Does an item left in my home become mine to handle as I please?

[Bini]

Let's assume that I'm at least half decent about the situation and inform the owner that they forgot it, meanwhile, is the item at my discretion to use and access as I please? Does the value of the item make a difference in whether or not it's okay to mess with? Such as an adult's cellphone versus a child's toy? Or is known/perceived item value, be it costly or sentimental, irrelevant because it's not mine and therefore not mine to handle?

This happened to us recently but I'm reversing the situation just to see what it's like in the "other persons" shoes, and I got to be honest, I'm still having a tough time understanding it.

[Guest]

I have a lot of parties at my house. We had one just last Saturday. Items always left behind - no fail. Last Saturday's were 2 jackets and a pyrex glass container.

They are bagged and tagged (if I know whose they are) ready to be returned/picked up. If I don't know whose they are they get photographed and sent to the invite list before getting bagged.

In any case, they are not mine. They are not going to be used or done with anyway I please. They're going in the bag until they find their way home. And that includes video game discs.

Interesting things that have been left in my home: one shoe (yes, just one), underwear, tag heuer watch, journal without a name outside (now this is interesting, because if it did not say Journal on the cover, I would have opened it and read it to find out whose it was).

And always left in my house - Socks. I have a full bag of unclaimed ones.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Do I understand correctly that this happened to you? You accidentally left an item at someone's house and they assumed they could handle it as they pleased? :)

At any rate...no, I don't think one should handle someone else's property as they please. For example, if someone leaves their cell phone (child's toy, etc) at my house, I think the best thing to do is to put it in a safe location (where it would be untouched by small children or pets ) and let the owner know. If a week or two goes by and they don't come to get it, I would remind them. If a month passes (with no reasonable excuse on their part), I would let them know that I'm going to donate it to charity, or use it or throw it away if they don't reclaim it.

Bottom line, if someone leaves something at your house, you need to treat it with respect. It does not become yours do as you please.

[pam]

Totally agree with anatess. Whether the item is in your home or not...it does not belong to you. Therefore it's not free reign on using or having access to it.

I'd be putting the item into a safe location in my home until I could get it returned to the rightful owner. If I left something at someones home..I would not like that they used it or searched through it..especially if a cell phone etc.

[Backroads]

I largely agree with everyone else, though add the caveat it may depend on the relationship with the owner.

[pam]

I largely agree with everyone else, though add the caveat it may depend on the relationship with the owner.

To me it's not the relationship with the owner, it's what the item is. Again, if I left my cell phone there I would not like (good friend or not) going through my phone with text messages etc.

[Saldrin]

Let's assume that I'm at least half decent about the situation and inform the owner that they forgot it, meanwhile, is the item at my discretion to use and access as I please? Does the value of the item make a difference in whether or not it's okay to mess with? Such as an adult's cellphone versus a child's toy? Or is known/perceived item value, be it costly or sentimental, irrelevant because it's not mine and therefore not mine to handle?

This happened to us recently but I'm reversing the situation just to see what it's like in the "other persons" shoes, and I got to be honest, I'm still having a tough time understanding it.

for me I would say no, the honorable thing would be to try to expedite the return and leave said item alone until it is. I would think that accessing and using it would be a violation of trust, and I would care to not cross that line.

[Lakumi]

If I left a doll at someone's house and they did what I consider cruel things to it, I'd be furious and probably break something of theirs

[Wingnut]

I'm glad to hear you're actually looking at this from the other side, Bini. I read the thread title and thought that it sounded rather uncharacteristic for you.

I can think of very few things where I think this might be okay, and I'd probably really only apply it to my mom or my sister. When they come visit, if they leave food in the fridge upon their departure, we'll eat it, rather than throwing it out (if it's near time-sensitive, like yogurt or leftovers...if it's a salad dressing they like, I'll save it until next time, for example). If my sister were to leave a scarf at my house, she'd probably tell me to just hold onto it until the next time she came to visit, rather than shipping it to her, and I might wear it once or twice if it happened to match my outfit. But I wouldn't put it in my closet, or claim it as my own.

[applepansy]

I'm in agreement with everyone. Its never ok to use someone else's property even if its left in your home.

When my husband was in YMs we had an expensive bike left at our home. He told the boys repeatedly that one of them left their bike, but nobody came to get it. THREE years later, one of the boys showed up to get it. I didn't let my kids ride it. We made sure it wouldn't be stolen off the front porch. During the winter it was in the garage. I was relieved when he came to get it. I was tired of tending it.

[Iggy]

When my husband was in YMs we had an expensive bike left at our home. He told the boys repeatedly that one of them left their bike, but nobody came to get it. THREE years later, one of the boys showed up to get it. I didn't let my kids ride it. We made sure it wouldn't be stolen off the front porch. During the winter it was in the garage. I was relieved when he came to get it. I was tired of tending it.

Why didn't you take it to Church? Roll it out in RS and have the Mother claim it?

I inadvertently leave items when I vacation at my siblings homes. Combs, brushes, sweaters, etc. When I get home and unpack, I know what was left. Generally I call and tell them to go ahead and wear it, or use it. The last vacation I left my Metamucil, deodorant, a cotton blouse and a comb. No way did I want them all mailed back to me. One of my sisters is the same size as me - so I told her to keep and use everything.

Now, if it had been my laptop and/or cell phone - I would have driven back to get those items. Siblings live 325 miles from me.

When I was still married to hubby #1, his friend left a claw foot bathtub at our home until he got settled and could come get it. 5 years later - we never heard from this guy and I am in the process of divorcing #1. I sold the bathtub for $1,000 and kept the money. It was a 4 foot long *mini* claw foot tub, in primo condition. If I had had the faucet then I could have gotten over $2K for it. No, I did not split the money with the ex. Neither one of us knew where his friend was, and I needed the money.

[Quin]

I agree with everyone else... With some specific caveats.

<grin>

Since you're looking at this from the other side, does this make me devil's advocate or angel's advocate?

- Dirty clothes &/or other fabrics I wash. Both as general good hospitality & the fact that I have a sensitive nose. Unless I'm dating you, I generally don't want to smell you. I've ruined something ONCE. (6'8 man's sweater that SAID wash cold/dry low ,and I did. And it was the size of a purse pooch's sweater at the end. From over 3 feet long, to less than 12". Horrifying. Durn thing was mislabeled dry lean only. He knew/had been told by the store. I shrank it to Kleenex size, and then paid to replace it. House rule: I break it. I buy it).

- Toys and games that were brought over to play (I do a lot of game nights), we generally keep playing until they pick them back up again. Which is generally the following week. House rule applies.

- In the event of an emergency, I have used people's mobile phones. I also use them to call #1 on their speed dial to find out who the sucker belongs to if it isn't immediately apparent.

In general, though, as I said... When the hordes come over, stuff gets left.

In general, I just set it on the console table (or in a basket in the entryway) and here it sits until fetched, again. Including clothes I wash.

Q

[pam]

Why didn't you take it to Church? Roll it out in RS and have the Mother claim it?

That would be pretty awkward for most people. I wouldn't have room to transport a bike in my car. Then wheel it through church and into RS? Then hope the person who claims can transport it as well?

Edited February 14, 2014 by pam

[Bini]

I can understand things like food and even "family board games" that might have been left behind. I don't understand other things being used like personal electronics.

[Blackmarch]

Let's assume that I'm at least half decent about the situation and inform the owner that they forgot it, meanwhile, is the item at my discretion to use and access as I please? Does the value of the item make a difference in whether or not it's okay to mess with? Such as an adult's cellphone versus a child's toy? Or is known/perceived item value, be it costly or sentimental, irrelevant because it's not mine and therefore not mine to handle?

This happened to us recently but I'm reversing the situation just to see what it's like in the "other persons" shoes, and I got to be honest, I'm still having a tough time understanding it.

If you've tried contacting the owner, and they havent been back during a month afterwards or some other long period of time without contacting you and making arrangements i'd say its yours. altho if it has sensitive info, you will probably want to clear that off in the case of digital devices that have that capacity. I can see that not doing that has the potential for getting someone in trouble.

However before that point if you are not going to deliver it personally i'd say keep it in a safe place and not use it.

[Backroads]

Personal electronics is just tasteless.

But, yeah, if they left a dish there and they were a close loved one, I might use it a few times.

[Palerider]

My only experience is with our kids. They have all moved out and each one leaves stuff behind. They all say there going to come back and get this stuff and they never do. Finally tell them come and get it or it's yard sale time or donate time. Lol

[Palerider]

That would be pretty awkward for most people. I wouldn't have room to transport a bike in my car. Then wheel it through church and into RS? Then hope the person who claims can transort it as well?

Put in the Lost and Found at church. Lol

[Iggy]

Put in the Lost and Found at church. Lol

The Lost and Found at my Branch used to be the library. Until I was called as Librarian and I tossed everything when I cleaned it up.

Made a list of ALL the non-library items - posted it on the bulletin board, in the program, RS Newsletter and the Branch President's email notification list for a month. Then everything got sent to DI, local thrift store or into the trash.

New Policy is: Your Branch Meetinghouse Library is NOT the Lost & Found, the teeny, tiny coat rack with shelf IS.

[Palerider]

The Lost and Found at my Branch used to be the library. Until I was called as Librarian and I tossed everything when I cleaned it up.

Made a list of ALL the non-library items - posted it on the bulletin board, in the program, RS Newsletter and the Branch President's email notification list for a month. Then everything got sent to DI, local thrift store or into the trash.

New Policy is: Your Branch Meetinghouse Library is NOT the Lost & Found, the teeny, tiny coat rack with shelf IS.

I believe it's the coat rack in most buildings now. Lol

[NightSG]

Why didn't you take it to Church? Roll it out in RS and have the Mother claim it.

Better yet, slip it onto the missionaries' vehicle's carrier when nobody's looking, then play dumb.

[Palerider]

That would be pretty awkward for most people. I wouldn't have room to transport a bike in my car. Then wheel it through church and into RS? Then hope the person who claims can transport it as well?

Take it to church and leave it in the foyer. Lol

[Traveler]

Let's assume that I'm at least half decent about the situation and inform the owner that they forgot it, meanwhile, is the item at my discretion to use and access as I please? Does the value of the item make a difference in whether or not it's okay to mess with? Such as an adult's cellphone versus a child's toy? Or is known/perceived item value, be it costly or sentimental, irrelevant because it's not mine and therefore not mine to handle?

This happened to us recently but I'm reversing the situation just to see what it's like in the "other persons" shoes, and I got to be honest, I'm still having a tough time understanding it.

One of the treasures that belong to our family is a framed original copy of The Rules of the United Order that belonged to my great grandfather. The one rule I found most interesting says = “I will not appropriate for my use anything that does not belong to me.”

The Traveler

[Bini]

I figure I'll reveal what the item was. It was a kid's camera - real - but intended for kids' use. I was pretty irritated that when we picked it up, the camera was pretty much dead on batteries (it was completely charged when we had it), and my extended family (BILs and SILs) allowed their kids to take literally hundreds of pictures on it, to the extent that there were only a few slots left and I had to manually go through and delete ALL of them!

Thanks for everyone's insight.

[Tricia87]

Spin off the original question, are you responsible for the safe keeping of an item left at your house until the owner comes back for it? If something is broken or lost after it was left and before it is return/claimed, what happens?