Sister in law's wedding....


christyml
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It's understandable, yes, but not necessarily right. Indeed, you have every right to feel her unfairness to you, but you're not in a position to pass judgements on honesty situations that don't concern you.

Alright fine. But I don't have to trust her, and not trusting someone is making a judgment call. I'd rather upset her and protect my feelings and my family than to put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay for the sake of making her happy.

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Alright fine. But I don't have to trust her, and not trusting someone is making a judgment call. I'd rather upset her and protect my feelings and my family than to put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay for the sake of making her happy.

And that's your right. And when it involves you and your family, you are obligated to protect yourself.

But back to your earlier question, no, temple interviews don't pick at your interactions with everyone.

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Alright fine. But I don't have to trust her, and not trusting someone is making a judgment call. I'd rather upset her and protect my feelings and my family than to put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay for the sake of making her happy.

Either that or you're over-reacting because you see your ex-mother-in-law superimposed over her. Just sayin...

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I do have another question. You know how when people are called in church, and they ask if there are any opposed? If you knew that someone did something that would make them unworthy of holding a calling, you're supposed to say something, no? Is it the same for when someone is preparing to enter the temple? I mean, there are no announcements about that like in church...

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I do have another question. You know how when people are called in church, and they ask if there are any opposed? If you knew that someone did something that would make them unworthy of holding a calling, you're supposed to say something, no? Is it the same for when someone is preparing to enter the temple? I mean, there are no announcements about that like in church...

Not quite the same. I suppose that if you felt very strongly, you could inform the bishop; but it's not your jurisdiction and you really don't know what's going on with this individual. Does the bishop already know?

By and large, though, worthiness is between the individual, the bishop/stake president, and the Lord. And some might even erase the second party here.

I know it's difficult, but sometimes you have to assume there's more to a story than what you know and sometimes you have to mind your own business and focus on your own salvation.

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I've faced many decisions like this: weddings of distant relatives, bar mitzvahs of cousins I barely knew, birthday parties at really inconvenient times for friends who had hurt me deeply. People will judge you most by your reaction to adversity. And I must say that after many expensive trips for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and birthday parties, I have enjoyed every one and grown closer to people who needed me close by.

But don't go too far. A friend of mine (an American) has a brother in Israel who gets married and divorced as often as other people buy new cars. He invited my friend to Israel for his sixth wedding, and my friend finally laid down a rule: he would attend weddings only of even-numbered new wives. Seems like a great compromise to me.

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Wow.... this was entertaining.

Christyml, if you come back and read this I hope you'll be in a different frame of mind. I hope you will see the uncharitable attitude you have towards your SIL and towards those who were trying to help you. Just because you don't like the advice you've asked for doesn't mean its not valid.

Its ALWAYS right to take the high road especially with family.

Other family members are seeing/hearing how she treats you. They probably don't want to be involved and they are watching how you'll respond. If you continue to take the high road in the relationship you will eventually find allies. If you stoop to her level then you will lose out.

My in-laws are difficult and have been for 36 years. My MIL drives me nuts and I'm sure I drive her nuts too. So we just keep our distance and never talk about anything other than the weather. The now ex-SIL who caused me so much heartache is gone. After she was gone (in a whirlwind of drama) I learned how much everyone else knew about how she treated me. Now its her daughter's turn to trash me but nobody believes her. At one point my ex-SIL was not allowed in my home. I took a lot of crap from extended family for that decision. My MIL accused me of trying to break up the family. I had to (as calmly as possible) explain that she could have anyone at her home she wanted and so could I. Our opinions about my BIL's ex are the same today... its one subject we can talk about and agree, besides the weather. :) But we don't talk about her... because its not right to gossip.

Its never easy to take the high road but it pays off big time later in life. There are just some things that aren't important enough to bring ourselves down over. Someone else's behavior is one of them.

There are other extended family members on both sides who I could use as examples. Nobody else's behavior is as important as your own. Nobody else's behavior will reflect on you more than your own. Finally, the only person you can do anything about is yourself.

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I think we all could be a bit more civil, actually.

I have a BIL that I can't stand. He has become better in the last year but his mere presence offends me. He's made inappropriate comments towards me (sexual and just rude), he eyeballs me at family get-togethers, and it all just makes me sick. I told my husband that I hate being around him but I suck it up for a couple hours during holiday events and such. My husband appreciates it BUT If I were to tell him that I just can't do it - he'd understand and go himself - he wouldn't hold a grudge against me either. A perfect example was when I was dealing with major bipolar issues. I was really imbalanced and had a hard time being around big groups of people. No one understood why I was so quiet and stand-offish. People kept asking my husband if I was mad at someone or thought I was too good for everyone - the speculations never stopped - and it hurt me a lot. Due to my request, my husband kept my condition confidential and simply told them that I was just struggling being around a lot of people. There was a point where I was so overwhelmed by my condition (despite being on MEDs) that I just couldn't attend family functions, important ones too, and my husband had my back and supported me through it. He basically said that he'd love for me to go with him but my wellbeing was more important than making an appearance just to suffice others. So do what's best for YOUR family - that being YOU, YOUR HUSBAND, and YOUR CHILD/REN. Making compromises is apart of life but not when it causes a riffraff in your own marriage and household.

Those are my two cents.

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I would do what is best for your family: that is, you, your husband, and your son. That is your priority in all things. Not your parents and siblings, not your husband's parents and siblings. They are all family, but not your immediate family.

This needs a BIG THUMBS UP. Thank you.

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I think I probably had the same attitude toward my difficult in-laws when I was in my early 20's, to be fair. But never to the degree that I stand as a roadblock between my husband and his family. Now, I do hold myself at an emotional distance for sure, and sometimes physical, but my relationship with my husband and his happiness are more important to me than avoiding discomfort when it comes to big things like holidays and weddings.

There is one exception. We've faced some possible abuse issues with one family member and one of my children. Since then we absolutely maintain physical distance, but that's because of a necessity to keep our children safe from absolute harm.

So far the ones who have been unkind to me haven't been unkind to my children, with the exception of that situation, so I do monitor what's going on but I don't keep my kids from their family, either, because my husband's family IS their family, after all.

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Where did we get this idea that Jesus would never tell a person something (s)he didn't want to hear? It sure isn't supported by the New Testament.

Jesus is many things, but He is not--and never was--a yes-man.

The savior said things in a gentle way in almost all cases, did not use sarcasm, biting comments and always took the listeners feelings into consideration when delivering his messages. People on message boards tend not to do that a lot of times.

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I get your point (though He sure wasn't gentle with the Pharisees, or with Herod. And let's not forget that even the most uncomfortable parts of the Mosaic Law were authored by the premarital Jesus). But I didn't see any of that in this thread. What did I miss?

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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The savior said things in a gentle way in almost all cases, did not use sarcasm, biting comments and always took the listeners feelings into consideration when delivering his messages.

I know this is a tangent, but I'm having a hard time reconciling that bolded claim, with scripture. Jesus insulted people, sometimes groups of people, sometimes individuals, on purpose, and provoked them to violence with his namecalling on more than one occasion, and actually followed up his fighting words with his own violence once.

Maybe he took their feelings into consideration, but decided they needed an insult or two lobbed at them anyway?

"O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things?"

"Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers"

"Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!"

"Woe unto you, ye blind guides"

"Is it not written, 'My house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer'? but ye have made it a den of thieves."

(No, I'm not justifying insulting people. I'm just responding to the claim that Jesus "always took listener's feelings into consideration", implying he never was purposefully inflammatory or insulting.

Everybody on this board needs to be nice.)

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The brother of a friend of mine once said "How other people treat you is not a reflection of who you are, it's a reflection of who they are".

Your treatment of your sister in-law...your desire for retaliation against perceived behavior......reflects on the kind of person YOU are, not the kind of person she is.

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Your treatment of your sister in-law...your desire for retaliation against perceived behavior......reflects on the kind of person YOU are, not the kind of person she is.

I'm not sure, I think harbouring ill feelings could reflect both parties, and not just one. Though there are times when one might wish negative upon another for no valid reason, I'd say more often than not, people don't hold grudges against others unless they genuinely feel that the other person intentionally hurt them. Like they say, it takes two to tango. That doesn't mean it's acceptable to remain forever angry. I'm just saying that as human beings, we tend to react negatively when negative things have happened to us. Another example might be someone that has a poor reputation for being untactful and rude. Others might wish said person would jump off a cliff and never be heard from again. This reflects not only on those that have been hurt but the individual who is the offender.

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