ScullyItsMe Posted August 23, 2013 Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) I'm a convert. I've heard rumours of sexual acts not being 'allowed' in marriage. I do want to get married one day in the temple but honestly I believe what happens in the bedroom should be up to the husband and wife. What makes them happy is between them.. anyway I was just wondering if there were any 'rules'. Edited August 23, 2013 by pam Too graphic for this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drham3rd Posted August 23, 2013 Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 I'm a new convert also. My understanding is that in the past there were issues related to what married couples do BUT the church has decided that what a couple does is between them as long as BOTH are in agreement! You might still find comments in older documents and stories about some leaders asking pointed questions but I think that the bottom line is that it is between husband and wife as it should be. Welcome to the church and good blessing on your spiritual journey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScullyItsMe Posted August 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 I'm glad to read this, it's relieving :) thanks so much, you too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted August 23, 2013 Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 The Church doesn't provide a list of dos and don'ts. The Church does provide principles... First the Law of Chasity is still in place... Which means no third parties... Second it should never make either of them feel degraded or of lesser value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritDragon Posted August 23, 2013 Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 Intimacy in marriage is encouraged as part of an important bond for the couple. Boundaries do exist even after marriage. These boundaries will largely be set by the couple themselves and how comfortable each party is with different acts, but these boundaries will also be set by the spirit. As my wife and I have explored our sexuality there have been times that we have felt certain activities simply did not bring us closer together as a couple or help us feel mutual joy in the experience which put these out of bounds for us. Perhaps different couples will feel differently about different behaviours, and thus it is up to them to communicate with each other as a couple and pay attention to the spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrShorty Posted August 23, 2013 Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 As far as "what is sin" -- estradling hit on the main one -- no third parties. The only other "sin" that I can readily think of is in 1 Cor 7:4-5 -- Except where mutually agreed upon, I would also classify chronic refusal as a sin. Even here, there will be a few couples who decide together they are done. I would expect these are mostly related to age/health issues. Beyond those two things, it becomes less a question of "sin" and more a question of "what brings us closer together." This latter question is really up to the couple to figure out, and not something for the church or God to decide for us. It is also a question whose answer is probably fluid (what disgusts you now may be intriguing in 5 or 10 years). One of the most interesting discussions I've read on this side of the discussion was written by David Schnarch (a secular sex therapist) who wrote a series of articles about how "Sex always consists of leftovers." A review of Dr. Harley's (author of His Needs, Her Needs) Policy of Joint Agreement also speaks to the kind of issue that is at play here. In his terms, sex is about adding love units to your spouses love bank and not withdrawing love units. Together, a couple needs to figure out what things contribute to building love and what things take away from building love. Again, this is not really about "sin" vs. "not sin" but about each individual. Your question is a good one and, especially when you extend beyond mere sinfulness, is likely going to challenge you some day. Sister Brotherson (author of And They Were not Ashamed) said somewhere that most (almost all?) couples will face some form of sexual incompatibility in their marriage. As Dr. Gottman might say, it is not a question of whether a couple will face incompatibilities, but it will be how they handle those incompatibilities that will determine their success as a couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted August 23, 2013 Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 The Church doesn't provide a list of dos and don'ts.The Church does provide principles... First the Law of Chasity is still in place... Which means no third parties... Second it should never make either of them feel degraded or of lesser value.This is it - exactly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted August 23, 2013 Report Share Posted August 23, 2013 Intimacy in marriage is encouraged as part of an important bond for the couple. Boundaries do exist even after marriage. These boundaries will largely be set by the couple themselves and how comfortable each party is with different acts, but these boundaries will also be set by the spirit. As my wife and I have explored our sexuality there have been times that we have felt certain activities simply did not bring us closer together as a couple or help us feel mutual joy in the experience which put these out of bounds for us. Perhaps different couples will feel differently about different behaviours, and thus it is up to them to communicate with each other as a couple and pay attention to the spirit.I like this. Thank you. I'd just add that for me, even though I am married, I feel my sexuality and my commitment to, and learnings within, the law of chastity are my own. There are times when the statement "if your married its ok" or "if you both agree its ok" seems sufficient but as I use them, I find myself wanting more than that. I'm sure that sexuality inside the church isn't easy for anyone. The church doesn't legislate all sexual behaviors (thank goodness! for a number of reasons), but I like the idea that I do! I get to legislate my sexual behaviors with the help of my God. And I don't have to do it in a spirit of fear or inside a straightjacket of piety either. I can be a sexual being and really enjoy a good orgasm. AND I can do so in a way that makes me feel whole and worthy and growing sexually in spiritually beneficial ways.I hope that makes sense. Not sure I said that well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punkrebelmama Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 I wanted to chime in here, because I had asked this question during the first bishop's interview before getting married 18 years ago. Since then the answers have changed a bit. The culture of the church has changed during the last 100-200 years (lol)...in the fifties and sixties it became imperative to sync what was being taught within the church, so doing things "by the book" was stressed. The church weighed in on every topic with detailed instructions, including sex. By the eighties, members reacted negatively to a letter by president Kimball outlining sexual acts specifically as unpure. The letter was worded in a way that indicated these were his feelings, but it was put out there as an official church statement on the matter. Within a very short time the letter was retracted and a new statement was issued with far less detail. Over time the church's official stances on topics had gradually become less "by the letter" and more "by the spirit". For example, compare the for the strength of youth pamphlets from the early 90's to today's version. Today, in the official bishop's handbook it states that sexual relations are to remain between husband and wife, and that they both need to agree. Common sense would indicate that since sex is a gift to bring husband and wife closer together, that ANY sexual practice that divides, isolates or pushes away would NOT be in harmony with God's plan. And that includes using sex as a weapon or punishment/reward, refusing to care for the other's sexual needs, a female that isn't climaxing...etc. Whatever it is you do as a couple in the bedroom, the bishop is forbidden to even question. and can only repeat that counsel verbatim as stated in his handbook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks, everybody. Asked and answered. Thread closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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