baby and finishing school


hmk_thrive
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I am a 21 year old and have been married for a year. My husband has a stable income as an engineer and currently supports us. I am still in community college and could be done with it faster if I didn't decide to do an AA in graphic design but I decided to so I have another year, at least, to finish that and then transition to a 4 year (where I would have two more years to go).

The big dilemma is that my husband and I have been thinking about having a baby and my husband wants me pretty much to decide because he says he wants me to feel at peace with my decision... I keep on going back and forth though because I believe in education and I don't want to regret postponing it.. I keep on telling myself I'll just finished school but at the same time I can't stop crying.. I have these breakdowns where I just... I want to be a mom so bad and I feel terrible that I haven't finished school yet but I just wanted to make sure I chose the right major.

I'm so torn! Please help me!

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I am a 21 year old and have been married for a year. My husband has a stable income as an engineer and currently supports us. I am still in community college and could be done with it faster if I didn't decide to do an AA in graphic design but I decided to so I have another year, at least, to finish that and then transition to a 4 year (where I would have two more years to go).

The big dilemma is that my husband and I have been thinking about having a baby and my husband wants me pretty much to decide because he says he wants me to feel at peace with my decision... I keep on going back and forth though because I believe in education and I don't want to regret postponing it.. I keep on telling myself I'll just finished school but at the same time I can't stop crying.. I have these breakdowns where I just... I want to be a mom so bad and I feel terrible that I haven't finished school yet but I just wanted to make sure I chose the right major.

I'm so torn! Please help me!

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Honestly getting my college degree was the best thing I ever did for myself. Being a mother has been incredibly fulfilling also but remember that you are young and have many years ahead of you to have children. I spent the first six years of our marriage (married at 21) having infertility and our first born was adopted at infancy when I was 26. Those were difficult years but now that I'm in my early 30's I wonder what my rush was.

You can also have a baby and still go to school. Also take into consideration that not everyone just gets pregnant the first year they go off birth control. It's not uncommon to to have miscarriages, take a year or two to get pregnant etc. My suggestion (and take it for what it's worth from an internet stranger) is to spend two more years going to school and then start trying. That way you are almost done with school if you do get pregnant right away. And if it takes a couple of years to have a successful pregnancy you should be done with school by then and still be under the ripe ol' age of 25.

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Have you prayed about it?

Study it out. . . you're talking about 3 more years of school before starting a family. Are you okay with that. Is it possible to continue with school while you have children? I know people that do it. Having a stable income helps. Do you have someone who could watch a baby while you're in class? What is your plan for when you finish your degree? There are a lot of factors to consider. Weigh your specific circumstances, make what seems like the best choice, and take it to the Lord.

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I have prayed about it and I went to the temple three times. The only time I felt I received revelation was the first time, when I went with my husband. The thought that came to me at that time was "those who wait upon the Lord aren't ashamed"... And I had no idea what it meant but I tried to really serve and hope that more instruction would come. All I know now is that no matter how much I tell myself I'm going to just finish school I still think about having a baby. And trust me when I say it's more heavenly father than me because I wish I could stop thinking about it.

My husband and I are going to plan a date to go to the temple next week again though and pray about it again... Thank you all for your advise... Hopefully we will figure this out soon.

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The only thing I'll add is that when it was time for my husband and I to try, we knew and it felt right immediately.

I think your indecision is actually speaking volumes for your decision :)

Also, starting a family a 24 is still young!! I was 25, almost 26, when my twins were born. Young!!!

Good luck :)

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The only thing I'll add is that when it was time for my husband and I to try, we knew and it felt right immediately.

I think your indecision is actually speaking volumes for your decision :)

Also, starting a family a 24 is still young!! I was 25, almost 26, when my twins were born. Young!!!

Good luck :)

According to society these days this is young....

But either way it seems as sarah said. You stupor of thought seems to be your answer. What answer do you keep going to that gives you a stupor of thought? Have you tried saying "I will do the other thing" than see if the stupor of thought goes away? (Even if its not what you want)... If you can finally relax with that decision its probably the right one.

Make one decision, ask the lord and if you have the stupor of thought its the other one. Than say ok I will do the other one, re-ask and see if you still have a stupor of thought. For me usually it goes away when I am thinking about the right decision.

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The only thing I'll add is that when it was time for my husband and I to try, we knew and it felt right immediately.

I think your indecision is actually speaking volumes for your decision :)

Also, starting a family a 24 is still young!! I was 25, almost 26, when my twins were born. Young!!!

Good luck :)

I'm 24 and I don't even live on my own yet letalone have a girlfriend:lol:

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Could you time the baby for after you finish your AA? You could try for a summer baby and then start university in the fall, or take off the term and start in December. This gives you a natural break in the process to have the baby and get yourself back together physically. Many people have babies at home when they do their undergrad. It will be a slog, but it will be doable.

That said - you don't know when you will get pregnant. You don't know how you'll feel after the baby or if there will be any problems for either of you. Stuff happens.

I think it's worth trying for the end of your AA degree, but remember that short of sterilization, no system of birth control is perfect and anything could (and usually does) happen. Have Plans B and C ready in case you get pregnant when you weren't expecting it.

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I'm really happy that I had my kids young. I also wish I had finished my schooling. If I could go back I probably would do it the same since I know it can work out:)

I'm not 30, have three kids, and the youngest is almost 3. I feel like now would be an excellent time for me to go back to school as long as I did it in a way that kept me at home as much as possible (online classes as much as possible.)

If you husband is going to have a regular 9-5 job it could be more complicated going to school and having a baby at the same time but if his future work schedule is more flexible (or he's still in school) I think it would be very feasible (know several families) that have babies while the mom is finishing school with the husband. It takes the husband being available and wiling to keep things moving smoothly, though.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ummmm.... You are 21 years old for goodness sakes ... 2 years ago you were just a teenager!!~ In your 20's you're just a baby yourself getting out and exploring the world discovering about your self who you are and who you want to become .... This is the time for yourself and the most important thing right now is to get your education done with ... a four year degree is becoming a must in the world these days ... the bare minimum .. most careers are even starting to require a master's ... I would say at least get you Bachelor's 4 year degree and work for at least 3 years .. live a little and enjoy your life ..... At the earliest 26 is a good age to be a mother ~ but before that there is just no point ... once you bring a baby into this world there is no going back on it !!~

Your freedom is basically gone, you have to dedicate yourself to your family and raising your child ..... Becoming a parent is another step in life ... and should follow and be orderly .. I mean you can't jump right into middle school before you do elementary school and you can't jump right into highschool before you complete middle school right? ~ If that part of your life is best not being rush what makes you think this part would be better if you just jump ahead into being a parent before finishing your degree?

a child is not a joke ~ It's a life that you bring into the world and need to be responsible for .... your husband has a good JOb now .. but you never know what could happen in the future .. what if he gets laid off?? You don't want to be stuck with a situation like that ... so it would be better if you graduate and also able to get a decent Job that could provide extra income for your family ~

I really don't understand the rush of all the younger girls wanting to become mothers... In my experience.... My friends who were the best off and had the best opportunities in life ... were one's who's mother gave birth to around 30 ~ 38 years old.. who took the time to become lawyers or Doctors or Master's degrees..... Sure I was born when my mom was only 24 years old .... besides telling my friend about how young and pretty my mom is she was practically useless .......

Now that I'm 24 years old... I keep looking back and thinking what a waste my childhood and teenage life was ... all the missed opportunities ... I keep reminding my mom that If I was only born 10 years later she would have had more chances to build her career and give our family a better life

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I see it completely differently. Those girls who wait until they are in their 30's can have a difficult time getting pregnant. I'm glad I had my son in my early 20's. It didn't stop me from going to law school and as he got older and I wanted to do more in life, I was able to because there weren't any little kids.

Waiting until you are in your 30's for your first kid (it doesn't seem to be such a big deal physically if you've already had children) can be chancy. I wish girls would get their degree or some vocational training, get married and have kids, then do what they want for a career, instead of putting the career first and finding out years later how hard it can be to start a family.

Not only that, but for the non-Mormons who have sex as adults, it's better to get married kinda young when you haven't fooled around too much than to marry at 35 after a string of affairs - lots of broken hearts, some physiological damage, and maybe an out of wedlock kid or two for good measure.

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Dahlia makes an excellent point, for me getting pregnant at 21 was easy, then it took 5 years before we conceived again, and since then, nothing. As of 35 I am not able to have any more children due to health issues and my long desired number 3 never came. I am so grateful that we started when we did, if I had waited till my 30s we may not have had any children. Never assume that you get to decide how many children you will have and when they will come, only Heavenly Father has the true decision making power, so ask Him what you should do.

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Sure I was born when my mom was only 24 years old .... besides telling my friend about how young and pretty my mom is she was practically useless .......

Now that I'm 24 years old... I keep looking back and thinking what a waste my childhood and teenage life was ... all the missed opportunities ... I keep reminding my mom that If I was only born 10 years later she would have had more chances to build her career and give our family a better life

Wow, that's how you talk to your mother? I'm going to behave myself and not express what I think of that kind of attitude.

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I was 19 when I had my first child. And 22 with my second. I was fortunate to get to be a stay at home single mom. I wouldn't trade that for any career in the world. Being with them every step of the way was the best blessing and the only thing I regret, is they grew up. Now it's my time to choose whatever I want to do. Just so long as it's pleasing to my Heavenly Father. Being a Homemaker and my callings, mixed with some service often, completes me. I felt that way 30 years ago, and still feel that way today. There's nothing more important than being a mother, wife and daughter of our Heavenly Father. At least for me anyway. And I am still working on one of those. :lol:

If you want to do school and have a baby, do both. You can do anything you set your mind to. It won't be easy, but you can do it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

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Finish your education first!!! Sorry, I feel strongly about this. I know many LDS sisters who quit school when the got married/pregnant and have no outside skills/education. It worries me. Sure these women are perfectly capable...but what if the worst happens and now you have to support your family? It's much more difficult to start back up than it is to just finish. You will still be in your early/mid twenties. I hardly call that putting it off!

I am now a stay at home mom...well I work about 5 hours a week to maintain professional certification. I had my kids at 25-almost 26 and 28. Still quite young. I also have a Master's degree. I value my education and the experience I gained during those years. I know I can take care of myself and I think I am a better mother for it.

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