Stressed


Roseslipper
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So much stress lately. Didnt know if i should post this or not!!

How can u feel that something is your destiny, then it turns out not to be? How can u explain this?

Also my uncle was in the hospital for 3 weeks I felt bad for him I know how hard it was 4 him. But since I desided to move in and help him I made another bad choice 4 me. My life is so much harder. I knew it would be hard to live with him but not as hard as it is. This is going to sound bad, but when he was away I felt so much peace, he came back today and it didnt take to long for him to take that peace away he makes me so sad, that my heart hurts. :(

I know you will say to move but its not that easy for many reasons. Guess I needed to vent...

Sad in florida :mad:

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I would offer you some really good safe advice however I know far to little about you or your situation.

But I can say set your goals make a plan and make it happen to change what needs to be changed. Sometimes it is just a good dose of patience that you need. Maybe tomorrow you will feel better and have a different perspective. Look to your Heavenly Father and His Son they will bring you the peace you need in ALL circumstances. Include them in your plans for the future and let them be your guide.

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What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Its so hard my uncle has water on the brain, had has mental issues dr's in the hosptal thought he was a pysho no one on the family has any compassion for him hes the little boy who played wolf to many times u dont know when to believe him or not he has a little mean strick in him. Hes 58 and never grew up, not all his fault his parents spoiled him too much, late in life baby. He puts me down so much. I dont know if I can take it im not an angel, like so many are. His heart stopped while in the hospital winded up having a pace maker put in. I do think he has a mild case of dementa. Its so hard being along.

Its amazing hes not even home 24 hrs yet. You think he would of learned something in the hospital the last 3 wks. My brother walked away from him in the hospital I prayed for his heart to be soften but hes had it, his other cousins dont really want nothing to do with him. The last few days ive looked @ my aunts wedding album. Thought came to my mind how some of our bad choices really change our path and makes us bitter, which is so sad for me. Well im going to try to go to sleep. Need 2 get up and get to work.

Bless us all in our trails..... (u all know i cant spell.)....I do have Lds music on!

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Roseslipper, first of all let me say I admire you for your strength and compassion. I do not have much advise to give because I live a very stressful life myself but what helps me is taking a little break every day and doing something I enjoy like singing or writing. I also watch movies like "The Road" or "12 years a slave" that a lot of people will find depressing or hard to watch but it helps me realize that despite the many serious challenges I face daily, there were people and there are people going through similar things or worse in their lives. It helps me put things into perspective.

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Good morning I do feel some what better this am, the pain in my heart is gone but do I want to come home or just hang out some where for 3 1/2 hrs then go to to gospel study? Its alful 2 feel this way. I probably need to move I deserve peace in my later yrs. Im tired of him making me feel bad. On the other hand I need to wait make sure he can handle it on his own. Hopefully he will take all his meds but I dought it!!

Have a great day you all!!!

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Roseslipper, I truly believe these people who need so much help and yet are abusive and unappreciative are here to test us. My husband and I (husband more than I) is dealing with a similar situation.

You are an angel. You're there and you're trying to help. Try to close your ears to the verbal abuse. And, be blunt with him. There are consequences for bad behavior.

I can't remember. Is he physically abusive? Is the risk of him becoming physically abusive real? If so, then please stay safe. Even angels need to protect themselves.

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Rose, I'm going to share my experience and my testimony on Service that I got from serving my father who had lung cancer... I'm just going to cut and paste it from a post I made on another forum:

My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in Feb 2011 that has metastasized to his ribs. Stage IV lung cancer, for those who are familiar with cancer is a 6-month life expectancy. My dad took the news pretty well. My brother is his doctor and he was very open with the expectations and my dad requested that we don't do anything. He wants to just live his life naturally for how many days he has left. They called me and the rest of my siblings to break the news and my dad's decision and I was not having it. I'm the type of person that is not comfortable with just giving up without a fight! It just so happens that I work with a woman whose mother has been living with lung cancer for 10 years! She's in this clinical trial for Avastin which is keeping her alive. She gets her Avastin dosage monthly, she's in terrible state for 3 days and then she's okay for the next 3 weeks until the next dose. It's not a cure. It is a drug that simply prevents the cancer to spread. But it has given her 10 years (almost 13 now).

So, I told my brother and my sister (a nurse) to find every possible way to get him in this trial. My parents and my brother live in the Philippines, my sister live in Houston. She found a trial in Houston and was able to get my dad in it. So, we pooled money to fly my parents and my brother to Houston. 2 years later, it was not looking good. The drug was giving my dad terrible side effects. He was getting weak so much so that he can't walk anymore. He went on a depression and finally my sister asked my dad what would make him happy. My dad said he wants to go home. We were all devastated. We really thought he has a chance with this clinical trial. We just need to tweak it a bit and get him into physical therapy, etc. But he said he wants to go home.

So, my brother flew him home and we pooled our resources again to come up with $7,000 a month to pay for the drug outside of the trial and everything else he needs as my dad has no medical insurance in the Philippines. Last year, he passed away.

I fought hard against my dad's wishes in the first 2 years. I told him, "you are going to Houston because you might be ready to die but I am not!" But in those 2 years, I have learned true service.

I would wake up at 5am every morning to make my dad's breakfast and he would tell me how awful the food is, etc.. I was angry. Grumbling to myself about how ungrateful he is and how ornery he is and how I'm doing all these sacrifices and he doesn't even just smile and tell me what a good daughter I am. I realized then... am I serving my dad because I want something in return? I want thank you, or praise, or something that makes ME feel better? No! I am serving because I love my dad! I should not need gratitude or anything because my satisfaction is in the opportunity to serve my dad. And this brings another teaching of Christ to my heart. True love is service and true love rejoices in the service itself and not the glory of it or any love it gets in return. So, when I ponder on Christ hanging on the cross getting stabbed on the sides and he still proclaimed, "Father, forgive them.", I understood it. I went through a very tiny sliver of it with my dad. And it has made me see my love for my husband and my own children in a different light.

And now when I volunteer myself in the service of others, I don't get hurt if I get a bad attitude or meanness in return. I just need to evaluate if my service is sufficient or not. Because, I am committed to Service/Love. Without needing anything back for it. I can just shrug off the meanness or see the meanness as an obstacle to my service that needs to be overcome. I serve and leave the other person to be whatever they want to be.

But yes, sometimes, it gets to me. It's not easy to keep serving in such negative circumstance. In these times, I distance myself for a while - do things I enjoy, store up some strength, clean out my Spirit, so I can get back into service again, refreshed.

Hope this helps.

Edited by anatess
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Good morning I do feel some what better this am, the pain in my heart is gone but do I want to come home or just hang out some where for 3 1/2 hrs then go to to gospel study? Its alful 2 feel this way. I probably need to move I deserve peace in my later yrs. Im tired of him making me feel bad. On the other hand I need to wait make sure he can handle it on his own. Hopefully he will take all his meds but I dought it!!

Have a great day you all!!!

If you can afford to support yourself, than move as fast as you can.

If he sees that attitude of independence coming from you, he might watch his insults.

Louise

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I feel like Im flunking the test!!!! Its 86 degrees in the house I turned the a/c down to 78 hes not home. I came home after work so tired going to take a nap but im sure he will barge in my room when he comes home and wake me up I hope to get some sleep before class tonight, Its a horrible feeling being in the house now....

I am sorry that u and ur hubby r going thru something like this!

No one in the family wants to deal with him. Its all on me. He keeps saying hes sorry, but it doesnt mean anything to me any more its just a word with no change of action.

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I feel like Im flunking the test!!!! Its 86 degrees in the house I turned the a/c down to 78 hes not home. I came home after work so tired going to take a nap but im sure he will barge in my room when he comes home and wake me up I hope to get some sleep before class tonight, Its a horrible feeling being in the house now....

I am sorry that u and ur hubby r going thru something like this!

No one in the family wants to deal with him. Its all on me. He keeps saying hes sorry, but it doesnt mean anything to me any more its just a word with no change of action.

1. get a lock on your bedroom door. Today!

2. set some boundaries or leave him to himself and agencies who help people like this.

You have to be safe. You're not flunking the test.

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1. get a lock on your bedroom door. Today!

2. set some boundaries or leave him to himself and agencies who help people like this.

You have to be safe. You're not flunking the test.

Absolutely! You're there to help, not be a slave- you need your own sacred space and if he can't accept that it live by it, you need to step out. It would probably be worth talking to a social worker about what resources he's able to access- both in terms of home care or potentially a long term care facility. Even if you don't decide to utilize those resources you at least deserve to know what they are- also, if he does qualify for some sort of caregiver you could at least be paid for the job you're already doing.... even if you do decide this is the path for you, be sure to look into respite care.

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1. get a lock on your bedroom door. Today!

2. set some boundaries or leave him to himself and agencies who help people like this.

You have to be safe. You're not flunking the test.

This, absolutely. It's wonderful that you want to take care of family, but you do not have to (and shouldn't!) stay in an abusive situation. I think an ultimatum is in order- give me respect and honor my boundaries, or we'll have to make other arrangements.

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