Waiting on a Missionary?

[Woodendance]

I am just seeking some major advise from those who have waited for missionaries. I know that many people say they will wait on a missionary to return or so on and it rarely works out. 

However, my best friend just recently decided he wants to go on a mission. Even said no for the longest time out of my own my fear and not wanting to leave me alone. (We are VERY attached to one another.) I knew recently I had to stop being selfish and when he brought up the topic again I told him to go and that I would be waiting. I'd  be right there seeing him of to the MTC and there when his plane lands. Even do his facebook with updates and help him out with everything he needs.

My thing is I am a convert and do not have much experience when it comes to missions.  I've had friends leave in the past (even have two currently on missions). But this friend is  a lot different.  He is just about to start the mission papers even so I do have a little time but I honestly have NO ideal how to prepare for this.  He pretty much knows there is no chance in me dating anyone while he is gone even.

 

For those of you who did actually wait, what did you do those two years while they were gone?

 

[Guest]

I have no experience in this but I do have experience in moving to another country leaving a loved one behind.

 

The changes that is going to happen to your friend is great.  He is going to mature in those 2 years as he gains experience and acquires skills.  And that is why a lot of people say waiting doesn't work out... because a lot of times, the person that left is not the same person that comes back.  It is a little different from moving to another country because there is nothing that stops you from continued communication so you see the changes gradually, so that when you finally meet again, there's no "shock".  There's no such thing in a mission... the missionaries are inaccessible to you except for spiritual matters - which is how it should be, as they have to dedicate their entire lives 100% to the mission.  So that, when they come home, you'll have to undergo a period of re-adjustment to see if who both of you become still "fit".

 

I have not seen anybody in our ward that waited for their missionary succeed - one of them waited, he came home, he realized she's not who he wants to marry and she agreed so she ended up marrying another guy 2 months later.  The other one waited for his missionary, they were exchanging love letters all throughout the mission, he lasted a year and couldn't concentrate on the mission so he came home and they got married.

 

So, what you should do is live life fully.  You need to grow and mature, especially in the gospel.  Go to school, attend church activities, attend secular activities, have fun.

 

By the way, missionaries today have their own Facebook account that they update during the mission. 

[Guest]

I have no experience in this but I do have experience in moving to another country leaving a loved one behind.

 

The changes that is going to happen to your friend is great.  He is going to mature in those 2 years as he gains experience and acquires skills.  And that is why a lot of people say waiting doesn't work out... because a lot of times, the person that left is not the same person that comes back.  It is a little different from moving to another country because there is nothing that stops you from continued communication so you see the changes gradually, so that when you finally meet again, there's no "shock".  There's no such thing in a mission... the missionaries are inaccessible to you except for spiritual matters - which is how it should be, as they have to dedicate their entire lives 100% to the mission.  So that, when they come home, you'll have to undergo a period of re-adjustment to see if who both of you become still "fit".

 

I have not seen anybody in our ward that waited for their missionary succeed - one of them waited, he came home, he realized she's not who he wants to marry and she agreed so she ended up marrying another guy 2 months later.  The other one waited for his missionary, they were exchanging love letters all throughout the mission, he lasted a year and couldn't concentrate on the mission so he came home and they got married.

 

So, what you should do is live life fully.  You need to grow and mature, especially in the gospel.  Go to school, attend church activities, attend secular activities, have fun.

 

By the way, missionaries today have their own Facebook account that they update during the mission. 

[pam]

 

 

By the way, missionaries today have their own Facebook account that they update during the mission. 

 

There are very strict rules regarding the use of facebook by missionaries.  It also depends on if their mission is also involved in the online missionary effort.

 

i have several friends that currently have missionaries out in the field. The mothers are updating their facebook account as they aren't allowed to use facebook in their particular mission.

 

So really can't say that as a blanket statement for all missionaries.

[estradling75]

People specifically young people can change alot in two years.  Missions are designed to be be life changing events.

 

The odds are that it will not work out when he gets back.  Some couples beat the odds, but my advise is to prepare yourself for it not to.

 

Be his friend, be supportive of this life changing event, but live your life while he is gone.  Go to school, find a job that you are interested in, get hobbies, be open to dating other guys. Live.

 

When he comes back if the two of you are still interested in each other then you are that much better prepared for a life with him.  And if it doesn't you haven't wasted your time and you are still better prepared for what comes next

[Woodendance]

Well this is the catch. We are litterally just best friends and only ever have been. Yes I do have romantic feelings for him and he knows it but nothing has ever been acted on it.

I do realize a lot happens in two years. Six months ago if you would of told me I would have feelings for a guy who wants to go on a mission I would of laughed in your face really! But a lot of big things have happen since then which is why I'm in the place I am now. It's also why honestly I know I can wait two years. I'm not a dater at all to start with so it's not me saying no to dating thing really it's just I'm sort of repulsed by other men at this point! I am also already in college (have been for years!) so school is something I am doing. Plus already looking for work. So I'm not "stopping my life" over it. It's just .. Well ehen big problems come up or having a panic attack we aren't a phone call or stop over at the house anymore.

[pam]

Then I would say continue to be his friend.  Send him letters.  Be that friend for him.  Whatever happens when he gets home happens.

[Connie]

This is what i did:

 

I took a year-long course for training in medical transcription.  I then got a job doing that type of work.  I took lots of institute courses.  I wrote him lots of letters.  I did a little dating, but in my case it only served to solidify the feeling that my missionary was the best match for me.  We got married two months after he came home.

[Wingnut]

Others have offered good advice regarding writing to him and filling your time in the meantime.  I have a couple other thoughts to add:

 

(1) Don't automatically rule out dating for yourself because (a) you have romantic feelings for him, and (b) you're "not a dater."  Your friend will experience a tremendous amount of personal growth, very concentrated, during his mission.  If you want to still hold his interest* when he comes home, you need to grow as well.  Dating can be a big part of personal growth.

(2) Have you considered serving a mission yourself?

 

 

 

 

*You should engage in activities that will promote personal growth regardless of your friend.  You should do it for yourself.  I chose the wording I did only because of the context of this discussion.  But nothing you do should be because you're trying to impress/win/be with him.  It should be for you.

[Lakumi]

There are very strict rules regarding the use of facebook by missionaries.  It also depends on if their mission is also involved in the online missionary effort.

 

i have several friends that currently have missionaries out in the field. The mothers are updating their facebook account as they aren't allowed to use facebook in their particular mission.

 

So really can't say that as a blanket statement for all missionaries.

 

what do they do with their facebooks when they're allowed to use them?

[pam]

what do they do with their facebooks when they're allowed to use them?

 

They are allowed to post gospel related type things.  They can't be used to contact friends and family etc.

 

It can only be things related to the gospel. Scriptures, talks etc etc.

[pam]

Even those allowed to use facebook can't be admins on any pages LDS related or not.

[Lakumi]

I see, I have heard they want to use facebook as a tool to spread the word in the future, as most people just click accept to any friend request they get it's easier to open up the dialogue.

Makes sense to me, all my friends have hundreds of friends (most I assume they don't know-I have 16 lol)

[Iggy]

The Missionaries we have assigned here, have as friends not only the members of the Branch, and their missionary companion(s) and those in their area - they have their parents and investigators.

 

I absolutely love two of our past missionaries posts. They take pictures of the towns/cities and people that they have met and tie it in with a spiritual scripture, Mormon Ad, conference talk, etc. To see a picture of the our bridge across the Alsea Bay and have that tied in with a conference talk.Or a picture of a small herd of Elk.

 

Then to read a comment from their Mom saying how much that quote and picture brought her peace, or caused her to see it in a different spiritual light. Wow! How strong the Spirit of God is with these wonderful servants of His. 

 

Beats the blazes out of the trite posts that some post & re-post and re-post, ad nauseam. 

[The Folk Prophet]

What are you waiting for? You aren't engaged. You aren't promised. You have no formal level of commitment to each other. Right? Did I read it wrong? So...the way you handle it is...go on with life and do what is right, let the consequence follow. Always.

 

If I misread and you are formally committed to one another somehow, I would advise, break it off - formally speaking. It is a distraction to a missionary. Not having a formal commitment does not hurt anything but can be a negative thing for a missionary. A missionary should be focused on their missions and not have to worry about the girl/boy back home.

 

All your support to him should be in support of his well being in the Lord and his well being as a missionary. Entirely, completely, and unrestrained. Support this and you will find that all else will work out as it should.

[Guest]

what do they do with their facebooks when they're allowed to use them?

 

In addition to what Pam said, they can't post anything on their missionary facebook account without the consent/approval of their companion.  As a matter of fact, they can't be on facebook without their companion looking over their shoulder.

[Woodendance]

I have actually thought about a mission myself. I almost went on one actually 4 years ago (long before I met my best friend. we only met each other when we came back from being inactive.) I have been tossing up the ideal of a service mission though recently.

I really am not a dater though either. That wasn't just a joke. I've been on one accidental date in the past 8 years. Dating is just one of those things I'm not big on.

 

 

The Fold Prophet, while I do see where you may be coming from. With us it isn't as simple as cutting ties off or not being there for one another even when we are afar from one another. We were living in different states for awhile and that was when we became closes actually. Yes we might not be engaged or promised to one another we do hold a level of commitment to one another. His mission decision was partly based on leaving me. We also run all things past one another. (Basically get called a couple or married all the time because of it!). So it is not as simple as just cut off or break it off. We're family really.

[The Folk Prophet]

I have actually thought about a mission myself. I almost went on one actually 4 years ago (long before I met my best friend. we only met each other when we came back from being inactive.) I have been tossing up the ideal of a service mission though recently.

I really am not a dater though either. That wasn't just a joke. I've been on one accidental date in the past 8 years. Dating is just one of those things I'm not big on.

 

 

The Fold Prophet, while I do see where you may be coming from. With us it isn't as simple as cutting ties off or not being there for one another even when we are afar from one another. We were living in different states for awhile and that was when we became closes actually. Yes we might not be engaged or promised to one another we do hold a level of commitment to one another. His mission decision was partly based on leaving me. We also run all things past one another. (Basically get called a couple or married all the time because of it!). So it is not as simple as just cut off or break it off. We're family really.

I am not suggesting cutting off the relationship. I am suggesting not formalizing it pre-mission.

[Quin]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder &

Absence makes the heart forgetful.

You really can't know what either yours or theirs will do UNTIL the absence.

_______

I have friends that I go years without any contact, and we pick up,right where we left off.

I have friends that I go a few months without contact, and I don't know what I ever saw in them to begin with.

Some people are so afraid of finding out (or various other reasons behind, but the facts remain they don't find out as) they NEVER leave their spouse. Not even for an overnight. I know people married 20 to 40+ years before the first night either spends away.

Other people go months and even years without seeing their spouse (military mostly), and their relationship is rock solid.

All of which boils down to: You won't know until you do it.

Q

[mt_mck7]

I'm currently experiencing this right now. I've been born into the church and I'm 17. I was at my last Girls' Camp, and I anonymously wrote a spiritual question to the Stake Presidents (like they do every year, but this time I actually had a question) and I decided to take that chance to write a question asking what one should do if they are starting to crush on someone who is preparing to go on their mission. They said that you shouldn't prevent him from going on his mission, because if he has a desire to go, you should let him go. You definitely don't want to write "i miss you" or "wish you were here" at the end of the letters because that will make him miss home, and will make it harder for his mission. The Stake President that answered this invited his wife, and his wife actually waited for him when he went on his mission! They met each other about 2-4 months before he went on his mission, they wrote back and forth, and they ended up getting married once he finished his 2 years. 

My missionary has been out for barely a month, and I've kind of gotten a grasp on some things. E-mail is much faster and efficient if he's out of the US. With hand-written letters, there's a 50/50 chance he'll get it. There's a reason why it's called "snail mail" because it takes really long to get there. It might take your missionary a while to read it, and his P-day is probably chalked full of stuff he needs to get done, and activities. One of the answers that I got from a past question was that if a missionary has free time, the high priority is to sleep, and not read a letter from home. I've also found with writing letters, you don't want to be romanticy~it's better to be supportive and encouraging. I also found this talk about writing to missionaries called "Missionary Mail" that helped me out a LOT: https://www.lds.org/new-era/2007/03/missionary-mail?lang=eng. Best of luck to you! Hope this helps! :)

[Guest]

@mt_mck7, this thread is over 2 years old, so the missionary in OP would be home by now. :)

[mt_mck7]

3 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

@mt_mck7, this thread is over 2 years old, so the missionary in OP would be home by now. :)

Shoot. Sorry.  I thought it was recent.