Incorrect promptings?

[Le_chocolat]

There was this guy I was friends with for a while and then unofficially dated for about a week before he broke it off. He said he wanted to still hang out, but he ignored me very intentionally after that. There was this horrible tension every time we saw each other to the point where we almost became enemies. I had the feeling, though, that he was really struggling with something and didn't have a lot of people he could talk to. Whenever I read the scriptures, watched conference, prayed, I had a really strong prompting to be his friend and be there for him. So I went and talked to him and the first thing he said when I asked a simple "How are you?" was how he was struggling with exactly what I thought he was struggling with. He had never told me about it before. I just knew. So I took that as a confirmation of my prompting. I told him I didn't have feelings for him anymore, told him what our friendship meant to me and how it didn't make sense to destroy it over a week of nothing.

So we hung out with a group of friends like we used to, but after that he started ignoring me and avoiding me again, even though I continued to try and act on the prompting by reaching out to him and being his friend, but without being excessive or overbearing. He said something to my friend behind my back that made it obvious he in fact didn't want to hang out with me anymore, so I gave up. Why he acted the way he did is a mystery that I'm not going to bother trying to figure out. Our friendship is ruined beyond repair and I've done everything I could, so I'm not asking for advice on how to fix it. My question is, why did I receive a prompting to be his friend in the first place when it obviously wasn't the right thing to do?

Edited November 14, 2013 by Le_chocolat

[NeuroTypical]

I think if we put a thousand people in a room between the ages of 15 and 25 who believe they think they've had divine confirmation about romance with specific people, probably 975 of them are just experiencing emotional attachment.

Maybe you're one of the lucky .09%, but probably you're not.

I'm just guessing.

[Le_chocolat]

But this has nothing to do with romance. I didn't receive a prompting to marry the boy. Or even date him.

[Connie]

I don't know why you say it obviously wasn't the right thing to do. From what you've written, it seems like it obviously was the right thing to do. And probably is the right thing to do despite everything. You can still be kind to him, even while respecting his apparent wish to not hang out with you. You can still say hello. And if he ever reaches out to you again in friendship you can be the better person and not avoid or shun him as he is doing to you now. You have no need to avoid him. And just because he didn't response in kind to your friendship and used his agency to be mean and avoid you doesn't mean it wasn't the right thing to do.

[jerome1232]

You have your agency to follow promptings from the spirit, and he has his agency. Your choice didn't make his choice for him.

[NeuroTypical]

But this has nothing to do with romance. I didn't receive a prompting to marry the boy. Or even date him.

Let me put it this way.

I've literally never, in my entire life, heard about a person's prompting about how close they should be with another member of the same sex. Conversely, hardly a month goes by when I don't hear another story about a person's prompting on how close they should be with a member of the opposite sex.

Believe it's not about romance all you like, but forgive me if I'm a tad more hesitant to accept it.

[Le_chocolat]

Let me put it this way.

I've literally never, in my entire life, heard about a person's prompting about how close they should be with another member of the same sex.

I've heard plenty.

[Drpepper]

You received a prompting and you followed it. That's all The Lord asked you to do. The result of that is not up to you and the reason why things didn't turn out the way you thought has nothing to do with the validation of the prompting. The reasons for why things are the way they are will be manifest in time. Well done for following the prompting.

Edited November 15, 2013 by Drpepper

[Vort]

My question is, why did I receive a prompting to be his friend in the first place when it obviously wasn't the right thing to do?

Based on your story, it is not obvious to me that your actions were not "the right thing to do". You provided friendship and help at a time when he needed it. He responded by biting the hand that fed him. That's pretty much the story of this life, isn't it? We are given blessings and challenges, and then we are allowed to react to those blessings and challenges. We all react badly sometimes; hopefully, as we go along we learn to do a better job.

My advice is to give yourself a quick pat on the rear end for doing what you were prompted to do, quit worrying about the situation, and move on with your life.

[Anddenex]

While single I received a similar impression to be a friend with a young woman I dated in college (I am still this woman's friend). I agree with others who have shared their approval in following what you felt was a prompting from the Lord.

The prompting you received was "good" and all things which are good cometh from God. The decision of the young man is a aspect of his agency. The prompting doesn't change. Continue to be his friend when you see. Continue to be yourself.

The important element in this equation is that you were obedient to the prompting of the Lord, despite the confusion of how it ended.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Reminds me of my life. She says I am not right, prays about it, gets no answer, believes her anxiety is the answer while forgetting she has anxiety issues, so therefore, I am out. Next day, she is with a man who only wants sex, but is an RM.

My honestly and our feelings are dismissed because somehow a hypocritical RM is much more of an answer to her prayers.

Answers to prayers are individual, but coincidence does not necessarily mean its an answer.

You seem invested in this man, so I would gather that its more than simply a disappointed friendship. Its his life, as it is yours, but I wonder, how you approached him and if it affected his response.

[Roseslipper]

You choice to follow the spirit, which is a good thing.....Its the better road to learn to follow the spirit.......

[Roseslipper]

Reminds me of my life. She says I am not right, prays about it, gets no answer, believes her anxiety is the answer while forgetting she has anxiety issues, so therefore, I am out. Next day, she is with a man who only wants sex, but is an RM.

My honestly and our feelings are dismissed because somehow a hypocritical RM is much more of an answer to her prayers.

Answers to prayers are individual, but coincidence does not necessarily mean its an answer.

You seem invested in this man, so I would gather that its more than simply a disappointed friendship. Its his life, as it is yours, but I wonder, how you approached him and if it affected his response.

sorry about what u went through, but in the long run try to think that it turned out 4 the best 4 you!!

being single stinks!! friendship and dating shouldnt be so complicated, but it is. Even thou I never been married I know marriage can be wonderful or it can be hell. I do know that going to work every day is easier then being married, a good marriage takes alot of time, work and unselfishness on both parties....a good marriage is harder then going to work, but I do know that a good and great marriage with its ups and downs is worth it!!

[rameumptom]

Obviously, the Lord wanted you to give him a chance at a friendship he probably needs. You did your part, but he still has his agency.

Kind of like being prompted to share the gospel with someone, but he still says no. You win when you follow the prompting, regardless of what the other person does.

[justinc]

My understanding of Latter-day Saint revelation is that it is largely unreliable.

"Some revelations are of God: some revelations are of man: and some revelations are of the devil.” - Joseph Smith (President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), An Address to all Believers in Christ by David Whitmer (Book of Mormon witness), p 31, 1887

"All inspiration does not come from God. The evil one has the power to tap into those channels of revelation and send conflicting signals which can mislead and confuse us. There are promptings from evil sources which are so carefully counterfeited as to deceive even the very elect." - Revelation in a changing world - Boyd K. Packer

"If something is counterfeit, it means that it resembles the original so closely that it is difficult to distinguish which is the true and which is the false. So it is with counterfeit revelation. On the surface it may feel real. It may appear to be from the Lord. We may even have very strong feelings about what we have received. But this alone is not proof it is from God. Note that President Packer warns that we must ever be on guard against being deceived by our emotions or by revelation from an unworthy source. That suggests that counterfeit revelation is not a rare thing." - Gerald N. Lund (Church Educational System zone administrator), BYU Speech 1997

"Persons who persist in seeking revelatory guidance on subjects on which the Lord has not chosen to direct us may concoct an answer out of their own fantasy or bias, or they may even receive an answer through the medium of false revelation." - Dallin H. Oaks (Quorum of the Twelve Apostles), Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall

"Be ever on guard lest you be deceived by inspiration from an unworthy source. You can be given false spiritual messages. There are counterfeit spirits just as there are counterfeit angels. Be careful lest you be deceived, for the devil may come disguised as an angel of light. The spiritual part of us and the emotional part of us are so closely linked that is possible to mistake an emotional impulse for something spiritual. We occasionally find people who receive what they assume to be spiritual promptings from God, when those promptings are either centered in the emotions or are from the adversary." - Boyd K. Packer, The Candle of the Lord

[rameumptom]

It is very reliable. Very few of our teachings have dramatically changed. And then, it has mostly been due to speculation that was built up on the doctrine itself. Of the hundreds of talks given by Joseph Smith or Brigham Young, very few concepts are not believed today by LDS today, for instance.

The issue more often is to figure out the actual doctrine from the non-revelatory speculation that builds up around such a doctrine.

[Anddenex]

My understanding of Latter-day Saint revelation is that it is largely unreliable.

"Some revelations are of God: some revelations are of man: and some revelations are of the devil.” - Joseph Smith (President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), An Address to all Believers in Christ by David Whitmer (Book of Mormon witness), p 31, 1887

"All inspiration does not come from God. The evil one has the power to tap into those channels of revelation and send conflicting signals which can mislead and confuse us. There are promptings from evil sources which are so carefully counterfeited as to deceive even the very elect." - Revelation in a changing world - Boyd K. Packer

"If something is counterfeit, it means that it resembles the original so closely that it is difficult to distinguish which is the true and which is the false. So it is with counterfeit revelation. On the surface it may feel real. It may appear to be from the Lord. We may even have very strong feelings about what we have received. But this alone is not proof it is from God. Note that President Packer warns that we must ever be on guard against being deceived by our emotions or by revelation from an unworthy source. That suggests that counterfeit revelation is not a rare thing." - Gerald N. Lund (Church Educational System zone administrator), BYU Speech 1997

"Persons who persist in seeking revelatory guidance on subjects on which the Lord has not chosen to direct us may concoct an answer out of their own fantasy or bias, or they may even receive an answer through the medium of false revelation." - Dallin H. Oaks (Quorum of the Twelve Apostles), Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall

"Be ever on guard lest you be deceived by inspiration from an unworthy source. You can be given false spiritual messages. There are counterfeit spirits just as there are counterfeit angels. Be careful lest you be deceived, for the devil may come disguised as an angel of light. The spiritual part of us and the emotional part of us are so closely linked that is possible to mistake an emotional impulse for something spiritual. We occasionally find people who receive what they assume to be spiritual promptings from God, when those promptings are either centered in the emotions or are from the adversary." - Boyd K. Packer, The Candle of the Lord

I'm confused, what do these quotes have in common with your personal perception of LDS revelation?

[apexviper]

So we hung out with a group of friends like we used to, but after that he started ignoring me and avoiding me again, even though I continued to try and act on the prompting by reaching out to him and being his friend, but without being excessive or overbearing. He said something to my friend behind my back that made it obvious he in fact didn't want to hang out with me anymore, so I gave up. Why he acted the way he did is a mystery that I'm not going to bother trying to figure out. Our friendship is ruined beyond repair and I've done everything I could, so I'm not asking for advice on how to fix it. My question is, why did I receive a prompting to be his friend in the first place when it obviously wasn't the right thing to do?

I'll give you an example. Its not even close to the same scenario but follow me on this. My companion and I found an investigator through tracting. Nice Mexican girl. She wants us to come back. We go back. She tells us her brother would be there who was 16 and he was indeed there. We teach her the Restoration. I felt prompted to invite her to be baptized. Right before I say it, my companion invites her to be baptized. Her response: "Sure, I wouldn't mind getting baptized again." We were thinking cool. Then she says "I was baptized in the LDS church when I was 8. My dad is a member." After we left, my companion and I talked about it and we both got the prompting to invite her to be baptized. While "invite her to be baptized" was the prompting, her getting baptized had nothing to do with the prompting. The Holy Ghost told us to extend that invitation so we would know we found one of the wandering sheep of Israel.

The point is, promptings aren't always what they appear to be on the surface. President Monson counsels us to "never postpone a prompting." Moroni teaches us that anything that persuades us to do good is of God. You tried to be his friend. One day he will look back on your love and kindness, despite how he acted toward you, and realize he had a true friend. When he realizes that, he will want to find a friend like you, if not you yourself, and do all he can to keep that friendship going.

[justinc]

I'm confused, what do these quotes have in common with your personal perception of LDS revelation?

If you hold to a worldview which is motivated largely by personal revelation and then allow for the possibility that one cant think they are getting revelation when in fact they have just concocted it in their mind or are actually getting it from from Satan - it just seems to me to be unreliable.

Though I am open to you solving the dilemma if I'm wrong :)

Edited November 16, 2013 by justinc

[Guest]

[modhat] Just a reminder that the LDS Gospel Discussion forum is for discussing LDS doctrine, not debating it. [/modhat]

[justinc]

[modhat] Just a reminder that the LDS Gospel Discussion forum is for discussing LDS doctrine, not debating it. [/modhat]

I was just offering my perspective on the OP. No offense, just my opinion. Was there something wrong with my post that would be any different from Latter-day Saints disagreeing with each other on here? (eg. Latter-day Saints debating why God allows suffering)

[Drpepper]

OP The funny thing about personal revelation is that its "Personal". So when you throw this out to a general forum like this your going to get a whole bunch of ideas and interpretation about a revelation intended for no one on this site. Before you get to many more conflicting ideas i would suggest you consider the following counsel from an apostle of the Lord.

"How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for your Personal Life"

How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life - general-conference

[Chrissy3818]

My question is, why did I receive a prompting to be his friend in the first place when it obviously wasn't the right thing to do?

Maybe it was a prompting to TRY to be his friend, which, in the end leaves an affect of that effort you made.

You were prompted to be his friend, you tried, but he unwilling, made it fail. You trying will leave an impression on him (sub)Consciously. Maybe that's what God wanted. Don't try any further.

[NightSG]

He said something to my friend behind my back that made it obvious he in fact didn't want to hang out with me anymore, so I gave up.

Forgive him, ask his forgiveness, (even if you don't feel like you did anything wrong, he apparently thinks you did) and let him know you're still open to friendship.

Just a gut feeling here; I doubt you actually were being overbearing, but it might have seemed that way to him if he was in the middle of something difficult and not ready to talk to you about it at the time. Just clear up the negativity to the extent that you can do it gently, and be there if he does want to talk later.

[Traveler]

There are two kind of promptings that come to man. One is of G-d the other is of Satan and intended to counterfeit and claim to be of G-d. Obviously there are a large number that are prompted of Satan thinking such prompting is of G-d and this is the source of all contention.

There is only one way to know of what means promptings come - and it does not matter if the source is personal or from someone else. If you as an individual are keeping the commandments by covenant you will not be mislead - but if you are not keeping the covenants you will and are are being carefully prompted and led by Satan away from G-d.

The Traveler