Lucydoggle Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I joined this forum as a last possible attempt to get my mind and my heart straight. I am over 60 and have gradually discovered that I am most possibly a bad person. My wife has told me this many times and although I have not done anything that is majorly wrong, I obviously have not been the husband that she wants. I have only heard her say "I love you" or "I am sorry" more than a handful of times. I really feel that I am worth more to my family if I was gone, than I am here. Anyway, I find myself planning and researching ways to end my life. I am hoping that maybe I don't have to do it, but at this point, unless something major happens, I will do it before summer. Has anyone else been in this situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Please go talk with your bishop, stake president, and/or high priests group leader/elders quorum president (depending on which you attend). You are not thinking clearly, and it could result in tragedy for you personally and for your children and all who love you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notquiteperfect Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I'm sorry you're struggling. Have you read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? It sounds as though your love language is 'words of affirmation' and that's not the love language your wife speaks. The others are quality time, acts of service, gifts and physical touch. Personally, I'm not that great at giving 'words of affirmation' either because it's just so vulnerable to me. Anyway, please don't do anything drastic! You may feel down but there are so many things that can help with that (exercise, proper nutrition, essential oils, sunshine, etc.) and things *can* change. Give yourself - and your wife - a chance. There is hope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I joined this forum as a last possible attempt to get my mind and my heart straight. I am over 60 and have gradually discovered that I am most possibly a bad person. My wife has told me this many times and although I have not done anything that is majorly wrong, I obviously have not been the husband that she wants. I have only heard her say "I love you" or "I am sorry" more than a handful of times. I really feel that I am worth more to my family if I was gone, than I am here. Anyway, I find myself planning and researching ways to end my life. I am hoping that maybe I don't have to do it, but at this point, unless something major happens, I will do it before summer. Has anyone else been in this situation?I bet your wife is wrong. I doubt that you are a "bad" person. Perhaps she has some issues within her that prompt her to belittle you, and is not actually reflective of who you are.Take Vort's advice and talk to someone. NOW.Things CAN get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 I joined this forum as a last possible attempt to get my mind and my heart straight. I am over 60 and have gradually discovered that I am most possibly a bad person. My wife has told me this many times and although I have not done anything that is majorly wrong, I obviously have not been the husband that she wants. I have only heard her say "I love you" or "I am sorry" more than a handful of times. I really feel that I am worth more to my family if I was gone, than I am here. Anyway, I find myself planning and researching ways to end my life. I am hoping that maybe I don't have to do it, but at this point, unless something major happens, I will do it before summer. Has anyone else been in this situation?You are a son of God! You are worth more than you think you are. When someone continually points out our faults its easy to forget we have good qualities too.Please! Talk to someone face to face about what you are feeling.Suicide is not the answer. It won't help you and it won't help your loved ones.You are in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted January 13, 2014 Report Share Posted January 13, 2014 Hi and welcome lucydoggle,From what I know about such matters, you should take the following steps before acting on your research:* See what your wife thinks about it* See what your five best friends think about it* See what an honest, capable, good skilled professional counselor thinks about it* See what your bishop thinks about it* See what God thinks about itNone of these steps are negotiable in my opinion. (For example, if you don't have five best friends, you have to go make five, so you can ask them.)If you convince everyone on this list that the world would be better without you in it, then I can't really offer a contradictory opinion because I don't know you. But you're right - something major should probably happen. Since it's your life, I think the responsibility to make something major happen rests on your shoulders.God bless, and let us know what everyone says. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swiper Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I joined this forum as a last possible attempt to get my mind and my heart straight. I am over 60 and have gradually discovered that I am most possibly a bad person. My wife has told me this many times and although I have not done anything that is majorly wrong, I obviously have not been the husband that she wants. I have only heard her say "I love you" or "I am sorry" more than a handful of times. I really feel that I am worth more to my family if I was gone, than I am here. Anyway, I find myself planning and researching ways to end my life. I am hoping that maybe I don't have to do it, but at this point, unless something major happens, I will do it before summer. Has anyone else been in this situation?Call this number right now: 1-800-273-TALK You are not a bad person and your family will not be better off without you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roseslipper Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Theres good and bad in everyone none of us are perfect. That doesnt make you a bad person. Please get help asap!!!!! Like all have said..... Ending your life is not the answer it will only make things worse!!!! You are needed here!!!! We love you and dont even know you..You are our brother, you are hurting....and we care!!! Again get help take the good advice you have received from people who do care!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tubaloth Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I suggest you read 2 Nephi 4 Also Like a Broken Vessel - general-conference Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 I suggest you read 2 Nephi 4 Also Like a Broken Vessel - general-conferenceIn the same line of thinking, this is 2 Nephi 4 put to music. It's REALLY good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 There is help for those who feel worthless and depressed. Get help for it. Suicide will not solve the problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drham3rd Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Please take the advice given here! I know how you feel, I was at that point once in my life, in fact I was on the edge of a cliff and almost jumped...but the Lord convicted me that this was not the way out of my predictament! There are always solutions to our problems! Talk to someone about how you feel! Find someone you can trust! We are all chidren of God and we all have worth! There is nothing that you have done that can not be covered by the lord's attonement! Beleve and trust in the Lord! PM me if you need someone to talk to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14, 2014 Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Killing yourself is not going to make the lives of your wife and children or your parents or siblings better. It is simply going to put a permanent dark cloud over their lives and may even lead them to pursue dark paths using your death as an excuse or an example. And what's worse - there's nothing you can do about it because you're already dead.It's better to pursue alternative solutions - even divorcing your wife is a better alternative to killing yourself. But, to know the best thing for you and your wife, I suggest you talk to your Church leaders AND a professional counsellor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron65 Posted January 25, 2014 Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 Hello Brother. I have been a member of the church since 1977 and I'm 65 years old and serve in the high priest group. I can tell you now that Satan desires to have you and one way he does that is to place endless negative feelings into your heart and drag you down to the lowest level of self-worth. He wants you, and will use anyone, and I mean ANYONE, including those you love, to drag you down; so don't let him work on you or take you away from your family because of a few negative words and thoughts. Besides, if you believe in the afterlife, the consequences of suicide once we go beyond the veil is rather frightening to think about. I contemplated ending my life many, many years ago. I was a non-Mormon teenager at the time and battled with depression. I still battle with depression today, but have learnt to manage it. I remember reading recently that one of our earlier prophets battled with depression, but found ways to handle it and we need to follow that example. Some of the strongest people in the world are those who suffer from this problem and manage to pull through; and although we might not see it at the time, it's a strength and a character builder. One great benefit of depression is, when we pull through the bad days it helps us become more sensitive and compassionate to others with similar challenges and we feel capable of offering advice based on experience. Do you know what I think? Those who suffer from depression often have something special to offer in helping to build the Kingdom of God, and Satan knows it; he knows you personally and of your spiritual capabilities and with that in his mind he makes war with you and wants to stop you from progressing. That’s how I look at my own depression. I have something special and it turned out that I did. When I was ordained to the priesthood back in the 1970s I was told during an interview with the stake counsellor that he felt impressed to say that I had a special talent that would be used by the church. Both he and myself didn’t have a clue what that talent was at the time, but some years later it turned out to be correct. I have since that day, through assignments and callings, researched, gathered information and written books on church history for my stake and town. So my special talent has helped preserve local church history. So I repeat, don’t let Satan take control of your life, you must take control of your own circumstances and pull though victoriously, which I’m sure you will do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crash Posted January 25, 2014 Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) I joined this forum as a last possible attempt to get my mind and my heart straight. I am over 60 and have gradually discovered that I am most possibly a bad person. My wife has told me this many times and although I have not done anything that is majorly wrong, I obviously have not been the husband that she wants. I have only heard her say "I love you" or "I am sorry" more than a handful of times. I really feel that I am worth more to my family if I was gone, than I am here. Anyway, I find myself planning and researching ways to end my life. I am hoping that maybe I don't have to do it, but at this point, unless something major happens, I will do it before summer. Has anyone else been in this situation?I really hope you are still around. I know exactly what you are going through. I spent most of my adult life up to my marriage, and after, in positions of leadership with the youth as well as district leadership positions in Scouting. I was a volunteer at a high school and a track club for USA Track & Field. On Sundays I would visit members of my ward to see if they needed anything. I served a full-time mission and I kept/keep my language clean. Not straight as an arrow because nobody really is but I didn't go out partying like everyone else, nor is there malice in my heart.Despite the things I felt I was doing right my wife told me repeatedly that I had deceived everyone I know, that I was not a good person. Her life was very different from mine and she pulled the wool over my eyes as to what she was really like. Her life had been filled with drugs, drinking, and sex with guys and girls since she was 12, even when she was serving as a YW president. She got pregnant twice before she was 18. I have never done any of those things (except the sex part when we were married). She never wore her garments but excoriated me one time for missing the priesthood session of General Conference. I had strived to to everything right but she was projecting all of her guilt onto me, so she wouldn't have to deal with it herself. She is very narcissistic. We aren't married anymore. I wouldn't stand for it.I'm not suggesting your wife is doing really bad things but if you are not, then you are not a bad person. From my point of view and experience she is doing something wrong but doesn't want to accept it, so she is projecting her guilt onto you and it is affecting your self-esteem just like it did me. Please stop all thoughts of ending your life and seek counsel from your bishop and possibly a professional. Also, please go to counseling with your wife to try and resolve these issues. It is NOT your fault! Edited January 25, 2014 by Crash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McLainDow Posted January 25, 2014 Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 Talk to your Bishop. If he does not suggest professional help, seek it anyways. I know it can be exhausting when one hears that they are worthless on a regular basis but don't give up. There are ways you can learn to validate yourself and find self worth. Once again, don't give up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roseslipper Posted January 25, 2014 Report Share Posted January 25, 2014 I hope this brother is ok, we havn't heard from him, hope he and any one alse in this situation get the help they need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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