Dallin Oaks Talk -- Way To Go!


Fiannan
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All of the GAs gave great talks, ones that needed to be given. However, Elder Oaks seems to be the one that tackles the difficult issues in a very direct manner that leaves no one in the dark as to what should be. His talk on pornography was the same way: hard hitting, and really, really stuck it to the women of the church when he stated, basically, when you dress immodestly "you become pornography to those that see you".

The time for soft speech is over, I'm afraid, much like Jacob when he addressed the Nephites. Only blunt speech will get thru, and even then not to everyone that needs it. Another dead on talk was Elder Bednar's talk on choosing to be offended.

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I was recently asked: "How long have you been married?" I replied: "We are at 5 years now." The questioneer exclaimed: "Wow! Good job! You are already past the hardest part!"

Is it really that hard? My wife and I have had times of frustration and mis-communication, but we have never considered the idea that a divorce could even happen. We are too in love and we haven't done anything but become closer over the years.

Am I going to wake one up day with an old fat wife? Will she wake up to a husband that is nothing more than a bald old fart? Why do so many marriages end in divorce? Man, just thinking about all this has given me the commitment to buy some flowers on my way home tonight.

Now, wasn't the LDS Church ALWAYS tough on divorce? Isn't the LORD? I can say that in my 20-something years of memories in the Church it has always seemed that the Church Leadership has ALWAYS equated divorce with pride and self-aggrandizing ambition. In fact, the current arrangement and rate of temple annulments is the most lax the Church has probably ever endured, if I understand correctly (correct and edify me if I am wrong, please).

While I'll be the first to admit there are some psycho ladies out there, I think the men hold the larger responsibility in keeping the family together. Those ladies might chill out if those husbands will give them those little things they ask for. FELLAS, TAKE OUT THE TRASH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

-a-train

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I dunno - they talk about the 7-year itch, and I have to say the 7th year was the hardest for me and my husband.

And a lot of divorces come after the kids leave home. Some, I suppose are divorces that were decided upon years before, but put off until the kids were raised, but others fall at that time because couples suddenly discover that without the kids at home, there is nothing to talk about, no common ground.

We're going on 17 years now.

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The lady that asked me about my marriage had a teenaged son. She is single.

I saw a report that says that the average marriage ending in divorce in the UK is 7.5 years. I ask all my teenage customers (I sell skateboards) their names. Almost every other time the Mom will answer with her last name and then go "Oh, my sons last name? It's so and so."

I can certainly see that a lot of adults wait till the kids leave home to drop the Big D.

I saw another report that said that the #1 reason for divorce is still cheating, but 'falling out of love' is still on the top ten list. How does this happen? I don't believe for a minute that a man who is reading his scriptures and praying in the Holy Ghost regularly is abusive or suddenly starts cheating on his wife.

Does the problem actually exist early on? Does it get worse and worse and all remain a big secret until its all out of control? Has he attended meetings, paid tithes, and done all the outward expressions of faith but hasn't felt a burning in the bosom since that overcooked meal his mother-in-law put out last holiday?

Does this suggest a bigger problem?

IS OUR SOCIAL ARRANGEMENT SUCH THAT THE AVERAGE MAN IS MORE AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED THAN GETTING HELP IF HE CAME TO HIS FRIENDS, BISHOP, OR FAMILY HAVING TROUBLE BEING SPIRITUAL AND KEEPING THE COMMANDMENTS?

DO WE THINK THAT WE CAN BE ACTIVE AND FAITHFUL BUT NEGLECT SCRIPTURES AND PRAYER? OR THAT OTHERS CAN?

I recently heard a man say his Dad didn't have a testimony until after 50 faithful years in the Church, because it took it him that long to finally read the scriptures and pray. Could a lack of testimony be the problem?

Can we locate a root to this Divorce problem?

-a-train

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I believe lack of real communication is a biggy.

Some people want to avoid fights so they keep things inside until the issues become huge.

I think it's best to learn to fight fair early on. Fighting fair doesn't mean an actual fight, it means airing problems in a tactful, non attacking way.

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The lady that asked me about my marriage had a teenaged son. She is single.

I saw a report that says that the average marriage ending in divorce in the UK is 7.5 years. I ask all my teenage customers (I sell skateboards) their names. Almost every other time the Mom will answer with her last name and then go "Oh, my sons last name? It's so and so."

I can certainly see that a lot of adults wait till the kids leave home to drop the Big D.

I saw another report that said that the #1 reason for divorce is still cheating, but 'falling out of love' is still on the top ten list. How does this happen? I don't believe for a minute that a man who is reading his scriptures and praying in the Holy Ghost regularly is abusive or suddenly starts cheating on his wife.

Does the problem actually exist early on? Does it get worse and worse and all remain a big secret until its all out of control? Has he attended meetings, paid tithes, and done all the outward expressions of faith but hasn't felt a burning in the bosom since that overcooked meal his mother-in-law put out last holiday?

Does this suggest a bigger problem?

IS OUR SOCIAL ARRANGEMENT SUCH THAT THE AVERAGE MAN IS MORE AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED THAN GETTING HELP IF HE CAME TO HIS FRIENDS, BISHOP, OR FAMILY HAVING TROUBLE BEING SPIRITUAL AND KEEPING THE COMMANDMENTS?

DO WE THINK THAT WE CAN BE ACTIVE AND FAITHFUL BUT NEGLECT SCRIPTURES AND PRAYER? OR THAT OTHERS CAN?

I recently heard a man say his Dad didn't have a testimony until after 50 faithful years in the Church, because it took it him that long to finally read the scriptures and pray. Could a lack of testimony be the problem?

Can we locate a root to this Divorce problem?

-a-train

Since when did this become a man's problem or whatever? Reasons for divorce are as many as you can sit down and write out but ultimately it all comes down to committment. If you see your wife or husband for the value they really are you will not do things that will destroy them. Why do people cheat? Does a man or woman wake up one morning and decide they need to experience someone else? Probanly not. Maybe a woman constantly belittles a man and can find nothing good to say. Ever wonder what's eventually going to happen if a young woman co-worker always praises him and looks up to him? Ever wonder if a man constantly spends nights out with his friends and has stopped giving his wife the attention she deserves? Sorry, both the man and the woman I have illustrated can read their scriptures daily but they are as weakened as if they were being exposed to disease agents daily.

If everyone treated their spouces as they would like to be treated the rate of adultery would plummet.

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Finnian,

On this I could not agree with you more. Too often though it is one selfish person, husband or wife, that causes a marriage to fail.

There was a call-in on the radio the other day called "Drop a dime" in reference to tell on someone. A guy called in and said his cousin, who lives with one woman, was stepping out on her and she was stepping out on him. He knows all four of the involved parties.

Fortify our forts and prepare for the worst because it will not get any easier as the forces of the adversary gather together to do battle.

Stand ye in holy places.

Ben Raines

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