Sign in to follow this  
prisonchaplain

Divorce & Remarriage

Recommended Posts

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

But, what if the holy writings of your faith clearly prohibit divorces, except in very specific incidences? Further, what if your faith tradition commands strict observance of those writings, believing them to be directly from God?

Simple answer... I wouldn't be a member of such a religion. :)

And let me reiterate that I'm not 'pro-divorce' by any means. I just think there are so many reasons why a marriage doesn't work out. And it doesn't matter how much one person is committed to making it work, it's a two-way street. One person whould not suffer bc the other is not committed.

My husband and I will not divorce... I'm confident of that. We have had our share of problems, but we are committed to each other. I happened to get a great one. I made sure of that before I married him.

However, if he were to change, I may have to eat my words. He knows that if he ever cheats on me or violently lays a hand on me, he will be out with no questions asked. THAT is a promise.

I'm not sure why you seem to agree with the principles of what my religion says (and LDS on this issue), but find the church at fault if it preaches what it believes? Perhaps clarification is in order. Our leaders do NOT look for divorcees to kick out of the church. We do not tell people what they can and cannot do, on a individual basis. We offer counsel when its sought, and we teach our principles during sermons and lessons. The divorce and remarriage scenario I mentioned that was so strict is limited to ordained clergy only. Even then, should a minister choose to resign his/her ordination, there would be nothing to keep him/her from continuing on as a member in good standing. I know of one case personally, in which the youth pastor's wife left him for a doctor (left the faith too). He was in his mid-20s when it happened. He gave up his ordination, became a high school teacher, and remains faithful to the church to this day.

So, our standards are high, but there is no Orwellian enforcement, and mercy, grace, understanding and love are in abundance.

OK, then I misunderstood. When I read this from you: "What confuses me is that those outside the LDS faith assume that divorce is quite low in your church, and that the attitudes towards it are very conservative. Likewise, in my church, divorce is only permitted in cases where a partner has been unfaithful, or has abandoned the spouse. Even when there has been cheating, divorce is merely permitted, not automatically recommended. For our spiritual leaders, even if the conditions permitting divorce are there, s/he is not allowed to remarry." ....

I thought that meant that someone cannot be a member of your church in good standing if they divorce.

In other words, I believe that you should tell members of your church what your religion believes and what is best, and give them tools, such as counseling, to succeed. But when it comes down to it, they must make that decision and should not be punished for it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In other words, I believe that you should tell members of your church what your religion believes and what is best, and give them tools, such as counseling, to succeed. But when it comes down to it, they must make that decision and should not be punished for it.

I knew we were actually on the same page. <_<

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dont know what to do my marriage is over and i am no longer in love with my abusive husband of 28 years and the energy he drains from me everyday is so hard to live with.

Plus his profanity is so bad and a spirit of contention is always in his presence and so difficult to go as he has siad he would probably kill himself and if this happened i would feel so guilty.

The Bishop and stake president would not support or help me, so i am vertually on my own and feel as though God has let me down in a big way.

I have found lately that my prayers are not getting answered and only pray and talk with jesus as he is the God of this world.

I have tried to help him realise want will happen to him if he does not repent and come back, but his pride is too strong and he is so selfish it makes me feel so ill inside.

We have been sperated living together in my eyes for 3 years now and and i do not know where to go from here.

All i know is that i would feel much more at peace if i were to live by myself without this constant contention and feeling of evil around him all of the time.

Please can someone help me .

Susie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My sense is that men are more to blame for the failure of marriages than women. We have not been strong husbands, fathers, nor churchmen.

Whether this is factually right, wrong, or otherwise, I whole-heartidly agree. This has been my impression as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow Susie. I don't think I have any words of wisdom that might even touch a portion of what you might need.

I look at my life with my wife and kids and can't possibly fathom how any man wouldn't do anything possible to make their marriage work. I guess, maybe, it's difficult to see consequences when things have been one way for so long a time. I hate to say it, but maybe you really do need to separate and see if it wakes him up. That's what God has basically done with us. He has allowed us to separate ourselves from Him, putting us in an eternally dangerous situation, to see if we will return to Him with full purpose of heart. The heart will often grow fonder with absence.

I know it is not God's intention for us to be unhappy. Next time you see a sunrise try to imagine a God who would give you that and not want you to be happy.

I'm not sure about your prayers, and why yours seem so empty, but it might have something to do with any guilt you may have for your marriage issues. Guilt can be a powerful thing to bring us to God, but when dwelled on too much it can serve as the opposite.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my view, we believe as LDS that the family unit is at the center of the Plan of Salvation and happiness. As such, we hold the family unit in high esteem. We should therefore try everything humanly and spirtually possible to keep the family as a unit. We also at the same time, have Satan using all his power to destroy this unit. It is my belief that the church discourages divorce for several reasons, one is that when a marriage gets in trouble, the effort should be made to salvage it. This requires a lot of work on the participants, changes have to be made. We do however believe that change is possible and attainable, otherwise we would not believe in the fundmental teachings of Christ. Other reasons are that we also believe in forgiveness and repentance.

The church stresses making every effort to heal the marriage if possible before giving up and calling it a failure. Otherwise, we would be no different than the world in general. Of course each case has to stand on its own merits and circumstances.

Edited by lilered

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My parents are Divorcing and my sweet bishop tried to help them as much as he could to not divorce. It really saddened him but my parents choices are the reason for the ending of their marriage. Its sad and its hard but I think Heavenly father knows when its just to much for a person to take especially when spousal abuse is a facor. I think what the general authorities want to convey is that marriages on the brink of falling apart can be saved and healed through the power of the gospel and its message. Yes divorce happens even in the church and its sad but I just think they want us to see that we should fight to make marriages work and do all that we can do before we come to that painful decison. My mom fought for her marriage for 15 years even through abuse and infidelity she still tried and tried but my dad didn't try he gave into his pride and thats why they are getting a divorce. My bishop knows she tried and I'm 100% sure heavenly father knows how much she tried.

I believe in the next life although there will be consequences for ones actions there still will be healing and an oppurtunity for my family to be whole again. We are still an eternal family and we always will be. I think one of the saddest things my fatehr is going to have to face in the next life is the reality that he took his eternal family for granted again and again. He's gonna see how much he hurt the people who loved him and that is going to the worst pain of all for him.

Its hard in this church to face divorce especially because of how entirely family orriented the gospel is but I believe my parents divorce is just another trial and adversity that I can draw strength from. Its painful but it can still make me a better person in the end because thats how merciful my father in heaven is. He takes the pain and sadness of our trials and heals us when we let him in and share it all with him. He makes everything whole again even the scars of divorce.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I read another post about when of the General Authorities giving a "hard-hitting" talk on divorce. I listened to a couple of minutes, and caught the gist--yes, divorce is far too easy, and even members have taken a far to cavilier attitude towards it.

What confuses me is that those outside the LDS faith assume that divorce is quite low in your church, and that the attitudes towards it are very conservative. Likewise, in my church, divorce is only permitted in cases where a partner has been unfaithful, or has abandoned the spouse. Even when there has been cheating, divorce is merely permitted, not automatically recommended. For our spiritual leaders, even if the conditions permitting divorce are there, s/he is not allowed to remarry.

Perhaps the difficulty comes when doctrine meets reality--so many of our church families have experienced divorce. The only solution, imperfect as it is, is to love the sinner, and hate the sin.

In my opinion divorce is the result of not understanding and respecting covenants one makes with G-d. If someone has sinned (including divorce) and is trying to repent and put their life in order - we should respect their efforts and support them.

The Traveler

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dont know what to do my marriage is over and i am no longer in love with my abusive husband of 28 years and the energy he drains from me everyday is so hard to live with.

Plus his profanity is so bad and a spirit of contention is always in his presence and so difficult to go as he has siad he would probably kill himself and if this happened i would feel so guilty.

The Bishop and stake president would not support or help me, so i am vertually on my own and feel as though God has let me down in a big way.

I have found lately that my prayers are not getting answered and only pray and talk with jesus as he is the God of this world.

I have tried to help him realise want will happen to him if he does not repent and come back, but his pride is too strong and he is so selfish it makes me feel so ill inside.

We have been sperated living together in my eyes for 3 years now and and i do not know where to go from here.

All i know is that i would feel much more at peace if i were to live by myself without this constant contention and feeling of evil around him all of the time.

Please can someone help me .

Susie

Susie: In my view, you have reached a point where you need to do whats best for you and your kids (if any). That may mean that you take the next step and either file for a legal seperation, ask him to leave, or you leave. Meanwhile, you need to mend/heal your broken spirit by doing everything you can to live the Gospel, etc.. Perhaps, there are support groups for women in similiar situations that you can take advantage of in your local area. You indicate your Bishop/Stake President do not support your position which leads me to believe there is more to the story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Perhaps the difficulty comes when doctrine meets reality--so many of our church families have experienced divorce. The only solution, imperfect as it is, is to love the sinner, and hate the sin.

Divorce is happening with increased frequency. Should Churches rail against the wind, or should they take a lesson from Jesus and simply forgive? Is there a need to make religion irrelevant in the lives of the divorced if we hold them as being culpable to us? Would such a stance adversely affect our own spirituality if we are acting in place of God's mercy?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone i'm new and glad to be here and i love your guys dialogue. I hope i don't sound self righteous but the scripture does say for no reason other than infidelity. Now when that was written i don't think many women in the Jewish community were divorcing so i think it was directed towards the men. Now a days it seems from my life experience women are divorcing more than men. Back then things were different right. I mean men were the workers and women stayed at home. It seems alot like now a days women are (i hate to say this) forgetting the role God gave them. The bible says they are to be a helpmate of their husband as an extension from his own body because the two become one. The shame it seems from my experiences is women forget men are their Lords and christ is the mans. Now with all the womens rights and so called child abuse if you spank your child men are being undermined and its becoming harder for men in my experiences to be the ruler of the home. Now if someone is abusive that is in my opinion a messed situation(makes me wonder how they ended up with the person, or if they loved them so much that now the person is abusing them. I am not condoning abuse of course not but I do seriously undermine that persons judgement if they marry someone like that, women can't be the man and i'm sure relationships can get rough if women constantly undermine their husbands authority given by God because they are now making a share of the income too. Again i've seen this and its deceptive ). There is always fault. The bible does undermine the role of a woman as the head of the household and too many women in my experiences could not deal with it. The church no offense seems to be becoming more worldy on a grand scale.

I'm open to any comments.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dont know what to do my marriage is over and i am no longer in love with my abusive husband of 28 years and the energy he drains from me everyday is so hard to live with.

Plus his profanity is so bad and a spirit of contention is always in his presence and so difficult to go as he has siad he would probably kill himself and if this happened i would feel so guilty.

The Bishop and stake president would not support or help me, so i am vertually on my own and feel as though God has let me down in a big way.

I have found lately that my prayers are not getting answered and only pray and talk with jesus as he is the God of this world.

I have tried to help him realise want will happen to him if he does not repent and come back, but his pride is too strong and he is so selfish it makes me feel so ill inside.

We have been sperated living together in my eyes for 3 years now and and i do not know where to go from here.

All i know is that i would feel much more at peace if i were to live by myself without this constant contention and feeling of evil around him all of the time.

Please can someone help me .

Susie

Could I ask you something do you love your husband?

Is he physically abusive or is it all in your head?

Are you talking are you being a helpmate or do you treat him like he's a terrible husband?

I mean no offense i'd just like to know the truth.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Divorce is happening with increased frequency. Should Churches rail against the wind, or should they take a lesson from Jesus and simply forgive? Is there a need to make religion irrelevant in the lives of the divorced if we hold them as being culpable to us? Would such a stance adversely affect our own spirituality if we are acting in place of God's mercy?

We cannot be irrelevent by proclaiming truth. Can we do less and be faithful? On the other hand, do we rail or do we love? Perhaps some of both. We absolutely must love, but we cannot compromise or water down God's truths.

Case in point, a lady comes to me for counseling. She's divorced. Why? There was unfaithfulness. Who was unfaithful? Ah...the lady before me! So, what can I do? Quite frankly, in most Christian churches, the answer is to live victorious with God's forgiveness assured, BUT NOT TO REMARRY. Never? OK, here's where reality comes in. It might be that you remarry, that a pastor says okay, and that despite the past sin, despite the Bible truth that you are not suppose to, God may have mercy on your new marriage. HOWEVER, let me encourage you to choose God's best. To be obedient, to let him use you as an unencumbered single person to do his work (this lady does have a calling to be a prayer warrior and an encourager). Do not consider this punishment, but God's opportunity and appointment to you. The sin is forgiven, so rather than punishment, there is only a new course of righteousness.

Bottom-line: God is merciful, forgiving and loving. But, there are consequences to our choices. Sometimes what drives away sin is not a refreshing water, but a cleansing fire.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That is true, Ben. But who's to say, besides the ones in the marriage, whether or not the marriage is salvageable? I agree that people split up too easily. People shouldn't do that, yes. But it should be no one's place to tell them whether or not they can get a divorce... for whatever reason.

An example, it's best for me to not eat at McDonald's (or to take it further, it's best for me not to feed my KID McD's)... no one can dispute that. But no one has the right to tell me not to.

It's all part of that agency thing.

I remember when I was raising my children how they just loved to when I would not allow a certain thing they would come at me with that "Free Agency" thing.

Remember the story of Barak?

We really cling to it don't we when we want to do a thing.

Bro. Rudick

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this