Just found out my sister hates the Church

[kstevens67]

My sister and I have always been close…at least until last Christmas it seems. I am the only LDS member in my family. When my wife and I got married in the Temple 15 years ago, I knew this didn’t sit well with my sister. She never really understood why she was not able to see our ceremony in the Temple. I tried to make things easier on my family by deciding to also have a ring ceremony outside of the temple for everyone, who could not enter the temple, to see.

I never looked at my sister as holding a grudge, until my family got together last Christmas. At first, my sister started having an attitude towards my wife (We are trying to prepare a surprise B-day party for our Mom). For some reason, my sister just didn’t like any of our ideas and said some hurtful things which really upset my wife. I know my sister is having some problems (marriage, jobs, etc.) and I looked at that as the stress just getting to her. Then I decided to sit down and have a talk with my sister. At first our talk mentioned certain things I wouldn’t see as problems, but then she mentioned how I am not a member of God’s church as God’s church would not separate people like her. It was then that it hit me. It was the church she still hates almost 15 years later. She has had this inside her for so long and just snapped. She mentioned her Church is much more true as everyone is welcome everywhere. My sister said some hurtful things about the Church (at least hurtful to me) and what’s worse is that this was coming from my own sister. I talked to my wife about it who said we still need to follow the rules, which is right. Perhaps I should have sat down and explained to my sister before the wedding what was going to happened (also mentioned by my wife). This may have alleviated some of the anger my sister would have felt.

I’m not sure if I should try and explain about the temple ceremony, why it’s so sacred, and why only certain people are allowed inside these sacred rooms. I’m not sure that would help though. I’m not even sure the right way to approach and what to say.

[Maureen]

Or the LDS church may choose to change their wedding policy in the future.

http://familyfirstweddings.com/

(I understand if the moderators choose to take this link down.)

M.

[mnn727]

Not sure what to tell you. DW and I are also the only converts in our families and while nothing has really been said openly I know some members of both our families do not like the Church.

Your sister is an adult and can choose to still be offended by what she does not understand.

You will have to judge for yourself what she would be willing to listen to about the Church and the Temple. It may be worth it or it may not be.

- - -

I have a feeling that many Churches will stop officiating weddings due to the changes in marriage laws.

The Church could still hold Sealing's in its Temples after a civil ceremony, similar to how they do in England.

Edited December 27, 2013 by mnn727

[Roseslipper]

Hello Kstevens,

I'm so sorry that your sister has such bad feelings about the church. I am a convert too. It is a very hard thing when you have family that can not go to the Temple Wedding, they don't understand. But it's great that you had a ring ceremony. It's best to explain to them the purpose of a temple, sealings and how it its scared and why only certain people can come in not all members can go in. I tell people nothing goes on there that's not in the scriptures. And Heavenly Father teaches us a little at a time. It's too much to handle all at once. Just like

children learn. etc. When there is an open house you can ask your non member family if they would like to go. Or maybe you can have a FHE setting with them and discuss the gospel. It might soften their hearts. And of course you can pray for them, and love them and serve them as Christ would. Do u live far from them? Maybe you can ask your sister if she will help you with the surprise party...get her more involved in your lives... Have a blessed New Year!

[Jane_Doe]

I have a sister whom is prone to hold grudges. Working with her has taught me a few things.

When things are going down, I try to be very reasonable and fair to include her and honor her wishes. I like to think that I (most times) do this well. Sometimes her requests are not something I can reasonably accommodate (or she’s just being impossible to please). When this happens, I ask myself “Did I do my best and most fair?” If the answer is yes, then I did my best, so there’s no point in beating myself up about it. If she is choosing to hold a grudge, that’s her issue and not mine.

When my sister does hold the same grudges over years… they eat at her and become this infested mess. Even if I directly address the complaint, doing exactly as she wants, it still doesn’t heal the infection. Healing that infection is much more complicated, and often involves her self-esteem being damaged: she feels cast out for some reason so she is unhappy (you mentioned your sister was having marital problems).

Obviously, the best healing for the hurt your sister is feeling would be to go to the Master Healer. But her decision to let Him heal her is not your choice. The (only) thing YOU can do is to show her Christ-like love. If she is upset, listen to her. If she has a problem, listen to her. If she is happy, listen to her. Listening to her concerns does not involve changing your beliefs (and it’s unfair for her to ask you to), but it does allow her to express herself and be validated that way.

If she is not ready to talk about what’s bothering her, then don’t push the issue— Christ doesn’t force anyone to come to Him, and neither should we.

[Quin]

I'm lucky in that my family encompasses many many many different religions.

Which means that when someone gets huffy about omething in mine... I can usually point out something in theirs & others that is pretty similar.

Catholics = confession & precana, for example.

But... Since she's making YOUR wedding about HER... And jeeze. It's only FIFTEEN YEARS later.

I suspect that any kind of "reasoning" at this point is kinda like Don Quixote tilting at windmills.

Sure, you could try.

I doubt you'd be successful.

Instead, I might try ignoring what she's arguing ABOUT, and simply dealing with feelings.

Like: Im sorry you feel hurt, that wasnt our intention.

Or

Since we don't tear your church apart, and mock, and ridicule both it and you... Do you think you could show us the same respect that we show you and not tear our church apart and mock and ridicule us?

Q

[Dravin]

I've found it helpful to talk about the temple not in terms of worthiness, which usually raises peoples hackles, but rather in terms of preparedness to make and keep covenants (within the context of the temple they are the same thing but I suppose the branding matters for those who don't understand that). It also tends to ameliorate people's feelings when you point out not all Mormons are prepared to enter the temple. When people understand it is like wanting to attend graduate school when you haven't even started high school and not, "You aren't part of our super cool club so you can't use the tree house." They tend to react better.

Though there are people who are going to have a conniption regardless and that is the point where you just need to let them own their feelings, and if she's been nursing a grudge for a while it may be long past reasoned discourse.