Temple marriage and other explanations for nonmember family


CiVi
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So, I am technically an investigator with a baptism date set for a few weeks in the future. I just turned 18 a couple of months ago, and, though I have been living by church standards for years, I wasn't allowed to formally pursue it until I left home for college.

Now, of course, I am having to talk to my Catholic mom about this; I don't expect enthusiasm or whole-hearted support, but I just don't want her to be scared or to feel pushed away.

My mom and I have a wonderful and loving relationship, and this hasn't estranged us at all. Unfortunately, she is content to accept whatever people who dislike the church tell her, she is suspicious about because she "doesn't know anything about it" and doesn't want to look into herself more, and, though she is a strong Catholic and actively practices her faith, she doesn't prioritize organized religion the same way I and other members of my family do (i.e. she thinks family comes first- more practically than spiritually- and that it takes precedence over certain supposed obligations).

I know all the explanations, placations, and arguments I can offer her. What I am looking for are concrete sources that I can look at and/or send her in regards to her doubts:

-examples of nonmember families (especially moms) accepting temple marriage and not feeling excluded

-reasons and explanations as to why Mormons are Christians (and really good ones at that)

-testimonies from nonmormons about how mormons are Christians/ good people/ a quality culture/ a good church (this would be even better from Catholics)

-articles, etc. (especially from nonmormons) that dispel common misconceptions about the mormon church or note why the temple is a normal and good thing

-reasons why it's important to get baptized (from individuals that seem authentic and relatable for her)

Any help or things you can think of would be much appreciated!!!

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I was in your shoes 15 years ago.

My advice: Don't worry about it. The more you try to placate your mom, the more frustrating it's going to get because she is not ready to hear it. When she's ready, she'll ask you questions, then you can answer. One question at a time. The perfect example for your faith is YOU. Continue to follow your faith the best way you can. Understand that your mother may lecture you, argue with you, convince you that you're going to hell in a handbasket but that's okay... that's a good thing. It shows how much she loves you and how much she fears for your salvation. Just love her back with all your heart. Time will bring understanding... line upon line, precept upon precept. Slowly but surely. She'll see the effects of the gospel in your life and feel comforted that you're just fine.

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You might suggest (or give) to your mother, 'Catholic roots, Mormon Harvest,' by Eric Shuster. I found it very helpful. They were both Catholic; his wife was a nun with a degree in Catholic theology, so there is an 'authoritative' voice, if you mother needs it.

There must be something in Mormonism that appeals to Catholics. There are a few former Catholics on this board. One of my early supporters in investigating the Church was a guy I'd known in undergrad, an active Catholic, who had become LDS. It's nice to have people who understand your background and the questions you might have that come from a Catholic perspective. One of my early questions was how do LDS view Mary? And I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to make the Sign of the Cross in Sacrament Meeting. It's OK. It doesn't mean you want to be LDS any less. There's just a lot of ritual and culture and theology that is sitting in the back of your mind and you won't get rid of it or change it just because you get baptized.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest ldsashley

My parents are not catholic, but they are inactive members of the church. It probably helps for me that they already have some understanding of the teachings of the church. But I can tell you my experience about temple marriage.

I told my parents when I was 16 that I planned to get married in the temple some day, so they had lots of time to decide whether they wanted to go to the temple. They chose not to become part of the church again, but they had years of knowing the choice I would make when the time came. So when I was 20 and became engaged, it was almost a non-issue.

It was still sad, for me and my parents, not to have them there. But I included them in every other part of the day that I could. They were the ones who drove my husband and I to the various locations that day, they were very involved in the photos, the meal, and the reception. We had a ring exchange for them. I wrote them a letter to read while we were in the temple that expressed my love and appreciation for their support.

There was no anger or any issue at all between my parents and I because of the temple marriage. Actually, I overheard my Dad once talking to someone when he didn't know I was listening. The person said "How could you let your daughter do that to you?" and my Dad said "Actually I'm proud of her for doing what she believes in". It meant the world to me to hear that.

Not all my extended family took it that way though. I didn't think to tell them when I was 16, so it was surprise to them the day I told them I was engaged. My grandma was supportive, and basically everything was ok with her as long as I didn't abandon my education and still got a degree (she's a university prof and a feminist, so that was her priority). My grandpa was extremely hurt, and it drove a wedge between us. He became less and less involved in my life. One day (4 years after we got married) I asked him for help because I was having an extremely difficult pregnancy, and he said "I won't help you because your church should be doing that, after you gave up everything for them". 2 years later I invited him to our house for Christmas dinner and we are just now starting to be okay.

So there's my story! Hope it helps a bit.

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