Husband no longer believes

[pam]

My comment was not aimed at the OP specifically, but only a general statement. I was trying to make the point of the importance to find out what the spouse do believe in and try to find common ground. I think that we often get to fixated on what we think we lost that we fail to look for the beliefs that we still share.

Since you didn't specify who the comment was directed to, it is natural to assume that you aimed it at the OP since it was she who made the comment initially and started the thread.

[Anddenex]

There is a common ground, find it and build on it. There is happiness to be found even if your spouse do not share your religious and/or spiritual beliefs. Don't dwell on what you think you have lost, look into the future and build on what you have now.

This is an assumption. In dotdotdot's case, should she remain with him -- I hope you're right. My experience, this will not be the case.

The scenario would be different if he wasn't an active member to begin with and she still chose him full well knowing his current standing in the Church.

I am reminded of President Hinckley's words, "The girl you marry will take a terrible chance on you. She will give her all to the young man she marries. He will largely determine the remainder of her life. She will even surrender her name to his name."

Unfortunately, their is emphasis on "terrible" in this circumstance. She trusted he would guide the family, and now he is forsaken that which he has promised.

In this situation everyone man or woman must contemplate, "If he/she is unable to keep the promise made in the temple, what other promises will he/she break"?

Edited June 21, 2013 by Anddenex

[Backroads]

My comment was not aimed at the OP specifically, but only a general statement. I was trying to make the point of the importance to find out what the spouse do believe in and try to find common ground. I think that we often get to fixated on what we think we lost that we fail to look for the beliefs that we still share.

Now, I do like what you have said here and believe you made great points.

However, I think it's safe to say a vast majority of the population believe in goodness, honesty, and being decent to one's fellow man. You can share those views with just about anyone.

But when one gets more specific with their religious and spiritual beliefs, that's where differences become more important. While it can be done, there is a lot of difficulty in relationships with major religious differences. A few general views of the similar persuasion may not cut it.

[winterstar]

Why should you research something you already have a testimony of? I think this is just your husband's attempt to confuse you over to his own side.

Just remember, when you married, you both had common interests, including the Church. He is the one changing here, not you. So, if he wants to remain married, you ought to have the right to require certain things of him: 1. that he not keep you from worshiping, or try to dissuade you from believing. 2. that he allow you to raise up your children in the faith, as you see fit. 3. that he remain faithful in your relationship.

I think if he cannot agree to those three things, it should be a deal breaker for marriage. Why? Because he is trying to change the rules after you entered a marriage covenant with him. He should not be allowed to change the most important things regarding you.

This is good advice. Recently married you have an expectation that the ideals, and commanilities you shared pre marriage should still exist. Where there are no children involved you really need to evaluate where you are in the relationship, and if when you do have children you are willing to stand up for the ideals you have wanted your whole life.

I do not know anything about you or your husband, but if he was raised in the church, is a returned missionary, got married in the temple, then just turning his back on the church is a BIG deal. It is not the same as switching between Coke and Pepsi. Because you are married his decision to move away from the church is not only his decision because it affects you and your life as well. You need to decide if you want to live with the consequences of his decisions.

These comments jumped out on me. I don't think there is a big difference between marrying a person raised in church who jumps ship, or a new convert who falters. But you really do need to bring the Lord into what ever decision you make regarding the marriage.

I do like the 3 requirements though. And going at it alone is hard, because the things you desire most (an eternal family) will be talked about at church.

Edited June 29, 2013 by winterstar