Do you know of a member married to non member and are very happy with there marrige?


Guest MelP

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I know several. Yet all that I know of course wishes their spouses would join the church so they can be sealed.

But they are still happy and their marriages are working. As least as far I can tell.

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My sister-in-law is married to a non-member. They will be married 40 years this April. He doesn't go to Church at all and for most of their marriage he hasn't gone.

She told me that it's been really hard without having a Priesthood holder in the home...but, she has adjusted over the years.

They have 3 grown children. All have been baptized but they only go to Church once in a great while. My SIL goes all the time by herself and has always had a recommend.

She continues to pray that one day her husband will join...anything is possible with prayer. Amen

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As for happy, I don't know. The ones that I know of that are happy, or seem to be happy, would be much more happy if they were both active members. What I do know is that a large majority of part member relationships end up with the church member becoming inactive.

Correct me if I am reading into this too much, but if someone is considering entering into a part member marriage I would strongly recommend against it. It is not possible for a couple to become "one" without the absolutely essential foundation of united religious beliefs.

Edited by Str8Shooter
Grammar....again.
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I have known many who are happily married to non members. I am sure however that there is a part of them that wishes for something different but they are happy. I myself am about to marry a non member. Not something that I ever thought I would do but I have been very prayerful and had a spiritual experience in the process. One thing that was important for me though is to be realistic that he may never join the church, and if that is the case would I still happy with the man he is. What has been my biggest trial sadly is the reaction and judgement from other members of the gospel. This hasn't been the greatest missionary tool for my fiancé either but I guess a realistic introduction to the 'shadow' side. He still comes to church though and loves having the missionaries over so the damage hasn't been to bad :P

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Sorry if I have 2 replies .. My last one wasn't showing but it could be something I've done .. I'll claim newbie status here lol.

I have some close friends who are married to non members and are very happy. There prob is some part of them that wish things were different. But all are extremely faithful women in the gospel. I myself am about to marry a non member which is completely not what I ever thought I would do. But I have been very prayerful and had quite a spiritual experience in the process. He is an amazing man and who knows what Heavenly Father has in store for him .. I mean he is His child too and is loved just the same if not more. Sadly the only negative has been the judgment and comments from other members which isn't the best missionary tool for him, but it hasn't deterred him either.

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Several of them in my ward. One of them is a very active Filipino Catholic married to a very active LDS. They got married in the Catholic Church in a ginormous Filipino Wedding Event with every bit of the trimmings. They're great. Their love for each other is so plain to see. They have support from both sides of the family so the religious differences are not hidden but worked through. The Catholic attends all 3 hours of LDS Services and comes to Church activities consistently. The LDS attends the Catholic Church Service and is currently observing Lent. Basically, they're both very active in both Churches.

Over 15 years ago, I was in that exact same boat. But I eloped, so no big wedding for me. We did the exact same thing except I only attended Sacrament Meeting and not Sunday School or RS. My husband also attended Catholic Service. We don't have much support from family - I was cut off from mine for a while, and I refused to talk religion with the in-laws.

Anyway, it can work. Just like multi-cultural marriages can work. Just like marriages between people of differing financial statuses can work. Like marriages between people of differing educational achievements can work. Like marriages between a celebrity and an ordinary person can work. If - RESPECT and ACCEPTANCE is ABSOLUTE.

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I do not think this has been asked before.

Yes, several. And has others have stated, from the outside things look fine.

A member/non-member marriage can work if there is respect between the spouses as with all marriages. Religion is a big difference but it can still work.

Additionally: When the "I am a Mormon" videos came out there was one of a man who had joined the church, but his wife hadn't.

Edited by applepansy
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Do you know of a member married to non member and are very happy with there marrige?
No. But then again, I don't know anybody who is "very happy with their marriage" at all. All the successful married folks tell me a good marriage isn't always happy and it's a lot of hard work. All the struggling married people tell me they're all doing their best.

For what it's worth, I know of several part-member marriages that are as happy as the next couple over. So yes, a successful part-member marriage is possible. But it's a lot of hard work.

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I think it very much depends on the people, just like any relationship. I am LDS but my husband is Seventh Day Adventist. He does not attend church much, being military he is rarely home for long and works most weekends but when he is, he goes to church with me and our two girls. He is actually the reason I am even active. We move a lot and it is hard for me to go places by myself the first time so he is my strength where I am weak and gets me where he knows I will be happiest. We are overall very happy and rarely have a serious fight.

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My husband isn't a member and we're both very happy :). Our little baby is being blessed by her grandpa next week.

Being married to a non-member and being very happy is quite possible. Even before we started dating, my future-husband understood me better than any Mormon guy remotely did. However, it does take some spiritual fortitude to get up every Sunday to go to church while he sleeps in.

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One of my most admired leaders growing up is married to a nonmember. She knows he never has any intention of joining. But he is a very good man, and a phenomenal husband and father. He has supported her and the kids in their church membership. She keeps very busy with her service in the Church and he helps her how he can. They've sent 2 sons on missions and all their kids were married in the temple. She has been to the temple, too.

I imagine she also supports him in his interests and activities. I think that's the key- coming to an agreement about the kids, and being loving and supportive of each other.

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Interesting subject as I have recently been trying to gain a greater understanding of "the psychology" of a member household where only 1 member is active in the church ... it is a challenge for the active member of the household, & even more of a challenge for the home teachers & priesthood leaders. Keeping harmony in the home can be a challenge when church people come calling or when the less active members "feel pressured" to return to church.

I know of several part-member families where 1 spouse is a member the other is not, probly 2/3rds of them are less active in the church.

Most, whether active or not, seem happy in their marriage.

Some, the member spouse seems very strong in the church, some have raised their children in the church, most seem to struggle with church activity at some point, some struggle though never let on.

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  • 4 weeks later...

My SIL is married to a Catholic.  He is a fabulous guy and definitely right for her.  He supports her in the Church (they all attend together every week).  For a long time, religion was a very touchy subject for them, but more recently, he has become more open to discussion.  Whether or not he ever joins the Church is less relevant than their being able to talk to one another  openly about it with mutual respect and love.

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I think it really depends on personality. Mine is such that if my wife were not a member I would be miserable and drive her crazy trying to get her to join and stuff and it would be a bad situation. Sharing my life (particularly the important parts) with my spouse matters to me. My faith is too much a part of my life and too important to me to not want it shared. I would also be freaked out all the time concerning the example being set for my children. Moreover, the real issues for me concerning marriage are not based in marital bliss in this life, but with an eye towards eternal joy. Being married to someone not LDS would put way to much risk on those eternal objectives for me. I would not do it.

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  • 1 month later...

I'm married to a non-member who doesn't want anything to do with the Church.  I would say our marriage is happy apart from her dislike of all thinks LDS.  We got married while I was inactive and when I began to think about returning she would get very upset.  She would often storm out of the house on a Sunday morning leaving me with the kids so I couldn't get to Church.  We eventually came to an understanding that I could come back to church as long as it was never mentioned or talked about in the house or have any impact on her life.  Was late back from Church the other day due to my temple recommend interview and she blew her stack saying she was going to start her disruptive activities again if I was going to late home ever again!  So other than that our marriage is very good!

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Is there a point in a marriage between a member and non-member that the member knows that their partner is never going to join the church and that activity in the church was a major problem between them that they would look to end the relationship to find an active partner in the church?  I know that in my situation it does get a bit heated but then I don't think I could leave my wife because she didn't want to join the church.  What are the repercussions spiritually with remaining with a non-member partner?

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Is there a point in a marriage between a member and non-member that the member knows that their partner is never going to join the church and that activity in the church was a major problem between them that they would look to end the relationship to find an active partner in the church?  I know that in my situation it does get a bit heated but then I don't think I could leave my wife because she didn't want to join the church.  What are the repercussions spiritually with remaining with a non-member partner?

 

Big difference between marrying a member who became a non-member and marrying a non-member in the first place.

 

There's a teaching by Lorenzo Snow (Chapter 16 in his Teachings of the Presidents of the Church manual) about Becoming One.  That's the objective of a marriage - to Become One.  It doesn't matter if you're a member, a non-member, or various stages in between.  A happy marriage is predicated on that desire to Become One.  What does that mean?  Does that mean that if the husband and wife are in disagreement that one of them have to agree with the other so they can become one?  No.  There's an iron rod that they cling to - Christ.  As the husband tries to live his life so he is inching closer and closer to Christ, he can Become One with his spouse as she inches closer and closer to Christ.  So that they Become One in Christ.

 

Member or non-member, Christian or non-Christian, doesn't matter as much if both are committed to coming closer to the teachings of Christ.  So, you might wonder - how can a non-Christian come closer to Christ?  Christ is truth.  Truth is universal.  As the couple align themselves with that truth the more they Become One.  You don't have to be a Christian to know that Respect is a desirable quality - that's a Christian teaching.  You don't have to be a Christian to know that Charity is a desirable quality - another Christian teaching.  You don't have to be a Christian to know that Service, Patience, Kindness are deisable qualities...

 

In the Philippines, divorce is illegal.  I live my life under that principle.  My husband could turn out to be Dexter the serial killer and it will not be enough cause for me to divorce him.  Yes, of course, I will have to take my children and leave the house to protect ourselves.  But, I would still be committed to helping my husband come closer to Christ as I try my best to bring myself closer to Christ.  It is my mission in life as his wife to be his help meet in his journey to salvation and exaltation.  And that spiritual mission is rock solid in my heart as I made that vow when we got married.  There will be no shaking it.  That's why it was very important for me to chose my husband - because, there's a slim to none chance he's going to turn out to be a serial killer.

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If someone responds to this thread in the positive, then they are speaking of the exception. 

 

Religion is one of the most impactful driving forces in an individuals life.  Not sharing that with a spouse has effects that are not positive on a marriage relationship.  Not sharing core beliefs, and not practicing core beliefs with your spouse is harmful to a marriage, especially when you belong to a church such as ours that teaches you will not be with your spouse in the next life if you are not sealed, and if they do not live up to their covenants. 

 

The impact of not having a common religion is not only harmful to the marriage, but is harmful to the children as well who will grow up with religious confusion, and ambiguity. 

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If someone responds to this thread in the positive, then they are speaking of the exception. 

 

Religion is one of the most impactful driving forces in an individuals life.  Not sharing that with a spouse has effects that are not positive on a marriage relationship.  Not sharing core beliefs, and not practicing core beliefs with your spouse is harmful to a marriage, especially when you belong to a church such as ours that teaches you will not be with your spouse in the next life if you are not sealed, and if they do not live up to their covenants. 

 

The impact of not having a common religion is not only harmful to the marriage, but is harmful to the children as well who will grow up with religious confusion, and ambiguity. 

 

I disagree that it is the exception.

 

In America, maybe.  Where lots of people are conditioned to leave spouses at the first sign of trouble.

 

Religion is an impactful thing, sure.  But so is culture, politics, financial stability, educational level, family traditions... etc. etc. etc.

 

And our church may teach that you will not be with your spouse if you are not eternally sealed... but sealing is not limited to this life alone.

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