Turkey


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My grandmother (whose basement I happen to be living in) is hosting Thanksgiving this week. She is infamous for buying the smallest turkey possible. It's become a family joke. Usually, all the subfamilies involve go home and eat their own turkey.

However, living in the same house, we really don't get to do that sneakily. And living in the same house, other family members have urged us to convince her otherwise.

How would you approach an elderly woman set in her ways to buy a bigger bird? (In years past it's often been everyone gets a mouthful or others go without.) She has refused our offer to buy it for dinner.

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Well since it's her house, you can't really force your way or anyone else's way upon her. And since she's refused your offer to buy a turkey, it'd be rude to do it anyway. I guess you just need to be grateful for her hospitality and maybe offer to make another dish that might fill the bellies of those that feel they won't be eating enough.

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Maybe offer to cook it, too? Or have another family member prepare one to bring? Or does she insist on being the one to prepare it, since she's the hostess?

I'm wondering if she's just concerned about a larger turkey hogging the oven for too long, when she has other things that need to bake. If it's being cooked in someone else's oven, leaving hers free for the other things she wants to cook, it might make her more willing.

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That's what we all figured. Ah well. Perhaps Husband and I can sneak off to another relative's house the next day and get some of their turkey. I'd hate to offend her by buying our own turkey the next day.

Side dishes, though, have never been a problem. The families all go potluck on that and so there's plenty to eat. It's just that people specifically want more turkey.

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Maybe offer to cook it, too? Or have another family member prepare one to bring? Or does she insist on being the one to prepare it, since she's the hostess?

I'm wondering if she's just concerned about a larger turkey hogging the oven for too long, when she has other things that need to bake. If it's being cooked in someone else's oven, leaving hers free for the other things she wants to cook, it might make her more willing.

We may try to offer to cook it! Anyone else bringing it is a no-no, she wants to be the hostess that way. The funny thing is that every year she acknowledges she should have gotten a bigger one. And then forgets the next year.

I suspect it stems from her hatred of having any food left over.

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EITHER

1) Offer to buy it as a way to say Thank You! for having you there... And then buy a decent sized bird for the #of people present

OR

2) Come home with a turkey today (before she buys one!) and tell her that in appreciation of being allowed to stay there, you & hubs wanted to buy the turkey for thanksgiving his year.

If she's anything like MY grandparents, #2 is the only option that would "work"... Not simply in the "Its easier to beg pardon than gain permission" BUT As even if they agreed with the sentiment, they could never agree to it if proposed (out of granite firm politeness) unless it was fait accompli. (At which point they'd go on about how it wasn't necessary/ I shouldn't have/ etc., and then gush to their friends about how thoughtful the completely unnecessa thing was, and aren't we just darling for et cetera so forth and so on. AKA bragging while protecting their pride (in a good way / never putting burden on a young family OR guests, much less both).

Q

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As an aside... I used to buy 12 turkeys during the holiday season when they went on sale for between 11c per pound to 33c per pound, and throw them all in the deep freeze / cook one per month. Even with bones, and at the "higher" price... Still MASSIVE savings at 40cents- 1dollar (adjusted for waste) a pound over

- $12 per pound for lunch meat

- $7 per pound for ground turkey

I miss my deep freeze!

But... If you have one... It's a great way to save money if there's a high cost of living where y'all are at

And... A way to get more than a mouthful, even if its on a different day, if e above ideas don't work!

Q

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It might be too late now, but if you gathered up several recipes for things to do with the leftover turkey and said to her, "Grandma, I'd like to get a bigger turkey this year so that I can try some of these recipes with the leftovers." Maybe you could persuade her to buy up. Perhaps if she feels like there's definite purpose to the extra food she'll go for it.

With such an offer, I believe it would be polite to offer to buy the bird, pay the difference, or share the goodies you make with the leftovers.

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How would you approach an elderly woman set in her ways to buy a bigger bird?
I notice you didn't say "how would you nicely approach", (or politely, or lovingly), so here you go:

Mom, we're sick to death of there not being enough turkey to go around. Either buy a bigger turkey, or [sister] says she's holding Thanksgiving dinner at her house.

This will settle the issue (as long as [sister] doesn't cave in to pressure to honor her mother).

Happy turkey day!

:lol:

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Arrange for a family member to "gift" you a turkey deep-fryer, and then explain to Grandma that Hubby is just so anxious to try out his new turkey fryer, does she mind if you bring a small-ish, deep-fried turkey to supplement the delicious traditional-baked turkey that she'll already have?

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I don't understand the "beating around the bush" concept of "almost lying" to spare someone's feelings. If it's a big deal that the turkey is too small then tell her straight up!

Okay okay... this is how this is going down in my house:

Situation: Grandma says she should have gotten a bigger turkey and forgets the next year.

Me: hey grandma, remember we didn't have enough turkey last year, so here's money so you can get a bigger one this year.

Grandma (my grandma is a spunky woman, she passed away 11 years ago): I don't need your money, I can afford to buy a bigger Turkey.

Me: You're the greatest grandma on the planet, grandma and I love you very very much.

So then my grandma comes home with the Turkey, I look at it and see how small it is... Well, it's a pot luck, so I would go get some pre-cooked, pre-sliced Turkey breast from Honey Baked Ham to add to the centerpiece whole turkey.

Now, if I'm uncomfortable telling grandma to buy a bigger Turkey because I'm not sure if she's going to feel hurt (I don't understand why she would, but from the responses here, I guess you think she would), I would not bother reminding her to get a bigger turkey, I'd just go ahead and bring the Honey Baked Ham turkey breast to supplement.

Edited by anatess
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Or cook a ham and add that to the dinner menu. That is what electric roasters are for - get one, put the ham in it and serve it along with tiny tom turkey.

I just served a Cure 81 spiral sliced ham for dinner. Cooked it in my new electric roaster (my oven is too small for a 20+ turkey!!). Ham weighed 8.25 pounds - took 2 hours at 325 to get hot all the way through (NOT frozen).

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I'm with you, anatess. I wish more people could be direct (and kind) about things. Would relieve alot of stress, heartache and confusion.

"Grandma, last year we didn't have enough turkey, remember us talking about it? And this year, I'd like to have some leftovers to try some recipes. Can we get a turkey that is at least 20 lbs? I'm more than happy to help pay for it if that's a problem. In fact, let me go get it since that's pretty big and I can lug it home. But, I'm sure glad you are here to cook it! I love your turkey!"

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I'm with you, anatess. I wish more people could be direct (and kind) about things. Would relieve alot of stress, heartache and confusion.

"Grandma, last year we didn't have enough turkey, remember us talking about it? And this year, I'd like to have some leftovers to try some recipes. Can we get a turkey that is at least 20 lbs? I'm more than happy to help pay for it if that's a problem. In fact, let me go get it since that's pretty big and I can lug it home. But, I'm sure glad you are here to cook it! I love your turkey!"

My work friends tell me I'm too direct. I have a hard time discerning if the guy who asked me how my weekend went was really asking or was actually just saying Hi because I used to give them a detailed account of my weekend when they ask, "how was your weekend?" and my friends say they're not really interested. So then I started replying, "Do you really want to know, or were you just saying Hi?" and that turns people off too. It's like they really just expect me to mind read. So now, I just say, "It was fine, how's yours?" even if I had a really sucky weekend. Yeah, it is kinda lying but not because I actually was just saying Hi. I don't know... it's just easier to just say Hi and leave it at that unless I really want to know how your weekend went, ya know? But, it doesn't flow well with the question, "How was your weekend?". Yes, I tend to overthink simple sentences...

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My work friends tell me I'm too direct. I have a hard time discerning if the guy who asked me how my weekend went was really asking or was actually just saying Hi because I used to give them a detailed account of my weekend when they ask, "how was your weekend?" and my friends say they're not really interested. So then I started replying, "Do you really want to know, or were you just saying Hi?" and that turns people off too. It's like they really just expect me to mind read. So now, I just say, "It was fine, how's yours?" even if I had a really sucky weekend. Yeah, it is kinda lying but not because I actually was just saying Hi. I don't know... it's just easier to just say Hi and leave it at that unless I really want to know how your weekend went, ya know? But, it doesn't flow well with the question, "How was your weekend?". Yes, I tend to overthink simple sentences...

In colloquial English, especially American English, the phrase "How are you?" means "Hello." It's not really an invitation for you to explain your hemmorhoid flare-up or the fight you had with your spouse last night. Similarly, the appropriate answer to "How was your weekend?" is "Great! How was yours?" Of course, there is some variability there -- if you had a terrible weekend, "Not so good" is acceptable, perhaps followed by a short (note the word) explanation. But the point is, it's a social pleasantry and should be viewed as such.

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Well, I went grocery shopping with her. And grabbed the turkey. She was too busy shopping to check the weight. Though she did say "make sure it's not too big". Success.

People have been more direct with her in the past. It just starts naysaying of "Oh, the turkey will be fine." (Then on Thanksgiving, "I guess it was too small.")

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People have been more direct with her in the past. It just starts naysaying of "Oh, the turkey will be fine." (Then on Thanksgiving, "I guess it was too small.")

See, you should have gotten it in writing last year, then you could have whipped it out and said, "According to you, you're wrong. Grab the big bird." Either that or start feigning concern about her dementia, that'd work too.

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