Helping Others Cope with Terminal Illness

[kberteaux]

Hello, all!

LDS Living magazine is looking for members who have experience with a terminally ill loved one to interview via email for an article on how families and friends can help their loved ones cope with such tragedy.

If you would like to share your experience and help others who are having difficulty coping, please email [email protected] with the following information:

What is your name? (Names may be anonymized if desired)

What is your experience with terminal illness?

What advice do you have for caregivers of the terminally ill?

Are there any specific phrases to say or activities to do that you recommend for those in this situation? Any to avoid?

If you yourself are terminally ill, what advice do you have for others in similar circumstances?

Is there anything else you'd like to include in your remarks on this subject?

[Guest]

Can we just write it here?

[kberteaux]

Sure! I offer the email as a way to communicate in privacy, but if you'd like to answer here, that's fine as well.

Disclaimer: Note that some responses may not be used in the final version of the article.

[applepansy]

The book I recommend is:

Grieving: The Pain and The Promise by Deanna Edwards

A neighbor whose daughter had passed away gave this book to us when our oldest son died. It was very helpful. I've since given it to others.

Edited January 11, 2014 by applepansy

[applepansy]

What is your name? (Names may be anonymized if desired)

What is your experience with terminal illness?

I worked in Home Care/Hospice before my son died at age 21. I also cared for my Grandmother in my home.

What advice do you have for caregivers of the terminally ill?

Pace yourself. When someone asks "What can I do?", give them a job, even if its only doing the dishes or vacuuming your living room. If someone asks if they can bring in a meal, let them. Ask for help. Find the resources you need. Often in the church the resources are just a phone call away. Be specific.

Are there any specific phrases to say or activities to do that you recommend for those in this situation? Any to avoid?

For family of a terminally ill patient, just be honest. Nobody expects you to always be cheerful. For those who want to comfort, just say "I'm sorry" and then be open to listening. Sometimes all that's needed is a hug.

Avoid recommending "cures", especially those on the internet. If you really do want to share something ask first. Then present it as something you've heard about not the cure that will save their world. Not all remedies work for everyone.

Also, saying "Call me if you need anything" will rarely get a request for help. Be there. Visit often if only for a few minutes. Call. Build relationships now, don't wait for a terminal illness to affect a family or a friend's family before you become their friend. When you show that you care by spending your time trying to serve, people in need are more likely to ask for help when its needed.

If you yourself are terminally ill, what advice do you have for others in similar circumstances?

Is there anything else you'd like to include in your remarks on this subject?

Meaningful service is rarely convenient. Often caregivers and the terminally ill are hesitant to ask for help, so just be there.

Edited January 11, 2014 by applepansy