Rules For Improving Your Dating Life


creatorbri
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Requesting Feedback!

(Sorry if this is the wrong place to post, I wasn't sure where else to put it.)

I have been thinking a lot about dating and singlehood lately, having returned from the Mish approx. 6 months ago, and just starting to get into the dating scene a little. I've never been a strong dater, and feel pretty clueless most of the time. But I've been gathering in my head some thoughts I've accumulated of late, from listening to others and from my own limited (but eye-opening) personal experience. I've decided to organize and write some of these thoughts down.

I'm interested in getting some feedback on how I can improve this list and how I can incorporate other perspectives, while conveying the most important principles of Dating in a fairly concise and direct manner.

Rules for Improving Your Dating Life

1) Work on your Self. Strengthen your self-esteem, improve your relationship with the Lord, work on overcoming conquerable weaknesses, accept with humble confidence those things you can't change. BECOME the kind of person you want to marry!

2) Learn to interact with other people. Improve your social habits by going to every activity or event you can find (that meets your standards). Go up to people (both men and women) who you haven't met or don't know very well. Introduce yourself and get their name. Try to remember it. Ask them about themselves. Think of things to talk about. BE INTERESTED in other people!

3) PRACTICE. Do all you can to get dates.

For guys, ASK. Aim to go on one date per week (even after you get married, you should do this with your wife, so you may as well start now). It doesn't matter if a girl is stunningly attractive, or exactly "your type"; you can still go out and just have fun. However, don't be intimidated if she IS stunningly attractive or very outgoing. Some girls don't get many dates for these very reasons.

For girls, going out of your way to show that you are interested in a guy is a good way to hint to him that you'd like to go out. Also, don't hesitate to just flat out tell him that you would like to go out! One of the hardest things about asking someone out is the uncertainty of not knowing how they'll respond. If he knows you're interested, he's much more likely to go to the effort.

For BOTH guys and girls -- in most cases, DON'T refuse or avoid a first date!! A first date doesn't have to involve commitment, but can just be fun, and good practice to help you get better at it in the future. If someone you're not interested in asks you on a first date, consider accepting positively and cheerfully. It will boost their confidence and prepare the way for a good time regardless. Sometimes a first date will surprise you.

In all cases, strive to date people who share your moral standards. But never expect perfection... unless you've achieved it yourself!

4) Be HONEST. Don't feel obligated to accept a second date. If someone asks you out for a second date (or third, or whatever) and you've given them a fair chance but really aren't interested, TELL THEM SO. Just be nice about it -- be respectful, and appreciative of the time they've spent with you -- after all, the fact that they're asking you again is a sure sign they've enjoyed your company, and that's always a worthy compliment!

There's nothing wrong with continuing to date someone as long as you think there might possibly be potential, OR if both of you have discussed it together and come to the *mutual* understanding that you just want to "hang out" -- but once you come to the conclusion it's not for you, you need to fill them in. If you are honest enough at this point to let them know where you stand, they will save time, money, and possibly dashed hopes if you tell them straight up you're not really interested instead of leading them on. Even if they feel rejected at that moment, they will appreciate your honesty later.

5) Be Patient. You don't have to find your Eternal Companion right away -- but just know that it WILL happen if you're doing your part. Focus on self-improvement and dating for fun.

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I think it’s interesting you approach the topic from this perspective. I was always told that you need to keep in mind the end result of dating was to find your eternal companion, and that those you date should be candidates of that.

I don’t disagree with what you wrote but I have never given it much thought. I always was honest and kind of said this is me take it or leave it.

I would just council you to keep in mind that it would be wise to surround yourself with those who have similar values and goals to your own.

Dave Ramsey says there are four aspects of marriage that will make or break you the first is religion, second, kids, third money, and lastly in-laws. I think there are several others but this is defiantly a good start. I would also include cultural considerations that would definitely tie into religion how you raise your kids and the impact of what to expect from the in-laws.

I think you are on the right track that’s why no one has responded. Good luck I’ glad I found my wife as early in life as I did the dating scene sounds ruff from what my co-workers have to say. Just remember to be cautious, and prayerful of whom you consider for your eternal companion. I was once told “This is the biggest decision of your life,” bigger then any job you choose, bigger than any car or house you consider buying, because this decision will undoubtedly affect the out comes of not only this life but that of the next one as well.

-LT04

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I think it’s interesting you approach the topic from this perspective. I was always told that you need to keep in mind the end result of dating was to find your eternal companion, and that those you date should be candidates of that.

I don’t disagree with what you wrote but I have never given it much thought. I always was honest and kind of said this is me take it or leave it.

I would just council you to keep in mind that it would be wise to surround yourself with those who have similar values and goals to your own.

Dave Ramsey says there are four aspects of marriage that will make or break you the first is religion, second, kids, third money, and lastly in-laws. I think there are several others but this is defiantly a good start. I would also include cultural considerations that would definitely tie into religion how you raise your kids and the impact of what to expect from the in-laws.

I think you are on the right track that’s why no one has responded. Good luck I’ glad I found my wife as early in life as I did the dating scene sounds ruff from what my co-workers have to say. Just remember to be cautious, and prayerful of whom you consider for your eternal companion. I was once told “This is the biggest decision of your life,” bigger then any job you choose, bigger than any car or house you consider buying, because this decision will undoubtedly affect the out comes of not only this life but that of the next one as well.

-LT04

Dave Ramsey says there are four aspects of marriage that will make or break you the first is religion, second, kids, third money, and lastly in-laws. I think there are several others but this is defiantly a good start. I would also include cultural considerations that would definitely tie into religion how you raise your kids and the impact of what to expect from the in-laws.

wow.....could this be a Dave Ramsey fan here....????

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  • 4 weeks later...

HEYYYY!!! Well, I figured out 1 and 2 by myself now. *sigh*

Okay, I've been home 9 months...and no date. I'd like to blame that all on whatever work and school...I don't think I can. Or blame it because there weren't that many opportunities to socialize.

At the end of school, I changed to a singles ward because, yeah, need to socialize. I've found out I'm much more timid than before my mission. <_< But I am doing better!

Reading this..."Aim to date once per week" :ahhh: Uhm, wow, that's a goal. Let me start first with GETTING a date, LOL. But I'd like to have that as a goal one day...

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