Three Things You Don’t Know About Your Children and Sex

[Wingnut]

Worth a read, or three.

Three Things You Don't Know About Your Children and Sex | Anne Marie Miller

[Lakumi]

I was never so cut and dry about pornography. I myself didn't take any real interest until my late teens-bout the time I began to realize the world hated me and I would be alone forever.

I think there is a lot of truth to pornography hurting a relationship, but I have met people where pornography is the only, in their eyes, positive, in their lives (as they see it) no family, no friends, certainly won't ever get married.

Suppose I am sympathetic, since I have seen sad, sad sides of humanity.

[TalkativeIntrovert]

There's one thing about this I don't understand. Do parents have such poor memory that they don't remember their own childhood/teen years.

I know I forget a lot, but I certainly don't forget how I felt when a friend of my fathers came to our house - we (sister and I) hid under our bed - every single time. When his car turned up and parents weren't home - we locked the doors and pretended we weren't home. Nothing happened but we knew it could, even if we didn't know what "it" was. I also remember not being able to tell my parents, because we didn't know what was wrong and we didn't have that type of relationship.

I also remember finding my fathers porn stash and how inexplicably I was drawn to it - it was something so completely different and exciting. There is no way I would tell my parents about that - because to start with it involved snooping into their private affairs.

I remember the anguish I felt at being a very shy child and how I felt about boys and not ever being good enough.

This article says that parents don't know what their kids are going through or doing. Perhaps it is true, but I have an idea of some of the things my kids are going through because I too went through it.

I don't expect my kids to tell me everything, probably not even 10%! But I don't think I am totally oblivious to what may be going on. The door is always open for them to talk to me, and we have always told them that they have other support systems and places to go - especially my brother and sister who are not church members, but care and love them and their church leaders.

1 Google is the new Sex-Ed - sadly, I agree, kids will go there first, after all we encourage them to do research on everything else, so it is a natural progression. It is what I do to find things out. I don't know why this would be something parents don't know?

2 If Your Child was Ever Molested, You Likely Don’t Know - yep - my own experience shows that, it is only years later that I spoke to my father about his friend and by then it was too late, he had molested other children.

3 Your Child is Not the Exception - if any parent believe this they have their head in the sand, regardless of their own memories.

I think it is a good article in that it is a wake up call for parents that become complacent (as I often do when caught up in life).

I also think the take away message is to talk to your kids, often, and make sure they are comfortable to open up and ask you questions without being judged.

[Bini]

That was an interesting article. I also found the comments to follow rather interesting, the insight that everyone has and from their own personal experiences, we see these things so differently.

[Quin]

I have to admit to being totally surprised at how good this article was/is.

As a parent we're constantly bombarded with all of this 'fear mongering + you're obviously an idiot' from sooooo many sources (like Did you KNOW?!?! Kids are blah blah blah normal, boring, duh, really? Oh vey. How stupid do you think we are?) that I set out to read he article braced for just more of the same old pail-banging.

Yay!

Decent quick article, from someone who works in the field, presenting solid research based knowledge coupled with humility. Rockin. Awesome. Score!

Aside from being a deluged parent, lol, . I'm especially cynical as

- convert

- exMilitary

- psych background

- friends in sex research

- I've taught sexEd (a lot, to various audiences: both religious and secular kids as well as military adults)

Good find!

Q

[EarlJibbs]

Thanks for sharing.

[Dark_Jedi]

I agree, it's worth the read. I think many parents fall under the umbrella of thinking their child is the exception. We learned the hard way. Make no mistake, our kids are wonderful, active, worthy kids. But the prevalence and ease of access is so overwhelming.