Poem - unfinished

[Forget-Me-Not]

I seldom let others see a poem I have not finished, but this one tells enough of a story that I thought I would. Ordinarily I write most of my poems in one sitting, but this one was already quite long and far from finished when I had other things to tend to and had to stop.

Poem - unfinished

Upon a fair day long since past

I wandered down the hill below

And stepping lightly on the path

Beyond where yonder heather grow

I felt the breeze upon my cheek

While breathing deep of sea foam scent

And saw the whales as they breached

Afar off and the waters rent

Then sat I on the dampened shore

With my bare feet thin caked with sand

And spread the grasses by my side

To pick the shells washed up in hand

The gulls above they raised their cries

While hovering on the air aloft

With waves beneath that gently rolled

To wet the sand and smooth it soft

Then off down toward the cliffs abreast

I glimpsed him walking fast apace

His head was bowed low to his chest

A growth of beard upon his face

I wondered of this stranger tall

With cap of gray pulled o're his eyes

Where of he came in tattered clothes

From down the shore neath fairest skies

I watched him pause beside a rock

And then bend slowly to the ground

An object from his pocket brought

Then dug a hole and put it down

And covered where his treasure lay

Then gently stood again to stare

Upon the earth as if to bid

A long farewell to one most fair

The shells I dropped from out my hand

And stood to watch him walk away

Not quickly as he'd come at first

But slowly in the set of day

Watched I until he out of sight

Beyond the jagged rocky crop

In thought I tarried longer yet

With wondering I could not make stop

But light by then was dim with eve

So to my cottage made my way

To wait and see what I might find

Beneath the earth another day

I put me water on to heat

And then my evening supper spread

Of golden cheese and coddled milk

And on my plate laid heavy bread

I supped my fill and then did bathe

To wash the sand from off my skin

Reclined to rest in water warm

Reflecting in the fire coal dim

That night to bed I finally crept

But slumber it did slip from me

With thoughts of he I'd seen that day

Intruding and were scarce to flee

For days that followed life kept pull

Where labors of their burden lay

But thoughts I could not keep without

Of what he planted on that day

And too, of him, where had he gone

When past the cliffs beyond my sight

What place had he come traveling from

There to return by dark of night

But then upon an early morn

When no work called to summon me

I made my way down to the place

Beside the rock along the sea

Wence it had beckoned me for days

But finally there I stood beside

To wonder what was hidden there

Within the ground above the tide

Down to my knees I dropped to kneel

And gently moved the earth away

And there within the hole he'd dug

Found I a small brown pouch did lay

I lifted it and then untied

The cord that held it knotted tight

Reached in my fingers and withdrew

An object wrapped in linen white

And when exposed twas sure mine eyes

Had not before such beauty seen

A brooch of shell that set in gold

Of lace design and costly gleam

Within were found the purest shades

Of blue as that of sea and sky

Atop, by labored carver's skill

In white and holding flowers nigh

Beheld a lady...

That's as far as I got. When a friend read it she said, "Finish it! Finish it! I want to know how it ends!" At the time, though, I wasn't sure I wanted to know the ending, afraid it might end badly.

I don't know what other people see in their mind as they write, but usually for me I begin a poem without having any idea where it will go and only find out as it unfolds before me.

For, example, I did not see the man's face to know what he looks like, other than that he has a growth of beard. I don't know if I will see him again either, to find out. I also have no idea yet what the brooch meant to him or why he buried it.

Because of certain elements to this poem, though, I suspect there may be subconscious meaning to it, so I decided to wait awhile before attempting to finish it.

[Ron65]

We often find when writing poetry that we simply do not know the end. That for me, is what makes poetry so fascinating; it's a journey of discovery. However, it can happen the other way too; we can know the end and then try to write a beginning and a middle to take us to the end. I'll tell you something, if you don't finish your poem, it can nag you and your readers for quite a long time until you eventually do find an end for it. I wrote something similar last year. In was written in three parts and it was the third part that was written first; I then wrote the second part and finished by writing the first part. I published it on a poetry forum in the order I wrote them, which kept the reader's intrigued. It was about an old man who was seen sitting by the coast looking very solemn and sour and he eventually died. When part three was finished I then had to find out why he was so down. It turned out to be quite sad.

I enjoyed your poem by the way, and as your friend said, you need to finish it. You can't keep us on a cliff hanger for too long.

[Forget-Me-Not]

That's very interesting, especially not knowing how other poet's stories unfold for them. Maybe I should try writing the ending of this one next, since I just don't want it to end sadly and I've been afraid it might. Then I can figure out what happened in between. I don't know if that will be easier or harder for me, though, since I've only ever written from the beginning onward to the end. Maybe I'll try it. :)

[Ron65]

You can move forward in one of two ways.

1 - Continue from the end of the last write and progress towards the end; but as you write, your current feelings, mood, family and personal concerns etc., will probably, on a subconscious level, influence your thoughts and inner feelings that could lead you to an ending based on those influences, be it sad or happy. You say you are afraid it might end with a sad note; a writer must never be afraid of how a poem might end; it can create problems for the writer that leads to writer's block or holds the poet back from progressing or completing a poem.

2 - if you ARE concerned about a possible sad ending and want to avoid it, then write the ending NOW, with a happy result, even if it’s just the last two lines or the last stanza, then try to work out/invent a pathway that leads to that happy ending. You current feelings and emotions as outlined in No 1 above will still become an influence in your writing, but as you write, you can have greater control over your subconscious influences based on the conscious ending you have created - if you see what I mean. If the original draft comes out with sad overtones, you can of course take control and change them once you see the results on paper or the computer screen. Write from the heart and then make light changes that suit the poems storyline that leads to the planned ending.

Do you what I do sometimes, I do automatic writing where I simply let the subconscious mind pour out its feelings and thoughts onto paper with no control of what comes out (within he bounds of moral acceptance of course). I can quite quickly fill a full sheet of A4 with what might at first sight appear to be gibberish, but within that page of gibberish you will find little gems here and there that can be untilised within a poem. Let the mind go; be completely free from conscious thought and let the words flow. Write whatever your subconscious tells you to put onto paper.

As an example, while writing this message I suddenly came out with - 'the man gave away his brooch but now regrets it and wanted to find a way to get it back without feeling awkward about it. 'How can I get it back he thought', 'steal it, plead insanity, explain how my heavy debts caused me to act irrationally and beg for the return of the brooch, get the dog to retrieve it, he loves toffees and refused to share it with the cat, the cat was offended so refused to help and told the neighbour'. Re-reading those words, some of it is plain gibberish, but within those few words there could be a gem of an idea, something sensible, logical and even powerful. Whenever I feel stumped, I find automatic writing extremely simulating for generating ideas for poems.

On other occasions, which is an excellent way of helping us become more observant, I simply sit and write down everything I can see, hear and smell around me. The resultant notes then become a useful resource for ideas that can be used in future poems.

[Forget-Me-Not]

You can move forward in one of two ways.

1 - Continue from the end of the last write and progress towards the end; but as you write, your current feelings, mood, family and personal concerns etc., will probably, on a subconscious level, influence your thoughts and inner feelings that could lead you to an ending based on those influences, be it sad or happy. You say you are afraid it might end with a sad note; a writer must never be afraid of how a poem might end; it can create problems for the writer that leads to writer's block or holds the poet back from progressing or completing a poem.

2 - if you ARE concerned about a possible sad ending and want to avoid it, then write the ending NOW, with a happy result, even if it’s just the last two lines or the last stanza, then try to work out/invent a pathway that leads to that happy ending. You current feelings and emotions as outlined in No 1 above will still become an influence in your writing, but as you write, you can have greater control over your subconscious influences based on the conscious ending you have created - if you see what I mean. If the original draft comes out with sad overtones, you can of course take control and change them once you see the results on paper or the computer screen. Write from the heart and then make light changes that suit the poems storyline that leads to the planned ending.

Do you what I do sometimes, I do automatic writing where I simply let the subconscious mind pour out its feelings and thoughts onto paper with no control of what comes out (within he bounds of moral acceptance of course). I can quite quickly fill a full sheet of A4 with what might at first sight appear to be gibberish, but within that page of gibberish you will find little gems here and there that can be untilised within a poem. Let the mind go; be completely free from conscious thought and let the words flow. Write whatever your subconscious tells you to put onto paper.

As an example, while writing this message I suddenly came out with - 'the man gave away his brooch but now regrets it and wanted to find a way to get it back without feeling awkward about it. 'How can I get it back he thought', 'steal it, plead insanity, explain how my heavy debts caused me to act irrationally and beg for the return of the brooch, get the dog to retrieve it, he loves toffees and refused to share it with the cat, the cat was offended so refused to help and told the neighbour'. Re-reading those words, some of it is plain gibberish, but within those few words there could be a gem of an idea, something sensible, logical and even powerful. Whenever I feel stumped, I find automatic writing extremely simulating for generating ideas for poems.

On other occasions, which is an excellent way of helping us become more observant, I simply sit and write down everything I can see, hear and smell around me. The resultant notes then become a useful resource for ideas that can be used in future poems.

I'm sorry I have not gotten back to this. Thank you for these very helpful suggestions. I have never used automatic writing to spur thought or encourage inspiration in writing, at least not deliberately. I can see, though, how it could be very useful.

I also liked the idea of sitting and writing down everything one sees and hears and smells, etc. I tend to naturally take in my surroundings using the senses, being especially aware of them when I'm out in nature, but writing them down would be very helpful, possibly therapeutic too.

I especially liked your example of automatic writing with my poem, the first line you wrote in particular. With having suspected elements of my poem having subconscious meaning where my life is concerned, the moment I read that first line you shared, I felt it almost prophetic and since then it now seems more so.

Anyway, thank you. I think now I might be able to begin to write more of the poem and think I'll be able to give it the ending I want for it, as well. :)