Just A Little Bit Of Humor

[Iggy]

THAT is funny! I can just hear a child saying that and see the expression of disgust on his face.

On a trip to the Zoo with my nephews ( 3 of them with the youngest being 5) and my niece (their sister who was 7 at the time), we went by the enclosure for the barnyard fowl. My niece and youngest nephew pointed at the chickens and said in unison - "Whatrthose?". I answered - Chickens. The two kids looked at each other then looked at the chickens then looked up at their Dad with such a betrayed look! Then they looked back at me and said - DAD makes us eat them!?! All four kids absolutely love chicken. Ask them what they want for dinner and it is always Chicken. Never pizza, or hot dogs. Always chicken. Yeah, DAD makes us eat them!

[pushka]

LOL Elphie...I hate lettuce too!! :)

THAT is funny! I can just hear a child saying that and see the expression of disgust on his face.

On a trip to the Zoo with my nephews ( 3 of them with the youngest being 5) and my niece (their sister who was 7 at the time), we went by the enclosure for the barnyard fowl. My niece and youngest nephew pointed at the chickens and said in unison - "Whatrthose?". I answered - Chickens. The two kids looked at each other then looked at the chickens then looked up at their Dad with such a betrayed look! Then they looked back at me and said - DAD makes us eat them!?! All four kids absolutely love chicken. Ask them what they want for dinner and it is always Chicken. Never pizza, or hot dogs. Always chicken. Yeah, DAD makes us eat them!

Grrrrrr....I thought we were gonna get a sweet happy ending, where the kids become vegetarian

[Iggy]

Nope - they still love chicken. The youngest, Aaron - is sure to tell everone that they only buy the chicken that doesn't have it's coat on. (feathers)

[pushka]

Hahaha...My dad used to tell me we were having chicken when he'd been out shooting and brought back a rabbit...as if I'd be fooled..the smell of the rabbit being prepared was terrible!!!

[Elphaba]

THAT is funny! I can just hear a child saying that and see the expression of disgust on his face.

You got it exactly!

On a trip to the Zoo with my nephews ( 3 of them with the youngest being 5) and my niece (their sister who was 7 at the time), we went by the enclosure for the barnyard fowl. My niece and youngest nephew pointed at the chickens and said in unison - "Whatrthose?". I answered - Chickens. The two kids looked at each other then looked at the chickens then looked up at their Dad with such a betrayed look! Then they looked back at me and said - DAD makes us eat them!?! All four kids absolutely love chicken. Ask them what they want for dinner and it is always Chicken. Never pizza, or hot dogs. Always chicken. Yeah, DAD makes us eat them!

(I'm getting as bad as PaleRider, except instead of "LOL" I put a laughing thingie)

Elphie

[Iggy]

Hahaha...My dad used to tell me we were having chicken when he'd been out shooting and brought back a rabbit...as if I'd be fooled..the smell of the rabbit being prepared was terrible!!!

My uncle raised rabbits for the food - I could tell the difference sometimes by the stringy meat. Usually Mom would chop it up and make "chicken" and dumplings.

Here is something that will get a chuckle out of you. It is a woman selling Pokeman cards on Ebay - scroll down to read her discription: Pokeman Cards For Sale

[Elphaba]

<div class='quotemain'>

Hahaha...My dad used to tell me we were having chicken when he'd been out shooting and brought back a rabbit...as if I'd be fooled..the smell of the rabbit being prepared was terrible!!!

My uncle raised rabbits for the food - I could tell the difference sometimes by the stringy meat. Usually Mom would chop it up and make "chicken" and dumplings.

Here is something that will get a chuckle out of you. It is a woman selling Pokeman cards on Ebay - scroll down to read her discription: Pokeman Cards For Sale

That woman is insane! "With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon. . . "

Hysterical! I would have walked out of the store.

Thanks for that.

Elphie

[pam]

Okay I will tell you a personal story about myself. I was about 14. And please don't repeat this story to my mother. She would be mortified.

Anyway, I and my best friend at the time were in Sunday School class. The lesson was boring, the teacher was boring so we got a little distracting. The teacher finally told both of us, "If you don't want to sit and listen you are more than welcome to leave." Well the two of us looked at each other and we were out the door.

Okay so now we are ditching Sunday School class and where to go? We head out to the parking lot only to realize that the classroom where the Gospel Doctrine class is taught overlooks the parking lot. Knowing our parents could probably see us we decide that's not a good place to be.

We then head up to the women's bathroom. Now this was an older model chapel. It had a sitting area you go through before getting to the main bathroom. We are standing around in the sitting area and the Bishop's wife comes in. She asks us, "Aren't you girls supposed to be in class?" We then reply, "We are waiting for a friend that is using the bathroom." Well while she is changing her baby, we go into the room with the stalls. We need to make it look like someone is in there. So I go into one of the stalls, flip the lock over. I then realize the door to the stall comes way to low to the floor to go under the door. I made the decision to swing up OVER the stall door. Well while I was coming down the other side, my dress is caught on the door hook on the inside of the stall. So there I am hanging with my dress up past my waist and can't get down. My friend is laughing so hard she is of no help. At that moment the Bishop's wife comes in, sees me and sweetly asks, "Do you need any help?" I reply "nope I'm just fine." I did have to do a pull up (boy sure could not do that today) unhook my dress and we were out of there.

To this day whenever I talk to this friend the first thing said is "So where have you been "hanging" out lately." I'm also surprised that no mention of any of this was ever made to my parents.

[Elphaba]

Okay I will tell you a personal story about myself. I was about 14. And please don't repeat this story to my mother. She would be mortified.

Anyway, I and my best friend at the time were in Sunday School class. The lesson was boring, the teacher was boring so we got a little distracting. The teacher finally told both of us, "If you don't want to sit and listen you are more than welcome to leave." Well the two of us looked at each other and we were out the door.

Okay so now we are ditching Sunday School class and where to go? We head out to the parking lot only to realize that the classroom where the Gospel Doctrine class is taught overlooks the parking lot. Knowing our parents could probably see us we decide that's not a good place to be.

We then head up to the women's bathroom. Now this was an older model chapel. It had a sitting area you go through before getting to the main bathroom. We are standing around in the sitting area and the Bishop's wife comes in. She asks us, "Aren't you girls supposed to be in class?" We then reply, "We are waiting for a friend that is using the bathroom." Well while she is changing her baby, we go into the room with the stalls. We need to make it look like someone is in there. So I go into one of the stalls, flip the lock over. I then realize the door to the stall comes way to low to the floor to go under the door. I made the decision to swing up OVER the stall door. Well while I was coming down the other side, my dress is caught on the door hook on the inside of the stall. So there I am hanging with my dress up past my waist and can't get down. My friend is laughing so hard she is of no help. At that moment the Bishop's wife comes in, sees me and sweetly asks, "Do you need any help?" I reply "nope I'm just fine." I did have to do a pull up (boy sure could not do that today) unhook my dress and we were out of there.

To this day whenever I talk to this friend the first thing said is "So where have you been "hanging" out lately." I'm also surprised that no mention of any of this was ever made to my parents.

SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT :rofl: :rofl: SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT

THAT is the funniest dang story I ever read!!

Elphie

Edit: I think you should send that to The Ensign. Gotta go. I'm laughin' so hard I gotta pee.

[pushka]

Wow!! That ebay auction item was hilarious!!

Looks like she got plenty of feedback...had to stop at 101 questions/answers, and her other item comes with a tale too:

http://cgi.ebay.com/BUTTERICK-PATTERN-4473...1QQcmdZViewItem

I look forward to hearing when her 'potential' book comes out! :)

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

Okay I will tell you a personal story about myself. I was about 14. And please don't repeat this story to my mother. She would be mortified.

Anyway, I and my best friend at the time were in Sunday School class. The lesson was boring, the teacher was boring so we got a little distracting. The teacher finally told both of us, "If you don't want to sit and listen you are more than welcome to leave." Well the two of us looked at each other and we were out the door.

Okay so now we are ditching Sunday School class and where to go? We head out to the parking lot only to realize that the classroom where the Gospel Doctrine class is taught overlooks the parking lot. Knowing our parents could probably see us we decide that's not a good place to be.

We then head up to the women's bathroom. Now this was an older model chapel. It had a sitting area you go through before getting to the main bathroom. We are standing around in the sitting area and the Bishop's wife comes in. She asks us, "Aren't you girls supposed to be in class?" We then reply, "We are waiting for a friend that is using the bathroom." Well while she is changing her baby, we go into the room with the stalls. We need to make it look like someone is in there. So I go into one of the stalls, flip the lock over. I then realize the door to the stall comes way to low to the floor to go under the door. I made the decision to swing up OVER the stall door. Well while I was coming down the other side, my dress is caught on the door hook on the inside of the stall. So there I am hanging with my dress up past my waist and can't get down. My friend is laughing so hard she is of no help. At that moment the Bishop's wife comes in, sees me and sweetly asks, "Do you need any help?" I reply "nope I'm just fine." I did have to do a pull up (boy sure could not do that today) unhook my dress and we were out of there.

To this day whenever I talk to this friend the first thing said is "So where have you been "hanging" out lately." I'm also surprised that no mention of any of this was ever made to my parents.

SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT :rofl: :rofl: SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT

THAT is the funniest dang story I ever read!!

Elphie

Edit: I think you should send that to The Ensign. Gotta go. I'm laughin' so hard I gotta pee.

Sorry but I locked the door to the stall.

[Palerider]

We use to sneak out during sunday school and look for cars in the parking lot with the windows down and a manual shift. We would push them to the other side of the parking lot. Then we would be outside after church to listen to what people would say....such as.....how did the car get there...I don't remember parking there.....why did you move the car, I thought it was here......LOL!!!!

[pam]

We did that to one person almost every Sunday for a month. That person really thought they were going crazy.

[Palerider]

We did that to one person almost every Sunday for a month. That person really thought they were going crazy.

I believe we drove a few there too....

[pam]

I want you to know...I never stepped foot in that bathroom again.

[Palerider]

I want you to know...I never stepped foot in that bathroom again.

hey......I didn't ask...........

[pam]

A man has 50-yard-line tickets for the Superbowl. As he sits down, another man comes and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No, "he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Superbowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor -- to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

Dictionary for Women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment): n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*head): n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a Police Officer.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q): n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up -- but he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks): n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope): n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer): n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda (dy*it so*da): n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee): n The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz): v To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery list (grow*ser*ee list): n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hardware store (hard*war stor): n. Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth): n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "focus ... breathe ... push ... "

Lipstick (lip*stik): n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!

Park (park): v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens): n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah): n. Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae): n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

[Elphaba]

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder,

and snapped it off the drive. Previously, CD-ROM makers used to label the front of the

CD-ROM drive with its speed (e.g. 2X, 4X, 8X). As drives became faster, this practice faded away.

According to the lore, this came from a technical representative from Australia, where they have a beer called "4X".

[Elphaba]

From an ex-field sales / support survivor:

I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply. The service rep was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.

Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.

Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT that will take care of this.

Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem.

Customer: I know that there is something that I can put in... some command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.

[After a few minutes of going round and round]

Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer.

[Customer does this]

Customer: It is still smoking.

Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.

[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy but NO... he calls back four hours later]

Service Rep: Hello Sir, how is your computer?

Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost..

[susieSA]

I thought that this one might get a few laughes

Okay, so it is not working

[chachy]

OK an embarrassing true story...

My friend Katie decided she would like to meet the missionaries, so I called them over for lunch. Me and Katie set to work making some really nice soup, with some lovely fresh bread we had bought from the supermarket. I happened to comment that it was a shame I couldn't find my mixing tool for my bread maker, else we could've made the bread ourselves. Now me and Katie are good for a laugh, so we thought we would sprinkle flour over our shop bought bread and shove it in the oven right before the missionaries arrived and pretend we had made it ourselves.

Ten minutes before the guys were due, we put the bread in the oven and went to muck about on youtube for a minute. After about four minutes my husband, in a very unconcerned voice called to us, "By the way, there is smoke coming out the oven", then went back to his paper.

Katie and I ran into the kitchen and sure enough, smoke was billowing out the oven, I whipped it open to find a big black flaming mass that was once called a loaf of bread. See our oven is a combi oven, and somehow we had managed to set the oven to the grill setting. It must have been about 300 degrees in there, and the blooming thing had caught fire.

I'm not good at emergencies and I started doing what I do best, flapping. "TAAAAAM THE BREAD IS ON FIRE!! WHAT DO I DO?! TAAAAM!!" Katie was hovering about trying to think how we were going to get it out before the smoke alarm kicked in and kept giving really unhelpful suggestions like, "Should I spray something on it?" No Katie, I don't think kitchen cleaner will really help.

Right about then Tam called through again, still supremely unconcerned "That's the Missionaries here, you might want to let them in" Still stuck in his paper.

I run out to get them, yell "Come in boys, by the way, THERE IS A FIRE!!!!" Then ran back inside, leaving them in the garden looking completely confused.

By the time I got back into the kitchen Tam had taken pity on us and had quite calmly taken the bread out the oven and put the flames out. Then me and Katie snapped and started howling with laughter. The missionaries, who had decided they should probably just come in, stood looking at us like we had two heads each. Then they snapped out of it and reached across the smoking husk to shake Katie's hand and introduce themselves. Once the whole sorry story had been explained they found it almost as funny as we did and even drove over to the supermarket to get more bread.

After lunch we took photos of the bread, then hollowed it out, spooned in the leftover soup and hurled it over the fence at the neighbours dog who keeps peeing through the fence. Both Elder G and Elder P had the pictures stuck in their Tbooks and I swear I think they told the whole mission about it at their next zone conference.

So there is a lesson for you, do not try to trick messengers of God, it just doesn't work

[susieSA]

Oh man.. That is a really funny one

[Alaskagain]

. . . See our oven is a combi oven, and somehow we had managed to set the oven to the grill setting. . .

so THAT is how you grill fairy cakes!

[Dr T]

Thanks for those last few all.

[chachy]

<div class='quotemain'>

. . . See our oven is a combi oven, and somehow we had managed to set the oven to the grill setting. . .

so THAT is how you grill fairy cakes!

Yes, that is exactly how I ended up grilling fairy cakes, did you know that when they are grilled, they get HUGE and kind of expand all over the oven, it's just a tad messy