Husband procrastinating repentance


moocow
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My husband and I have been married 6 months. We are both active members, but we were married civilly since we broke the law of chastity. The plan was to work toward being sealed a year after marriage. It seemed simple.

Well here we are halfway through that year and we have yet to confess our sins. I'm ready, but he's not. He is connected to the church school in multiple ways and he's afraid of losing his job and schooling. It's driving me crazy. He wants me to be patient and wait until he's done with school, but at this point I don't know when that will be. He's actually not even a student right now, so who knows. It could be another 2 years!

My dilemma is that I really want to confess and be free of this burden, but I feel like that would cause a major issue in our marriage and he will feel betrayed and mad. And it might make things worse for him if I confess, but he doesn't, ya know? Anyone have this experience? I know I shouldn't complain. I knew what I was getting myself into.

And I'm not considering divorce. I need helpful advice dealing with a stubborn guy.

Edited by moocow
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Your husband is responsible for his actions/sins, you are responsible for yours. Why should you not take responsiblity for yourself just because your husband chooses not to be responsible for himself? In effect, he is asking you to be dishonest so that he doesn't have to bear the consequences for actions he chose to engage in. Are you okay with him being dishonest and trying to avoid the consequences of his choices? He obbiously knew what the consequences would be, yet he still made a concious choice to break the law of chastity. He made sex a priority over much more important things, but when it comes time to bear the consequences of his actions, those things suddenly become important? So important that he wants his wife to be dishonest.

If it were my husband, I would be very concerned about his attitude and what it means for our marriage and for our future. Doesn't sound like a good way to start a marriage.

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Alma 13:27 And now, my brethren, I wish from the inmost part of my heart, yea, with great anxiety even unto pain, that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance;

Alma 34:33 And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed.

Alma 34:35 For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore, the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and hath no place in you, and the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked.

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My thought is: Heaven forbid anything should happen to you while waiting on your husband. I'm in agreement with what the others have said. You need to get yourself right with God.

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I totally understand how tricky this can be. You want to get help for yourself, but in confessing your sins, you're confessing his sins, too. My first and probably best advice is to pray about how to proceed.

When I found out my husband had started drinking, he didn't want me to tell the bishop, and I tried that for a while, because I figured it was his problem and it wasn't my place to go and tattle on him. But it came to a point where I felt strongly that I needed the help and guidance of my bishop to get through the problems I was having, and I needed to be honest with him about what those problems were if I wanted to get good help and guidance.

My husband also didn't want me to tell our kids about his drinking, and I tried to go along with that for a while, but I hated lying to them when they would ask questions like, "Why can't Dad just drive me to scouts?" if I couldn't do it and I would be calling the neighbors to see if someone could help us, etc. I finally decided that being open and honest with our kids was more important to our family's health and well being than keeping his wish for me to keep it a secret. I have felt so much better since I made that decision.

Of course, to put it all in perspective, my husband and I are separated now. But I don't think that's because I was honest. Things weren't looking good for us before I told people the truth, either.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

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I totally understand how tricky this can be. You want to get help for yourself, but in confessing your sins, you're confessing his sins, too. My first and probably best advice is to pray about how to proceed.

When I found out my husband had started drinking, he didn't want me to tell the bishop, and I tried that for a while, because I figured it was his problem and it wasn't my place to go and tattle on him. But it came to a point where I felt strongly that I needed the help and guidance of my bishop to get through the problems I was having, and I needed to be honest with him about what those problems were if I wanted to get good help and guidance.

My husband also didn't want me to tell our kids about his drinking, and I tried to go along with that for a while, but I hated lying to them when they would ask questions like, "Why can't Dad just drive me to scouts?" if I couldn't do it and I would be calling the neighbors to see if someone could help us, etc. I finally decided that being open and honest with our kids was more important to our family's health and well being than keeping his wish for me to keep it a secret. I have felt so much better since I made that decision.

Of course, to put it all in perspective, my husband and I are separated now. But I don't think that's because I was honest. Things weren't looking good for us before I told people the truth, either.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

She is not "tattling" on him by confessing her own sins. It is not a case of her informing the bishop's of someone else's actions, as would be the case with you informing someone that your husband was drinking. She would be going to the bishop to start the process of repentence. The scenarios are different.

And who is to say that after he is finished with school/his job, that he will actually repent then? (not that delaying for those reasons is justifiable). It is a possibility that in those two years, he will have come up with other excuses not to do the right thing.

It is never too soon to do the right thing.

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I wasn't trying to say that they were exactly the same thing, I was just sharing my experience and how I felt because it might be useful. I think some of the same feelings might be present in both situations because in confessing her sins, she is confessing his, too, to some extent. I mean, there's no way to tell your bishop you had sex with your husband before you were married but that he didn't have sex with you. Anyway, I agree with you that telling the bishop and starting her own repentance process is important, since I came to the conclusion even in my situation to talk to the bishop, in case I didn't make that clear in my earlier post.

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Thank you for your advice. It's a hard spot to be in. I think I need to pray harder and also pray for my husband. He won't take it well if I tell the bishop, but you're right. I'm the end I'm responsible for my own salvation. That's why I feel like I should take care of this myself if he won't go in with me. I haven't been worthy for the temple for 2 1/2 years. It sucks. I hate admitting that. But it's time I do something. I don't want to be excommunicated.

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