Former roommate in love with me

[Swiper]

I'm soliciting advice from several different spiritual sources about my dilemma.

A former roommate fell in love with me when I lived at her house for about a year. She developed very strong feelings for me that have remained even after I moved from her house. Now she seems to be soliciting something more from me than just friendship. I'm not sure what do with it. I care for her deeply as a friend. She's like a close family member and intimate platonic friend, but I am married and will not be able to become hers.

The dilemma is that she has had a really rough year. She was in a traffic accident that left her partially brain damaged and she's unable to do many of the activities that used to make her happy. She lost her job because of the injury and she had to put her house on the market and move to something smaller. Now it looks like she can't sell her old house because of structural damages. Her former employer cheated her out of her retirement and she is losing her medical insurance. She's in her 60's so the chances for her to get a new job is very slim. I'm pretty much the only bright spot in her life right now and her apparent love for me seems to be the only thing that keeps her from just giving up.

I don't think just telling her 'no' is the right answer right now, but at the same time I am not interested in having an inappropriate relationship with her. To me it seems like a lose-lose scenario right now. Any ideas?

[skippy740]

If you haven't already, ask for your wife for advice and ideas. She may have some and this helps to disclose the situation to her as well.

[mdfxdb]

She is not your wife. You cannot do anything more than be a friend. The end. You are doing yourself, and her a disservice by not telling her NO right now.

[Gretchen]

Have a bunch of friends (female might be best) visit former roommate? It could be she is just lonely and needs someone to talk to, but is trying to say that in a very not good way.

[Guest]

Telling her "no" is absolutely the right answer if you're married. You have a wife. Period.

[debi56]

This is a trap that I have seen and have been a part of too many times. It is the "damsel in distress". My husband fell into it, a co-worker complained about her husband and how unhappy he was; and he was very sympathetic with her. He said they didn't have an affair but he had developed feelings for her. It is good that you want to help her, but you need to tell your wife about it, if you don't and she finds out that you were giving her a shoulder to cry on that can be almost as painful as an affair. Affairs of the heart whether on her part or yours can destroy trust with your wife. Your wife should be your first priority, anything other this is wrong. Good Luck.

[Martain]

Love is good.

What is not good is lusting or coveting after a married man. Such is called adultery of the heart and remains a serious sin in the sight of God. If this is in her heart, it is of greater significance and danger to her soul than the other events occurring in her life. Should such be the case then wisdom may be to follow Josephs example of fleeing Pottifer's wife.

What if the relationship you have with this woman was between your wife and a man? What would you want your wife to do if the situation were reversed? Counsel with your wife, unburden your heart and get and honor her input. Perhaps instead of you alone, she could also befriend this woman. Instead of you visiting her by yourself you would go together to provide comfort and succor.

Is she an active Latter-day Saint who is keeping the commandments and living worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost? The Holy ghost is also called the comforter for a very good reason. Far beyond any comfort or help you could give is the comfort of God. Such comfort has allowed me to live in happiness while enduring pains greater than I could have imagined. It truly makes all the difference.

If she is LDS but not living worthy of such then my aim would be to help her become so. I would seek out her home teachers and make sure they were aware of her straights. I would seek out the Elders or High Priests Quorum presiding over her as well as the Relief Society Presidency and her visiting teachers too with the intent to gather them to her aid and succor.

If she were not LDS then I would testify of the comforting power of God that enables men and women to endure pains and sufferings beyond what they could imagine in happiness and cheerfulness. I would testify of the happiness I am given and have found in following Christ and living His gospel. I would tell her that I sincerely wanted her to have these same wonderful things and invite her into my home where me and my wife could sit down with her and missionaries where we would teach her these wonderful truths that make all the difference in the world.

A clear understanding of the law of Chastity and the covenants you've made coupled with eye-witness evidence of the love and trust between you and your wife would do much to quell any thoughts for romance she holds in her heart between the two of you while still allowing your friendship between her and your family to blossom.

Counsel with your wife and counsel with the Lord. Hoping these few stray thoughts will be of use somehow,

Sincerely,

Brother M.