Please help! Uncomfortable about discussing, and doubting, my talents...

[LDSGirl24]

Hi,

I'd very much appreciate any help I can get with this...

As I understand it, and according to lds.org, Heavenly Father has blessed all of us with talents and abilities that we brought with us from the premortal existence, and we have an obligation to develop them as best we can and use them for good, to help others, etc.

A little over a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed as "gifted" in a few academic areas by an educational psychologist after years of suspecting this and pushing for the testing as a result. With my completely average IQ score, I shouldn’t be performing at the levels that I am, yet I do. I chalked this up to God-given talent, since these particular areas have always come naturally to me. But lately I’ve been feeling a little unsure.

When I first got the results of the testing, I felt like they were an answer to my prayers in that they confirmed a lot for me. I still feel like this, and I’ve continued to pray for understanding of my talents, but now there’s this voice in the back of my head that keeps saying that maybe I’m not talented in the areas I think I am, or that I don’t have any talents at all. This is really worrying me, because I KNOW that we all do.

I want to erase this doubt more than anything but I don’t know how.

I’m also very uncomfortable discussing my “giftedness” with my parents. Just the thought makes me very embarrassed, and I don’t quite know how to go about it without coming off as arrogant. I know I’m not better than anyone else and I always pray for humility and to continually recognize my Heavenly Father’s hand in everything in my life, but I don’t know how to bring it up aside from saying, “Hey, did you know I’m gifted?”

Who says that to someone? I mean, seriously?

How can I feel secure in knowing what my talents are, stop doubting myself, and talk to my parents about being “gifted” without it coming out wrong? All I want to do is have the confidence I need to use my abilities for the good of others. I’m very grateful for the things I’m good at and I don’t ever want to take them for granted. I thank Heavenly Father for them every day.

Thanks!

[skippy740]

Doubt your doubts.

In talking to your parents, I recommend asking for their advice and guidance based on what you feel and what you've been told. Ask them for ideas on how you can magnify this gift.

I'd also recommend reading in the gospel principles manual about spiritual gifts. These are unique to every one and can help bless our lives and the lives of others.

Have you received your patriarchal blessing yet?

[LDSGirl24]

Thanks for taking the time to help me!

I tried what you said; I just talked to my mom about it. I prayed that I’d know what to say to her and then just jumped in, and I think it went better than I thought it would. I told her I felt that God made me good at reading, writing, etc, and asked her if she thought He made me good at these things and she said she did.

I took this as a very good sign. :)

I told her I felt uncomfortable talking about my talents and she asked me why and I told her I didn’t want to come off as arrogant because that’s not what I was AT ALL. Then she said she couldn’t see what going to the bookstore every week did since I already know how to read. I told her how we’re supposed to always work on developing our talents and just kind of left it at that.

Sigh. I guess it’s at least a step in the right direction, yes? Do you think I should say anything else to her?

Hopefully we’ll have a more in-depth discussion in the future. I really want to, anyway. I think the more I talk about it, the easier it will get. *Crosses fingers*

I haven’t had my patriarchal blessing yet, but I definitely want to someday. I’ve been praying a lot about it over these past few years, and I really feel like I’m supposed to have a career as a fiction writer, especially when I look at where my abilities and passions lie. Should I get my blessing really soon, do you think?

Also, do you have any ideas about what else I could do to not feel so embarrassed about talking to people about being gifted or other activities besides reading I could do to further develop my talents? I’d love to be able to talk to others about it without worrying that they’re going to think I’m bragging.

Thanks so much!

[Still_Small_Voice]

LDSGirl24 here is something you should read:

We have a responsibility to develop the talents we have been given. Sometimes we think we do not have many talents or that other people have been blessed with more abilities than we possess. Sometimes we do not use our talents because we are afraid that we might fail or be criticized by others. We should not hide our talents. We should use them. Then others can see our good works and glorify our Heavenly Father (see Matthew 5:16).

There are certain things we must do to develop our talents. First, we must discover our talents. We should evaluate ourselves to find our strengths and abilities. Our family and friends can help us do this. We should also ask our Heavenly Father to help us learn about our talents.

Second, we must be willing to spend the time and effort to develop the talent we are seeking.

Third, we must have faith that our Heavenly Father will help us, and we must have faith in ourselves.

Fourth, we must learn the skills necessary for us to develop our talents. We might do this by taking a class, asking a friend to teach us, or reading a book.

Fifth, we must practice using our talent. Every talent takes effort and work to develop. The mastery of a talent must be earned.

Sixth, we must share our talent with others. It is by our using our talents that they grow (see Matthew 25:29).

All of these steps are easier if we pray and seek the Lord’s help. He wants us to develop our talents, and He will help us.

Read the rest of the chapter here:

Gospel Principles Chapter 34: Developing Our Talents

[skippy740]

Then she said she couldn’t see what going to the bookstore every week did since I already know how to read.

That's just an odd statement.

Sigh. I guess it’s at least a step in the right direction, yes? Do you think I should say anything else to her?

Based on that other statement, you did what you needed to do - which was to begin having a conversation. Bring it up again when you think the time is right... or just to talk about what you learned in a book you read recently.

I haven’t had my patriarchal blessing yet, but I definitely want to someday. I’ve been praying a lot about it over these past few years, and I really feel like I’m supposed to have a career as a fiction writer, especially when I look at where my abilities and passions lie. Should I get my blessing really soon, do you think?

Talk to your Bishop about it. If your age is correct in your profile (it says you're 20), then I wouldn't hesitate at all to set an appointment and see when you can receive your blessing. Even if you're younger (you have to be 14 to register for lds.net), you could talk to your parents about it first before setting an appointment with the Bishop.

Either way, I'd have that conversation with your Bishop as soon as you are able.

Also, do you have any ideas about what else I could do to not feel so embarrassed about talking to people about being gifted or other activities besides reading I could do to further develop my talents? I’d love to be able to talk to others about it without worrying that they’re going to think I’m bragging.

Thanks so much!

It's simple: help others. Talk about how you feel blessed to help others and always give the glory to the Father. Talk about stories of those you were able to help. Do not boast in your own achievements, glory, or skills. Always be reverent when discussing such gifts.

But like the parable said: don't hide your talent. Yes, the parable spoke primarily in a monetary term, but the message is the same. Don't hide your light under a bush. Let your light shine and glorify the Father.

That's my advice anyway.

[Dravin]

Also, do you have any ideas about what else I could do to not feel so embarrassed about talking to people about being gifted or other activities besides reading I could do to further develop my talents? I’d love to be able to talk to others about it without worrying that they’re going to think I’m bragging.

Thanks so much!

What situations are you picturing you needing to talk to people about your being gifted/talented/skilled/whatever? Absent some sort of context I'm picturing you trying to figure out how you can randomly bring it up in conversation and I rather doubt that is what you have in mind.

[LDSGirl24]

Thanks!

[LDSGirl24]

I really appreciate all the help you've given me, and I will definitely look into getting my blessing done! I feel a lot better now. Thanks so much! :)

[LDSGirl24]

Hi Dravin,

You’re right; I most certainly don’t want to do that, lol!

Sometimes my friends will talk about how much they hated this class in school or how this class went, etc. I always felt like I had to keep my mouth shut and just nod along with them so I wouldn’t say things like, “I remember how alone I felt when I’d look up from finishing a reading assignment to discover that I was the only one done and would be the only one done for at least the next ten minutes.” I just want to be able to talk about my school experiences honestly without people thinking something bad about me.

[Dravin]

Hi Dravin,

You’re right; I most certainly don’t want to do that, lol!

Sometimes my friends will talk about how much they hated this class in school or how this class went, etc. I always felt like I had to keep my mouth shut and just nod along with them so I wouldn't say things like, “I remember how alone I felt when I’d look up from finishing a reading assignment to discover that I was the only one done and would be the only one done for at least the next ten minutes.” I just want to be able to talk about my school experiences honestly without people thinking something bad about me.

Something like, "I always felt alone and a bit awkward when I finished a reading assignment early in that class." would probably go over better. In that kind of context the tone matters quite a bit, if your tone comes across as pitying all those who finished 10 minutes slower than you it isn't going to go over well regardless of how you phrase it. This really isn't about you being talented though, it's about your experience being different. Sure, inferences can be made, but the fundamental point isn't, "Hey, y'all, I read really fast." it is, "My experience was this." One thing to keep in mind is if your experience is sufficiently outside of their own they'll likely feel similar to how you do now, not sure how to relate and participate in the conversation in relation to your comment.

I'm studying to be a geologist, geologists are fairly well known for enjoying their beer (particularly college aged geology students). As someone who is LDS I can't directly relate to their conversations about the beers they enjoy. While I'm not shy about them knowing I don't drink I try and relate my own experiences to their own so that I'm not, intentionally or unintentionally, hijacking the conversation to be about me. So instead of making an issue of, "I don't drink beer, I just can't relate to you." it becomes, "My preferred drink is a nice ginger beer with plenty of kick." Now instead of relating to, "I enjoy beer." with "I don't drink beer.", I am relating to it with, "I enjoy ginger beer." Now I'm joining in on the conversation about preferred beverages rather than hijacking it.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Dravin

[Guest]

I'm studying to be a geologist, geologists are fairly well known for enjoying their beer (particularly college aged geology students)..

I didn't know that. (Unless we've talked about it and it left my sieve-like brain, which is very possible.) My (very LDS) brother is a geophysicist.

/hijack

[Dravin]

I didn't know that. (Unless we've talked about it and it left my sieve-like brain, which is very possible.) My (very LDS) brother is a geophysicist.

/hijack

The GSA, Geologic Society of America, commissioned a custom beer for their 125th anniversary. Also notice this beauty:

NEW SESSION HOURS:

All sessions will run 8 a.m.– noon or 1–5 p.m., with a poster hall beer reception 5–6:30 p.m. Mon.–Wed.

Sessions - GSA Annual Meeting 2013

And a neat little article from Wired: Why Geologists Love Beer - Wired Science

Edit: It just occurred to me that you are talking about not knowing I'm studying geology. I've brought it up before on the boards but it's not like I mention it once a week.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Dravin

[Guest]

The beer thing is interesting, too. I have something to yank his chain about now, so thank you. He works at a national lab so it occurs to me that he's probably furloughed right now. Maybe I should call and ask about all the beer.

[LDSGirl24]

Thank you for phrasing that better! You hit the nail on the head about feeling awkward. I totally meant what you said. :)

Like you said, I certainly don't want to make the conversation about me, and I do feel like I have to be super careful so I don't say the wrong thing or say it in the wrong way. I don't want my comments to make them feel like they can't relate, either, like you also said.

I'm glad you told me about how you handled the beer thing, as I have the same problem! :)

I think for right now, I'm just going to keep not talking about it, because I'd rather do that than say the wrong thing, you know? I don't want to chase my friends away. Better safe than sorry...

Thanks so much for taking the time to help me, and ginger beer IS really good. :)

[dahlia]

LDSGirl24 My son was in G&T programs throughout his schooling, including going to a jr & sr high school specifically for the gifted. These kids didn't hang around talking about being gifted. They got to work doing things with their gifts - science experiments, national competitions, interning at museums and the zoo. If your gift is reading, maybe you could work with an after school literacy program and help people who don't read as well as you do.

As to going to the bookstore every week, maybe you should hit the library. Think about something you'd like to learn more about and read, getting progressively more difficult books, about that topic. Even though you aren't in class, maybe you could write yourself a paper on the topic, to get your thoughts together and solidify them in writing (which will also improve your writing).

I don't know if literature is your thing, which is fine, but don't limit yourself to literature. Find something you don't know about and stretch your thinking. If you are going to read literature, read the book and then read 2-3 books about the author or literary criticism about the book you just read. If you read historical novels, read history about the time period.

Lots of people can read. : ) Use your reading skills to develop your mind.

[LDSGirl24]

LDSGirl24 My son was in G&T programs throughout his schooling, including going to a jr & sr high school specifically for the gifted. These kids didn't hang around talking about being gifted. They got to work doing things with their gifts - science experiments, national competitions, interning at museums and the zoo. If your gift is reading, maybe you could work with an after school literacy program and help people who don't read as well as you do.

As to going to the bookstore every week, maybe you should hit the library. Think about something you'd like to learn more about and read, getting progressively more difficult books, about that topic. Even though you aren't in class, maybe you could write yourself a paper on the topic, to get your thoughts together and solidify them in writing (which will also improve your writing).

I don't know if literature is your thing, which is fine, but don't limit yourself to literature. Find something you don't know about and stretch your thinking. If you are going to read literature, read the book and then read 2-3 books about the author or literary criticism about the book you just read. If you read historical novels, read history about the time period.

Lots of people can read. : ) Use your reading skills to develop your mind.

Hi Dahlia,

Thanks for taking the time to help! :)

I definitely do want to help others through my reading/writing. I've given a couple of talks at church already and I really enjoyed that and want to keep doing it. Also, I’m a fiction writer and hope to use that outlet to inspire/lift others through my words. I'll keep the literacy program in mind for sure, though.

I really don't like history (I’m a huge thriller fan), but I've been into medicine/surgery (veterinary, human, neurosurgery, orthopedics, trauma, cardiothoracic, etc) since I was little and I've been thinking about getting into reading that stuff again. Maybe I'll start now that you've spurred me on! :)

The only problem I have with libraries is that I like to have all of my books on shelves in my room, and I think I’d have a hard time parting with library copies, ha ha. Plus, I like to have them on-hand to read again whenever the mood strikes. Do libraries ever sell them?

You’ve really motivated me to work harder than I ever have to develop my gifts. Thanks!

Oh, and while I have you, any book recommendations???

[Guest]

Hi Dahlia,

Thanks for taking the time to help! :)

I definitely do want to help others through my reading/writing. I've given a couple of talks at church already and I really enjoyed that and want to keep doing it. Also, I’m a fiction writer and hope to use that outlet to inspire/lift others through my words. I'll keep the literacy program in mind for sure, though.

I really don't like history (I’m a huge thriller fan), but I've been into medicine/surgery (veterinary, human, neurosurgery, orthopedics, trauma, cardiothoracic, etc) since I was little and I've been thinking about getting into reading that stuff again. Maybe I'll start now that you've spurred me on! :)

The only problem I have with libraries is that I like to have all of my books on shelves in my room, and I think I’d have a hard time parting with library copies, ha ha. Plus, I like to have them on-hand to read again whenever the mood strikes. Do libraries ever sell them?

You’ve really motivated me to work harder than I ever have to develop my gifts. Thanks!

Oh, and while I have you, any book recommendations???

Rough Stone Rolling.

[dahlia]

'Friends of the Library' groups often sell books to raise money. Some libraries have a 'for sale' spot all the time, some only sell their stuff a few times a year.

If you have the money to buy everything you want to read, great, but most avid readers will use the library because buying everything gets too expensive. If you have a Kindle, you can often get books on sale for $2.99 or $3.99, so there's that, if you have a need to buy all of your books. I'm a professor and I don't buy everything I read.