Modifying a divorce decree

[funkenheimer]

I have not posted on this board in a while but I have received some very good advice in the past and thought I would try it again with this new problem.

I have been divorced for 4 years and remarried for 2 years.

My divorce decree states that I can randomly drug test my ex wife once each month. In the 4 years we have been divorced she has failed dozens of drug tests and passed 1. The only penalty for a failed drug test is that she loses visitation until she tests clean. I now realize this is not enough. Unfortunately my divorce papers only allow me to have her drug tested for 4 years. This has recently expired.

I want to do the following that would require modifying the divorce decree. I have documentation for all of the failed drug attempts.

- restablish drug testing as she clearly is not clean.

- establish a much more strict drug testing policy that includes outpatient therapy and some kind of 12 step program

Is it possible to get a divorce decree modified by myself? I have done some research and it seems pretty difficult. I have also met with a few attorneys and it will cost me around $3000 - $4000 dollars. I have been out of work for 4 months, recently had heart surgery, and I just don't have the money.

[Quin]

Why isn't this enough?

The only point of intersection between you & your ex are your children.

Since she loses custody until she tests clean... Then she won't have your kids... So there's no point of intersection.

As far as updating it, due to age-ing out... It "should" be fairly easy, since you have a stack of failed tests. If she'd tested Clean for most/all, removing it is proper. As she hasn't tested clean, there's clear evidence for the need to keep that in place.

The "should" is because anything in divorce-land can be exceptionally difficult.

I refer PURELY to extending the previous drug testing standards based on prior bad acts.

Not completely modifying it to include treatment (inpatient or outpatient) and other provisos.

I have something similar in mine that expires every 2 years.

I just went in, with my stack of documentation, and the judge extended for another 2 year *barring contestment*. A notice is then sent to my ex, and he has yzx number of days to contest.

The other stuff... Yeah.

Even if you went via Child Servces/ the police (welfare checks showing her high/ having her arrested for child endangerment, etc.)... I'd expect to pay about 5k at a minimum.

When my ex put our son in the hospital, it cost me almost 20k, and ALL he was court ordered to do was attend a weekend seminar on anger management.

Divorce-land is ridiculous.

If ANYONE other than our exes was doing the same thing they were to our kids?

They'd be rotting in jail.

Even of we were still married, Xhild services would remove and place in foster care.

But when it's divorce... It's like the courts couldn't give a rats patoot about abused kids, they're so focused on "both" parents.

As a sympathetic judge once told me after session "He'd have to actually kill your child before the law lets me do what should be done right now. I'm so sorry. My hands are completely tied. Just pray he kills himself first, or gets bored and doesn't want visitation any more. Or does this to anyone else's kid."

Q