Can you be a "good" member of the Church and not want to go to church?

[MormonMama]

I have a confession to make: I really don't like going to church. It's not that I don't love or believe in the Church. I do. I just have no interest in going to a physical location to "fellowship with the Saints" or anything like that. I'm much happier staying home reading the scriptures, watching Conference videos, etc.

I've always been a loner and never liked groups of people. I prefer to be alone. I'm someone who could probably be happy living on a deserted island. I love being with my husband and kids and, to a lesser extent, my extended family, but that's it. I feel no need to socialize with others. I've always been this way.

To me, going to church feels like it interferes with my personal immersion in the Gospel. I prefer to study and read on my own, without interruptions that being around others brings. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I know one of the temple recommend questions is "Do you attend your church meetings regularly" (if I remember right). I have to admit that I don't attend regularly and when I do attend it's out of a feeling of obligation and I don't enjoy it at all.

Do I just need to suck it up and force myself to get past this? I've been a member for over 18 years and I've always felt this way. Again, it's not the Church itself. I absolutely believe it's true. I just don't feel a need to physically go sit with others.

[Guest]

Sure, we don't have to want to do the things we should do. :) But yes, suck it up and go, and find ways to be enriched by it. We are responsible for our own experiences.

[bay2boy]

I'm sure it wouldn't be a stretch to assume that many members of the church feel this way. The church requires a lot of it's members.

Firstly, the biggest reason we go to church is to renew our covenants through the sacrament so you, of course, have to be present for that.

Secondly, the Lord needs us to fellowship other members and investigators to further his work. It doesn't mean you have to become everyone's best friend. But, it does require that we step out of our comfort zone every once in a while and make sure our brothers and sisters feel welcome. Can you imagine if everyone stopped going to church and relied only on their own volition to live the gospel? You might be fine, but a lot of people (most people) would fall away.

Lastly. Sometimes, especially if you are well read, you feel like you aren't getting much out of the lessons, talks, etc. because you've heard it all before and it just feels so basic and fundamental. Just remember; you may be smart, but, the spirit is smarter. If you would allow the spirit to be a part of your church going experience, He will teach you things you never knew or things you need to be reminded of, regardless of the subject matter.

Just a few thoughts. He knows its a sacrifice for you to go and I really think you will be blessed for it. Maybe blessings that come at the hands of other members.

[Guest]

Just remember; you may be smart, but, the spirit is smarter. If you would allow the spirit to be a part of your church going experience, He will teach you things you never knew or things you need to be reminded of, regardless of the subject matter.

Love this. Thanks.

[MormonMama]

Thank you guys. I'm glad to know the way I feel is normal and doesn't make me a bad person. And I'm glad for the reminders as to why I should go. I know you guys are right. It's up to me to seek for ways to gain enjoyment and enrichment at church. And I know you're also right about needing to take the Sacrament. I'm ashamed to admit that I hadn't even thought about that!

[Palerider]

Sacrament meeting is the most important meeting to attend.so we can partake of the sacrament. Try going twice a month if you can. Something to work towards.

[Just_A_Guy]

I'm a bit of a misanthrope myself.

But, I've got to tell you--I love serving in the primary.

[Guest]

I'm a bit of a misanthrope myself.

.

This surprises me, considering how you must see the very best of human nature in your line of work.

[Quin]

Laugh button needed ^^^^^

[Palerider]

Laugh button needed ^^^^^

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

MormonMama, no, it doesn't make you a bad person. and yes, you should go anyway.

Believe me, I understand. I would prefer not go to church either (for different reasons which I won't hijack your thread to explain ). But I keep going every week, and I believe the Lord appreciates my sacrifice.

[classylady]

I'm not a social person, and it's hard for me to attend church. I feel like such a misfit. And this feeling seems to be intensifying as I'm getting older. But, I don't think anyone at church is even aware that's how I feel. I seem to be able to hide my discomfort. I attend church, because I know I need it for my spirit. Taking the sacrament is a time for renewing covenants. After church I'm always glad that I attended. And it's probably good for me to get myself out of my shell, and simply be around others besides my immediate family.

[MormonMama]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all the insight and advice and I'm glad to know I'm not alone or weird for feeling this way. I did go today, by the way. :)

[Palerider]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all the insight and advice and I'm glad to know I'm not alone or weird for feeling this way. I did go today, by the way. :)

Excellent :)

[kaydell]

...I've always been a loner and never liked groups of people...

I'm a loner too and feel less of a need to go to church. I'm going to try to make Sacrament meeting again and maybe join the Choir. I used to be more shy about singing, but I now sing in church and a neighbor of mine saw me walking and invited me to join the choir.

Maybe you could do something to make you feel a part of church meetings more like participate in the lessons in Sunday school and Relief Society. One time in Sunday School, the teacher seemed to be droning on about things that were irrelevant to me and then he said the word "faith" and I raised my hand and asked how I could increase my faith... He asked a skriptorian in the audience who said to study Alma 32 and so I did. This linked my self-study with my study in Sunday School and made Sunday school more relevant to me.

[Lakumi]

random factoid, that smiley has Goku from Dragonball Z's haircut...

me, well I go threw... moods... sometimes I enjoy being around others, sometimes I feel disgusted about seeing anyone, sometimes I am completely indifferent.

Couple that with a truly random sleep scheduale and a very indipendant personality and I honestly couldn't tell you when the next time I will go to church will be

[Guest]

Okay, there are 2 great commandments:

1.) Love God.

2.) Love your neighbors as yourself.

All other covenants/commandments are contained within these 2 commandments.

The first one is easily understood.

The second one is where good people get tripped up. If all we think about is our comfort, we can't love our neighbors. It is necessary to be with our neighbors to be able to love them. Love is service. So yes, we show our love for God by reading scriptures, studying the gospel, fulfilling our convenants - and partaking of the Sacrament. But then we need to think about loving others like ourselves. And Christ showed us exactly what that entails when he knelt down and washed his apostles' feet.

So yes, we learn and understand the gospel by reading it at home. Alone. And we get filled with the Spirit. There are others who don't understand it and can benefit from you sharing what you know in Sunday School. Or Relief Society.

And this is the perfect time to pull one of my favorite quotes from Two Weeks Notice: "Not everything is about you." :)

Edited March 17, 2014 by anatess

[Free_Born_John]

I love interacting with fellow saints, I love the sense of community, I love reading scriptures and studying on my own or discussiong history and doctrine with like minded individuals.

I detest sitting through boring sacrament meetings with speakers who have not taken the time to prepare properly or simply regurgitate the same pat answers. I also despise sitting through watered down milk versions of Gospel Doctrine where the questions are comparable to those asked of investigators to the church (what is faith, what does it mean to repent).

As for Priesthood, it varies, our old teacher was great, but the new guy splits us into groups and has us read the class for ourselves before our group answers one question out of the lesson via a spokes person.

Nope, I may love the Gospel, but church attendance on Sunday can be very boring.

[Finrock]

Hi MormonMama, I hope you are doing well! :)

I am no paragon of anything but I've often felt during times when I don't want to be at church or go to church that it isn't all about how I feel or what I think I am getting out of church. Many times going to church we end up saying or doing something for someone else. Somebody may need to hear your testitmony. Somebody may need to see your smile. Somebody may need to learn from your experiences. Somebody may need your act of kindness or service.

I have had many interactions with members over the years that go something like this:

Finrock: "Bro./Sis. so-and-so, what you said/did really made sense to me/helped me, thank you! I really needed to hear those words/needed that!"

Bro./Sis. So-and-So: "Really? I didn't think what I was saying/doing was anything profound."

Finrock: "No, it was an answer to a prayer!"

Bro./Sis. So-and-so: "And to think I almost didn't come to church today!"

-Finrock

[john doe]

Sometimes going to church isn't about what you get, it's about what you give. I've found that the more I give the more I get, and sometimes what I get isn't what I expected.

[Palerider]

I know if you want to attend the Temple you need to be there at least twice a month or this former Bishop won't sign your recommend.

As far as thinking lessons or talks are boring....is that the real reason for not going to church or the best excuse we have to not attend.?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I know if you want to attend the Temple you need to be there at least twice a month or this former Bishop won't sign your recommend.

As far as thinking lessons or talks are boring....is that the real reason for not going to church or the best excuse we have to not attend.?

I've never heard of this "twice a month" rule. For good reason, I think, circumstances can vary so greatly...not just distances to a temple, health issues, work schedules....all sorts of other things.

I had a temple recommend (temple close by) and didn't use it for three years. I know this might be hard for some people to understand, but I felt so much shame because of child abuse that going to the temple was too painful. I sobbed through an endowment session and an initiatory session...before I decided to stop torturing myself. It was such an awful time. The place that had been a place of peace for me, was no longer a haven. Awful time.

But happily, I have now resumed temple attendance, and I feel peace there once again. My point is, that it would NOT have helped me to have my Bishop take my recommend away because I wasn't using it.

[Leah]

I've never heard of this "twice a month" rule. For good reason, I think, circumstances can vary so greatly...not just distances to a temple, health issues, work schedules....all sorts of other things.

I had a temple recommend (temple close by) and didn't use it for three years. I know this might be hard for some people to understand, but I felt so much shame because of child abuse that going to the temple was too painful. I sobbed through an endowment session and an initiatory session...before I decided to stop torturing myself. It was such an awful time. The place that had been a place of peace for me, was no longer a haven. Awful time.

But happily, I have now resumed temple attendance, and I feel peace there once again. My point is, that it would NOT have helped me to have my Bishop take my recommend away because I wasn't using it.

I think what Palerider was saying that you need to be attending sacrament and your other meetings at least twice a month if you want to receive a recommend. I don't think he was saying that you have to attend the temple twice a month in order to keep your recommend. Obviously, that would be impossible for some people because of sheerest distance from tha temple.

[classylady]

I think what Palerider was saying that you need to be attending sacrament and your other meetings at least twice a month if you want to receive a recommend. I don't think he was saying that you have to attend the temple twice a month in order to keep your recommend. Obviously, that would be impossible for some people because of sheerest distance from tha temple.

Agreed. I'm sure Palerider meant twice a month of Sacrament Meeting attendance, not Temple attendance.

[Irenaeus]

This reminds me of a story from when I first became a Catholic. At the end of the mass, the priest says "The mass is ended." The congregation then responds, "Thanks be to God." After my first mass I approached the priest and told him that I loved the honesty found within Catholicism. When he asked what I meant, I told him that, while I'm pretty sure most Christians are thanking God when the Church service is over, the Catholics are the only ones who overtly admit it!.

Funny stories aside, not wanting to go to Church is perfectly natural. I'd imagine that there's no more than a handful of Christians who don't have at least the occasional Sunday where they don't want to go.

That being said, remember that the word Church in the original Greek is "Ecclesia," which would roughly translate to a gathering of citizens. Prior to Christianity, the most common use of the word was to reference a practice in Athens where all voting citizens gathered to function as the highest authority in the land. What I'm getting at here is that the Church, by its very nature, necessitates community. Believe me, I'm something of an introvert myself, so this is not a truth that I particularly love either. Never-the-less, the act of gathering for communal worship is as the very heart of the Christian faith.

Remember, though, that just because you don't particularly like going to Church doesn't mean you don't love going to Church. The most common word used for Love in the New Testament is "Agape," which denotes a self-giving or sacrificial love. So, while God hasn't instilled you with a fervent desire to go, He has given you the opportunity to make a sacrifice, which more perfectly embodies the love we ought to have for Him and His Church.

God bless you!