What would you say to a young man who said...


Vort
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I don't think I would worry about advice at this point unless there appeared to be other problems, being this young man is only 18 and could very well be a late bloomer temporarily trapped in a bout of youthful social awkwardness--hardly condemning.

Even if he has a low sex drive or is a Henry Higgins ("why can't a woman be more like a man?"), I don't think there is a heck of a lot of reason to worry. If he doesn't want to marry* but lives a worthy and chaste life, so be it.

*Not to discount the importance of seeking an eternal marriage, but as others have pointed out it's fair to no one to fake a marriage.

Still, at 18, I wouldn't advise much worry.

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I don't think that at age 18 I would be overly worried or inclined to slap some sort of label on the young man. At age 18, shouldn't he be focusing more on preparing for a mission than on marriage?

18 is still very young. Marriage is a huge commitment and it would be normal for that to be concerning to an 18 year old. Just because he is not interested now, does not mean he never will be.

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I don't think it is anything to worry about. I was a lot like that. I never dated until I was 21 or 22. And until I got interested I thought I would never get married as I seldom communicated with girls other than my sisters.

I would probably just tell the guy to not worry about it and go on a mission and things will work out sometime after he gets back from his mission.

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  • 7 years later...

Hypothetically, this young man may have served a mission, returned to go to school at BYU, met a young woman there, married her when they were both 22, and made his daddy a grandpa by producing a now-two-year-old daughter and another due in January. Funny how things change. Hypothetically, I mean.

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Honestly, stories like this are why I can wade through an online crowd of woke genderfluid pansexual trans-lesbians (or whatever they want to call themselves at the time) with a smile on my face.  Because I know most of 'em are just a half a dozen years away from a spouse of the opposite sex, a stable career, and a mortgage.

(They tend to get quite mad when I tell 'em that.)

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17 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Honestly, stories like this are why I can wade through an online crowd of woke genderfluid pansexual trans-lesbians (or whatever they want to call themselves at the time) with a smile on my face.  Because I know most of 'em are just a half a dozen years away from a spouse of the opposite sex, a stable career, and a mortgage.

(They tend to get quite mad when I tell 'em that.)

I try to say anything, but to me the whole gist of what you said is an actual step backwards.

I enjoy playing Gears of War with my husband and he thinks I should get into mixed martial arts with him. Those are traditionally manly things. Since it no longer seems acceptable to be a woman and enjoy a range of traditionally manly things, what does that make me? 

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3 minutes ago, Backroads said:

Since it no longer seems acceptable to be a woman and enjoy a range of traditionally manly things, what does that make me? 

Backroads, this is 2021. Many, many, many woman enjoy sports, video games and other “‘masculine” activities, and thank God for it. I thank God daily that I born when I was, because “masculine” activities like camping, cars, etc hold no interest to me. 

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1 hour ago, LDSGator said:

Backroads, this is 2021. Many, many, many woman enjoy sports, video games and other “‘masculine” activities, and thank God for it. I thank God daily that I born when I was, because “masculine” activities like camping, cars, etc hold no interest to me. 

It's true, but according to genderfluid community, that's no longer acceptable.

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1 hour ago, Backroads said:

It's true, but according to genderfluid community, that's no longer acceptable.

What the gender fluid community thinks of your behavior should be of no concern at all. You do you my friend-if you want to follow football, work on cars, or if your husband wants to make soap and knit-enjoy it. Who cares what others think about your hobbies? 

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4 hours ago, Backroads said:

It's true, but according to genderfluid community, that's no longer acceptable.

Well, if any of them get in your face, just do what I talked about above.

"Oh, hun.  Don't fret about it.  You're only half a dozen years away from an opposite-sex spouse, a job, and a mortgage.  All this stuff will make sense to you by then."

(Again, they tend to get mad when someone tells 'em that.)

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3 hours ago, LDSGator said:

What the gender fluid community thinks of your behavior should be of no concern at all. You do you my friend-if you want to follow football, work on cars, or if your husband wants to make soap and knit-enjoy it. Who cares what others think about your hobbies? 

I'm definitely down for this.

I just marvel that this is an ideal it seems people fought for years to normalize, and all of a sudden this little group of society thinks interests define your gender.

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6 minutes ago, Backroads said:

I'm definitely down for this.

I just marvel that this is an ideal it seems people fought for years to normalize, and all of a sudden this little group of society thinks interests define your gender.

Oh, we agree totally. It’s funny to me, how, once again, the gender fluid community and the ultra right religious community have something in common here. 

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50 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

I was gonna say, you should know better bro. That rumor about the dude who dressed in drag to get on a lifeboat is just that, a rumor. 

IIRC Daniel Buckley freely acknowledged that he had gotten into a lifeboat with a woman’s shawl covering his head.  But he was a third class passenger and had no reputation to protect; so the Hearst papers left him alone.

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4 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

IIRC Daniel Buckley freely acknowledged that he had gotten into a lifeboat with a woman’s shawl covering his head.  But he was a third class passenger and had no reputation to protect; so the Hearst papers left him alone.

I honestly thought it was “just” a women's hat? Not an argument, I could he wrong. 
 

I heard in Butler’s book that were some divorces over the rumor. Both the Bishops and Carters ended their marriages over it. 😞  

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1 hour ago, LDSGator said:

I honestly thought it was “just” a women's hat? Not an argument, I could he wrong. 
 

I heard in Butler’s book that were some divorces over the rumor. Both the Bishops and Carters ended their marriages over it. 😞  

The Carter’s’ twelve-year-old son Billy supposedly was also barred from entering a boat until his mother put a girl’s hat on his head (the story eventually morphed into JJ Astor having put the hat on his head saying “now he’s a girl and can go”).

Social stigma about being a man who had survived the sinking certainly didn’t help anyone’s marriage; but I think Butler tends to play fast and loose with his psychoanalysis of various passengers and crewmen (I believe he’s the source of the “catatonic Captain Smith” nonsense that’s gotten so much play over the last twenty years).  IIRC, both the Carters and Bishops had significant marital issues that were unrelated to the Titanic (perennial philandering by Carter, and alcoholism by Bishop).  (I imagine that one of the joys of having happened to be on the Titanic, is that at some point an erstwhile community of historians ferrets out and publishes every intimate detail of your life!)

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2 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

believe he’s the source of the “catatonic Captain Smith” nonsense that’s gotten so much play over the last twenty ye

We agree 1000% that Captain Smith was unfairly critiqued in his (Butlers) book. I’m unsure if he was the original source of it though. In fact, Captain Smith was a hero until the end. 

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On 9/26/2013 at 12:51 PM, Vort said:

What would you say to a young man (18ish) whom you love and who is an active, believing Latter-day Saint, who confided in you that he has no desire to date or get into relationships with women? He is worried that he will never get married because he has no desire to do so. He is heterosexual, but maintains that to this point, his closest friends have all been men, that he enjoys the company and conversation of men, and that he's worried that he doesn't really see himself having any great need of female companionship?

Hypothetically, of course.

I wonder if said young man is perhaps not speaking the entire truth of the matter (perhaps unconsciously). 

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