or the US is

Henry the VIII invented the Church of England for a reason:lol:

Moving on, while I agree people give up on marriage to quickly (watch any show about any celebrity)

I think there is something rather realistic about divorce, not everyone is religious and sees marriage as a spiritual union, some see it merely as a thing you get benefits and what not a totally different outlook.

I don't think its right to condem someone for getting a divorce when they have a radiacally different viewpoint of what marriage is.

Think about this: The Philippines has 49 DISTINCT languages - that is, one language is as different from the other as Spanish is to English. There are a jillion dialects comprising those 49 languages - that is, as different as English is to Ebonics. The cultures speaking those languages are also as diverse.

If you look at the world map, the Philippines is smack dab in the midst of several trade routes between the East and the West, and between North and South. So much so that when Magellan went on a world exploration he ended up in the Philippines. That's why it is always a target in wars. Before Spanish colonization, we've always been a melting pot of cultures from European to Indo-Malay to Chinese, etc. Your family is your tribe. Once you belong to a tribe, you are offered protection and comfort in a commune setting.

Philippine govenment is founded on Catholic principles being a colony of Spain for 3 centuries after Magellan stuck the Spanish flag on its soils. This brought all the different tribes together under one rule stopping the tribal wars and uniting the cultures under one moral code with most of them converting to Catholicism. But, since the war of 1898, we've become a melting pot of both Asian and Western principles. We were under America for a few decades, Japan for a little while during the war. And since then, we've seen a "westernization" of our laws.

But one thing remains solid in Philippine government. The protection of the children. This makes all other laws strongly support an intact family so that Philippine tribal culture is preserved through the family. This is something that has been preserved from before the establishment of religion in the Philippines, to the rise of the Catholic Church, and all the way to today.

There is no massive welfare system in the Philippines. Your welfare system is your family. There is no healthcare system in the Philippines. Your healthcare system is your family. There is no massive elderly care in the Philippines. Your elderly care is your family. The Philippines has a very weak police force. Your safety and protection is your family. You must be Filipino if, there are at least 3 generations living in your house. And... you must be Filipino if, you have more family members than there are people in your family tree. For example, my neurologist brother charges money for those not in the family. Family members are free. One of my best friends in elementary school has a cousin (which I've never met), who became a patient of my brother. My best friend sent me a letter thanking my family for taking care of her cousin. I have no idea what she was talking about, so I called my brother. My brother told me he didn't charge the cousin money because he was family... yep. Sister's best friend in elementary school's cousin. Family.

That's one of the blessings of marriage laws in the Philippines (doesn't have to be religious). It makes for a culture of "belonging".

Of course, like everything else in the world. It is under attack.

Edited May 8, 2013 by anatess

[YaYaYaYana]

I have a daughter who is a sophomore in high school, who is considering going on a mission. I am not a member but my wife is. I am against it, because I want my daughter to be self sufficient, and it is important to me that she finish college and learn a skill she can support herself with. With the strong mormon convictions against premarital sex, and strong focus on family, I am afraid any delays on her completing her education could result in her getting married too young and being tide down with children before she has completed her education. Then she would end up dropping out of school, making her dependent on her husband.

My wife thinks that there are a lot of non spiritual opportunities for growth my daughter would get from going on a mission. So I would like to hear from the women that have gone on missions. What are the ways you benefitted from going on a mission (non-spiritual ones), and why would you recommend or not recommend doing it. How did the experience help you grow as a person?

Just so you know ~ It's the boys who are required to serve a mission..... for girls it is optional ... Going to college is definitely important, education should be the number one priority ... You should make her go to college and after she graduates and still wants to go than it can be allowed as long as she has her degree already done ... She doesn't need to go on a mission she could do other things to serve.. such as attending church meetings on Sundays and Volunteer for church activities and other events should be enough

[Leah]

Just so you know ~ It's the boys who are required to serve a mission..... for girls it is optional ... Going to college is definitely important, education should be the number one priority ... You should make her go to college and after she graduates and still wants to go than it can be allowed as long as she has her degree already done ... She doesn't need to go on a mission she could do other things to serve.. such as attending church meetings on Sundays and Volunteer for church activities and other events should be enough

I disagree with this.

"Making" her go to college now isn't going to accomplish anything.

If the daughter feels called to go on a mission, the timing of that should be up to her and Heavenly Father.

From what I've seen (and that includes many years working on a college campus), a mission prepares young people for life in a way that no other experience can. And I think that that experience will leave them better prepared for many things in life, INCLUDING attending college. I've seen too many college students (on a private, religious college campus even) get sucked into the drinking, partying, let's-have-random-sex lifestyle because of their immaturity. I had a student working for me who - at her very first college party - got so drunk that she fell and ended up losing her front teeth.

I think most kids will do better at college after having served and matured on a mission. ALso, the time for this type of mission is limited. Once you're too old, you're too old. You can continue your education at any age.

Attending church on Sundays as a substitute for a mission? They aren't the same thing, and one does not subsitute for the other. The same with church activities. These are different experiences with different purposes. If going to church on Sunday is the equivalent of serving a mission, why should anyone ever serve a mission?

I think any parent with a child considering a mission should wholeheartedly support that child and should do everything they can to help them accomplish that goal. I think that in addition to the necessary work of spreading the gospel, missions are an irreplaceable experience for those who serve them, and prepare them for life in ways no other experience can.

[Gwen]

It's also important to remember that a "child" considering a mission vs college is an adult. You can't and shouldn't "make" them do anything. It's also not healthy for the parent/adult child relationship.

[Martin67]

We have never said we intend to make our daughter go to college, but it was always considered an expectation that both our daughters would complete college. We have told them that when they finish high school they either need to be full time students or they need to move out and support themselves.

[Gwen]

Martin, It didn't sound to me like you were saying you would force anything. You have a right, and should, put rules in place in your home for adult children and you have a right to decide what you will and will not fund. I have no issues with that.

My "make" comment was about the comment where it was suggested "You should make her go to college and after she graduates and still wants to go than it can be allowed as long as she has her degree already done". (post 27) A very controlling statement.

What I think it sounds like (from post 21) you got from this thread is that all is not lost if your daughter chooses a mission before (as part of) college. Which is all I think most intended. Just a sharing of perspective like you asked for.

Just wanted to clarify that my "make" criticism wasn't directly aimed at you. Looking at it now I realize that wasn't made very clear. lol