Inviting the missionaries for dinner


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We have always considered having the missionaries in our home as a blessing.  Their presence invites the 

spirituality we enjoy, it helps them cope with being away from home, gives them a family setting, and their messages always bring out good discussions on the Gospel. 

 

Enter a new missionary president who suddenly decides that the missionaries can only eat at members homes on Mon/ Wed/ Fri.  Strange, but okay- we comply.  Two months later (now) the directive comes down

that missionary dinners must start at 5pm and end at 6pm.  

 

How exactly is this supposed to work out with most people not leaving the workplace until 5pm, then facing a commute of some length?  I don't think everyone has a stay at home wife who can prepare dinner for 5 pm (who eats that early, anyhow?) and be there to greet the missionaries.  

 

The Elders and Sisters assigned to our ward tell us its a directive from the First Presidency, not the mission president.

 

Meanwhile, 3 states away, my father's ward is being pressured to feed the missionaries, any time, any place, and in any way practical.  

 

What gives?

 

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Yeah in my house dinner is typically served at 7-8. There's no stay at home anyone, (there never was)

I mean in this day and age a stay at home anyone is rare (no one I know is even married) though if given the option I'd rather stay home and the wife go out to work (if that was an option, and these days it seldom is)

 

I don't know what the feeding Missionaries rules are here, if any-it is a whole different country. I did go over to a members house once, (invited, along with the missionaries who went over every Monday) and it wasn't rigidly timed.

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Well, I can't help you much other than to say that we have the same policy...well, I don't know about the only M/W/F part but definitely the must eat at 5 part.  The result is what any elementry kid could tell you:  missionaries don't get fed.  (and why I don't know about the MWF part)  I know many people in our ward (like us) that would feed the missionaries, but due to the fact that we have to work for a living, are unable to.  Sometimes I think there is a disconnect between upper leadership and regular working stiffs.

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Agreed...in most cases, there is not the possibility to get everything done between 5 and 6.

 

I do know the Missionary Handbook recommends that dinner should be finished by 6pm, but there is also the caveat in the front of the handbook about the mission president making adjustments for local circumstances.  

 

It's not that the missionaries will starve, but it seems to be policy that will automatically trim the amount of invites and time

spent in member homes.  Not sure how that is a good thing.  In my ward, there are nearly 500 members, but only about 150 are active...seems we need to fix the holes in the bucket rather than worry about filling the bucket...

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Never heard of this rule.  I'm the ward missionary in charge of the Missionary Dinner calendar in our ward for 8 missionaries, so if that was a rule from the First Presidency, they missed telling our ward.

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In my neck of the woods, the missionaries eat at various times. I always ask them what is a good time for them. Sometimes it is 5 or 5:30, sometimes 6 ish, then there was once when it was 8PM. Husband and I are retired, so time is really not a problem. There is a note tacked up on the refrigerator in the Missionaries apartment, with our name, phone number and that of two other couples, where they can call and get an instant invite to dinner or lunch. 

 

If a family that signed up and then failed to follow through - the Missionaries are instructed to call of us three couples so that they will not be without a meal. When our Branch found out that they were having to go to the Subway to get a meal when a family didn't follow through - we started this Call Us For A Meal program. They have called three times - once for lunch. They were thrilled to get Nalley's Chili, crackers and cheese for lunch. For dinner I threw together homemade tuna noodle casserole, their choice of frozen vegetable, bread and butter. We were having lasagna the one night they called - took them a record 5 minutes to get here for dinner  :D .

 

The owner of one of the Mexican restaurants are members - they have told the missionaries to come there to eat - free. Lunch and/or dinner. So our Missionaries have absolutely no excuse for not eating every day of the week. 

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In my neck of the woods, the missionaries eat at various times. I always ask them what is a good time for them. Sometimes it is 5 or 5:30, sometimes 6 ish, then there was once when it was 8PM. Husband and I are retired, so time is really not a problem. There is a note tacked up on the refrigerator in the Missionaries apartment, with our name, phone number and that of two other couples, where they can call and get an instant invite to dinner or lunch. 

 

If a family that signed up and then failed to follow through - the Missionaries are instructed to call of us three couples so that they will not be without a meal. When our Branch found out that they were having to go to the Subway to get a meal when a family didn't follow through - we started this Call Us For A Meal program. They have called three times - once for lunch. They were thrilled to get Nalley's Chili, crackers and cheese for lunch. For dinner I threw together homemade tuna noodle casserole, their choice of frozen vegetable, bread and butter. We were having lasagna the one night they called - took them a record 5 minutes to get here for dinner  :D .

 

The owner of one of the Mexican restaurants are members - they have told the missionaries to come there to eat - free. Lunch and/or dinner. So our Missionaries have absolutely no excuse for not eating every day of the week. 

This is how it should be...

 

We have (had) a similar unwritten policy with the missionaries.  "Stop by for water, a warm-up, a cup of hot chocolate, or dinner any time!"  

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We have this problem in my ward as well.  On top of that, the bulk of my ward are young families either in medical school, or medical residency.  Translation: long hours, unpredictable schedule, etc.  Such rigid time constraints around the dinner hour make it difficult for the missionaries to get into member homes at all.  It's been a rule where I live under the last several mission presidents.  Yet at the same time, we all get guilted and shamed for not having the missionaries over for dinner more often.  Between this and some other problems I've had with missionaries in my area, and the ward mission, I've kind-of just thrown my hands up at this point.  My philosophy has become this:

 

If the mission president wants the missionaries to work with members and build relationships of trust that result in referrals and baptisms, then he needs to allow the missionaries to visit with members at the members' convenience.  If he won't, it's not my problem.

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This policy is not about 'restricting dinners'.  This policy is about ensuring that evenings are being spent working "in the field" with investigators... not "chatting it up" with members.

 

Now, if it were me, it would depend on the status of that particular family.  A less-active family would count "double-duty" for a dinner and a spiritual discussion.  A dinner with the Bishop... should conclude earlier so missionaries can spend their evening time as wisely as possible.

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This policy is not about 'restricting dinners'.  This policy is about ensuring that evenings are being spent working "in the field" with investigators... not "chatting it up" with members.

 

Now, if it were me, it would depend on the status of that particular family.  A less-active family would count "double-duty" for a dinner and a spiritual discussion.  A dinner with the Bishop... should conclude earlier so missionaries can spend their evening time as wisely as possible.

Granted, its not meant to restrict dinners any more than the policy of only eating with members when a potential new convert is present.  What is plain after seeing the variety of responses, is a lack of standardization throughout this line of business in the church.  And yes, the church IS run like a corporation, which usually suffers from a lack of standardization.

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This policy is not about 'restricting dinners'.  This policy is about ensuring that evenings are being spent working "in the field" with investigators... not "chatting it up" with members.

 

Now, if it were me, it would depend on the status of that particular family.  A less-active family would count "double-duty" for a dinner and a spiritual discussion.  A dinner with the Bishop... should conclude earlier so missionaries can spend their evening time as wisely as possible.

 

Problems arise with that, what if there are no investigators on hand, or like me, don't like people at my house.

Or like me (when I have work), work hours that don't at all fit into this.

I work, in retail, on average 2-10, I very seldom deviate from that time, and feel later the better.

I don't have a wife or anything, and even if I did, she'd probably have to work too, and if she was anything like me, she'd have the same wacked hours I enjoy.

People just aren't around that early anymore, nor is there, on average, anyone home during the day. People just can't afford it anymore. 

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Sometimes those policies come from stake president and mission president. Not aware of a set dinner time in this area. Years ago on my mission we were only allowed to have a meal with members twice a week.

 

Our missionary dinner calendar is only for the weekends.  They get to find their own meals M-F.  The Ward Missionaries try to set them up for dinners with part-member or less-active families but it's not often that we can get the calendar filled with just these, so the calendar gets passed around in RS to fill in still-open spots with active members.

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I just took our elders to dinner at a restaurant and then over to Walmart for some groceries. Our calendar is for every night of the month unless they have some zone dinner or something.

 

With so many men in the ward working shifts at the hospital, when I used to set up the dinners, often they wouldn't be until 6 or 6:30. People have got to get home. Sometimes things run late - the idea of eating only from 5-6 is not workable for most people and doesn't take into account lateness. I can't tell you how many times the missionaries were late for dinner.  Shoot, they were late to the restaurant (and not even the same missionaries). What a false constraint!

 

One of the elders had come from a branch where the members were not encouraged to feed them. I just think that's terribly sad; especially in these small branches where there really isn't much for the elders to do (maybe service). Why not feed them? Will it hurt them to be in a nice home with a cooked meal and maybe talk about something other than the Scriptures? I let the guys talk about what they want. Sometimes I get a lesson, sometimes I don't. Don't care; that wasn't the point of feeding some mother's son who is thousands of miles from home and needs to be treated like a person and not just a missionairy machine.

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We had an open door policy for the 7 missionaries in the town we just moved from. Sunday was our normal time set to feed them...and even if we didn't have a meal with them, they always came by later in the evening for a dessert. We never had a set time of 5pm. My husband didn't even get home until 5:30pm. No one ever said a word about the different times they would come to our house. We did all times. The earliest time was noon and the latest was about 8pm....that was for dessert. LOL

 

I love the missionaries so much. Loved them being at our home anytime they wanted to just show up...which they did often.

 

Miss them since we moved back to Utah a couple days ago. I hope someone else is taking good care of them.

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It always seemed like it was the way things were supposed to be done when I was out ten years ago. It was a bit tricky for many, because even when a wife stayed at home to cook we weren't allowed inside without her husband or another man home.

 

However it was a generally good policy because it allowed us to be out during prime hours when investigators were home. Furthermore we often had splits/exchanges with ward missionaries that would allow us to get six lessons in the same night before regrouping and going home at 9:30 for curfew.

 

We always had sufficient funds to feed ourselves if needed, the only ones who complained about not having enough money for food were those who ate out for every meal. The purpose of eating at a members house was to get referrals, not food.

 

I can see how in areas where the teaching pool is small, and ward missions are not being as successful as they were in my mission that eating at different times would certainly provide an opportunity to visit with the members to get referrals.

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This policy is not about 'restricting dinners'.  This policy is about ensuring that evenings are being spent working "in the field" with investigators... not "chatting it up" with members.

 

Now, if it were me, it would depend on the status of that particular family.  A less-active family would count "double-duty" for a dinner and a spiritual discussion.  A dinner with the Bishop... should conclude earlier so missionaries can spend their evening time as wisely as possible.

oops I didnt read what  the others said before I posted, but it looks like we said the same thing, but u have a better way with words then I :)

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I never heard of the days only but Yes the 5-6pm rule has been around for a long time.  I guess the evening time is when they have most of their lessons to teach.

 

It has been around for a long time, but it's never been a rule.  The white missionary handbook says something to the effect that meals with members should occur between 5-6pm, or whatever the local custom may be.  Those are the exact words, but it's something along those lines.  That may have changed since I was a missionary (10-12 years ago), but I doubt it.  I think the idea of 5pm dinner is a relic of the mid-twentieth century, and just isn't realistic anymore.

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It is a rule in the current handbook, and the mission presidents have discretion to change it for their mission/circumstances.  I know on my mission if I showed up at someone's place for dinner at 5 they would kick me out.  I don't think I ever had dinner before 8pm for 2 years. 

 

As it is only 1 hour for dinner with members is ridiculous.  How can we get to know our missionaries?  How do they expect us to refer to them our most important contacts/people in our lives if we do not know them?  I agonize when I refer someone to my dentist (I have a great dentist), and that isn't essential to their salvation. 

 

The missionaries in my ward expect referrals from the members, but do not invest the time to get to know the members.  part of the problem is the dinner at 5 thing.  I work, I commute, I'm lucky to be home by 6.  This means we don't feed the missionaries during the week.  When they do come over they are there exactly 1 hour.  It is not very pleasant to have a meal with someone who is constantly looking at their watch. 

 

I'm not sure why this policy exists, it needs to change.  I do not believe the hours between 6 and 9:30 are the best for proselytizing.  Most people where I live are like me and aren't even thinking about sitting down to dinner until after 6.  Guess what happens if someone comes and interrupts my family and I having dinner? 

 

I'm upset, no I'm not going to let you in, and no I don't want to hear about your Jesus crap........

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I understand most people dont get home from work before 6pm or later and some work different shifts If e want to help feed the missionaries we can find different ways.   Rules are still rules and I do my share of complaining.  I dont like that single women cant have the elders in their home, you bless them with food and your kindness and support that they need and they bring the spirit into your home and their friendship.  But I think we, including myself complain; to much.  The rules are made for different reasons the one I was just talking about is for safety of all, even thou it might not make sence to all.  And the missionary's main reason their out in the missionary field is to teach, and again the evenings are the best times, more contact..It is what it is....

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Well no I don't see it as a bad thing, the times change and to be successful they have to know when people are home and the like.

Can't get any referals from someone who isn't home, and you can't go to someone's house because you have a set hours, that no one is home.

It's great the missionary is there to teach, but if there's nobody to teach, and there's a clear wall right there, well it makes sense people are gonna start complaining about the wall.

The times are changing and to reach people on these levels they have to understand that.

Gotta have someone there to share the gospel with.

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It is a rule in the current handbook, and the mission presidents have discretion to change it for their mission/circumstances.  I know on my mission if I showed up at someone's place for dinner at 5 they would kick me out.  I don't think I ever had dinner before 8pm for 2 years. 

 

 

When you say current handbook are we talking about Missionary handbook ??

The stake that I reside in has never had a rule of feeding missionaries between 5-6. We have been encouraged to feed them and try to get them out in an hour. We have different rules over the years when feeding them but never a 5-6 rule. Just curious.

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