Trouble with 15 yr old and bishop interview


Shepard
 Share

Recommended Posts

My carrot-top lass never took to those yearly interviews with the bishop. Claims they are “creepy” and “inappropo.” At age 13 she orchestrated a revolt of the 9 girls her age against being interviewed but the parents all quickly put a stop to it. We didn’t make her go on the subsequent temple trip for fear of further rebellion. Some kids like her might be old enough but not exactly ready. At age 14 they conveniently forgot to interview her and we were on vacation at the same time as the temple trip.

At age 15 she slipped a digital recording device into her shirt and taped the entire interview. When the bishop asked if she was obeying the LOC, she replied “sort of.” He questioned further and she deviously led him onto more specific questions which she answered with increasingly shocking details until she had tearfully confessed to a string of tawdry fornications and substance abuse with a variety of unknown characters in unlikely situations. The bishop requested further details and did not seem to be embarrassed or suspicious of being misled.

Immediately following the interview dd shared copies of it with her friends and they reportedly laughed themselves silly. Since these few LDS girls are scattered across 3 large public schools they soon shared the amusing interview with many non-LDS girls. Dozens if not hundreds of digital copies of this interview are out there although thankfully it does not appear to have extended beyond their schools.

We, the parents first heard of this a few weeks later from the school psychologist who acquired a copy from a student we have never met. To us it seems obvious that it is a fraud perpetrated on the bishop and not a sincere confession (but who really knows)? The psychologist agrees and is not as concerned by her behavior as she is by the bishop having conversations to this level of detail while alone in a room with a young girl. The psychologist is considering maybe this might be serious enough to report to the police and suggests that we attend another church and quietly avoid further contact with this religious leader until any potential investigation is concluded.

At first I was inclined to severely punish my dd for her flagrant mockery of the Priesthood leaders. But sitting there in that psychologist’s office and listening to the recording of the bishop asking my dd questions about details of illicit (contrived or otherwise) acts and the bishop also being so completely clueless in discerning when teenagers are messing around and when they are serious. This caused something to snap inside of me. The bishop is just doing his job? And yet he also seems out of line. If this practice of teenage girls confessing their private misbehavior to mature men is appropriate, why was a recording of it so outrageous to so many people in a public school?

She remains defiant and unrepentant. Claims she will never willingly sit for another bishop interview as a youth. And there are her younger brothers who idolize her and will soon require these interviews to advance in the Priesthood. Do I warn the bishop that he might be under investigation and does that make me guilty of tampering with witnesses or obstruction of justice?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure I understand what your problem is with the bishop...  that Bishops should know when they get wool pulled over their eyes because of their mantle/authority from God?  So, because he didn't discern this, then he must not be truly chosen by God?

 

Also, is another one of your issues that the bishop can't talk about illicit acts because he is not a trained psychologist?  Or is it that nobody - not even trained psychologists should be talking about illicit things with a young woman alone in a room - including a psychologist's office?

 

I don't know but, if this was my daughter, there wouldn't be a question.  She is like the Sons of Mosiah... and the only hope I have is that I've taught her enough of the gospel that she, like the Sons of Mosiah, would eventually find her way.  I would talk to the bishop if I felt his questions went beyond trying to understand the situation to seek a way for repentance.  His conversation with my daughter is not confidential - my daughter can always tell me what they discussed, so even if this was a legit breaking of the LOC and there was no tape involved, I would still know if my daughter confides in me.

 

I've been to tons of psychologists... they are all clueless.  Every single one of them that I've been to.  They did not see the person nor the situation.  They tried and tried to fit me into a description in their book and when I didn't fit, they tried telling me I must be mistaken... I should be feeling this way instead of that way... think they'll understand the relationship of a bishop to the ym/yw or a ward?  More than likely, not.  But, then, I'm biased because of my experiences...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll sit on the fence on this one.

On the one hand, your Bishop could be a creep.

On the other hand, your daughter could be doing the obnoxious teen girl thing.

No way for me to know the difference.

On the one hand, that's exactly what a Bishop is FOR, a trusted adult with whom to share things one might share with no one else (teacher, doctor, counselor, priest are the Big4, right?). So it's not only natural, but required by the job description to fully understand the details of what is at play.

On the other hand, there are teachers, doctors, counselor so & priests who cross the line. In a variety of ways.

On the one hand, The teens could be all over the recording because it's salacious and Herbert the Pervert

On the other hand, the teens could be all,over this purely because it's taboo (Catholic teens often have groups of (usually girls) make bets on how flustered they can get their priest in Confession (or Mass, etc. It's so culturally expected -frowned upon / unacceptable,, but expected you'll see reference in movies all the time. Like in a League of their Own when "May" gets her priest to drop his bible 4 times in one confession).

I could do this all day.

It's neither inherantly wrong, nor inherantly right, from what you've described.

Your daughter is also neither inherantly wrong, or inherantly right from what you're described (esp if she's creeped out by your Bishop).

Q

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll be blunt.

 

Something is seriously wrong in this situation and it's not the bishop.  Your child has some serious issues that if not resolved now will lead to misery down the road.

 

Obviously this teenager is quite frankly rebellious and is playing you like a fiddle.

 

You are more upset at the bishop for asking for details, rather than being more upset at your daughter for a) deceiving the bishop and actually explaining "tawdry fornications".  I can only imagine what that might be, if it goes beyond just "having sex".  

 

I think I might be more upset at any of my kids for making up such stuff, actually feeling comfortable explaining such stuff to an adult (especially a religious leader when it didn't happen) than doing it.  At least if they did it, they could say they got caught up in emotions, etc.  But planning something like that shows a complete lack of respect for authority, religion, and a total disregard for the actual sin of fornication.

 

If she feels comfortable talking about it now . . . there is very little doubt in my mind that later on it won't be just talk.

 

Again, I'm going to be perfectly blunt,  you need to wake up and take control . . .and even if you do now it might be too late.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also... associating your daughter's behavior with the color of her hair is not a good idea.  There is no scientific evidence that red hair causes rebellion or fiery temper.  My father-in-law, for example, is one of the calmest people in the planet and he has red hair.  But, associating her behavior with her red hair gives her an excuse to behave that way... because, hey, "my mom thinks that's what's expected of carrot tops"!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll be blunt.

 

Something is seriously wrong in this situation and it's not the bishop.  Your child has some serious issues that if not resolved now will lead to misery down the road.

 

Obviously this teenager is quite frankly rebellious and is playing you like a fiddle.

 

You are more upset at the bishop for asking for details, rather than being more upset at your daughter for a) deceiving the bishop and actually explaining "tawdry fornications".  I can only imagine what that might be, if it goes beyond just "having sex".  

 

I think I might be more upset at any of my kids for making up such stuff, actually feeling comfortable explaining such stuff to an adult (especially a religious leader when it didn't happen) than doing it.  At least if they did it, they could say they got caught up in emotions, etc.  But planning something like that shows a complete lack of respect for authority, religion, and a total disregard for the actual sin of fornication.

 

If she feels comfortable talking about it now . . . there is very little doubt in my mind that later on it won't be just talk.

 

Again, I'm going to be perfectly blunt,  you need to wake up and take control . . .and even if you do now it might be too late.

 

+1 to everything you've said here.  If this was my daughter, she'd be in so much trouble!  I would not be concerned about the bishop -- I'd be focused entirely on her manipulation.  I'd also be concerned about where/how she's learning such detail that she can just spout off extemporaneously.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I read this immediately after it was posted and felt the blood rush to my head. No way was I going to answer at that point. Maybe I was a little afraid to answer because I did not want to rock the boat.

 

I totally agree with the yjacket's post and the other post below yjacket's.

 

The only thing that I probably don't understand about the Bishop is why he didn't stop the interview by saying he would need to have another person in with him due to the information he was receiving from this young girl. In this day and age you cannot be to careful.

 

I know someone that was in the same situation... not a minor... but a male adult. They were telling the truth when speaking about some of the same things this minor was lying about. The Bishop listened for a certain amount of time...but, when it got to a point, he stopped the interview and reset another appointment stating that he needed to confer with his counselor's WITHOUT giving up the person involves confidentiality.

 

He also told this person that there may be a chance that someone else may need to be involved in the interview at a later time. As it turned out...this person ended up needing to speak directly to the Stake President.

 

I wish this Bishop would have done the same thing. I pray he does not get into trouble... unless of course he is a pervert... which I doubt.

 

Praying for this minor that she makes a change in her life. She is totally on the wrong path. Praying for the parents that they will be able to help this minor through the tough teen years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have never liked the idea of my teenage boys being asked personal questions by the Bishop behind closed doors.  My husband has overruled me each time.  It's just creepy,  I can't imagine ever letting a daughter be grilled by an adult man about personal habits.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest LiterateParakeet

If a child is uncomfortable talking to the Bishop alone, I think it is totally appropriate for a parent to sit in on the interview.

 

Other than that, all I can say is, I agree with Yjacket.  

 

Consider it this way, with her attitude, what will she do if she gets angry enough with you?  One false claim of abuse could make your life a living hell.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

None of us have heard the audio recording.  We don't know if the questions being asked were out of line.  Was the Bishop digging deeper into the details because he was a perv?  Or did he need to dig a little deeper to decide if some disciplinary action was required.

 

We've always been taught that conversations with the Bishop remain confidential.  Most Bishops respect that aspect of their calling.

 

Your daughter betrayed him with her recording and sharing of the audio.  If she really was concerned she could have taken it to you as parents.  Not share it around the school to get a few laughs.  

 

Yeh something wrong with the daughter here.

 

I actually feel for the Bishop here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Pam.

 

I do feel for the Bishop. I don't know what the protocol is for interviews. Sounds like the beginning of some very trying learning experiences for this young lady.

 

I will say that I have heard of a Bishop taking questions too far. I know it happened with my brother when he was went to the Bishop in the MTC with some things he had not repented of. My father (also a Bishop) was furious when he was told about how the interview went down. If there is ever a problem you simply move up the chain of command and speak with the next authority, (Stake President).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do I warn the bishop that he might be under investigation and does that make me guilty of tampering with witnesses or obstruction of justice?

From what I understand about federal law, if there is an investigation from CPS, the person/people being investigated must be made aware first, that there is an investigation, and second, what allegations exist.

 

From what I understand about the various city, county, and state CPS organizations, education and adherence to the relevant federal laws are sometimes lacking.  In some cases, the social workers are ignorant of the relevant laws.  In other cases, they are intentionally not following them, and refusing to comply.  Some are trained to bluff and lie about what they're doing, and the power they have to do it.

 

Absolutely you should tell your bishop everything you know about what is happening.  Both he, and the stake president, should be made aware of what's happening.  The church in general may wish to conduct their own investigation, because absolutely if there's a bishop doing something wrong, the bishop needs to be dealt with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He also told this person that there may be a chance that someone else may need to be involved in the interview at a later time. As it turned out...this person ended up needing to speak directly to the Stake President.

 

Since this was an adult male, if he had been ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood (and particularly if he was endowed, whether currently active or not), the Stake President would have to be involved...that's church policy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While I agree with most here that the bishop is probably the greater victim here that the child, I would caution you against entirely dismissing your daughter's concerns.  While it is possible and likely that some level of discipline (not necessarily church discipline) will need to be levied against your daughter, it needs to be done with respect to how she went about addressing her concerns.  While doing that, you should also acknowledge her concerns and validate her feelings on the subjects. The goal needs to be teaching her how to respond to these matters appropriately. 

 

And to put a fine point on it, this should have been done two years ago.

 

I can sympathize with your daughter on her feelings about the bishop's interviews with the youth being uncomfortable and potentially inappropriate.  You need to find out what aspects of the interviews make her uncomfortable and help her define limits on what are and are not appropriate questions for her bishop to ask her.  If she feels uncomfortable answering a question, she has every right to say "I'm not comfortable with that question."  She also needs to know that if her bishop is unaccepting of that, she has the right to get up and walk out.  After doing so, she should go to you, the parent, to discuss what just happened.  

 

Then it needs to be made abundantly clear that the way in which she handled this was childish and rude.  Making the recording alone may be illegal, depending on your state.  

 

On the bishop's side of things, I see a couple of issues that he may need to address in himself.  First, he needs to spend more time with these young women.  He needs to attend classes with them, mutual activities, visit the families in their homes, if necessary.  And he needs to get to know every child in Primary that will be in the youth program within the next two years.  If he doesn't already have a relationship with these youth where they are comfortable talking to him by the time they turn 12, he's compromising his ability to serve them (that's an 'easier-said-than-done' thing).  But that fact that your daughter was able to stage a revolt with nine girls at the age of 13 tells me that the majority of them had similar feelings about the interviews.  That's a problem.

 

Second, he needs to rethink the level of detail necessary when pursuing people's transgressions.  While calling the police with respect to this interview may be overkill, the school psychologist is doing her job, which is to protect the child from potential abuse.  If a professional psychologist is concerned at the level of detail brought up in this interview, I think it warrants some review*.  Also, let's keep in perspective that the psychologist's concern is the level of detail he was asking for while alone with a young girl.  There is an age and power imbalance in this situation that is ripe for abuse and it's generally in the best interests of all parties for someone to be present in the discussion that can normalize that imbalance.

 

It's a crappy situation you're in, and I don't envy you.  But I'm hesitant to go all crazy over what your daughter did.  Her actions are a symptom of deeper issues, and it is those issues that you need to work to understand and address.

 

 

* To be fair, bishops receive almost no training about this, which is something I think really ought to change.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You need to find out why the interviews bugged her so much that she felt she needed to react so.  Also, I am surprised there is no policy about having at least 2 adults present when dealing with minors. I know most church insurance policies now state that an adult worker cannot be alone with a minor. For the church's and the bishop's protection, as well as the protection of children, such procedures are needed.  It's a sad commentary on society that we need to do this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for all of the advice I am almost overwhelmed by it. What a blessing to belong to a community such as this Mormon people. Only 24 hours and I have this much help. I agree with most of it but what to do? I realize I must do something about my daughter and her prank, that is obvious. I will.

Anatess:

“I'm not sure I understand what your problem is with the bishop” Yes, me too. I can’t explain why I feel so disturbed by hearing his words on the tape, but I do.

What exactly did she do?

1. I doubt she committed the acts described, otherwise she would not have recorded it and not made it into a joke. (Perhaps some element of truth in jest but not much.)

2. Her prank does express extreme disrespect for the interview process. Not sure this rises to the level of the sons of Mosiah but it is a teenage prank gone way over the top.

I have little experience with psychologists but:

One bishop involved- clueless, disturbing.

One psychologist involved- comprehends this is a prank and agrees with me being disturbed.

Red hair: Yes, I agree. More later if time permits.

Quinn:

What the bishop said is recorded and he did not commit any clearly deviant acts. Else I would be the one calling the police and my wife might be hiding my guns from me. This was only talk, disturbing talk, but only talk. Which is different from perverse acts in my book.

Bishop “a trusted adult with whom to share things one might share with no one else.” Yes, I understand but this is a far cry- from a required yearly interview that my daughter does not want to do. If the interviews were entirely voluntary and not a required yearly procedure, she probably would have never gone back a second time. We, the parents of her and her friends forced them all to have the interviews 2 years ago. It seemed like a solution at the time.

YJacket:

I am more upset with my daughter than with the bishop. But I expect a certain amount of rebellion and obnoxious behavior from a teenager. My expectations of the bishop are higher. He is an adult, a trusted spiritual leader with the Priesthood and conferred spiritual gifts. Hence my confusion at why I am so disturbed.

“… I might be more upset at any of my kids for making up such stuff, actually feeling comfortable explaining such stuff to an adult (especially a religious leader when it didn't happen) than doing it.”

Really? Do I understand that you prefer youth to be doing “it” instead of talking about doing “it”?

I personally take some relief that she is probably not actually doing these things. Probably. Not yet.

As for talking about "it": The youth today are saturated with “it” in the public schools as much as we attempt to shelter them. In my observation almost all teens talk about “it” with their peers often when they think adults are not listening. Not that I dismiss this as trivial but it is part of the dangerous landscape of living in this wicked world.

AngelMarvel:

Thank you for your prayers.

I think it would be hard to stop the freight train of confession once it got rolling. So I think that like medical examinations, these interviews all need to be chaperoned from the beginning. We don’t let future bishops and fathers teach primary alone any more. The interviews have more risk in my opinion.

FOR THE SAFETY OF THE BISHOP, more than anything else. I feel for the bishop too.

Kaelee:

More than being chaperoned I am wondering if the women should interview the girls and the men should interview the boys. Chaperones might be the parents or other trusted adults since less than half the children have two engaged parents. (Only suggestions to maybe consider, not demands).

As an aside, (perhaps this is an overreaction due to my present state) but how dare your husband overrule you?

LiterateParakeet;

I agree about what she might do if angry and at this point she is defiant but not angry with me yet. I worry that might change when the consequences of her prank I impose fall on her. Fall they will.

NeuroTypical:

I have hesitated to talk to the bishop but based on your advice I will schedule an appointment with him. He may be expecting something since he advised her to meet with him on a weekly basis and apparently she has not been back to see him for a few weeks.

Margin of Error:

Wise words- I need some time to digest them. But I feel peace and truth in your words. I do.

As for the close relationship a bishop builds with the youth, I have no control over the bishop. In his defense this might be impossible when we LDS all live so widely scattered in the community and rarely see each other except on Sunday. The bishop is probably overwhelmed getting all the rest of the urgent problems resolved to do much preventive relationship building. We members also move around to different wards and that doesn’t help. If the ideal close relationship is only rarely going to be in place, so much more the reason for chaperones and perhaps a more voluntary requirement for the interviews.

My family is in a deep hole as far as a close relationship with the bishop after what has passed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If my daughter did this, even if she truly felt uncomfortable with the Bishop's interview, I would be so ashamed--ashamed that my daughter has no regard for authority or appropriate behavior.  Did I not teach her proper behavior?  How could I as a parent fall so short of my responsibility of teaching correct manners.  If this is an actual occurrence, and not some troll trying to get a rise out of us, I would be so embarrassed over my child's behavior.  And, I as a mother, look at my children's behavior as a reflection on me.  This is not a funny joke that she perpetrated.  This is just totally uncalled for and inappropriate.  I may rile a few people here, because I understand that children can go against their parent's teachings.  But, this behavior is not acceptable.  If the Bishop's questions were a little out of line, then she should have gone to her parents.  This sounds to me like she purposefully egged him on.  And recorded it!

 

I should probably just erase what I just typed and not post this.  I usually don't get upset over posts.  And, it's not the post that is upsetting me, it's the behavior of a 15 year old girl.  Not acceptable or funny!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a teenage son who love and thrived on lies.  It started at about age 3.  I was told repeatedly that a 3yo can't lie and doesn't understand lies or manipulation.  But he did and it got worse and worse.  He started running away at 15 ... long long long story.

 

I'm sorry your daughter thinks it was ok to lie and record the Bishop.  If she was really concerned about the Bishop's behavior she would have sought help from parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, teacher.  Instead she distributed the tape as entertainment.  That is very troubling.

 

My guess is the Bishop was truly trying to figure out if she was telling the truth.  But... he should have ended the interview and referred her to counseling and to YOU.  One of the problems with lay clergy is they don't get enough training.

 

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such an issue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shepard... I have to ask... what was your response the very first time your daughter told you that the bishop creeped her out?

 

Did you blow off her concerns? (at least in her mind).  Or did you talk to her and try to figure out what was bothering her?  (Again this was the very first time)

 

As parents we need to take signs that our kids have issues with other adults that we would consider "Trusted" very seriously.  Maybe it is just a personality clash, maybe its just a teenage rebellion thing, but in this day in age were we are very much aware of child predators and we can't expect a child to bring forth concerns and then not listen when they do.

 

To me this sound very much like a "your not listening so I will make everyone listen" kind of response.

 

I have not heard the recording but since you have and you aren't calling for the bishop's head and I going to assume that this is a parent/child issue with the bishop being caught in the middle.  And since you are the adult you need to take charge in fixing it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

classylady, -- I also read agenda in the OP and the response and therefore have not engaged. I have also not engaged because there is not enough information. Unless we know what the bishop actually said how can we possibly assess its appropriateness? The OP stating that something bugged her does not tell us a thing. Either way, I find myself skeptical of the legitimacy of the report, and side with you on the inappropriate behavior of the teen. Ridiculous.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't know if there's a hidden motive within the original post but here are my thoughts. First, assuming this is an accurate report, the teen has done wrong by purposefully being deceitful and manipulative. Second, I would think that many religious practices and or protocols would turn the heads of those outside of subscription. Typically, people are sceptical and perhaps even fearful of what they don't understand.

 

 

Now, addressing a possible "hidden motive", which I felt was the questioning of whether bishops should be having invasive interviews with minors without parents, here are some more thoughts... I would hope and would like to think that the majority of bishops out there are fine ones, and worthy priesthood holders, with only the best intentions. That said, there is no doubt in my mind that there are going to be a few bad apples in the mix, as with many things, it's just unavoidable. Personally, I would feel more comfortable with a second "witness" sitting in during these interviews that touch base on delicate and sensitive topics. I think if it's a female child, perhaps a YW leader ought to sit in or maybe a parent, and like wise if it's a male child, a YM leader sit in or maybe a parent. This would help protect both parties, child and bishop.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Classy lady;

Yeh, that describes most of it, not a good place. A mountain of shame, a small hill of disappointment with my bishop. Out-flanked by a withering frontal assault from my own blood and caught in friendly cross fire from the bishop. But there will be consequences.

Applepansy; Scary.

She is not primarily a liar, but uses deception to achieve another agenda. Perhaps worse in some ways. What would you have done differently with your son?

Estradling75

What was our response when she said the interviews creeped her out?

She is an oldest child, we had little experience with teenagers. We did what works with small children, we forced her to do the right thing. All of the parents did this, many with more experience than me. We do listen to our church leaders better than we listen to our youth. Yes, that was the origin of the problem. You're not listening I will make you listen. I guess she knew that sharing it with friends would eventually get back to us magnified. I think you hit the nail on the head.

Do we really listen to our youth?

Not only bishops need training. Parents need it too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If my daughter did this, even if she truly felt uncomfortable with the Bishop's interview, I would be so ashamed--ashamed that my daughter has no regard for authority or appropriate behavior. Did I not teach her proper behavior? How could I as a parent fall so short of my responsibility of teaching correct manners. If this is an actual occurrence, and not some troll trying to get a rise out of us, I would be so embarrassed over my child's behavior. And, I as a mother, look at my children's behavior as a reflection on me. This is not a funny joke that she perpetrated. This is just totally uncalled for and inappropriate. I may rile a few people here, because I understand that children can go against their parent's teachings. But, this behavior is not acceptable. If the Bishop's questions were a little out of line, then she should have gone to her parents. This sounds to me like she purposefully egged him on. And recorded it!

I should probably just erase what I just typed and not post this. I usually don't get upset over posts. And, it's not the post that is upsetting me, it's the behavior of a 15 year old girl. Not acceptable or funny!

It's not my intent to argue with you on this...

However, consider how many children are groomed, abused, and violated by adults in positions of power over them.

While the teen in question may be obnoxious and over the line, it may also have absolutely nothing to do with manners & appropriate behavior, at all. It may have to do with the teen protecting herself.

((Which is why I'm on the fence, since it could be either.))

I can't even count the number of cases I know of teens who DO record all their interactions with certain individuals that they don't feel safe around. It infuriates the police in my area, since I live in a "consent state" (meaning the person has to consent to being recorded, or it's I admissible in court). 100+ audio files of increasingly aggressive conversation, culminating in the 101st (or 112th, or 172nd, etc.) in a violent rape or assault. NONE of which can be used in court. None of the "grooming" conversations, none of the lewd conduct, and NOT EVEN the assault itself. Which is the part that drives police insane. A recorded violent crime doesn't have a loophole in the law. Unless the criminal agrees to it, the recording cannot be used against them. So they walk. And go abuse more kids.

Since teens want to be self sufficient, or -worse- are smart enough to know that few people are going to believe them about a pervy teacher/priest/doctor/coach/etc... They think these recordings make them safe. It gives them a level of control over a situation they feel otherwise powerless in. Sharing them with their friends, adds another level of control. It makes them FEEL safe, even when they're not.

...OR...

It could be, as you say, a seriously obnoxious brat.

...OR...

3rd option, is that she's been either groomed or assaulted by a DIFFERENT adult in her life, and is now hypervigilent & overreactingwith others, like her Bishop. Which means she has more than enough cause / it's understandable WHY she'd be doing this with someone who isn't vile and dangerous. Making both her and the bishop innocent of true wrongdoing. Like pooping in your boss's car. It's not okay in the general sense... But if you've become violently ill or have just been in a car wreck and your sphincters all relax due to sudden pain & trauma. Still a mess to be cleaned up, but it's an understandable mess, with cause. As opposed to sauntering out and having a squat because you don't like your boss. Which would be what she's done if she's being a brat. But if she's been assaulted and is overreacting... Then there would be cause.

________

All of the above is why I'm not arguing with you... For it could be as you say. Which is not funny at all.

But it could also be her trying to keep herself safe.

Q

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now, addressing a possible "hidden motive", which I felt was the questioning of whether bishops should be having invasive interviews with minors without parents, here are some more thoughts... I would hope and would like to think that the majority of bishops out there are fine ones, and worthy priesthood holders, with only the best intentions. That said, there is no doubt in my mind that there are going to be a few bad apples in the mix, as with many things, it's just unavoidable. Personally, I would feel more comfortable with a second "witness" sitting in during these interviews that touch base on delicate and sensitive topics. I think if it's a female child, perhaps a YW leader ought to sit in or maybe a parent, and like wise if it's a male child, a YM leader sit in or maybe a parent. This would help protect both parties, child and bishop.

 

There are appropriate questions to ask concerning the law of chastity and there are inappropriate ones. The inappropriate ones are inappropriate, regardless of how many are sitting there, regardless of it being a male or female asking. The inappropriate questions should not be asked.

 

However, the concern, I think, is putting a check on the asking of such questions -- meaning, I suppose, that if an adult sister were sitting in the room with them, maybe the bishop wouldn't ask certain questions, yes?

 

But there's a different issue at hand. Confession is not an easy thing, and most people, I think, who were serious about it would want to confess it to as few people as possible. If I committed a sin that was severe enough to require a bishop level confessions I would have a hard enough time letting my bishop know. Throw in a few others and it becomes even more overwhelming -- particularly to a less mature youth. When and if a council is required, then a council is required. But generally, part of a bishop's job is to protect the youth  and keep their confessions entirely private.

 

I have another inexplicable agree-with-MoE moment here though. I think bishops should have clear and explicit training in this regard.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share