Opposite genders in public restrooms

[Bini]

This is being heavily debated in another forum I frequent. How do you feel about the opposite gender entering your public restroom to change the diaper of a child? Or, to assist a child that is mentally/physically disabled? Let's assume that there is no accessible "family room". Is it an absolute black or white situation? Or, are there some exceptions you'd be willing to accept?

[applepansy]

No its not black and white. My grandson still goes in the Women's restroom with me. The reason is he's not old enough (almost 6) to deal with a pedophile yet. In the few times I've let him go in the men's room it was because no one else was there. The one time someone I didn't know walked in after my grandson was already there, I opened the door and stood there talking to my grandson telling him to hurry, remember to flush and don't forget to wash your hands. :)

[Vort]

Why would a woman enter a men's restroom to change a child instead of doing so in the women's restroom?

[The Folk Prophet]

Why would a woman enter a men's restroom to change a child instead of doing so in the women's restroom?

Or vice versa?

[pam]

Do they have diaper changing tables in men's restrooms? So that would be one consideration as to why a man would enter a woman's restroom.

[Iggy]

Do they have diaper changing tables in men's restrooms? So that would be one consideration as to why a man would enter a woman's restroom.

In most of the large stores around here- they do have diaper changing stations in the mens rooms. No, did not go in to see - but have heard fathers asking store employees if the stations were cleaned and stocked before they went in.

As for Bini's question - when I am in Fred Meyers, Walmart, Safeway and the Thriftway stores in town - it is common to see young boys in the ladies room with their mother's, grandmothers/aunts. Last wednesday evening husband and I went to the movies. There was a young mother in the ladies room with her two children. One was a girl about 3 the other a boy about 7. She wanted to use the handicapped station and hesitated because she said she wasn't handicapped. I told her that of course she was - she only had two hands and with two children she needed at least four- use the handicapped stall for heaven's sake. She needed the extra room, AND the child safety seat to strap in the 2 year old.

It wasn't like there was a woman there in a wheelchair needed that particular stall.

Edited February 1, 2014 by Iggy

[pam]

My question was rhetorical.

[applepansy]

Do they have diaper changing tables in men's restrooms? So that would be one consideration as to why a man would enter a woman's restroom.

Yes in the last 10 years they have been putting changing stations in the men's room.

[applepansy]

I've been thinking about this tread a bit and have an experience that might change my mind a bit. I truly believe using either men's or women's restrooms is all situational. There are times when it would be ok and there are other times or places when it wouldn't be ok.

About 10 years ago when my niece was 2, my brother-in-law was taking her potty because my sister had fallen the day before the broke her foot. The whole family was in Oregon on the coast and we all went to dinner together that night. He wasn't gone long. He brought her to me and asked that I take her to the women's room. There were a couple of men in the restroom doing things they shouldn't be doing in there. Fortunately he realized what was going on before they were all the way in the restroom.

Maybe more places will add Family Restrooms to their facilities.

[Quin]

My modesty is not worth the safety of any child. Period.

Q

[Bini]

Why would a woman enter a men's restroom to change a child instead of doing so in the women's restroom?

I can't think of a situation off the bat but I wanted to address both genders so nobody felt left out.

[Bini]

My modesty is not worth the safety of any child. Period.

Q

Probably to little or no surprise, I feel the exact same way.

In a perfect and convenient world, family restrooms would be everywhere and in abundance, but that's just not the world we live in. If a father announced he was entering prior to doing so, that would be an appreciated courtesy. In women's public restrooms, at least here in the US, we have private stalls to do our business. We walk in, do our thing, and walk out. There is no privacy violation. No one sees anything. I suppose the issue for some mothers might be those that are sensitive to public breastfeeding and hide in restrooms to do this - I don't believe breast feeding is private or something that should be done in a germy and stinky bathroom - I think mothers should feel comfortable about feeding their child anywhere. But to be fair, I suppose that's one issue that might bother some women.

[LDSVALLEY]

Don't worry about it here in Nova Scotia they are going to gender neutral washrooms anyway. At the college I work at they are taking out men and women washrooms and building single toilet washrooms in place of them.

They are doing this in part to get around issues that have come up over cross dressing youth in schools who believe they should be the opposite sex from going into the wrong washroom. It's happened in a couple of different schools and every time a school takes a stand they get hit with being accused of not recognizing the persons rights. Although no one seems to say much about the rights of the other students of the proper sex trying to use a washroom with the person in it. One school even tried to solve it by letting the cross dressing student use the staff washroom but that still wasn't good enough.

A decade ago many places were putting in family friendly washrooms to address the issue you mentioned but that seems to have died out.

A few more years and there will not be separate washrooms anymore.

[Guest]

In California, they just passed a law that in Public Schools, your physical reproductive organs do not determine whether you use the male or female restrooms, male or female locker rooms, or male or female sports games. What you think you are will determine whether you go to the male or female section. So, if you have male reproductive organs but you think you are female, then you can use female restrooms, female locker rooms, and join female sports. And vice versa.

So, a 3rd-grader now has to ask himself - am I male or female? Because, looking under your pants doesn't provide you that answer anymore...

[NeuroTypical]

I'm a guy, and have two stories. One I'm fine with, the other one I'm very much not fine with.

Story #1: Every now and then, some guy brings his young daughter into the restroom to change her diaper.

Story #2: Last year I was in the mens room at walmart, and a young 4-6 yr old girl came in looking scared. I smiled and said "Sorry - it looks like you took a wrong turn." She turned around and ran out. Her Mom was right outside talking to her loudly enough for everyone to hear, making lots of powerful eye contact with every guy leaving the men's room.

"It's ok honey - I guess not everyone cares that the women's room is being cleaned. I guess you'll just have to stand there and hold it until they're done."

I had to take a few moments to absorb what I was seeing. The mom had sent her daughter alone into the mens room. Totally inappropriate in my opinion, not to mention dangerous. If I had been quicker, I may have chosen to confront her about it and call CPS.

[Guest]

I'm a guy, and have two stories. One I'm fine with, the other one I'm very much not fine with.

Story #1: Every now and then, some guy brings his young daughter into the restroom to change her diaper.

Story #2: Last year I was in the mens room at walmart, and a young 4-6 yr old girl came in looking scared. I smiled and said "Sorry - it looks like you took a wrong turn." She turned around and ran out. Her Mom was right outside talking to her loudly enough for everyone to hear, making lots of powerful eye contact with every guy leaving the men's room.

"It's ok honey - I guess not everyone cares that the women's room is being cleaned. I guess you'll just have to stand there and hold it until they're done."

I had to take a few moments to absorb what I was seeing. The mom had sent her daughter alone into the mens room. Totally inappropriate in my opinion, not to mention dangerous. If I had been quicker, I may have chosen to confront her about it and call CPS.

That woman is naive in my opinion. I would rather have her go to a restroom that is in the process of getting cleaned than go into the men's room. But regardless of men or women's restroom, I'm not sending my 4-6 year old son or daughter in a public restroom without me.

[Bini]

I agree, for me personally, I'll go ahead and enter the women's restroom if there's an emergency (blown out diaper) even if it's in the process of being cleaned. It makes more sense than wandering into the men's restroom, I think.

I know that some businesses really enforce the DO NOT ENTER restrooms while undergoing cleaning or maintenance due to the potential risk of someone slipping from wet floors, etc, and ultimately suing. If that happens, it's on the business's head. However, if someone walks into the opposite gender restroom, that's less of the business's problem, and more of a direct conflict between the "offender" and "victim" - the business probably won't assume any damages at all. So, I can see how some of those cleaners/maintenance personnel are really bossy about you entering while they're working - it's probably a rule they must enforce by their employer.

[Guest]

I agree, for me personally, I'll go ahead and enter the women's restroom if there's an emergency (blown out diaper) even if it's in the process of being cleaned. It makes more sense than wandering into the men's restroom, I think.

I know that some businesses really enforce the DO NOT ENTER restrooms while undergoing cleaning or maintenance due to the potential risk of someone slipping from wet floors, etc, and ultimately suing. If that happens, it's on the business's head. However, if someone walks into the opposite gender restroom, that's less of the business's problem, and more of a direct conflict between the "offender" and "victim" - the business probably won't assume any damages at all. So, I can see how some of those cleaners/maintenance personnel are really bossy about you entering while they're working - it's probably a rule they must enforce by their employer.

If that's the case and it's a choice between puddling the store or going to the Men's restroom then I'll go to the Men's Restroom WITH my daughter... not send her in by herself!

[Suzie]

This is being heavily debated in another forum I frequent. How do you feel about the opposite gender entering your public restroom to change the diaper of a child?

Not a problem.

[Guest]

This is being heavily debated in another forum I frequent. How do you feel about the opposite gender entering your public restroom to change the diaper of a child? Or, to assist a child that is mentally/physically disabled? Let's assume that there is no accessible "family room". Is it an absolute black or white situation? Or, are there some exceptions you'd be willing to accept?

Just out of curiousity... what do those people in the forum say as their reason for not wanting the opposite gender parent from entering the restroom to change their baby's diaper? What do they suggest they do? Change the baby on the floor of their own restroom? That would be yuck! Or what, change the baby on the public bench outside? Yuck to everybody passing by. Or do they think it is better for them not to change the baby's diaper until they get home? That's even more yuck... and poor baby having to sit in his/her poop for longer than necessary!

[Bini]

Just out of curiousity... what do those people in the forum say as their reason for not wanting the opposite gender parent from entering the restroom to change their baby's diaper? What do they suggest they do? Change the baby on the floor of their own restroom? That would be yuck! Or what, change the baby on the public bench outside? Yuck to everybody passing by. Or do they think it is better for them not to change the baby's diaper until they get home? That's even more yuck... and poor baby having to sit in his/her poop for longer than necessary!

Most women agree that they are not too bothered by a father needing to use the women's restroom if he needs to change the diaper of an infant.

[MarginOfError]

I have sent my daughter into the women's room by herself for close to a year now. She's about to turn 6. I usually stand outside the door and keep track of time. If it seems like it's taking too long, I crack the door open and ask how she's doing. On several occasions, while she's in there, another woman comes out, smiles at me, and says, "you're daughter is adorable. she's washing her hands now." I imagine she's probably singing while she's in there.

There was one instance where my daughter came out and informed me that she couldn't reach the sink and asked for my help. Before I could explain that we should go to the men's room, she bolted back in the door. For whatever reason, I shrugged, walked into the women's room, and helped her wash her hands. The moment I heard another stall open, I dropped my head and apologized. The woman that emerged was all smiles and joked that for a second she thought she'd entered the wrong restroom herself. When we finished washing hands, we exited and it appeared to not be a big deal at all.

At the same time, I'm not going to make a habit out of that. If I don't feel comfortable letting my daughters into a restroom unattended, they will go with me into the men's room as it's more socially tolerable for the child to crossover than for the adult, and my children seem to understand that just fine.

[Bini]

I agree, it is more socially tolerable for the child to crossover than the adult to do so.

I have no problem with your situation, MOE. I also wouldn't have a problem if there were no changing stations in the men's room and a daddy desperately needed to clean up his kiddo in the women's restroom.

Like others, if I have a boy and he's too young to go alone in the men's room, I will keep him coming with me into the women's room.

[LDSVALLEY]

I know that some businesses really enforce the DO NOT ENTER restrooms while undergoing cleaning or maintenance due to the potential risk of someone slipping from wet floors, etc, and ultimately suing. If that happens, it's on the business's head. However, if someone walks into the opposite gender restroom, that's less of the business's problem, and more of a direct conflict between the "offender" and "victim" - the business probably won't assume any damages at all. So, I can see how some of those cleaners/maintenance personnel are really bossy about you entering while they're working - it's probably a rule they must enforce by their employer.

I am a cleaner in a college and it is a matter of safety. The first thing after sweeping a floor is to put cleaner in all the toilets and hard surfaces to let them soak. I know what is in those chemicals and you do not want to sit or lay on them. They need to sit for about 15 minutes to disinfect the surface. To let someone use the area would mean to clean the surface, wait until they are done then start over. To let them use the washroom without making sure the chemical is cleaned up is indeed a lawsuit.

The second consideration is you only need in the washroom for 2 min. That should not be a big deal you think. Neither does the person after you, and after them and so on. Employees are on a time limit and can't keep stopping for every person who needs in. I know I clean a 5 stall, 3 urinal washroom top to bottom in 15 minutes. And by waiting you get a nice clean washroom to use!

What bothers me more is due to staff cutbacks we only clean the washrooms once per day in a school with 500 students. ( I do cheat and usually do them twice.)