I'm not Self-Conscious around Anyone...Except my Parents.


DaZebra
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The subject line kind of sums it all up. I realize it's normal to have an independent, even slightly rebellious streak, during teen years, but is it normal for it to be like this? Around my friends I am strange, silly, crazy, hyperactive, outgoing, and all that other stuff, but around my parents I'm quiet and keep as much to myself as I possibly can.

I'm embarrassed about everything around them. They ask me to do laundry, or clean my room, and my first thought is, "I can't do that, they'll be watching me!" There was one Saturday where I had the house to myself for almost the entire day. In that day I voluntarily did the laundry, dishes, and cleaned most of the house. When my family came home and asked me about it, I was that close to denying I had done any of it, because I was mortified!

I don't know why I act this way. I'm even embarrassed to tell them my best friend's name, or what song we got in choir today, or who I got a ride home with, or what my favorite song is. I'm even embarrassed about my testimony, but only around my family. I have deep gospel-related discussions with my friends, with strangers, with all kinds of people...except my parents. My parents were the last people to find out I had a boyfriend. I'm afraid to tell them when I've reconnected with old friends I haven't talked to in years.

I tell people that my reason for being excited to move out when I'm 18 is the same as everyone else, to feel independent, to make my own place in the world...but I want to move out so that I can be free to clean and be who I am. For whatever reason, I don't feel like I can be that around my family.

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The subject line kind of sums it all up. I realize it's normal to have an independent, even slightly rebellious streak, during teen years, but is it normal for it to be like this? Around my friends I am strange, silly, crazy, hyperactive, outgoing, and all that other stuff, but around my parents I'm quiet and keep as much to myself as I possibly can.

I'm embarrassed about everything around them. They ask me to do laundry, or clean my room, and my first thought is, "I can't do that, they'll be watching me!" There was one Saturday where I had the house to myself for almost the entire day. In that day I voluntarily did the laundry, dishes, and cleaned most of the house. When my family came home and asked me about it, I was that close to denying I had done any of it, because I was mortified!

I don't know why I act this way. I'm even embarrassed to tell them my best friend's name, or what song we got in choir today, or who I got a ride home with, or what my favorite song is. I'm even embarrassed about my testimony, but only around my family. I have deep gospel-related discussions with my friends, with strangers, with all kinds of people...except my parents. My parents were the last people to find out I had a boyfriend. I'm afraid to tell them when I've reconnected with old friends I haven't talked to in years.

I tell people that my reason for being excited to move out when I'm 18 is the same as everyone else, to feel independent, to make my own place in the world...but I want to move out so that I can be free to clean and be who I am. For whatever reason, I don't feel like I can be that around my family.

This is how I felt a lot at my house. I than got married (after my mission) and moved out. I was very glad to do so but also it helped these feelings go away for the most part. I now visit frequently and enjoy doing so. I still occasionally have some thoughts like this but I am growing out of it.

Not sure what to say that will help besides make prayer and scripture study a DAILY activity. Enjoy doing it, not because you have to, but because you can learn about the savior. This part of my life was the hardest for me spiritually as well so if I would have acted on my urges to move out I may have lost my testimony in the only thing that matters to me now, Christ.

Just try to enjoy your time as much as you can, it'll be short, you will move out eventually ;) and hardly see them. I too have an independent spirit.

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I don't see eye to eye with my parents but I'm more "me" around them than with anyone else because I know there's nothing I can do that will get me Un-loved by them whereas my friends can drop me like yesterday's paper if I don't come up to their expectations...

So, in a way, I'm the opposite of you. I wonder what your parents did to make you feel that way?

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It's not anything they did, it's just the way I've always felt around them. So if it was something they did, it's not anything I remember. It's not like they do anything now, I know they love me and they take good care of me, but being in their presence (especially when I'm doing chores or homework) somehow just causes this crazy anxiety and persistent humiliation. :/

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It's not anything they did, it's just the way I've always felt around them. So if it was something they did, it's not anything I remember. It's not like they do anything now, I know they love me and they take good care of me, but being in their presence (especially when I'm doing chores or homework) somehow just causes this crazy anxiety and persistent humiliation. :/

Sounds like there's a piece of the puzzle missing here. I agree with Anatess that perhaps there's a link to something that's happened with your parents. Is it possible that an incident took place that you've pushed aside or to the back of your mind because of pain? In my opinion, we don't feel humiliation for no reason, there's always a story behind it. Have you prayed for comfort, or for some answers to your feelings of anxiety and uneasiness around family?

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Bini has a point. The home is the first experience we have. It is our "secure" place. It is what we know and even when the home is not good, children usually associate the home with refuge, especially the parents. So it's not really natural to have the "threat" in the home and the "refuge" outside of the home unless there has been some major incident (or very small but prolonged incidences) that occurred for you to lose that "refuge" in the home.

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I have felt that way.

My dad was very critical of everyone around him. Though he never "attacked" me I listened to him criticize every driver on the road. He never called me names but I heard him call other's names. He didn't really pick me apart too bad but he would pick my mom apart in front of me. I became terrified of that wrath, when would it turn on me? I was very self conscious around him, I did not tell him my thoughts and feelings and kept him very cut out of my life. To this day I will not drive with him behind me, if we are both going the same place he has to leave first.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was a lot that way as an older teenager (minus the anxiety of doing housework in front of others). In college I did outgrow it more, but I'm still not as forthcoming socially as my siblings. I tend to get anxiety like this when I'm in small homes where there isn't a lot of room to have your own space. I'm pretty shy and quiet in social settings though unless I'm with very close friends. If it's becoming a problem regarding chores and such just let them know that your willing to do them when you aren't around everyone, when you are alone etc. I think most parents don't care how they get done, just that they are done. Good luck to you.

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