Do you know of a member married to non member and are very happy with there marrige?


Guest MelP
 Share

Recommended Posts

People do not change, and it's even harder to change after we pass on.  Why would you even marry someone who has a different religion if you know the troubles, and heart aches it brings?  Same as I wouldn't marry someone who was promiscuous early in their life, or someone who was not educated, or someone who was not from a stable family, or someone who had mental illness, or someone who had a degenerative disease.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

People do not change, and it's even harder to change after we pass on.  Why would you even marry someone who has a different religion if you know the troubles, and heart aches it brings?  Same as I wouldn't marry someone who was promiscuous early in their life, or someone who was not educated, or someone who was not from a stable family, or someone who had mental illness, or someone who had a degenerative disease.

Cut to the next scene where MDFXDB is married to a stunningly gorgeous, kind, exciting, amazing deaf Jewish girl with ADHD who was raised in the foster care system, ran away at 14, did what she had to to survive until joining Cirque du Soleil, Now owns/operate a rabidly successful circus arts program for kids that foster kids can attend for free.

Q

Link to comment
Share on other sites

People do not change, and it's even harder to change after we pass on.  Why would you even marry someone who has a different religion if you know the troubles, and heart aches it brings?  Same as I wouldn't marry someone who was promiscuous early in their life, or someone who was not educated, or someone who was not from a stable family, or someone who had mental illness, or someone who had a degenerative disease.   

 

 

My husband is a Mormon married to a Catholic.  I have several cousins who are Catholic married to Born Again Christians, Protestants, and even a Muslim.  I can name tons of friends who are something married to something else.  And I also have a jillion cousins who are Catholics married to Catholics.  All of them with varying degrees of troubles and heartaches.  Their religion didn't predict the success of their marriages.  The more common trait though - the presence of mutual RESPECT was more the indicator of the success of their marriages.

 

So, it doesn't matter if you're married to a Mormon, educated or not, financially stable or not, degenerative disease or not.  If you respect your spouse, you will work it out.  If you don't respect your spouse, nothing much matters.  So, if you can only respect a Mormon, don't marry a Catholic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my ward we have 312 households, 225 without a Melchizedek priesthood holder, and 162 with no priesthood at all. 545 total members and an average sacrament meeting attendance of 185 (and I know for a fact this number is fluffed up a little) so activity rate of 34%.

I don't have part member member families list in front of me but I'd bet dollars to donuts that the families without priesthood in them are part member. With a 34% activity rate I'd say successful marriages to non-members are the exception not the rule.

Can it happen yes, is it common place no way, marriage is difficult enough a quick look through the forums here can tell you that, and these are people who have one of the most important things in life in common...... Religion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is not really about Mormons marrying Mormons it is about two people of the same religion marrying each other. Marriage is hard enough without having fundamental commanilities. Why marry with the difference? OK, so you know "lots of people" who are married and are different religions.So what. You don't really know happy they really are or how happy they could be. Or even how religious they individually are. And maybe everything is fine until you want your child to be blessed and your husband wants your child to be baptized soon after birth. What happens then? Peace and harmony? Likely not. You can focus on exceptions all day long but in the long run those fundamental differences do not make for a long term happy marriage.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My best friend growing up is LDS, served a mission and everything. All the sudden I see a picture of him in a minute chapel in Vegas marrying a Catholic, completely caught me off guard because I did not even know he had a girlfriend to begin with. They are very happy, have a child together. She is growing more open minded with the idea of raising their child in the Church as time goes on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is not really about Mormons marrying Mormons it is about two people of the same religion marrying each other. Marriage is hard enough without having fundamental commanilities. Why marry with the difference? OK, so you know "lots of people" who are married and are different religions.So what. You don't really know happy they really are or how happy they could be. Or even how religious they individually are. And maybe everything is fine until you want your child to be blessed and your husband wants your child to be baptized soon after birth. What happens then? Peace and harmony? Likely not. You can focus on exceptions all day long but in the long run those fundamental differences do not make for a long term happy marriage.

That's just the thing, though...

"It's" only a fundamental difference for some.

Be it money, sex, religion, politics, family of origin, etc...

Opposites can either repel & create that disharmony you're talking about OR

They can accentuate the positive in each, yin to yang, creating perfect harmony.

It has far more to do with the individuals involved, than the structure they bring with them.

Meaning whether their structures compliment each other, or bash into each other.

It's like Prison Chaplain.

He's not LDS... But he's an invaluable member of this site.

His differing beliefs are neither threatening nor damaging to anyone's here... In fact, usually the opposite.

But it's not because our Churches get along.

It's because of the man himself, and the members here, and the reaction between the two.

Send him to a different LDS site, and he may me treated awfully (instead of loved)...

And another Chaplain in his church may come here and sow dissection & ickyness (instead of goodwill & comtemplation).

For some couples differing religions may be a point of contention.

For others it's a point of strength.

Totally depends on the individuals involved.

Q

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that most of the time marrying out is difficult because of the many demands that the lds faith puts on us -tithing, callings.

Also the prophets recommend that we not marry out so this recommendation is a major clue. However if you are already married when you convert you will have celestial assistance in keeping that marriage together. Paul did not feel that a lack of faith on the part of your partner justified divorce. I do know a couple of professional women who chose to marry out because their primary aim was to find a man who would support them in their careers. They are vey happy in their marriages but they wish that they could convert their spouse. I also know of a convert who joined after marriage whose marriage is very successful but who wishes to convert their spouse, i think most people should not date outside of the church because marrying out is a strain on your life, spiritual development, and your relationship. However many women and especially for those who could not be happy without a career, you need to find someone who will support you in your career. This is not easy. Not that many men will take over the housework when you are coping with exams. Not many will move when you get a promotion in another city. I can understand why career women marry out. Further in many areas, it is a choice to marry out or not marry. What would the prophet recommend? My guess is not to marry out even if that means lifelong celibacy but if you are married when you convert then do everything you can short of losing your faith to keep the marriage together. What do you think?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is not really about Mormons marrying Mormons it is about two people of the same religion marrying each other. Marriage is hard enough without having fundamental commanilities. Why marry with the difference? OK, so you know "lots of people" who are married and are different religions.So what. You don't really know happy they really are or how happy they could be. Or even how religious they individually are. And maybe everything is fine until you want your child to be blessed and your husband wants your child to be baptized soon after birth. What happens then? Peace and harmony? Likely not. You can focus on exceptions all day long but in the long run those fundamental differences do not make for a long term happy marriage.

 

That's what I'm trying to tell you.  This is my extended family I'm talking about - not people I don't know.  They are all in varying degrees of happiness.  Catholic to Catholic - with divorce being illegal in the Philippines and divorce considered a major sin in Catholic religion - I still have an uncle who is separated from his wife and living with another (also Catholic).  My husband is Mormon - got married to a Catholic.  Sure, I converted a few years into the marriage but fact still remains, I was Catholic without any intention of becoming LDS when we got married and we were as happy as 2 newly-wed couples are (of course we had problems - who doesn't?).  I have a cousin who is Catholic married to a Born Again Christian - still going strong with their oldest turning 18.  I have a cousin who is Catholic married to a Protestant - got divorced (they live in the US).  I have another cousin who is Catholic married to a Muslim (lots of Muslims in the Philippines - they don't all kill non-Muslims).  Happily married with both of them not going to Church.

 

Now... Mormong to Mormon

Our EQ President married to the RS President with 5 children got divorced and are now married to other people - the EQ Pres married a non-Mormon, the RS President married the Gospel Doctrine Teacher who was married to the RS Secretary who got divorced after the EQ Pres got divorced.  The RS Secretary is now married to a non-Mormon.

 

Our Seminary Teacher married to the Primary first counselor with 5 children as well got divorced.  He got married to another Mormon with 2 children of her own from a previous marriage to a Mormon.  The Primary first counselor didn't get re-married - she moved to a commune!  Yes, I didn't know they have communes in the US.

 

We have another member in our ward who was a bishop in his previous ward married to a Mormon recent convert at the time they got married and they have 4 children.  They got divorced - he's still single, she's getting married to a non-Member that she's been seeing for 2 years.

 

And more from our ward - Mormons married to non-Mormons:

Our High Priest Group Leader is happily married to a non-Mormon - have been for almost 50 years.  We rarely see her - and only if we see them together in the store or something.  You can't visit their home unless you make an appt - because she doesn't like meeting with Mormons.  But they have a child who was bishop or something... and the others are non-members.

 

A Filipino member of our ward does not attend Church.  His only connection to the Church is through his Home Teachers and his parents who are active in our ward.  He says he still has a testimony and that he is not attending Church because he thinks this is what God wants for him right now... he is happily married to another Filipino who is Catholic.  He doesn't attend the Catholic church either but their kids are raised Catholic.

 

I can go on and on with this one... all anecdotal, yes... but so is your claim that it's a rare exception...

 

Is it easier to have the same religion?  Of course!  And it would have been easier if Filipinos only married Filipinos and Republicans only marry Republicans...  But you see white people happily married to Filipinos and Republicans happily married to Democrats and yes, Mormons happily married to non-Mormons too.  And on the other side of the coin, you have many Filipinos divorced from their white spouses and Filipinos divorced from their Filipino spouses and Republicans divorced from their Democrat spouses and Republicans divorced from their Republican spouses and Mormons divorced from their non-Mormon spouses and Mormons divorced from their Mormon spouses...

 

So, obviously there's something else that's happening there.  But... in all these cases... RESPECT... it's like the glue that makes two very different people of very different backgrounds stick together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What would the prophet recommend? My guess is not to marry out even if that means lifelong celibacy but if you are married when you convert then do everything you can short of losing your faith to keep the marriage together. What do you think?

That just sounds tremendously sad, not a good way to retain members I think.

Telling people to live alone forever and actually have them live alone forever, doesn't work out as cut and dry.

I never see any of the Mormons at the ward here, and I live in a smallish town. And that ward is actually a good size. But I never see them anywhere, they seem to vanish after church.

No one I ever talked to knew they existed.

So I suppose they're doing a fine job not mixing with the nons, but I can't imagine keeping wholly to yourselves like the amish or something, is a good idea for a church that actively wants new members.

Can't have your cake and eat it too...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you know lots of people who have broken marriages, or problems.....and.....half the people I know who are married, or single either are divorced, or getting divorced, or never married......That's because the divorce rate is 50%.  Your evidence is meaningless.  Would you advise your child to marry someone who believed in faith healing?  Someone who believed in practicing plural marriage?  How about someone who didn't want to ever pay tithing, or someone who didn't want their 12 year old to receive the Aaronic priesthood because it's stupid to give the priesthood to a 12 year old?

 

If you are in a marriage, fine.  But, if you are choosing a spouse, why would you choose someone of a different faith.  In a previous example, someone speaks of "professional women", and then mentions they wish their spouses would convert.......

 

Another previous poster cited his wards statistics.  I can say that my ward is no different, there are over 300 households in the ward, and 198 of them do not have a Melkezedik (sp) priesthood holder in them, the one thing those households have in common are part-member families, and they also make up the majority of our inactive pool.......

 

Marriage, and respect, and all that other stuff is hard enough when you are the same religion. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you know lots of people who have broken marriages, or problems.....and.....half the people I know who are married, or single either are divorced, or getting divorced, or never married......That's because the divorce rate is 50%.  Your evidence is meaningless.  Would you advise your child to marry someone who believed in faith healing?  Someone who believed in practicing plural marriage?  How about someone who didn't want to ever pay tithing, or someone who didn't want their 12 year old to receive the Aaronic priesthood because it's stupid to give the priesthood to a 12 year old?

 

EXACTLY!  The divorce rate is 50% regardless of religion!

 

I've been telling my 12 year old to find a girl that shares his basic principles and respects who he is and somebody he respects unequivocally.  Doesn't have to be Mormon.  It's stupid to tell my kid to marry only a Mormon.  His dad married a Catholic.  Duh.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The divorce rate is 50% because people do not make good foundational decisions when it comes to choosing a spouse.  By your logic it doesn't matter who you marry because 50% of the time you're getting divorced anyways, so why not just marry the first cute guy/girl who comes along......Your chances are pretty good right?  Kind of like flipping a coin?

 

You would tell your 12 year old to find someone who shares his basic principles?  How could he share those basic principles if they are not the same religion?   

 

It's not stupid to tell your kid to marry only within his religion.  It would be smart to tell him that he can learn from the mistakes of his parents, and forego any potential future heart ache by marrying within his religion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The divorce rate is 50% because people do not make good foundational decisions when it comes to choosing a spouse.  By your logic it doesn't matter who you marry because 50% of the time you're getting divorced anyways, so why not just marry the first cute guy/girl who comes along......Your chances are pretty good right?  Kind of like flipping a coin?

 

You would tell your 12 year old to find someone who shares his basic principles?  How could he share those basic principles if they are not the same religion?   

 

It's not stupid to tell your kid to marry only within his religion.  It would be smart to tell him that he can learn from the mistakes of his parents, and forego any potential future heart ache by marrying within his religion.

What about if you don't have a religion?

And yet I can easily share the same basic principles with someone who does.

Religions tend to also share a lot of the same basic principles too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I can go on and on with this one... all anecdotal, yes... but so is your claim that it's a rare exception...

 

I would disagree, my evidence is not anecdotal, "in my ward we have 312 households, 225 without a Melchizedek priesthood holder, and 162 with no priesthood at all. 545 total members and an average sacrament meeting attendance of 185 (and I know for a fact this number is fluffed up a little) so activity rate of 34%. I don't have part member member families list in front of me but I'd bet dollars to donuts that the families without priesthood in them are part member. With a 34% activity rate I'd say successful marriages to non-members are the exception not the rule."

 

Just a little math but of the 185 or 34% of total membership who regularly attend, and with 162 households out of 312 with no priesthood at all (which I think we can safely assume are part member families) how many of those mixed religion families are active members? How many of the 185 or 34% are active...lets just throw a big number out there and say 20% of the part member families are active that would be 37 people total, lets say the average family is 4 people, so 9 families out of 162.....that's 5.5% oh and of that 5.5% how many are truly happy?

 

 

 

I know several of the families in my ward were one of the spouses is not a member and they all wish their spouse was a member. Can it work sure, is it the exception Absolutely!

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One third of those who marry will divorce. Half of all marriages end in divorce because those who do divorce tend to remarry and divorce again. There are a fairly small number of people who marry and divorce frequently who drive up the divorce stats. Most, two thirds, of those who marry do not divorce. Given all the curve balls that life throws you, that's pretty good! Marriage in fact is thriving!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The divorce rate is 50% because people do not make good foundational decisions when it comes to choosing a spouse.  By your logic it doesn't matter who you marry because 50% of the time you're getting divorced anyways, so why not just marry the first cute guy/girl who comes along......Your chances are pretty good right?  Kind of like flipping a coin?

 

You would tell your 12 year old to find someone who shares his basic principles?  How could he share those basic principles if they are not the same religion?   

 

It's not stupid to tell your kid to marry only within his religion.  It would be smart to tell him that he can learn from the mistakes of his parents, and forego any potential future heart ache by marrying within his religion.

 

Let me guess... you're born and raised Mormon...

 

The YM/YW Presidencies in our ward tells our youth to marry only Return Missionaries.  Do you know how many Return Missionaries are life-idiots?  This is the same as somebody telling my kid to only marry Mormon and the same as somebody telling my kid to only marry cute girls.  Your being Mormon and being cute doesn't guarantee you share the same basic principles as my kid.

 

Yes, marry Mormon if you find one good enough to marry.  Temple marriage is a good goal to have.  But, don't just marry the idiot just because she's Mormon.  There are many Catholics who are better Mormons than some run-of-the-mill-born-in-the-Church Mormons.  Fact remains - there are over 2 billion people on the planet and only 13 million Mormons about half of which are Mormons-in-name only and none of them will be a sure bet that they will remain good Mormons their entire lives.

 

Mistakes of his parents... What a stupid thing to say!  I've been married going on 17 years.  Not a single moment in those years have I ever thought getting married to my husband was a mistake.  I was Catholic - there's no divorce in the Catholic faith.  I was taught growing up by the Catholic Church to make sure I use very good judgment in choosing a husband... because that's a once-in-a-lifetime choice!  I married my husband because we share the same basic principles - even if he was Mormon, he believed the same way I did - Divorce Is Not An Option (even if his religion is just fine with divorce!)... among other main things!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah there are 7 billion on the planet, and 13 million Mormons, they figure about half are active.

 

But here's something to ponder.

Say I get baptized and temple recommend, all the Mormon things, and yet even because of that I would be a terrible fit for most Mormon women because I am so very strange and unorthadox in my thinking and life, etc.

Just because I'd be worthy doesn't mean I'd, at all, be a good fit.


That's a recipie for divorce, and I'd never limit myself to a small group of people, and I don't think anyone should, I guess unless that group is far bigger then 13 million.

That's not alot in the grand scheme of things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let me guess... you're born and raised Mormon...

 

not relevant to the conversation, but yes......

 

The YM/YW Presidencies in our ward tells our youth to marry only Return Missionaries.  Do you know how many Return Missionaries are life-idiots?

 

 (I don't see what your point is on this, lots of people are idiots)   

 

This is the same as somebody telling my kid to only marry Mormon and the same as somebody telling my kid to only marry cute girls.

 

 (do you not want your kid to marry cute girls?  would you want your kid to date/marry ugly girls?)  

 

Your being Mormon and being cute doesn't guarantee you share the same basic principles as my kid.  

 

(correct, but there are no guarantees in life.  However, being a returned missionary is a pretty good indicator. An indicator that otherwise wouldn't exist.)

 

Yes, marry Mormon if you find one good enough to marry.  Temple marriage is a good goal to have.

 

(Temple marriage isn't just a good goal to have, it is THE GOAL!  I may be mistaken, but i'm pretty sure the only way to achieve the highest degree of exhalation in the celestial kingdom is via temple marriage......)

 

 

 But, don't just marry the idiot just because she's Mormon. 

 

(This is a poor argument, I would not marry someone just because they are mormon, just like I wouldn't marry someone just because they are rich, or attractive.)

 

There are many Catholics who are better Mormons than some run-of-the-mill-born-in-the-Church Mormons.  Fact remains - there are over 2 billion people on the planet and only 13 million Mormons about half of which are Mormons-in-name only and none of them will be a sure bet that they will remain good Mormons their entire lives.

 

(There are many Mormons who are better than some run-of-the-mill-born-in-the-Catholic Church Catholics...Your point here is meaningless)

 

Mistakes of his parents... What a stupid thing to say! 

 

(Not a stupid thing to say.  So, you don't want  your children to learn from your mistakes?)  You seem to forget that you are unique, not everyone is like you, and not everyone has the same upbringing as you.  

 

I've been married going on 17 years.  Not a single moment in those years have I ever thought getting married to my husband was a mistake.  I was Catholic - there's no divorce in the Catholic faith.  I was taught growing up by the Catholic Church to make sure I use very good judgment in choosing a husband... because that's a once-in-a-lifetime choice!  I married my husband because we share the same basic principles - even if he was Mormon, he believed the same way I did - Divorce Is Not An Option (even if his religion is just fine with divorce!)... among other main things!

 

Wars have been fought, people have died, wars are continuing to be fought, families split, people have been driven from homes and safety, all in the name of religion.  Religion is probably the single most important part of a practicing person's life (regardless of religion).  Why would anyone not consider this as a huge part of a married life?  Why would I knowingly choose someone with whom I could not share the most meaningful parts of my life with?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would be very unhappy if my husband wasn't a member of the church. My social life, the way I raise my children, the way I want to have prayers in my home and scripture reading, my desire to have a husband who could give me priesthood blessings, my desire to have my husband give our babies a name and a blessing and not have to call on someone else to perform the naming and blessing, my desire to have my husband to baptize our children, etc., all adds up to the way I would want my marriage. Most active LDS women want this in their home.

 

I have one sister who married outside of the church, and several cousins. They have made their marriage work, but whenever we talk about the church their desire is to have their spouses join. I know with my sister, it was a real struggle. She ended up going inactive, and her children were not raised in the church. Her husband finally joined, but it was after the children were grown. The heartache she feels is real. It doesn't mean she has or had a bad marriage. It means that there was a lot of pain, and decisions made that may eternally affect her family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One can understand that, but what do you do when you have a population of people that don't have an even ratio (eg more women then men).

I've heard it on the forum before but you can't honestly expect people to be alone and happy, you think they're gonna stay active? they may but some certainly would fall away, especially since the church is real keen on marriage and families.

They don't seem to know what to do with single people, after a little while, I rememeber, no one really had any idea what to say to me since they were all married (or young kids) and I was a single man.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm married to a non-member who doesn't want anything to do with the Church.  I would say our marriage is happy apart from her dislike of all thinks LDS.  We got married while I was inactive and when I began to think about returning she would get very upset.  She would often storm out of the house on a Sunday morning leaving me with the kids so I couldn't get to Church.  We eventually came to an understanding that I could come back to church as long as it was never mentioned or talked about in the house or have any impact on her life.  Was late back from Church the other day due to my temple recommend interview and she blew her stack saying she was going to start her disruptive activities again if I was going to late home ever again!  So other than that our marriage is very good!

The behavior described is incredibly disrespectful. Especially coming from a spouse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The behavior described is incredibly disrespectful. Especially coming from a spouse.

 

She has it in her head that the church is a cult, is very bad and she wants nothing to do with it.  I've tried to talk to her about the church and its beliefs but she refuses to listen.  I've spoken to my bishop about the situation and he's very supportive, he has counselled that I don't push things to much and give her space and respect that she wants nothing to do with the church.  But also to be the best husband so that the light of the gospel shines through my actions in our relationship.  I pray for her heart to soften towards the church as I really want her to see the good it does and eventually for her to join so we can be sealed in the temple together.  

One of the problems that arises from the situation is callings, I don't have one and cannot have one that would involve me spending a lot of time away from home.  The bishop again is very understanding and is looking for something that I can do from home or at church on a Sunday morning.  I also cannot go home teaching or have the home teachers visit me so my home teachers see me on a Sunday and share their message via email.  Before I returned to church that email was the only contact I had with the church other than via Facebook.

I do wish my wife would see the good the church does and become a member, she was active in the local baptist church which is where we met but after we got married she drifted away from there and I began to reinvestigate the LDS church.  I do believe she has a Christian faith but she cannot get past the negative things she has been told about the LDS church to see the good it has in it.  I do hope that she will see that the church is the restored church of Jesus Christ on the earth, I do hope she will receive a testimony of that fact and become a member.  Only Heavenly Father knows what's really in our hearts, so I pray and do all I can to give a positive view to the church.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share