Return Sister Missionary Struggling with Garments


aligirl12
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So I honestly need some non-judgmental advice. I am 20 years old. I am part of the younger sister missionary generation. I was on my mission for 5 months and returned home on medical release. I can say that I have a strong testimony of the church and a love for my heavenly father and my savior. But, there is one thing that keeps holding me back. I don't think I was ready to be endowed. I have been endowed for nearly a year now and have never truly come to terms with wearing the temple garment. I wore it consistently on my mission but after a while of being home I could not stand wearing them anymore. I went three months without wearing them, then decided to talk to my bishop to try wearing them again. Since then I have been wearing them on and off. It's kind of hard to explain. I literally just cannot stand wearing them. They feel like a burden. When I take them off I feel like I just got out of a controlling relationship; I feel free. Every sister that I talk to about the garments has little to no problem wearing them. I feel horrible that I struggle so much with them. I just cannot imagine having to wear these things my entire life. Also, I feel like it is nearly impossible to feel attractive in them, which is really hard for someone my age. For a long time I called them granny panties.

Need some help!

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I have major sensory issues... Which is par for the course with ADHD.

Fortunately, there are different garments for military & law enforcement/first response.

Those are the ONLY kind I can wear without having a mild ongoing panic attack (which gradually leads from panic to depression to despair to suicide), all the way to full blown shaking, crying, and throwing up active panic attacks... Which is outright impossible in the short term.

People who don't have SPD, or ADHD, just generally cannot understand a brain that processes information differently than theirs. Why a cap sleeve shirt feels like rape, but a tank top or long sleeve shirt is fine. Heck, even those of us with sensory issues don't always understand it. I know my OWN stuff (can't do wide straps on my shoulders, can't have anything that pulls over this inch of my skin, but the inch below and above are FINE), so I work around it. But I often have to shake myself to remind myself that other people have different needs. Just because something is uncomfortable to me, doesn't mean that it's the same level for someone else (aka suck it up). It may well be intolerable to them. Or it may be the best thing ever.

It's been a real lesson in humility to take people at their word.

You're hardly alone, though, even if you don't have sensory issues.

Female Garments: The Underwear Business – By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog

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I have major sensory issues... Which is par for the course with ADHD.

Fortunately, there are different garments for military & law enforcement/first response.

Those are the ONLY kind I can wear without having a mild ongoing panic attack (which gradually leads from panic to depression to despair to suicide), all the way to full blown shaking, crying, and throwing up active panic attacks... Which is outright impossible in the short term.

People who don't have SPD, or ADHD, just generally cannot understand a brain that processes information differently than theirs. Why a cap sleeve shirt feels like rape, but a tank top or long sleeve shirt is fine. Heck, even those of us with sensory issues don't always understand it. I know my OWN stuff (can't do wide straps on my shoulders, can't have anything that pulls over this inch of my skin, but the inch below and above are FINE), so I work around it. But I often have to shake myself to remind myself that other people have different needs. Just because something is uncomfortable to me, doesn't mean that it's the same level for someone else (aka suck it up). It may well be intolerable to them. Or it may be the best thing ever.

It's been a real lesson in humility to take people at their word.

You're hardly alone, though, even if you don't have sensory issues.

Female Garments: The Underwear Business – By Common Consent, a Mormon Blog

Yeah I have a lot of sensory issues too, and it can be intolerable at times with things. Also get effected by temperatures differently and that effects it too. Everything I own is put to my tests, every blanket, all my socks and hats, coats, everything.

I don't think I could ever wear those, because it would drive me crazy, make me sick ... Its really hard to descibe just how it works with my brain. How I have to sleep, what I wear to sleep, what I'm doing...

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Guest DeborahC

Try different styles and fabrics.

Some are really uncomfortable for me.

I love others.

I particularly like the one-piece with flared legs for under a dress.

They are less binding.

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A couple of issues jump out at me as I read the Original Post.

A statement that you do not feel that you were ready to be endowed.

That you came home from you mission on medical after 5 months.

That you feel as if the garments are a burden and that taking them off feels like getting out of a restricting relationship.

Those 3 very basic statements scream "psychological". Not saying that you are crazy, but rather, because you do not/did not feel ready to be endowed, & because your mission was called short, that perhaps the garments & your mind do not have the best of relationships.

I think that once you do ready yourself to be endowed, once you do come to terms with a shortened mission, that perhaps your relationship with the garments might improve.

I can see where the garments would be burdensome if one was not or had not been ready to take that step.

The younger age for missionaries is great; however, there are many that need the extra year to ready & prepare themselves. It is unfortunate that so much pressure is placed on the young men & women to serve missions as soon as they are of age ...

The missionary that had the greatest impact on me, the one responsible for me being an active member of the church today, he was 25 years old & it was his level of maturity & his life experiences that allowed him to touch me & my life.

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So don't wear them. Before everybody screams at me for this one. I think you are better off feeling mentally healthy and not wearing them than the reverse.

While I see what you mean, I think it only addresses the symptom. Say what you want about the necessity of garments with one's temple covenants, but it's the way of things right now Unless Ali can peacefully reconcile going without her garments and her temple endowment, she will most likely continue to feel conflicted.

Ali, as Quin pointed out, not everyone is 100% okay with wearing garments. Right now, I'm perfectly comfortable wearing them but I can no longer lounge around in them like I used to without feeling frumpy and dumpy (I blame my near-inability to remain dressed the first few weeks of my daughter's life) so I can sympathize with the unattractive thing.

But I'm guessing this goes deeper than that.

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I agree this is not a garment issue per se. The first presidency letter says this about wearing the temple garment:

Members should be guided by the Holy Spirit to answer for themselves personal questions about wearing the garment. This sacred covenant is between the member and the Lord and is an outward expression of an inner commitment to follow the Savior Jesus Christ. (First Presidency letter, 5 Nov. 1996; quoted in Ensign, October 2003)
This statement was in relation to the proper way to wear the garment, but perhaps it also applies in reverse to this case. I could see some argument about how covenants were made and if made that the garment must be warn.
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I am temple endowed, and unless something has changed that I am not aware of, I NEVER Covenanter to wear garments.

It was placed upon me.

I was promised some very impressive blessings so long as I wear it throughout my life.

I was instructed to wear it.

I never Covenanted to do so. I had this conversation recently with my bishop, stake president, regional rep, and temple president who all conceded that this was indeed then case. Claiming that this was a covenant is to miscast the case.

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I am temple endowed, and unless something has changed that I am not aware of, I NEVER Covenanter to wear garments.

It was placed upon me.

I was promised some very impressive blessings so long as I wear it throughout my life.

I was instructed to wear it.

I never Covenanted to do so. I had this conversation recently with my bishop, stake president, regional rep, and temple president who all conceded that this was indeed then case. Claiming that this was a covenant is to miscast the case.

I agree there is no formal promise to wear the garment. That is because the garment is a symbol. What it truly symbolizes cannot be removed but remains with us throughout our life. However, one who doesn't wear the garment, for some of the above reasons, does not understand, or has likely not fully accepted the covenants that the garment is associated with.
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In regards to my mission, I have come to terms with it. I loved my mission and consider myself an honorable return missionary. I served as best as I could. There have been so many wonderful blessings that have come from it!

Secondly, there really is a lot more to the story. But it's so much to explain. Let's just say that I have been through a lot of trials in my life, especially in the last few years, that have been rather painful and exquisitely challenging. I have been diagnosed with depression, though I prefer not to take medicine for it.

When I came seeking advice about the garments this morning, it was kind of an act of desperation. I feel very conflicted about wearing them. I feel better not wearing them, but feel incredibly judged for doing so. It all comes down to what I really want in life. Am I willing to sacrifice the temple blessings and my endowment because I very much dislike the temple garment? That is the question that constantly eats at me, that overwhelms me and makes me feel like I was totally unprepared for that commitment.

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So don't wear them. Before everybody screams at me for this one. I think you are better off feeling mentally healthy and not wearing them than the reverse.

And we should never be advising someone not to wear their garments.

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I am temple endowed, and unless something has changed that I am not aware of, I NEVER Covenanter to wear garments.

It was placed upon me.

I was promised some very impressive blessings so long as I wear it throughout my life.

I was instructed to wear it.

I never Covenanted to do so. I had this conversation recently with my bishop, stake president, regional rep, and temple president who all conceded that this was indeed then case. Claiming that this was a covenant is to miscast the case.

Covenant or not, is there not a recommend question regarding wearing the garment both day & night?

Like many of the other recommend questions, there may not be a direct covenant connected to the question, there is still the expectation/requirement.

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My thoughts have always been that how we treat the Garment of the Holy Priesthood... is how we treat and honor the covenants we made in the temple.

For example:

If one wears the garment "part time"... then are you treating your covenants as though they are "part time"?

If one has a habit of putting their garments on the floor, are you "trampling them under your feet"?

If someone finds that wearing the garment is uncomfortable, I suggest the following two courses of action:

1) Do you have the right fabric combination? Visit a Church Distribution Center for help.

2) Are you unsure/unclear/confused by the covenants made in the temple? If this is the case, I'd recommend a visit with your Bishop &/or a visit back to the temple for a session.

Another area to consider is how the world (media) has shaped our perception of what beauty and comfort really are. I mention this because the OP said something about "feeling attractive in them". This is the world's perception of intimacy and beauty, not the Lord's. If our desire to follow the Lord is HIGHER than our desire to feel the way the world tells us... it'll be a whole lot easier.

Just some thoughts to ponder.

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Covenant or not, is there not a recommend question regarding wearing the garment both day & night?

Like many of the other recommend questions, there may not be a direct covenant connected to the question, there is still the expectation/requirement.

From the recommend book: "Do you wear the garment both night and day as instructed in the endowment and in accordance with the covenant you made in the temple?"

An endowed member has, without question, made a covenant to wear the garment. It is very important. Talk to the Bishop to see if there is something that can be done to help.

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In regards to my mission, I have come to terms with it. I loved my mission and consider myself an honorable return missionary. I served as best as I could. There have been so many wonderful blessings that have come from it!

Secondly, there really is a lot more to the story. But it's so much to explain. Let's just say that I have been through a lot of trials in my life, especially in the last few years, that have been rather painful and exquisitely challenging. I have been diagnosed with depression, though I prefer not to take medicine for it.

When I came seeking advice about the garments this morning, it was kind of an act of desperation. I feel very conflicted about wearing them. I feel better not wearing them, but feel incredibly judged for doing so. It all comes down to what I really want in life. Am I willing to sacrifice the temple blessings and my endowment because I very much dislike the temple garment? That is the question that constantly eats at me, that overwhelms me and makes me feel like I was totally unprepared for that commitment.

Aligirl, two questions for you to help us understand the situation.

1. Why exactly are you conflicted about wearing the temple garment?

2. How committed are you to the covenants you made in the endowment?

I think answers to these two questions will help both you and us understand where you are coming from.

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I have been diagnosed with depression,

This is probably the heart of the problem. I'm not unsympathetic, but you have psychological issues that are influencing how you interact with pretty much everything in the world. What you need is to make how you wear your garments a secondary concern, and your psychological health a primary concern. Get yourself a therapist you can talk to. He or she will probably be able to help you navigate the messy areas of psychological and physical comfort until you can find a way to wear/not wear (or whatever combination) your Garment while feeling the Lord's acceptance.

though I prefer not to take medicine for it.

I would really urge caution in this line of thought. Medication can help. A lot. If your depression and/or other psychological issues are chronic in nature, then your brain just isn't going to reverse course and heal itself. I'm not sure that there's really any evidence that such is even possible. Medication, even in low doses, can make things easier.

I'm not suggesting you medicate yourself into a drooling, feeling-less zombie. But just a little more control can make a big difference with how you interact with the world.

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Guest LiterateParakeet

I agree with MoE that you need to deal with the depression, and second the suggestion of therapy.

I've been in therapy for a few years now (not that you will need that long, but I do. :D) It has been a huge help--not only in my life, but I'm sure has made things better for all those around me.

About medication--that's a complicated topic. Personally I don't use medication. My depression/mood swings are not biological. That said, I have friends who are in therapy for the same reason I am (dissociative disorder, PTSD), and they say the meds help ease the pain so that one can work through it. These are people who have been hospitalized on more than one occasion due to being suicidal, so if the meds help, then I'm a supporter. I'm not a fan of meds without therapy though.

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It all comes down to what I really want in life. Am I willing to sacrifice the temple blessings and my endowment because I very much dislike the temple garment? That is the question that constantly eats at me, that overwhelms me and makes me feel like I was totally unprepared for that commitment.

Actually, it all comes down to you getting the kind of professional help you need to deal with your depression and underlined issues. This is perhaps not an issue with your garments at all and little to do with willingness to sacrifice temple blessings. Depression distorts reality in many ways.

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Unless... Of course... It IS the garments triggering the depression.

I only threw my own stuff up there to show that there are others with (sometimes major) issues with garments that have absolutely nothing to do with faith, or keeping covenants. Sensory Processing Disorder (or the sensory component common in ADHD, Aspie, ASD, Biplar Disorder, Gifted Spectrum) is only one of a small handful of medical issues which make wearing traditional garments impossible for many people.

LOL ... Not that we go around advertising that fact outside of faceless internet land!

But if she is SPD or has that component... You can't sort the depression without dealing with garments.

Like with

- Post Partum Depression... Where the depression is caused by the pregnancy.

- SAD... Vitamin deficiency

- PTSD... Trauma

- Grieving

- PostAcademic Depression

Certain forms of depression are situation based.

Can't ignore the situation & still effectively treat the depression.

To be clear, not saying the OP is sensory.

Just a thing to keep in mind.

Q

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Unless... Of course... It IS the garments triggering the depression.

I only threw my own stuff up there to show that there are others with (sometimes major) issues with garments that have absolutely nothing to do with faith, or keeping covenants. Sensory Processing Disorder (or the sensory component common in ADHD, Aspie, ASD, Biplar Disorder, Gifted Spectrum) is only one of a small handful of medical issues which make wearing traditional garments impossible for many people.

LOL ... Not that we go around advertising that fact outside of faceless internet land!

But if she is SPD or has that component... You can't sort the depression without dealing with garments.

Like with

- Post Partum Depression... Where the depression is caused by the pregnancy.

- SAD... Vitamin deficiency

- PTSD... Trauma

- Grieving

- PostAcademic Depression

Certain forms of depression are situation based.

Can't ignore the situation & still effectively treat the depression.

To be clear, not saying the OP is sensory.

Just a thing to keep in mind.

Q

Does the church say anything about people with those sorts of issues? Like what they should do?

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So I honestly need some non-judgmental advice. I am 20 years old. I am part of the younger sister missionary generation. I was on my mission for 5 months and returned home on medical release. I can say that I have a strong testimony of the church and a love for my heavenly father and my savior. But, there is one thing that keeps holding me back. I don't think I was ready to be endowed. I have been endowed for nearly a year now and have never truly come to terms with wearing the temple garment. I wore it consistently on my mission but after a while of being home I could not stand wearing them anymore. I went three months without wearing them, then decided to talk to my bishop to try wearing them again. Since then I have been wearing them on and off. It's kind of hard to explain. I literally just cannot stand wearing them. They feel like a burden. When I take them off I feel like I just got out of a controlling relationship; I feel free. Every sister that I talk to about the garments has little to no problem wearing them. I feel horrible that I struggle so much with them. I just cannot imagine having to wear these things my entire life. Also, I feel like it is nearly impossible to feel attractive in them, which is really hard for someone my age. For a long time I called them granny panties.

Need some help!

Have you prayed and asked that Heavenly Father make this "burden" lighter?

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