Need Advice for Talking to My Bishop

[ashtonbailey1]

I am seeking advice from this board because I don't know what to do. I am currently facing a dilemma that I am unsure of how to approach my bishop with. My boyfriend and I are both 19, and are preparing to go on missions. A few months ago, he touched me inappropriately under my shirt. Immediately after, we stopped and talked about how wrong it was, and how much Satan had been tempting him ever since he made the decision to start his mission papers. He has not done it again since then, and we have put ourselves in better situations. Set curfew, boundaries, etc. After that, I began what I thought was the process of repentance. I have prayed, and studied more than ever.

 

Yesterday I met with my bishop to begin the initiation of my own mission papers, and one question that came up was if I was morally clean. I answered yes, while thinking to myself, "Well, of course, I haven't done anything that would prove otherwise." When I went home, I remembered the problem that I thought I had repented for, and it has started to weigh on me. Since it is constantly on my mind now, I know that the road to repentance isn't over. I am aware that I need to tell my bishop, and it will come up in future interviews during my mission process. My main problem essentially is that I don't know how to bring it up. I'm actually quite scared. It's not a problem that I have ever had to deal with. What do I even tell him? I often hear the terms "necking" and "petting", but to be honest, I don't even know what they mean. I don't even know if what happened falls under those categories. Next Sunday I will have an interview for a temple recommend, is that an appropriate time to talk about it? I would really appreciate the guidance, as I do not have any strong church leaders in my life that I feel comfortable talking to because my parents are not members.

 

I know part of it is my fault, considering that I allowed it to happen, and I feel awful for bringing this problem upon my boyfriend. I will feel even worse if this is something that delays his mission, because he has already spent so long preparing. Is this something that is serious enough to delay both of us? I would also love any advice on how to support him in this as well, because I feel like it has affected him the most.

[Roseslipper]

in my opinion I do not think it will put off either of your emissions

if it does it probably will not be for a long time

it is better to discuss this with your bishop this way it will clear your mind

believe me the bishop has heard everything before so don't be embarrassed. our bishops are there to help us. when you get your mission call please let us know where you're going and have a wonderful mission.

[The Folk Prophet]

Just tell him exactly what you told us. He will probably respond something along the lines of, "Good for you for repenting right away."  And that will likely be the end of it.

[beefche]

Be matter of fact.  Tell him what you told us.

 

And despite what others think and said in this thread, we don't know what the bishop will say.  He is YOUR bishop--we are not.  So, while I don't wish for you to worry about what he will say or do, know that he is there to help you--not punish you or make you feel badly.  

 

I've been on a mission, and trust me, this is something you need to get off your mind and shoulders.  While on a mission, you'll need to concentrate on keeping the Spirit with you in abundance.  Having something like this in the back of your mind will be a heavy burden.

[The Folk Prophet]

And despite what others think and said in this thread, we don't know what the bishop will say.

 

No one said they knew what the bishop would say. Hence the words "probably" and "likely". It is a presumption, not knowledge. But a reasonably presumption can be drawn based on reasonability, and as much as there is a possibility of things beyond that (the full story isn't given, the bishop is not reasonably, the bishop is reasonable but the spirit prompts him, etc., etc.,) then it is entirely valid to assume a probable scenario.

[Tricia87]

Sounds like for such a small indiscretion, you've already handled the repentance. Time to stop beating yourself up and move on

[beefche]

No one said they knew what the bishop would say. Hence the words "probably" and "likely". It is a presumption, not knowledge. But a reasonably presumption can be drawn based on reasonability, and as much as there is a possibility of things beyond that (the full story isn't given, the bishop is not reasonably, the bishop is reasonable but the spirit prompts him, etc., etc.,) then it is entirely valid to assume a probable scenario.

 

 

You are correct.  

 

But, my fear is that the poster reads that others think it's a minor issue or that it's reasonable for the bishop to say "you've done enough" and then have her bishop actually do/say more.  I think too many times people get in their heads that their sins/transgressions aren't that bad (and get that validated through friends, family, or online communities) and then are truly surprised to find out it is that bad.

[Backroads]

Personally, I think you reacted and handled the situation to this point beautifully and therefore I don't think it's any longer a big deal.

 

BUT you're still feeling uncomfortable about it. I don't think this is so minor a trangression it would fall into "wasting the bishop's time", so it's best to get it off your chest and see what comes about it. 

[Quin]

Just for definitions (because my personal belief is that in order to follow a rule, one needs to understand the rule: both why, which you've clearly demonstrated you understand, and what... Aka definitions).

Necking & Petting are old slang for the same actions current slang uses for

- Making Out

- Snogging

- 1st base & 2nd base (still old slang, but still specific enough that they get used).

I had a giggle listening to my son & his friends arguing about them a few months back.

Q

[Roseslipper]

this is why some people go inactive because of what other people say

is just a great example sorry to put another topic in this section

[Roseslipper]

a forum is a place where people put their opinions

opinion might be different from one person to the next opinions of others should not be knocked. what makes one person's opinion better than another things to think about

[The Folk Prophet]

this is why some people go inactive because of what other people say

is just a great example sorry to put another topic in this section

 

 

a forum is a place where people put their opinions

opinion might be different from one person to the next opinions of others should not be knocked. what makes one person's opinion better than another things to think about

 

Huh?

[omegaseamaster75]

To the OP for "me" this would be part of my home repentance process, and not something I would bother the Bishop with. That said your temperature on this subject seems to be higher than mine. I would bring it up the next time the question is asked, such as for your temple recommend. Be frank and honest you have nothing to hide, and you are repentant of it. 

 

Sometimes people just need to talk about stuff to make themselves feel better, if this means talking to your Bishop I say go for it.

 

SeaMaster75

[pam]

You are correct.  

 

But, my fear is that the poster reads that others think it's a minor issue or that it's reasonable for the bishop to say "you've done enough" and then have her bishop actually do/say more.  I think too many times people get in their heads that their sins/transgressions aren't that bad (and get that validated through friends, family, or online communities) and then are truly surprised to find out it is that bad.

 

One of the reasons why I've always felt that no one on this forum should ever tell anyone that something is not big enough to talk to their Bishop.  If they feel concern, they should speak to their Bishop and let him decide if it is something that requires further repentance.  Many times the Bishop will tell them that they've repented.  But no one here should ever tell someone that they shouldn't see their Bishop.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

 What do I even tell him? I often hear the terms "necking" and "petting", but to be honest, I don't even know what they mean. I don't even know if what happened falls under those categories. Next Sunday I will have an interview for a temple recommend, is that an appropriate time to talk about it? I would really appreciate the guidance, as I do not have any strong church leaders in my life that I feel comfortable talking to because my parents are not members.

 

Just tell him what you told us.  FWIW, here are my definitions of these terms:

 

Necking is making out including french kissing.  I teach my children not to french kiss because it is the equivalent to turning on the ignition of a car.  Why turn on the car if you aren't planning to drive it?  To be more blunt, it sends your body the impression that more intimacy is to follow and makes the desire for such even greater. 

 

Petting is touching one another inappropriately...think of a modest bathing suit touching any areas that would be covered is petting.  (Not the belly button, LOL, you know what I mean.---I'm happy to be more specific if you like, I just don't want to embarrass YOU.)

 

Like the others I think you handled it well so far.  But I also think you should mention it to your Bishop because otherwise it will weigh on your mind...

 

Everything will turn out fine.  I hope you have a wonderful mission!