Feeling depressed again....


abeChristianson
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I have been getting stressed, and when I get stressed I get depressed. I have been considering ending my life. A lot of it has to do with the emotional rollercoaster my fiancée is on right now and my screw-ups as a father/future spouse. I just cannot seem to get it right and I cannot figure things out. I feel as though I do not deserve to live. I know that is a lie but the feeling is so overwhelming sometimes that I cannot shake it off. I know that I shouldn’t just give up but I really want to. I feel as though everyone would be better off without me. I know this is selfish, but it is the way I am feeling right now. Sometimes I wonder why I screw up everyone’s life that I get involved with. I am just so tired and frustrated. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel as though I have let everyone in my life down. I am not seeking help just venting in a public square, so no response is really needed. Sorry for the rant………God bless and Peace be with all of you…….

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and my screw-ups as a father/future spouse.….

How can you feel you have screwed up when you are not even a spouse yet? It seems like you are reading into the future, which is impossible.

Have you got someone to talk to? Can you see a professional? You really need to speak to someone as soon as you can. Please do. I will keep you in my prayers.

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It's hard for some us to find peace sometimes isn't it. It stinks how you feel at the moment but, that is the good news.....it is a moment of your life. Remember God loves you and you have a son or daughter coming into this world that would miss out on knowing you if you ended your life. Pray, talk to a priesthood leader or a professional or anyone. Emotional pain is the worse but remember this too shall pass.

"Take counsel.

I hear your cry.

It passes through the darkness, filters through the clouds, mingles with starlight, and finds its way to my heart on the path of a sunbeam.

I have anguished over the cry of a hare choked in the noose of a snare, a sparrow tumbled from the nest of its mother, a child thrashing helplessly in a pond, and a son shedding his blood on a cross.

Know that I hear you, also. Be at peace. Be calm." Og Mandino

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I have been considering ending my life.

Friend, may I invite you not to make permanent decisions while you are mentally stressed out. The great evil of depression sometimes is that it deceives you into thinking you are powerless to make huge changes in your life, and then it robs you of the energy to make them.

I will pray for you, too.

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Speak to a therapist immediately.

The feel good religious stuff is great, but it doesn't satisfy any of the root problems, of say, cognitive distortions or childhood issues.

I understand, believe me I do. I am currently seeing a therapist myself and it is a good experience, in that I do not feel judged, ostracized or condemned by those who do not understand, which is most people. Cause and effect in my case is that my parents were not emotionally available, I was left to fend for myself as a child, parents divorced and both my parents have their own unresolved issues. I also have difficulty in sticking with goals.

Difficult relationships seem to exacerbate illusions about myself and I start to believe what I am told, which leads to further self doubt and fear. Then again, I seem to find women with more unresolved emotional stuff than I have, but they hide it better than I do.

LDS family services will find you a therapist at a discounted price, consult your Bishop. If you cannot afford one, which in your case shouldn't matter as your mental health is more important, the church may cover a large portion or all of of the costs associated with the therapist. I would also suggest that you should find a therapist that you are comfortable with, as they are not all created equal.

In the meantime, read these books.

Emotional Chaos to Clarity: Move from the Chaos of the Reactive Mind to the Clarity of the Responsive Mind: Phillip Moffitt: 9780142196762: Amazon.com: Books

Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families: David Stoop: 9780830757237: Amazon.com: Books

Edited by Praetorian_Brow
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From one who has suffered depression all of her life. Hang on!!! Go to church,pray,stay close to church members(home teachers,go to activities) The gospel will ease the pain.Do not consider suicide. You have no idea the how many will suffer from it.My fiance killed himself years ago.I have seen so many lives destroyed by his action including me. My life has never ever been the same since it happened. Get help from counselors,get on meds if you have to.There is always something better coming along. Stay close to Heavenly Father!!

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Sounds like Satan is after you. But I understand about being depressed. I have been there. I have fought the desire to end my life. Please promise me you won't. I know that promise can be very hard to make but I hope you will.

LDS depression group is good. Talking to your bishop, getting a priesthood blessing, writing in your journal, are other ideas that may help. Therapy is also another idea that you would help you.

Send me a private message if you want to talk. But also come here. I think more people than just me would be most helpful. Mostly I just want you to be ok.

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Most of it started because of Speaking in Tongues.... I said that in my past experience it was satanic in nature and it felt very wrong. I said that it was gibberish since no one could interpret it. They said that their pastor spoke in tongues and said “I know someone out there hear that in English” That isn’t how it works. I reread 1 Corinthians 14 and it doesn’t say that at all….. I don’t know what to do now that I have seriously offended her and her family. Also I guess that Mormonism is a cult in their church too…..

If it wasn't for my job I would just.... Well I've said too much I am sorry for worring everyone and if I offended anyone I'm sorry..... I'll just stop now with my pitty party.....

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There have been times that I felt like giving up and that I just don't care anymore. In the end I knew that killing myself was exactly what needed to happen. But killing myself didn't mean to end my life, it meant to end the person I once was and to turn my life over to my Father in Heaven. I know if I ended my life early on this earth that I would spend generations seeing and feeling the ripple of pain and destruction I brought on the lives of my children and those I love from my selfish actions. The person who is that self-absorbed and self-focused is not worthy of the love he recieves from a Heavenly Father let alone the love of those he brought into this world. I decided that suicide is simple not an option for me. It doesn't mean that thoughts don't creep into my head now and again when things get tuff, but it doesn't take long for the knowledge I have gained as a member of this Church to quickly allow me to reason that option out of my mind and focus on following the example of our Savior - Look outward, not inward.

Your children will all experience the same struggles you are going thru now, you want to be there and available to help them navigate their way as you have been there done that.

I wish you the best. Hold onto hope and have faith that things will get better.

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Most of it started because of Speaking in Tongues.... I said that in my past experience it was satanic in nature and it felt very wrong. I said that it was gibberish since no one could interpret it. They said that their pastor spoke in tongues and said “I know someone out there hear that in English” That isn’t how it works. I reread 1 Corinthians 14 and it doesn’t say that at all….. I don’t know what to do now that I have seriously offended her and her family. Also I guess that Mormonism is a cult in their church too…..

If it wasn't for my job I would just.... Well I've said too much I am sorry for worring everyone and if I offended anyone I'm sorry..... I'll just stop now with my pitty party.....

You can't turn your back on your kid. That little one needs you. And he needs you healthy in body, mind, and spirit.

Okay, you're in a tough spot on that religious differences but you just need to read Article of Faith 11 every morning to remind you that we can be of different religions and still worship God:

11.We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

I was Catholic, my husband LDS, when we got married. He attended Catholic Mass with me every single Sunday. Front seat. Then he goes to his church. Every Sunday. I didn't go to his church because I thought I would be committing a sin if I do. But my husband stood firm on his beliefs without putting mine down and he held our marriage together.

Also, we have a resident protestant pastor here, PrisonChaplain, who can better give you an idea of what that "speaking in tongues" which all sounds gibberish to us, means. He has experience on that kind of thing.

Edited by anatess
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Remember that depression can alter and distort our thinking. A breakup is a shock for anyone, as well, but someone prone to depression can really take a hit. It's okay to feel sad. Give yourself time.

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You can't turn your back on your kid. That little one needs you. And he needs you healthy in body, mind, and spirit.

Okay, you're in a tough spot on that religious differences but you just need to read Article of Faith 11 every morning to remind you that we can be of different religions and still worship God:

11.We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

I was Catholic, my husband LDS, when we got married. He attended Catholic Mass with me every single Sunday. Front seat. Then he goes to his church. Every Sunday. I didn't go to his church because I thought I would be committing a sin if I do. But my husband stood firm on his beliefs without putting mine down and he held our marriage together.

Also, we have a resident protestant pastor here, PrisonChaplain, who can better give you an idea of what that "speaking in tongues" which all sounds gibberish to us, means. He has experience on that kind of thing.

She has blocked me on Facebook and isn't really responding to my texts.... her family thinks I'm in a cult that I've been brainwashed or something. I got so upset that I left. So this is all my fault.

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Abe, no this is not all your fault! Her family is being very judgmental in this case! She does not need to accept her families interpretation of your religious beliefs! She should be thinking on her own, making up her own mind about these things! You can not be responsible for how some reacts to your beliefs! Never feel this is your fault!

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She has blocked me on Facebook and isn't really responding to my texts.... her family thinks I'm in a cult that I've been brainwashed or something. I got so upset that I left. So this is all my fault.

No, this is not all your fault. She is responsible for her own actions and putting your religion down is on her head.

But, the fact remains that we don't have the power to change other people. We can only change how we react to them. Remain positive and put your mindset in the planes of service. Serve the people that matter most to you. If you can't get through to them because they cut off all access to you, then work towards making yourself the best person you can possibly be to be ready for the time that the door opens and they let you in.

That baby will eventually get to know her father. It would be great if when she finally gets to know you that she sees a respectable man regardless of how her mom has been painting a bad picture of who her dad is.

You can be who you want to be. You just have to believe in yourself and in the power of the Atonement of Christ.

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I don't know what to do. I have had one of her "friends", who claims to be a member, tell me that I should be excommunicated or something. I am willing to accept what I have done. I know that I will never go to the temple or get to the celestial kingdom. I have accepted that. I hurt. I am tired of hurting all of the time. I've been told that I am selfish. Maybe I am. I don't know anymore and I don't find life really worth it anymore. I just wish that I could just die. I wish that I would have never been born..... I wouldn't hurt those around me.

I don't want anyone to help, I just want to vent so I don't do anything, but the feelings are there.....

I know that there are others that are worse off then I am...... and I am sorry for upsetting anyone.,...

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