Modest is NOT hottest

[Guest]

So...ugly people are doomed to a sucky life huh?

 

Just saw this on TV:

 

Charity Pierce, 38-years-old, is 785 pounds due to a condition called lymphedema.  Before that, she was still an unhealthy person reaching 280-lbs at only age 13.  She grew up in an abusive home and used food as her lifeline. 

 

She has a teen-aged daughter, Charly, that she had when she was 20 years old and married to Jimmy.  Jimmy left her before she developed lymphedema.  3 years ago, Jimmy's brother, Tony, proposed to her.  She declined due to her weight issues but allowed Tony to help Charly in taking care of her and her home.  After 3 proposals, Charity finally said yes after she formulated a plan to get gastric bypass surgery to help her lose weight.

 

This is what Tony had to say:

"Charity's size has never been an issue for me. In the beginning I didn't give it any thought, it was only when she became immobile that it has caused problems.  Now it is impacting on our sex life, which is difficult. I can't wait to marry Charity. I proposed to her three times because I knew I wanted to be with her.  She will be a beautiful bride. I do worry that she is going to die early but I try to support her to lose weight."

 

So, as you can see, HOT is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[Backroads]

I saw it on Facebook as well and was, in general, quite pleased with it.  Sure, she was a little black and white with her descriptions of modest and hotness and she didn't tackle EVERYTHING on the topic (but why I expect her to?)

 

The only thing I really took (shallow) issue with (and I hope a certain someone doesn't show up to get after me for it) was her position on push-up bras as being inappropriate. 

 

I'm a big believer in push-up bras.  Not to look "hot" but for me they offer the best support, actually make me look smaller, and generally flatter me more--which is not necessarily the same as making me look "hot".

[Backroads]

Huh.

I always get hit on the most when I look like I've been tied by rope to the back of a truck and driven around face down through cactus.

And I always think to myself; 'What is WRONG with men?'

Q

 

 

I know, right?

 

My husband likes "the girl next door" look.  Which apparently means... what you said. 

[applepansy]

I don't follow this blog (or any blog for that matter), but a relative of mine posted it on Facebook and I liked it so I thought I would share it with all of you.

 

http://mylifeasacraig.blogspot.com/2014/06/modest-is-not-hottest.html

I read the blog yesterday.  I agreed.  And because the previous day an endowed young friend posted that modesty standards are outdated, and saying things like showing shoulders shouldn't be a modesty issue, I posted this blog in reply.

 

It saddens me to watch young women (including young married) look for excuses to put modesty aside.  It was refreshing to see a young married do the opposite.

[Windseeker]

I know, right?

 

My husband likes "the girl next door" look.  Which apparently means... what you said. 

 

Wouldn't it be amazing if looking beautiful required far less work and time then you think. Well this dream can be yours if you do one amazing thing...LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND.

 

Women can sometimes be like the old dude with the comb-over, he thinks he looks great, but everyone knows it would look better if he just shaved what's left off. Instead he spends hours picking at it and getting each hair lined up perfectly.....

 

I've given up complimenting my wife when "I" think she's beautiful and now just keep it to when "She" feels beautiful.

[Windseeker]

Anatess...that pictures I not work friendly

[Guest]

Anatess...that pictures I not work friendly

 

Interesting... I just got it off of google image searching for Charity Pierce.  She was featured on... I think it was TLC.

[applepansy]

I've given up complimenting my wife when "I" think she's beautiful and now just keep it to when "She" feels beautiful.

That's sad.  

[MrShorty]

Wouldn't it be amazing if looking beautiful required far less work and time then you think. Well this dream can be yours if you do one amazing thing...LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND.

 

Women can sometimes be like the old dude with the comb-over, he thinks he looks great, but everyone knows it would look better if he just shaved what's left off. Instead he spends hours picking at it and getting each hair lined up perfectly.....

 

I've given up complimenting my wife when "I" think she's beautiful and now just keep it to when "She" feels beautiful.

 

 

That's sad.  

 

In some ways, I will agree with applepansy, though I can certainly empathize with Windseeker. I am reminded of this post just a few days ago by Brad at One Flesh Marriage (http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/2014/06/look-great-no-i-dont.html). For whatever reason, it seems that this is a common problem in our society. How to learn to give and receive honest compliments is difficult enough. Combine with the familiarity of marriage relationships and the outside world's fluctuating, irrational definitions of "beauty", "attractive", etc. and it is probably a wonder that anyone manages to get this right.

 

One observation on Charity Pierce: Even in her case (grossly overweight due to physical illness), we frame the discussion of "is she beautiful" in terms of finding a man who says that she is beautiful and worthy of love and affection. Maybe it is difficult to describe "hotness" without it, but it sometimes seems to me that some of this issue needs to be about our relationship with ourselves. Can we each learn to describe ourselves as attractive, beautiful, valuable, "hot", acceptable, loveable, or whatever on our own terms without needing someone outside of ourselves to prop us up? Can we learn how to do it without deluding ourselves?

[Lakumi]

Wouldn't it be amazing if looking beautiful required far less work and time then you think. Well this dream can be yours if you do one amazing thing...LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND.

 

Women can sometimes be like the old dude with the comb-over, he thinks he looks great, but everyone knows it would look better if he just shaved what's left off. Instead he spends hours picking at it and getting each hair lined up perfectly.....

 

I've given up complimenting my wife when "I" think she's beautiful and now just keep it to when "She" feels beautiful.

 

Whenever I knew someone who said they were ugly or some such thing and I'd tell them they were pretty and they said I was wrong I replied with this "no, because my opinion is most important to me-the center of my own universe, you'll have to accept my answer"

and they laugh, I donno if anyone really gets that but, oddly it makes them feel a bit better...

[Roseslipper]

You don't have to dress inmodest, to look good or to smoke or drink etc etc to fit in.  Don't fall into peer pressure what ever your age is young or older, those are not the kind of people you want to hang with or fit in with.  Following the Lord's way is the best even thou at times it might be hard. Be in the world but not of the world.

[Quin]

In some ways, I will agree with applepansy, though I can certainly empathize with Windseeker. I am reminded of this post just a few days ago by Brad at One Flesh Marriage (http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/2014/06/look-great-no-i-dont.html). For whatever reason, it seems that this is a common problem in our society. How to learn to give and receive honest compliments is difficult enough. Combine with the familiarity of marriage relationships and the outside world's fluctuating, irrational definitions of "beauty", "attractive", etc. and it is probably a wonder that anyone manages to get this right.

One observation on Charity Pierce: Even in her case (grossly overweight due to physical illness), we frame the discussion of "is she beautiful" in terms of finding a man who says that she is beautiful and worthy of love and affection. Maybe it is difficult to describe "hotness" without it, but it sometimes seems to me that some of this issue needs to be about our relationship with ourselves. Can we each learn to describe ourselves as attractive, beautiful, valuable, "hot", acceptable, loveable, or whatever on our own terms without needing someone outside of ourselves to prop us up? Can we learn how to do it without deluding ourselves?

1)

Yeah... I think it may be a definition issue.

Because to "be" hot...

One is creating heat in another person...

So that person's response is necessary.

To be beautiful, though, or to possess beauty...

Requires no one else but yourself.

2)

I was a model once upon a millennium ago.

I had a rockin body...

And could get the jaw dropped superglue eyed drool quit breathing response covered from neck to ankle & wrist.

Heck, I aimed for it.

I think that a very key component of "modest" gets lost in a lot of conversations.

Because I can (could, could, past tense: I'm still young in my mind!) be chaste & modest in a bikini

(or nekkid, for that matter, like in the hot springs in Japan or Iceland)

And I can be a sultry, cover the children's eyes, Mississippi Goldang, ______ .... In a prairie dress, snow suit, MuMu.

Modesty & Chasteness is NOT simply what we wear.

The argument goes the "other" way an awful lot (half an inch of fabric does not define my character).

But it's the ATTITUDE of the person under their skin that gets missed so often.

Whether or not we're keeping our claws sheathed (regardless of what we wear) depends on us alone, inside our own skin. Regardless of the response of other people. Attempting to elicit a response is a choice we make.

Q

[Bini]

Meh, I agree and disagree.

 

Teach your daughter to love herself, foremost, regardless of how she is perceived by others. I get so tired of women calling each other out for what they deem modest and immodest. One mother on my Facebook called-out another mother for allowing her teen daughter to wear a bikini. Spouting stuff like: "If you want your daughter to tempt men, you're on the right track" and "Girls that have self-esteem don't dress like that". Seriously? That irked me so much! Believe it or not, not all females wear alleged immodest clothing to arouse men... And not all females that wear alleged immodest clothing have self-esteem or self-worth issues. So in this context, I very much disagree.

 

What I do agree with is that we should value our daughters, and teach them to value themselves, and in turn (hopefully) they will conduct themselves in a positive way. As we all know, "modesty" varies from person to person, even within our Mormon culture. I had a niece recently marry in the temple and she got a lot of side comments about how low her neckline was because some cleavage was visible. 

[Windseeker]

In some ways, I will agree with applepansy, though I can certainly empathize with Windseeker. I am reminded of this post just a few days ago by Brad at One Flesh Marriage (http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/2014/06/look-great-no-i-dont.html). For whatever reason, it seems that this is a common problem in our society. How to learn to give and receive honest compliments is difficult enough. Combine with the familiarity of marriage relationships and the outside world's fluctuating, irrational definitions of "beauty", "attractive", etc. and it is probably a wonder that anyone manages to get this right.

 

One observation on Charity Pierce: Even in her case (grossly overweight due to physical illness), we frame the discussion of "is she beautiful" in terms of finding a man who says that she is beautiful and worthy of love and affection. Maybe it is difficult to describe "hotness" without it, but it sometimes seems to me that some of this issue needs to be about our relationship with ourselves. Can we each learn to describe ourselves as attractive, beautiful, valuable, "hot", acceptable, loveable, or whatever on our own terms without needing someone outside of ourselves to prop us up? Can we learn how to do it without deluding ourselves?

 

 

I agree that it's sad. I think that's my point. I just don't really want to have an argument followed by having my motives or sanity questioned when I compliment someone.

    ride...ride on little banana-man on a horse thingy

[Lakumi]

I never really thought about my own modesty (I'd never go outside without a shirt on, I am not Kenshiro-buff so it just looks meh) nor do I wear shores (bugs go for the legs)

 

only modesty I think about is doll modesty and it seems, at times, if you want to find the modestest(est) clothing for some sizes it's hard. You wouldn't think so, but it is. I've seen a lot of cringeworthy human and doll outfits in my life...

[applepansy]

Modesty & Chasteness is NOT simply what we wear.

The argument goes the "other" way an awful lot (half an inch of fabric does not define my character).

But it's the ATTITUDE of the person under their skin that gets missed so often.

Whether or not we're keeping our claws sheathed (regardless of what we wear) depends on us alone, inside our own skin. Regardless of the response of other people. Attempting to elicit a response is a choice we make.

Q

I completely 100% agree with the bolded.  This was the definition of modesty I was raised with.  

 

When we have an attitude of modesty it becomes very easy to follow the dress standards of the Church.  When we have an attitude of modesty we don't look for excuses to tuck or hike up.  When we have an attitude of modesty we don't look for excuses to expose skin.  

 

I believe an attitude of modesty goes hand in hand with the attitudes of humility and obedience very nicely.  :)